my personal favorite yotsuba lawlight flavor is when people exploit the hell out of the ‘you forget memories but not feelings’ deal and make it such that pre-yotsuba light already had a crush and so yotsuba light has to deal with being inexplicably fond of this guy who has been nothing but unjustifiably terrible to him ?????? what is happening to him. is this illness
I wonder who they are fighting… :0 anyways i thought this would have been an intresting concept if somehow Dark Choco and Dark Cacao reunited but just very differently. Them both being corrupted.
(Art block and school are eating my time to draw anything sorry 🥲)
i love how "the way it ends" sound almost like a break-up song
because it is, in a way. L and light are the only people who have ever truly challenged each other, and because of that, it'll be a bittersweet victory to whoever wins
"though it feels right, a part of me knows that it's wrong" i know this line is referring to L's actions being controlled, but tell me this doesn't also go so hard as an analogy for he and light's relationship
"life will continue just the way i've always planned" and it really feels more like light is trying to convince himself of that. that killing L won't affect him at all
"i've always stayed a step ahead but you were with me all the way" INSANE thing to say about your enemy. please kiss already and stop it with the divorce arc
"i've seen through you from the start" "i've simply let you play your part" "you'll never, ever get away" "don't you see that you will die today?" this is like listening to your parents fight... the audience is lawlight's children of divorce
"the message that it sends now sounds exactly like a closing door" everything about this is just so break-up coded i can't even
"feel how a minute spends now, when you wish you had a minute more" "like a closing door" "a minute more" LIGHT SOUNDS SO YEARNFUL?? like he doesn't want this to end, their game is coming to a close and it's just so bittersweet. he wants that cookie SO BAD.
and their voices are so insanely good!? light is trying to dominate the song and L's voice just keeps coming back at him and fighting it. and all the emotions in the lines?? oh god i'm gonna be ill
even the title being "the way it ends" feels like it's referring so much more to the end of their relationship, not just the end of L's life
hello everypony, today i am attempting to read HOMESTUCK. i am very sad i didnt read it sooner because now i will unfortunately be labeled as NEWGEN. sigh! so far, i HATE it. stay tuned! heart emoji
hey tumblr fam. i recently heard from a friend of a friend that a certain person named ASH likes to roleplay ww2. thanks for listening in. tell ur family!
PAIRINGS: Rex x Marshall, paired with some Blackbird for my old man yaoi freaks.
WORDS: 7.4k
GENRE: Hurt/Comfort
WARNINGS: Lots of pain and hurt, aggressive arguments, self-harm
SUMMARY: None, good luck!
The wind whistles through the grass, lifting the leaves through the air. They danced along the wind. Beautiful as can be. There in Oudega, Sawyer had gotten a plot of land and built a quaint, vintage house for Stratford. They lived there with some of the kids, the kids they claimed as their own: Alderic, Liam, Selene, Ryung, and Rex.
Rex. She grumbled, staring out the window of the top floor. She stared at the beauty of the land. She couldn’t help but feel restless and disgusted with herself. Could she even claim her name again? She was no longer the strong person she once was. She no longer lived up to her name. That’s what she believed.
She perched herself on the nook attached to her window. Leaned up against the window frame as she placed another cigarette between her lips. She had already gone through half the carton. Chain smoking out her window as she sat in the silence.
Rex had recently been broken up with. It was the first time she had been broken up with, usually it’s her that initiates it so she feels nothing. This time, she grieved what she loved.
Her hands shook as she stared out at the sunset. Rex felt utterly numb in this grievance. She hadn't left her room, hadn’t eaten in days, barely drank any water. She just smoked her cigarettes and stared out her window.
She attempted to doll herself up, to make her feel pretty. But as she stared into the mirror, she couldn’t help but feel disgusted in herself. Every thought of herself brought her back to him. That night it went down.
Rex looked over to Marshall, who was now stumbling around the room. High off all the pills he took. She had asked him to grab her other lighter from the table, but he could barely stand.
She shot up and went over to him, helping him to his feet. As she stared at his face, his eyes were blown open and his mouth was agape. He looked like he couldn’t control himself.
“Woah… Baby, maybe we should get you to lay down and eat something?” She asked.
“Fuck no, I’m fucking fine, Rex.” His eyes shot up to meet her gaze. Typically, his attitude never bothered her. She could deal with the drug abuse and the temper, but for some reason, this time it hurt a little bit.
“Don’t yell at me,” She furrowed her brows, “I’m only trying to help you, you could at least be a bit fucking nicer about it.”
“Get the fuck off me, I don’t need your fucking help–” He ripped himself from her grip and grabbed the lighter.
“Yes, you do. You’re about to fall over just standing!”
