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Makala submitted this photo with the comment: "Me and my goth friends took our precious time out of our day to take a professional goths up trees picture because we LOVE your website. We would love to be a part of it🙏🖤" Is this goth Josie and the Pussycats? Was there sale on wide-net fishnet socks? Why is there a tiny toy guitar? Regardless, I enjoy what's going on here. We have 4 goths at various levels up a dead tree in a moody forest. No one's smiling. They're out in the daylight, but we must assume that they're mostly out of range of UV rays due to the dappled forest light. White boots give me the ick, as the kids say, and I am genuinely confused by a couple of the outfits, but I think that adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the experience that I appreciate. Bonus points for the number of goths and the professional picture.

4.8 out of 5 - It's always worth taking precious time out of your day to take a professional goths up trees picture.

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Janus Herrera submitted these photos with the comment: "For your consideration: Kindly note that we are desert goths, and as such, trees in cemeteries are hard to find.  Finding trees that will support three goths at the same time adds a second layer of complexity here, but we have sent you our best.  The cemetery visit came after the larger cottonwood tree, so our winged friend had enjoyed some tequila at a local Mexican restaurant in between and declined to make the second ascent.  With appreciation for the fine collection you have cultivated and wishes for a witchy 2026!"

I think everyone can agree that this is some fine work from these three desert goth friends. I share their pain in trying to locate a decent cemetery with a climbable tree and I don't even live in a desert, just an ol' town where cemetery landscaping is predominately extremely maintainable shrubs or small, spindly trees that won't take the weight of a reasonable sized bird, let alone a reasonable sized goth.

Our desert friends have provided two photos with different trees and locations but both feature well-dressed goths at a range of good heights up the trees. Obviously, we have some issues with daylight here, but at least two of goths are sporting appropriate UV blocking eyewear. No one is smiling and I appreciate some tequila enjoyment during the tree climbing experience (and applaud the sensible post-tequila safety considerations).

4.75 out of 5 - Even desert goths can locate an excellent cemetery tree to climb. Why can't you?

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Anonymous submitted this photo with the comment “Net goth picnic late 90’s”. Ahh the 90s net goths. I sooo wanted to be one but my early attempts at joining the local community were futile as I clearly WASN’T GOTH ENOUGH and they could tell by my 3 posts to a message-board and my (admittedly extremely silly) username. It was back in the day when goths liked to surround themselves with extremely ornate wrought iron gates patrolled by a very sad old goth dude who proudly announced that NONE SHALL PASS unless you could recite the words to a very dull and obscure song by a dull and obscure local goth band who played once in an underground bunker before you were born. GOD FORBID that you were into something like industrial electro because that wasn’t goth, you imbecile! Yes, I’m still bitter and it’s 20-something years on. I know baby-goths younger than my bitterness. 

Moving on to the photo, I have to give bonus points for the age of this one. It has the unmistakably shocking quality of the 90s shit point-and-click film camera. We have 8(?) goths up the tree, which is an excellent feat, and ~40 on-ground supporting cast members. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of smiling going on but we have to assume they’re drunk. They’re out in the daylight and we have to assume that they’re only wearing SPF 15, if anything at all, although 90s foundation was very thick and did provide some UV coverage. 

4.7 out 5 - Hold onto your bitterness from the 90s if it’s keeping you going  

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Dan Herbert submitted this photo with the comment “Me up a Leamington Spa tree. Early 90s”.

I especially appreciate a 90s goth up a tree because it validates the vague existence of this blog (although it’s more of a blob than a blog these days) by providing some photographic evidence that goths have likely been getting up trees since there have been trees and surly black wearers in close proximity to one another. If someone could provide evidence of Victorian era black-wearing friends up trees that would entice me to post more often. Maybe. 

This goth reminds me of the guitarist from my older brother’s teenage grunge band from the 90s. Pretty sure he wasn’t in the UK at that time unless he knew about some kind of tree-related portal that was accessible only to stoned people. That’d be right. The atmosphere here is dark and dingy but it’s not night time. The goth isn’t smiling and is a good height up a gnarled oak(?!) tree. Excellent.

4.9 out of 5 - Send me your pics of Victorians in mourning gear up a tree.

