🔪VENT BLOG🔪

✂️ CPTSD, autism and Chronic Pain ✂️ This is basically my vent diary so if you know me irl.... no you don't ✂️28 ✂️

[kosmogrl]

[gooeybadbrain]

I wish that eating a good amount of protein and fibre was like... easy.

[3000s]

when you think about it it's just kind of crazy how you can be neglected and abused your whole childhood instead of experiencing a brief moment of being taken care of while learning how to be a person, and then once you're an adult it's like ok now i'm still essentially raising myself in a shitty situation but this time my adult peers are like mad at me because i'm not as emotionally healthy as them, and on top of that i still have to save my own life

[3000s]

and it's not that i expect to be rescued it's that i'm tired of having to save myself

[3000s]

also sick of being condescendingly told "nobody's coming to save you, you have to save yourself" as if i'm not painfully aware of that as i have been doing this shit my whole life but i just want somewhere safe to rest momentarily without my life falling apart

[gooeybadbrain]

Welp... just ended my 8 year relationship.

[gooeybadbrain]

I would like Facebook to stop trying to recommend me "people I know" who are actually cool famous people I've never spoken to but have watched an unhealthy amount of interviews of. I'm not his friend, I don't know him, I don't want to add him on Facebook and I don't know how Facebook has decided that he's as close to me as my aunt when I have never interacted with him. It is not helping with my weird mental health and is making me feel like I'm being watched (which I ostensively am because algorithm) and it's also making me feel like a weirdo stalker because why tf is it his personal facebook??? I did NOT search this out??? So of course my brain has latched onto this source of stress and is spiralling that he knows that I'm hyperfixated on his work (probably not, he's not known for looking at fanart) and that they think im a stalker (doesn't know I even exist).

[gooeybadbrain]

Not gonna lie lads my mental health is in the weirdest place ever.

[neurodivergentaf]

it's so wild when your parent changes when you become an adult. my dad is very cordial and non confrontational - he regularly helps me with adult stuff like changing the oil or providing insurance tips. he's always smiling when i call him on video and providing jokes when i complain about college

when i was a kid, i would have to tiptoe around his anger issues often, sometimes running quietly past his work table until he got his own place completely separate from our family, locked away for days. every so often he would start screaming in the car and trying to hit me or my brother for talking too loud while my mom attempted to calm him down as he swerved on the road. and now he, smiling, helps me with car insurance.

like oh, this is just who you are when you have power over someone, and this is who you are when you dont have power over someone. no wonder you can have a normal life, friends, work while scaring the shit out of your kids and wife. i see it now. i see why no one would have believed me. that, i think, is one of the core fears of trauma - seeing the outside of it from the perspective of other adults that brushed you aside, and understanding. of course, that understanding gives the opposite of solace; it just gives you more grief with nowhere for it to go

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

sorry for the nervous breakdown everyone im actuallt fine because i have to be

[telepathylove]

in the chillest possible way,

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

[fairycosmos]

when i was like 5 i started waiting for something and never stopped

[gooeybadbrain]

Went to a social and was reminded that I'm actually a fun, friendly, chill person so that was nice

[gooeybadbrain]

Me: help me make a decision

My partner: no

Me: why?

Him: because

Me: why?

Him: because

*continue for long enough that it's not even remotely funny*

Me: right that's it, fuck this, you're being a dick, I'm going to the gym

[gooeybadbrain]

Person: acts weird in the fandom

Me: hmm not a fan of that, it's stressing me out *blocks* at least now I won't see their posts

Person IN MAIN FANDOM TAG: what the fuck why did they block me I didn't even get to explain myself >:(((( *writes longass vaguepost*

Me: what the fuck how am I even seeing this???

[gooeybadbrain]

Are the vibes weird or is something happening in my brain? *lays face down on the floor and starts screaming and doesn't stop*

[clown-guitar]

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

[robertfagden]

actually im doing really well except for the fact that everything makes me sad and the things that dont make me sad make me angry. but other than that im fine