“Maybe I want to fucking fall!” He yelled at her, towering over her small frame. “You’re not my fucking caretaker, Rex, I don’t need your fucking help!”
For a moment, Rex was silent. She didn’t know what to say. She’s always been a caring person, albeit her tone and language may have sucked a bit, but she always cared. Marshall never seemed to mind till now, or at least she thought so.
“You always want to help people, take care of your fucking self before you go and ‘help’ other people. You’re not helping! Nobody helps, you don’t know what you’re fucking doing or talking about. It’s all BULLSHIT!” He screamed at her. Rex’s breath started to shake as she backed up against the wall.
There they stood in the abandoned house that Rex had found to smoke in. She was trembling, and didn’t understand why. She was always able to stand up to him no matter what. Why was she so scared this time?
“I… I don’t like this side of you,” She shook, “You’re scaring me…”
“Yeah? Well maybe you should be fucking scared. You’re dating a fucking monster.” He growled. He didn’t even look like himself. “What? What, Rex? Scared because you’re seeing the truth? You’re seeing the true side of me and what? You’re fucking scared?” He snapped at her.
“Yes! I’m scared, Marshall. You’re fucking tweaking!” She cried out.
“Maybe I’m not tweaking, maybe you’ve just got a stick up your ass!”
“Marshall! You’re fucking shaking, you’re scaring the shit out of me! Just calm down, I know who you are–”
“NO THE FUCK YOU DON’T!” He screamed and slammed his hand into the wall, making her flinch. He stared at her, feeling his vision spin in guilt. He stared at her, terrified of him. “Maybe… Maybe I’m not good enough for you.” He whimpered.
“No, no, baby please don’t say that–” She went to reach for him, and he ripped away.
“Go home. It’s over, I’m… I’m not good for you. I’m a monster, you’re sitting there shaking terrified of me. Just go home, Rex.” He said and grabbed his shit before walking out the door.
Rex trembled in place for what felt like forever. As soon as she came back to reality, she grabbed her bag and started to call out for him. “Marshall? Marshall!” She yelled. She ran through the whole abandoned house, tripping on rubbish left in the house.
She ran outside. Everything was gone. The car, her dignity, Marshall. Everything. She stood in the silent, still air of the darkness. Rex stared into the distance. Nothing. She was left alone… again. Just like every other fucking time.
She couldn’t help but drop to her knees and scream. Again and again. Again and a-fucking-gain. Every fucking time she gets close to happiness, it gets ripped from her.
When she came to, she hissed slightly. Realizing that she accidentally rested her burning cigarette against her leg. She pulled it away immediately, staring down at the small, circular burn mark on her thing. That was the first time she felt something since Marshall left.
She couldn’t help but stare down at her skin. It wasn’t the first time she’s put a cigarette out on her leg, which was shown with all the tiny burn marks strewn across her soft skin, mixed with the healing cuts atop her thighs.
Without thinking, she took another cigarette and put it out against her thigh again. Hissing at the burning pain, and sighing when she pulled it away. It didn’t feel good, but she felt something.
She stared down at her lighter, placing the lit cigarette back into her lips. Steadily puffing and blowing the smoke as it floated through her mouth and lungs.
She grabbed the lighter without hesitation and lit it up, letting the metal heat up. Barely flitting her fingers over the orange flame, but quick enough for her fingers not to be burned, just to feel the heat.
She paid no mind to the world around her, not even the creaking of her bedroom door opening. Not even when Liam spoke out to her, “Smoking kills, y’know?” She just stared at the flame, before it finally went out, sticking the metal part into the skin of her wrist, letting out a shaky breath followed by a short wince.
She was ripped from her thoughts and actions when someone grabbed her lighter and wrist. “What… What are you doing?” Liam stared down at her in shock. She looked up at him, her once soft brown eyes now black, soulless.
“Are you insane?” He whined, taking the lighter and shoving it in his pocket.
“No! Please, Liam–” She cried standing up, but barely meeting his height. “Please, just– Just give it back, that’s all I’m asking. I’m begging you, just give it back–” She choked out.
He just stared at her. Fear, shock, guilt. It all riddled his bones. Nothing bad has happened to any of them since they started living here in the Netherlands. And surely nothing like this. Liam didn’t know what to do. His mouth fell open, but the words were lost.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.” He said before leaving the room. Rex couldn’t even chase him. She didn't have the energy to leave. She couldn’t leave looking the way she did. Feeling the way she did.
She just curled up in the middle of the room. Pulling her knees into her chest and covering her ears with her hands. She started to panic. Her breath clutching her chest and squeezing on her heart. That was Marshall’s lighter. The only thing she had left of him. The only thing she had left.