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Some nice goth type whose name I can't locate submitted this photo with the comment "It was Scotland circa 1988. Goth had only been a thing for a few years and the idea a Goth clothing shop would ever exist seemed unbelievable. On the other hand you could easily get your hands on strong lager under the age of 18. To think that 30 years later the next generations of Goth would continue this tree climbing tradition warms my bleak heart to a barely tepid."

I don't know why I can't locate the name of the submitter. It's probably due to the annals? addles? of time, the alcohol addling of my brain, and whatever else you can addle. If you can addle something, I've addled it. Addle is my middle name. It's not but it would be cool if someone misspelled 'Adele' and there was an 'Addle' out there somewhere.

We have to take everything about this post with a certain amount of addled trust. Old mate says he was a goth in the '80s and has blamed the light coloured pants on lack of goth shops around at the time. I mean, he didn't actually say that but it was implied, either that or he was bragging about his underage drinking exploits. Even so, I like the vintage-ness of this photo, the acrobatic, gravity defying nature of the pose with bonus tinnie (can of beer) and the fact that it's clearly night time. The tinnie is obscuring any potential smile. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt here. It's been a long time since I've posted and there's been a whole lot of addling going on.

4.8 out of 5 - I am going to change my middle name to 'Addle'

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Emily submitted this photo with the comment "World Goth day picnic 2013". She also submitted it with the comment “World goth day picnic 2016-2017?  An oldy but a goody.”

Whenever it was, I think we can agree that it was a good year and likely a very enjoyable picnic. Goths mostly don’t admit that something was a good time until 2-3 years after the event happened. Frankly, it's not appropriate to admit it. That is unless it was the first time they went out to a gig or club after lockdowns and then it was all “THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE, I LOVE YOUSE ALL!” (obviously, these are Australian goths) and then immediately reinstated the 2-3 year wait for good-time acknowledgement as is right and proper.

Our goth here has chosen to observe World Goth Day up a tree.  I appreciate their warm and practical yet stylish outfit for the Northern hemisphere May weather.  Bonus points for platform boots of a practical height, patterned trousers, and most excellent goth Dame Edna cat-eye sunglasses.  There’s no smiling and they’re a good height up the tree.  They’re out in the daylight but it appears to be an overcast day, so reduced chance of UV exposure. 

4.4 out of 5 – Some sad old goths are so goth that they will never admit that they’ve ever had a good time (or that they’re goths). They'll probably also whinge about how mainstream goth is becoming these days.

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it-stimefortea submitted this photo with the comment "Wedding reception cottage core goth. The bride and groom chose a local beach (not very goth friendly,) but I made the most of it and found a tree to climb. Embarrassing photos of the tree scaling process available upon request."

The wedding reception themed goth up a tree is one of my favourite goths up a tree. Admittedly, they are often out in the daylight and there's usually some alcohol induced mirth involved, but wedding guests generally have a lot of time waiting for the couple of the moment to do *something* (having photos, exhausted crying, cleaning up the vomit in the hallway of your husband-to-be's Aunt who pre-loaded and then passed out within 30 mins of the vows) and can use that productively, up a tree.

Obviously, my own wedding involved a lot of goths up trees and even I didn't abide by my own rules. WITNESS MY ULTIMATE SHAME (I'm the one who looks like she's drunkenly and mysteriously promoting cheap cider up a tree in a fancy frock - the whole thing is very ungoth - 0 out of 5).

Moving on, our goth here is not smiling has done an excellent job of positioning herself up a tree with appropriately welcoming limbs. I appreciate her no-nonsense expression and pose. She looks as if she's meant to be there. Points deducted for daylight and beachy location but she's in the shade. Bonus points for the sock/sandal situation and wedding appropriate cottage-core goth dress.

4.4 out of 5 - Use your time waiting around at weddings wisely and spend it up a tree (and then take a photo of it and send it to me).

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crookedxhill submitted this photo with the comment “This was taken by my friend Fae at Laurel Hill Cemetery in Philadelphia.”

Here we have another attempt by a submitter to conceal the fact that the goth is clearly out on a sunny day by making the photo greyscale.  I appreciate that they went to all that effort to select a filter, but I’m afraid points must be deducted.  I will not be tricked, swindled, cheated!  I have eyes and a lot of greyscale-filter induced fury, apparently.