About a day later, Liam was outside pulling weeds. He couldn’t get his mind off of the whole ordeal. He didn’t want to say anything and risk breaking the trust he’s built with Rex, but it was eating him alive.
His hand shook as he pulled up the weeds. Liam continued to fasten his pace. He didn’t really know.. what to do. So, he did the only thing he believed he was good at.
Sawyer watched him from the kitchen window, staring intently as he washed dishes. He couldn’t help but observe as Liam anxiously frolicked around the yard. Gathering weeds and even just random blades of grass.
“Sawyer, sweetheart,” Stratford said in his sickly sweet tone, making Sawyer turn his head to watch as the other melted into a hug from behind, “You’re going to melt a hole in the glass.”
“I’m sorry, dear. Liam’s attitude has me worried… and Rex hasn’t left her room at all,” He started to shake his head, sighing as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I have a bad feeling.”
“Have you talked to either of them at all?”
“Liam gets skittish, and Rex has given me… the silent treatment.”
Stratford chuckled at him a little bit and pushed on his shoulder, to which Sawyer responded by turning around to face him. He gently tugged on the hooks of his pants, pulling Stratford flush up against him. Stratford gently guided Sawyer’s chin down to give him a quick kiss.
When he pulled away, the brown eyed man softened his gaze. He stared directly into the pools of worry that Sawyer considered his eyes to be.
“Everything is going to be okay, I’ll go talk to Liam. Will you try speaking to Rex again?”
“She doesn’t want to talk yet,” He sighed.
Before Stratford could respond again, he heard the patter of soft feet against the floor. He slightly stepped away from Sawyer and turned to look at the blonde who was making her way through the kitchen.
“Speak of the devil, and she shall appear,” he paced over to lean against the counter. “You alright, kiddo?” His playful demeanor filled with worry as his eyes laid on Rex.
Rex was dressed up in long sleeves and her long, flowing skirt that swayed as she walked. She barely looked up to meet his gaze, muttering a weak response as she trudged her way to the front door.
“Where are you going?”
“To sit on the porch,” She mumbled before shutting the door behind her. Stratford looked back over to Sawyer, who gave him an I told you so look.
They sat in a minute of silence staring at each other like this. Sharing unspoken looks of worry. Even though neither of them said a word, they understood the silent conversation held between each other.
“I’ll go speak with Liam, you handle her.” Stratford lifted himself off the counter, leaning over to kiss his husband's cheek before he walked outside. Leaving Sawyer to groan, unsure of what to even say. Where to start.
Stratford sighed and stepped out onto the porch, he went to greet Rex. However, she had turned the corner on the porch. Going to sit on the adjacent side of the house. He sighed before letting his eyes wander, landing on Liam like a pin point.
He watched as Liam wiped the sweat from his brow, still pulling out what he could only assume was weeds.
He moseyed his way over to the sweet southern child and crossed his arms. “So, how many weeds have you collected so far, kid?”
Liam jumped a little bit, before laughing a little bit. “Sorry, dad. I didn’t see you there… I’ve pulled up a hefty amount so far.”
“Yeah, I can tell” He laughed along with him. Noticing that he never met his gaze, just a few glances to the eyes, before he went back to weeding. “Just be careful not to pull up Sawyer’s flowers, we may not live to see the next day.” He gently hit the kids arm in a joking manner.
“Yeah… I’ll be careful” He gave an awkward smile.
That’s when Stratford started to feel a little awkward. Now sensing the worry that Sawyer was talking about. The usually awkward, but happy go lucky kid was suddenly acting just slightly off.
“Liam,” He spoke up, making the southern boy look up at him. His brown eyes were soft, worried. He looked like he had a million thoughts running through his head. “Walk with me,” Stratford said and lightly patter his shoulders before turning to the garden.
Before Liam could protest, he just sighed and tossed the weeds he held down into a pile. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, he slowly followed after his now father.
As they walked through the short garden, it was nothing but silence. Silence neither of them could take. The tension in the air grew, but it would soon be broken by Stratford looking towards the boy and asking a simple question.
“What’s on your mind?”
Liam didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t break the trust between him and his sister, especially because their relation with each other was finally turning out okay. When they were roommates at Wolfsbane, it was a little harder. Rex was stubborn, Liam was too nice to her. Neither of them really knew how to interact with the other, despite all the things they had in common. Now? They were siblings. They could actually talk, connect, and care for the other. But.. after the other day, it changed.
“Listen, it’s really not any of my business.” He chewed on his lip, occasionally looking over at his father who had an eyebrow raised, confused as to what he meant by that. “I’m just…” He couldn’t help but break, he hated lying, and he was no good at it anyway “I’m worried about Rex. She’s acting reckless. I don’t… think she’s feeling well,” he finally looked up to meet Stratford’s eyes.
Liam sighed and crossed his arms, holding himself tight. “And I can’t… I can’t stop thinking about how I could have stopped her, or I could have even helped her. It feels so.. Out of my control and in my control—I just want her to be safe.”
Stratford sighed and wrapped one arm around the boy's shoulders, stopping in his tracks to pull him closer to his side. “You can’t do everything yourself, you know that?” He gave his son an empathetic smile. “Sometimes, people have to figure things out for themselves. If that’s… dangerous, that’s when you tell us.”
Liam blinked a few times and sighed, before fully throwing himself into his dad’s arms. His breathing was heavy, a few tears were shed, but it wasn’t a breakdown. Just a release of emotions.
After a while of the hug, Liam pulled away and uttered a short ‘thank you,’ before he pulled something out of his pocket. Stratford’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared down at the lighter. Before he could ask why he had it, Liam spoke up.
“I took it from Rex. I just… I can’t hold onto it, but I can’t give it back.”
Stratford just nodded and took the lighter, starting to worry a little more about the little blonde who was now being interrogated by Sawyer. Now he wishes it were him talking to Rex instead…
Rex had found herself curled up on the swing that was located on the side of the house. Her knees pulled up to her chest as she looked out to the land. It was the same landscape she had found herself staring at for the past week. Nothing had changed, just her view.
Now she saw it in all its beauty. The long grass blowing while the wind whistled, the sun had been perched in the sky at high noon, she could hear the bugs singing their melodical tone. How she wished to be as free as those insects.
That’s when she felt the shifting of the swing, she didn’t have to look over to know who it was. She didn’t speak, she just laid her head in her lap and waited for the lecture to start. To her surprise, there was no lecture. Just a hand that rested gently on her back, which she shrugged off.
She couldn’t stand the feeling of being touched, it made her shrivel in the seat further. Sawyer recognized this and let his hands fall into his lap with a sigh.
“It’s nice to see you out of your room,” He spoke up, trying to get her to even look his way.
She still didn’t speak, she had no words to say. Her mind had moved on from the night Marshall dumped her, now she was playing every moment leading up to it. What did she do wrong?
“Where have you gone?” Sawyer asked, which finally got Rex to look up at him puzzled. He nodded his head to the side. “Where is your head at, I mean. What’s happened that has you so quiet?”
Her words were caught in her throat. She wanted to tell him everything. Yet she wanted to tell him nothing at all.
“You’ve never been this quiet. Not even when I first met you, and you and Ryung were… whispering and laughing in my classroom, you know that?” He smiled at her, she just squeezed onto her skirt and held herself tighter. Any closer to her own body, and her bones may start to fuse.
“Me and Marshall broke up…” She whispered, which made Sawyer’s gaze soften. He immediately felt horrible. Although he never liked the guy, he’s always had problems with the kid but… to his knowledge he treated Rex right, and made her happy. That’s all he wanted for her.
“What? You guys have been going so strong?”
“I know! I don’t.. I fucked up. I did something wrong. I fucked up—I just wanted to help him, I didn’t mean to make him hate me!” She groaned and gripped her hair with her hands, burying her face into her knees.
“Hey, hey. Don’t say that. Marshall is…” He decided to hold his tongue, since Rex loved him, “He is who he is. You’re so much better than that. You don’t deserve to be heartbroken. You don’t deserve to hold all this pain yourself, or feel guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were just in love,” He sighed and went to open his mouth and say something else until he noticed her hands.
Upon closer inspection, he noticed the small red marks were burn marks into her hand. His eyebrows furrowed, starting to freak out. He reached out her hand and she snatched it away. “Rex, what is that? Did he do that to you?” He leaned in closer to try and get answers.
“No! It’s nothing–I just,” she stood up speechless, searching for the words to say. As her mouth fell open, she could feel the lump welling up in her throat again.
“Can I.. Can I see your hand?” He reached out for her and she backed away from him, freaking out. She didn’t know what to do, so she just walked off.
“No, it’s fine. Everything’s fine. Good talk dad, goodnight!” She yelled as she walked away swiftly.
“Night? Rex! It’s not even sunset—”
“Goodnight!” She yelled and turned the corner. Frantically trying to get in the house, she almost ran into Stratford and Liam. In a panic, her mouth dropped open but she just turned and swung the door to the house open. Running inside to get away from everyone else. She passed Ryu, whose face lit up seeing her. Instead of speaking, Rex ran to her room.
Stratford and Liam were left outside, seeing Sawyer come poking around the corner of the porch with a sigh. They stared at him and he shook his head.
Now the three of them sat there, unsure of what to do. All of them worried about the state of Rex’s mentality.