Our goth is a good height up their cemetery tree and they’re not smiling. They’re wearing a fetching outfit and accessories. I enjoy the footwear-highlighting pose so the boots are displayed to their full advantage. I have boot envy. Bonus points for the cemetery and excellent boots.

4.5 out of 5 - Someone on twitter said that this blog had gone fallow. Goths appreciate being in fallow. It helps us to save our energy to be annoyed about important things like greyscale filters. 

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Submitted by an anonymous person "my friend took this of me at the goth club aftersesh and i feel it really represents what kinda weekend that was".

This photo was clearly submitted in joyous, drunken, pre-pandemic times and gives us a lovely reminder of how care-free and willing to hang from trees after a night at da klub we used to be (yes, I'm speaking as a sad, old, sentimental goth who lives in a small, 1 goth nightclub town at the bottom of the world who hasn't been out to a club in months *le sigh*).

This goth is out in the morning light and has cleverly hidden their face so we have no clue if smiling is involved or not. They don't appear to be very high up the tree but I am impressed with the green haze of hair that blends nicely with the foliage. I also applaud their ability to keep their tights miraculously snag-free after a hard night and an up-tree situation. That takes skill (or a particularly robust pair of tights).

4.4 out of 5 - The bigger the hair the less chance you have of being marked down for smiling.

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Clint Catalyst submitted this photo with the comment "Photo by Sasha Sheldon, 2008 -- submitted because I just stumbled upon this image in a folder, remembered your site, and lawled."

Well, well, well. Another jewel from the time before this blog. In case any of you baby goffs/goth adjacent types need any further proof that goths were posing arboreally long before I started posting about it nearly 10 (?!) years ago, here's a glorious example.

Here we have a very fine goth beautifully lit in a tree. He's not smiling and it's night time. He's certainly very close to a tree but I'm not confident he's actually up it, so I have to deduct points for height. Bonus points for the pre-blog photo, excellent lighting, and strong belt buckle approach.

4.6 out of 5 – Calling all current sad old goths (SOGs - I identify as a SOG) and former goths - send me your pre-2011 photos of your gothed-up self up a tree if you please. I promise I will take good care of it.

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Kary submitted this photo with the comment "This is me - Kary, up in a tree. I found out something the hard way that day while attempting to climb into that tree; I found out that goth winklepickers/goth pikes are the absolute worst (the absolute most slippery) type of shoes to climb in, ha ha ha ha!"

Here we have, for the very first time*, a goth wedged up a tree. She's not particularly high up there and she's out in daylight but there's no smiling. Bonus points for difficulty, composure despite obvious discomfort, rarity of the pose/situation and hair volume. Good to know that winklepickers/pikes are not suitable for tree climbing. Perhaps getting some non-slip sole grips installed would assist future winklepicker wearing goths in their up-tree exploits.

4.6 out of 5 - Visit your local cobbler.

* For the first time that I can remember. Given that I've been doing this for 10 years and I have drunk a *lot* of alcohol in that time, it's possible that there have been others that I don't remember.

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Catherine Noire submitted this photo with no comment.

What we have here is a goth up a tree in a forest clutching a scythe. I assume they're just taking a breather from a hard day's work harvesting souls or perhaps their successful and darkly elegant lawn mowing business (which would take longer than your standard landscaper but would be much more calming to witness).

Our goth is relatively high up what appears to be a fallen tree in a forest. She's not smiling but is out in daylight. Bonus points for the glorious shroud situation and scythe. I hope this activity went through some sort of risk assessment process before the photo was taken.

4.8 out of 5 - Imagine the amount of sunscreen a goth gardening business would go through.

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articulateandintricate submitted this photo with the comment “Might not be quite goth enough but my friends and I are on a high ropes course, so we’re very UP those trees! Took place at Tree Surfing in Devon :)”

Right, well, that was unexpected - here we have some goffs tree surfing.  I didn’t know that tree surfing was a thing.  I live in Australia where goths abide by the strict definition of surfing - I.E. water is involved.  We don’t even surf the Internet - we float over it with derision.  To be fair, we have a lot of water in Australia, a lot of surf, and a lot to deride to the point that even goths will partake in being thrown around by water if it’s absolutely mandatory for our survival in summer. 