Later that night, Rex was pacing her room anxiously. Cigarettes hung from her lips as she moved from her closet to the bed, and to her drawers. Hurriedly and impulsively, she was packing two bags. One duffle bag full of clothes, and a backpack with her life essentials.
In her own slightly manic mind, she had made a short circuited plan. All the money she had saved up working to get her own place not too far from here, she was going to talk that and leave.
She decided she would take her passport and cash and leave, she was going home: Germany. Maybe her aunt wouldn’t mind her staying for a while. She was still in contact with a few of her cousins… maybe they could let her stay for a little.
As she finished throwing a week's worth of clothes in her bag, she hissed as she put the cigarette out on the back of her arm and tucked it behind her ear. Rex stopped thinking, the only thing on her mind was leaving.
She didn’t want to burden any of them with her problems. Rex couldn’t help but think that they would hurt Marshall, or even not care for her. Every survival instinct from her childhood and teenage years had kicked in. The only thing she knew how to do when things went wrong was leave. She was always moving around from house to house, family member to another, city to town, country to country. Rex never had a stable moment of peace, not till now at least.
And now she couldn’t help but believe she was fucking everything up. She didn’t believe she deserved any of this. She wasn’t good enough for a family who cared.
She picked up her backpack and threw it over one shoulder, before she grabbed her duffle bag and car keys. She slowly walked out her room door, attempting not to make any noise. She hurried down the stairs gently, and straight to the front door. Gently turning the knobs so as not to make them creak. It was the middle of the night, and she was sneaking away. It wasn’t her first rodeo.
She lightly closed the door behind her and quickly made it down the stairs, unlocking her car and throwing all her shit into the back seat. As Rex went to grab the handle, she hesitated. Was she really about to leave her family?
That one moment of hesitation led to a whole unraveling of events. Rex was so caught up in her own problems and doubts, she didn’t even hear the person who had followed her outside.
“You’re just gonna leave?” Her heart shattered into a million pieces. She didn’t turn and look at them. She couldn’t face them, not now. “You just… weren’t going to say goodbye?”
“Ryung, please…”
“What happened to us against the world?”
“No, please don’t do this to me–” Her voice cracked.
“No, Rex, you don’t do this. You listen to me,” He stared as she turned around slowly to face him. “You haven’t spoken to me all week, nothing. You wouldn’t open your door when I knocked, didn’t eat the food I left for you, you’ve ignored me. Do you know how much that hurts?” He gripped the edges of the porch. “I’ve always been there for you, we’ve always relied on each other. What the fuck happened so bad that you can’t even tell me!”
“Ryung, I can’t do this tonight. I can’t… I can’t do it anymore. I’m leaving, I’m going back home to Germany,” She let him in just a bit. That was her best friend. Her ride or die. The only person she could ever fully trust.
She watched as he huffed, gripping the edge of the porch before he hurdled over it. Landing with a soft thud on the other side.
“Then I’m coming with you.”
“No, no you’re not. You’re going to stay here with your… perfect little life, and the perfect little family that you fucking deserve.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Rex?”
Their voices started to get louder as they argued.
“You deserve this. All of this. I couldn’t even keep Marshall. I can’t keep people happy, I don’t deserve good things. I don’t deserve any of this. I don’t understand any of this.. I don’t know good things, I never have—”
“You’re acting like everyone here has known fucking happiness, Rex. Stop sitting in your own head, you’re not the only person here who’s been fucking hurt! We’re figuring this out! We’re finding things out, we’re doing this together!”
While the two stood in the yard and argued with each other, everyone was upstairs sleeping away. Besides Sawyer and Stratford, who were now stirring awake from their sleep. Sawyer started to move slightly, groaning as he pulled away from Stratford, who opposed immediately.
“Sawyer…” He turned over to look at the man who was now sitting up in bed, stretching awake.
“It’s okay dear, I’ll be right back…” He whispered as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I promise.”
Then he stood up from the bed and watched as Stratford curled into their blanket. He sighed, grabbing his robe and shrugging it on before stumbling out the door. He treaded down the stairs, listening to the conversation–no, argument. The argument was getting more intense by the second.
When he walked out to the porch, he looked out to his kids who had shot their heads over to the older man. Ryung was now red faced, sobbing as he was trying to convince Ryung to stay. Rex looked like she hadn’t slept, she was frail, and shaking. She looked dazed, confused.
“Ryung, go inside and let me talk to your sister.” His gaze shifted from Ryung over to Rex, before it went back to the black haired boy. They didn’t protest, they just whimpered a bit and retracted from their best friend. Heading up the porch steps and into the house.
Sawyer’s gaze fell back onto Rex. They made direct eye contact for a while. She didn’t know what to say, Sawyer was trying to find the patience.
“You, come sit with me.” He commanded as he sat back onto the swing that they had shared earlier that day. Rex just sighed, ascending up the steps and to the swing. She sat on the other end of the swing. Silence filled the night.
The only thing that could be heard for miles was the sound of the cicadas and owls. Singing their nightly lullaby to the environment around them.
“Where did you think you were going to go?”
“Germany… I was going to go home.”
Sawyer sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn’t angry, he just… he’s never had to deal with this amount of heart break. Before Sawyer could say anything, the lump in Rex’s throat finally formed into words. Finally, she let her walls turn into a fence.
“I was going home because… It’s the only place I understand. Sure, I was treated like shit, but at least that’s what I’m used to. I’ve always moved around. I’ve always faced hatred and being used, but I was so used to it.” She pulled her knees to her chest, realizing she was wearing shorts and a tanktop.. All the burn marks were now visible.
“I’m so used to pain and suffering. I don’t… I don’t feel like I deserve your care and kindness. It feels so… wrong.” She started to rub her eyes, groaning as she finally revealed the truth about herself.
“I’ve never been loved. So to see a fraction of that from Ryung, and Marshall, and.. You and Stratford… I felt so out of place.” She looked up and out into the night, letting her arms drape over her knees. “And when I lost Marshall, I felt like I messed up. And then I felt like I ruined everything that I touch. I didn’t want to ruin how nice everything is here. So, I tried to do the only thing I’m good at” She bit down on her lip and spoke, breathlessly “Ran.”
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Sawyer responded “You don’t deserve to be in this much pain over some.. Boy.” He gazed at her, and she finally looked up to meet his gaze. He sighed. Sawyer had such a harsh soft spot for his girls. Both Rex and Selene.
Rex choked up, watching as Sawyer opened his arms to her. As much as she hated physical contact, she craved to be held. She craved comfort. All she wanted was for someone to see her. She immediately latched onto him, gripping him tightly.
“You deserve good things, Rex. Please don’t ever forget that. You deserve so much more than you were given growing up. You’re not a horrible person, you’re not worthless, and you have done nothing wrong.” He squeezed her, rubbing her back as he felt her breathing become heavy and uncontrollable. “You were just dealt a shitty hand, and you did the best you could with what you had.”
With those words, Rex could feel her eyes start to sting. All the knots she held in her chest gave out, snapping. She felt tears start to well up in her eyes. For the first time in years, she started to cry. There she sat sobbing into Sawyer’s chest. Scared if she lets go that he’ll disappear.”
“And we’ll always be here for you, I’m not going anywhere. You’re a part of this family, and we love every part of you. No matter what,” he gently kissed the top of her head as she sobbed, shaking in his arms.
Rex could finally let herself go. Finally, she felt safe. She felt like she was home. A home that loved and cared for her, no matter how hard things had gotten.
It had been a few weeks since everything happened. Rex had finally started to feel like herself again. Jean shorts, tanktops, her dangling jewelry. Sunny disposition plastered on her face as she walked out to the porch. Smiling as the sun blazed down on her.
She looked down to see Liam, who was tending to the garden. She looked over and grabbed a pair of gloves before hurrying to join him.
“Need a hand? Or maybe two?” She smiled at him, shaking the gloves around.
He looked up at her and rolled his eyes, with a short laugh before he nodded to the garden. “Usually I’d say no, but I’ll accept the help just this once.”
“Oh, whatever. You know I would have done it even if you said no.”
“Yeah, yeah. Why do you think I agreed?” He huffed, pulling some green beans off of their plant, “Just start picking the damn tomatoes.”
Rex pulled the gloves over her hands and started to pick the tomatoes, dropping them gently into the wicker basket that Liam brought out here.
There they spent time together under the blaze of the sun. Occasionally Rex would look up to look around the yard. There the whole family sat outside. She giggled as she watched Ryung and Stratford brain deep into a chess game up on the porch, while Alderic watched. On the opposite side of the porch sat Sawyer and Selene, trying to learn a new song on the guitar together.
She looked over to Liam who was focused on collecting vegetables. She hummed, sighing softly. “Hey uhm… I’m really sorry for what happened, I didn’t mean for you to see all that.”
Liam looked up at her puzzled, and also sympathetic for her. He sighed and shook his head. “You were going through a hard time. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did and… I’m real sorry about that,” he smiled at her “You’re my sister. I care a lot about you, okay?”
She returned the smile and bumped shoulders with him. “You’re a real good kid… Thanks for caring so much. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t.”
He just laughed and went back to picking vegetables with her. Soaking up the sun and enjoying some sibling bonding moments. There was nothing that could get better than this.