Here we have 3 goths up trees. I say ‘trees’ because one is clearly being supported by multiple trees on a bridge. They’re looking pretty tough for goths, which I like to see, but they are out in the sunlight. I’m not keen on the white sneakers and blue jeans situation, so points deducted there. Bonus points for quantity of goths, the tree height and intimidating vibe.

4 out of 5 - Tree surfing, eh?  What next?  Shrubbery boarding?  Bush gliding? Grass diving?

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Bonnie Ramone submitted this photo with the comment “I recently visited New Orleans for the first time. Excited to climb a tree in their legendary cemeteries, I was disappointed to have to visit during the day, and found shade where I could. I know I’m not actively carrying chartreuse, but I can verify it was in my belly at the time. This was in St. Louis Cemetery #2. I hope my entry is worthy. “

I like the juxtaposition of a goth in a palm in broad daylight in a cemetery, although I really shouldn’t.  Our goth is not exactly ‘up’ the tree but they are nearly camouflaged by the draped fronds of a suitably dramatic tree. There’s no doubt that they’re in a cemetery and they’re not smiling and have excellent make-up and hair.  I’m heartened to hear they have a belly full of chartreuse.  I commend it, in fact, given that I find it difficult to stomach the stuff after that one time I drank 35 beers at a university orientation night and then had a shot of chartreuse and proceeded to airbrush one of the courtyard bushes in fetching shades of beer with a slight hint of chartreuse.  Glorious.

4 out of 5 -  If you’re going to insist on going out in the daylight, make sure you seek shade in the most dramatic tree you can find.

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Lizabeth Hanson submitted this photo with the comment "My kids were up for some family fun tree photos. This was the best of all. I’m considering making this our Christmas card, though I think several of my family members may not understand our joy."*

When I look at this photo, I think family fun. I also think about how they're out in the daylight and they're not very high up their tree. However, they do get bonus points for the quantity of goths up the tree and the angle of the photo through the screen of bare branches, which warms the cockles of my icy heart. The apathy level of the goth on the right is admirable, the goth on the left looks downright offended, and the middle goth looks gloriously regal.

I am slightly disheartened by the white-accented sneaker situation but this photo was possibly taken when the all black sneaker was not widely available.* What terrifically sad times for sportsgoths they were.

4.8 out of 5 - This could easily be converted to a 5 if they did use this photo for their family Christmas card.

*OK, so, this is quite an old submission. I discovered some old submissions in my email *cough*, so get ready for more posts, fiends.

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Cassiopeia submitted this photo with the comment “We did this for Tim.”

What a fine thing to do for Tim.  All I’ve ever done for Tim is help him move house a couple of times and drink some of his full sized bottle of vodka that he brought with him on a 2 day hike, which wasn’t really doing him a favour but I like to think I was lightening his load for the walk home. 

This is a glorious example of a goth up a tree at night time in a cemetery.  The only downside is the slight sign of mirth on the goth’s face but it was for Tim, so I’m going to allow it.  Bonus points for the height up the tree, the shadows, and the proximity of the tree to the headstones.  I also appreciate the sinister looking hands and the clear display of boot.  Yes, thank you.

5 out of 5 - I hope Tim appreciates all we do for him.

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Robert Schmalenberg submitted this photo with the comment "i submit myself in this case, a warm spring day somewhere in Grunewald - Berlin , went to see the grave of Nico (from Velvet Underground)".

Choosing a dead, fallen, moss-covered tree to be upon for your submission is admittedly pretty goth but doesn't get this goth many points for height. He admits that it's a warm spring day which sounds altogether too pleasant and not at all appropriate, although that weather does allow for a bit of pasty white rib-revealing shirt action minus the goosebumps. He's out in the day light but he's not smiling and he's stomping his way across that tree in a picturesque forest to get to the graveyard where Nico is buried, so points for dedication. Bonus points also given for the way his jacket is slung across his shoulder and looks a bit like a cape.

4.3 out of 5 - Bonus points always given for anything vaguely resembling a cape.