That’s when they heard the sound of an old car sputtering, driving slowly down the dirt path of their house. Rex’s head snapped over, confused as to who was pulling into the driveway. However… She seemed to recognize the dingy car. Watching as the Irish stepped out of the car, Rex immediately jumped up to her feet in excitement.
“Clay, holy shit what are you doing here!” She yelled in excitement.
She was still pulling her shit together, huffing as she placed her glasses atop of her head, staring at Rex. Her shit eating cheshire grin fell upon her face as Rex almost bulldozed the taller gal over.
“Woah! I was just in the neighborhood, thought I’d g’wan and stop by,” She looked over to see Ryung who had shot up from the tiny table he and Stratford were sitting at. As well as the dads who were confused as to why she was there as well.
Ryung apologized to Stratford, before running down the steps and bolting over to Clay, launching himself at her.
“Hey! We still have a chess game to finish–Oh whatever,” he laughed before staring down at the chess game he was somehow losing. He looked up to see Sawyer who had set down his guitar. He got up to help his husband walk out to meet them.
Clay gave her hugs all around, laughing at the two who were overly ecstatic to see her. “Okay! Okay! Calm down, it’s not like I’m a celebrity,” she joked as if she didn’t basically raise Ryu and Rex in the years that she knew them. “And Rex, I brought you a surprise… because I was basically begged to,” she said as she banged on the window of her beat up car.
Rex’s face twisted from excitement to fear as she watched Marshall step out of the passenger side of the car. He looked… torn up, sleepless and like he had been crying. She didn’t look at anybody but him, not to her dads who were pissed, not to Liam who was ready to have a few words to say, not even to Ryung who was ready to snap the guy's neck.
They all sat in silence, but just as anybody could speak, Rex built the confidence to march over to him. She stood in front of him, staring him in the eyes.
She just took a shaky breath and spoke up, “You’re an asshole. You know that?”
“Rex–” She heard Clay try to chime in.
“No, shut up,” Clay immediately shut up. They all did. None of them knew what to do at this moment. They just watched like catty snobs in a soap opera.
“You,” she pointed, poking him in the chest, “Left me fucking broken. I thought I did something wrong, I thought I didn’t deserve your love because you fucked with my head unintentionally.. You were hurt, and you took it out on me,” She felt the same lump form back in her throat. She started to feel like she couldn’t breathe.
“And you left me there…” She pushed his chest, “You just fucking left me there alone! Like I didn’t mean anything to you!”
Sawyer stepped forward to her, but Stratford grabbed his arm just shaking his head. He whispered to them to head back to the porch. They all moved away, keeping distance to let them have a moment. The only ones who stayed near: Ryung and Sawyer. They weren’t about to put too much distance in case they needed to step in.
“I can’t forgive you… I can’t fucking forgive you for the shit you put me through!” She screamed and looked up at him. He was hurt. She just waited. Waiting for anything. A tear, an apology, a reaction, anything.
“Fuck! Marshall! Say something, anything! Don’t just stand there and stare, say something!”
“I’ve missed you… I’ve missed you so much,” he said shakily. “You didn’t deserve that. Anything that I put you through that night. I don’t want you to forgive me, You deserve to feel like this.. You deserve to be upset with me.” He hesitated, but still reached out for her.
Without hesitating, Rex leaned in to hold him. Gently placing one hand on his shoulder, and the other rested gently on his cheek. She was mad, sure, furious even. She was hurt… but she couldn’t say she didn’t miss him. And she could never say that he was the only one in the wrong.
“I’m mad. I can’t forgive you, not yet at least… but that doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you.”
He stared down at her, not sure of what to say anymore. He couldn’t apologize again, he didn’t want to cry… he just wanted her back. “I was so horrible to you.”
“No, you were high. You didn’t put your hands on me, you were just expressing your fears. And I took it too hard to heart.” She gently rubbed her thumb over his cheek and sighed. “We were scared, and… high” she laughed a little bit. “We made irrational decisions.”
“I fucking scared you, Rex…”
“You were just as scared, you were scared for help.” She gave him a small smile.
“I’ve missed you, even if you won’t take me back… I couldn’t leave on that bad note. I couldn't leave with you fearing that again.”
“Who said I wouldn’t take you back?” She furrowed her brows and laughed, pulling away from his touch and turning around. “Oh, now you’ve really pissed me off, how dare you say a thing like that, misinterpreting me and– AH!” She screamed and started to giggle as he picked her up from behind, swinging her around. She laughed and yelled for him to be careful and put her down.
When Marshall set her back down, she spun to face him. He placed his hands at her waist and smiled at her, she smiled right back at him. “You know… I’ve missed your sarcastic attitude.”
“Oh really now? Well, I don’t know if she missed you too…” She leaned up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Then she leaned in and gave him a kiss, grinning like an idiot the whole time.
In the back you could hear Clay cheering from the porch steps, earning a slap to the chest by Ryung. She winced and stared at him, “Oh come one Ryu, I’ve been dying for them to get back together. He came to my house just to cry about her to me!” She sighed and put her sunglasses back on. “I mean for fucks sake, me and Leo were just trying to have a calm week.”
Ryungs’ eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the person next to him. Giving him the absolute dirtiest side eye. “You can’t be serious…”
“Ryu, darling. Look at me in the face and tell me those two aren’t fucking made for each other?” She raised her eyebrows in a really bitch kind of face. “I mean, your dad may be pissed about it. But those fools are in love, love is hard and it’s found in all forms.” She huffed, almost a laugh but it was too short. “I mean, me and Leo absolutely bullied the shit out of each other, and look at us now? We own a house together.”
Ryung hummed, turning to look at how everyone else felt. Sawyer looked… conflicted. He wanted Rex to be happy, but also wanted her to be safe. At the same time, he knew deep down Marshall was just some hurt kid who was never shown the proper care. He deserved someone who was going to care for him… and luckily, Rex was really good at that.
He sighed and started to walk down to the driveway, Stratford went to stop him, but he was already in motion.
“Aw, it’s fine pops, your husband will be just fine,” Clay said and started to mess with her curls.
“Clay… You’re not helping.” Stratford spoke bluntly, yet Clay was still unfazed by his words.
Sawyer made his way down to the two who were happy just to be back together. He moved to stand behind Rex, towering over the both of them. Rex immediately moved away from Marshall, but before she could speak he had one statement.
“Not that you need my approval, you’re both consenting adults,” he started “But if you hurt her again, I will not hesitate. You will not live to see the stars of the night, or the morning of.”
“Sawyer–”
“I’m just saying! Treat her right, I can’t handle all that shit again, my heart actually might stop this time,” he laughed a little bit and turned away, before looking back “And.. keep the door locked if you have him over.”
“Sawyer!” Rex laughed and put her head in her hands, rubbing her eyes as Marshall rolled his with a smile.
Sawyer threw his hands up and moved back to the porch, gently wrapping an arm around his husband's waist. He looked down at Clay who was a little too comfortable on their porch steps. He raised an eyebrow to look down at the Irish indie sleaze, who looked up to meet his gaze.
“Am I going to have to deal with you coming over more often?”
“Oh, please, old man. You’ve been dying for me to come lighten the place up.”
“Is that a threat or a promise?” Sawyer smiled and Stratford gently hit his arm, before looking down at Clayton.
Stratford gently placed a kiss on his husband's cheek, and moved over to Ryung who was coming to terms with this rekindled relationship. He gently squeezed the kid's shoulder and nodded his head, “C’mon kid. Let your sister enjoy this moment, we have a chess game to finish.”
Like a moth to a flame, Ryung jumped around to face him and smiled. He laughed softly and said “You mean, I have a game to whoop you in?”
“Hey, the game could turn around,” He lied to save his skin as they made their way to the table.
The other kids had already left to go inside. Sawyer stood staring out at the other two, now standing with Clay who was filing her nails. He sighed softly, unsure of how to feel about this. On one hand, he wanted to forbid Rex from ever seeing him.. But she was an adult, plus it was another chance. He would do the same for Stratford if it ever happened, even though it hadn’t.
“The more you stare, it won’t change.” Clayton spoke up, leaving Sawyer to stare over at him.
“Yeah, I know. I just.. Care a lot, I guess.” He stared between Rex and Marshall, then panned over to Clay who was still sitting in the same spot. Now leaned back into the steps. She blew on her nails to rid the dust of filling. Sawyer hummed and smiled, “Care for a cup of coffee, Harkin?”
“Only if you promise a cigarette to go with it,” She smiled up at him, to which he rolled his eyes and ruffled her hair. “Hey! Watch the curls, I spend a lot of time on them” She swatted his hand away.
“Oh tough it out, kid. Come on, let’s leave those two be. I’ll show you my guitar collection.” Sawyer started to walk inside, and Clay just followed. Leaving everyone to do their own thing.
A chess game, unattended vegetables, the hot sun, and nothing but the sound of laughter and the wind. Rex and Marshall were leaned against the Irish man’s car, sharing their first cigarette back together again. She leaned against him and he just sighed, wrapping an arm around her small frame. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.
Rex reached up her pinky, staring at him with her large, doe eyes. He took her pinky finger and intertwined it with his, gently kissing his thumb as she did. No words exchanged, yet their actions spoke louder than words. They didn’t need words to know they had a promise, a pact. Never to give up faith in the other.
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