an oddly specific feeling: being jewish in the south
hi guys, long time no see, it’s me, lemuela (aka lulu, or lualhati, any of the three is fine). this isn’t really advice - or anything of it, and before i’d talk about it, i’d like to apologize for my absence. without getting into details, my health took a very dark turn for a while, but it’s all good now! but for a while i was really sick, and mentally couldn’t handle writing or explaining my jewish experience in detail, and i couldn’t give any of you my best, which is what you all deserve.
for those of you that don’t know, i live in the south. mississippi, to be specific. i grew up in a small college town (i say grew up, i immigrated to the united states when i was 8, but that’s another story). this town had no synagogue. in fact, the closest one was 30 minutes away, and even then, my parents tended to work long weekend shifts at the hospitals, and we didn’t know anyone - we didn’t know anyone jewish, certainly. i also went to a private school - a private christian school. i don’t know why my parents thought that was a good idea, but i know the public schools were also not that great, so. i learned very quickly that kids are cruel, unintentionally, though. i was exempt from a chapel that happened once a month, and kids asked me why to my face, asked me if i didn’t believe in G-d. at this time, my english wasn’t good - it was self taught & my father taught, so i didn’t know how to explain i was jewish in words kids could understand, because i didn’t even understand. i still made friends, however. i remember case and karlee and aubrey and they became my protectors almost. but they still asked me questions, and when they got older - they called me their jew. a joke, no doubt. but it still hurt my feelings.
i moved when i was 12. not for bullying, or anything like that - i never told my parents, and i was going through other stuff too that’s very personal. my dad got a different job. so i moved. to a bigger town, still in mississippi. i had learned to hide my jewishness by this point - though it was not intentional. i just didn’t know how to be jewish, in a way. i went to a public school all through middle school and high school. and it was so much better. maybe because it was a bigger town, much bigger. and maybe because it was a public school. my best friends was a catholic boy named danny who i would later marry, a muslim girl named kathy who taught me how to ride a bike, a catholic girl named khloe who i’m still best friends with today, and rachel, who, from the ripe age of twelve, loved bobby flay so much i’m pretty sure that’s her religion.
still, i didn’t go to synagogue. i didn’t know what i was supposed to do. i didn’t know how to celebrate my religion. it wasn’t until i was 16 i went to synagogue - i went with danny and rachel and another girl, and i felt safe. i started going weekly. during high school i also got my car egged and spray painted, and i got a swastika burned in my front yard.
i got a job when i was 16. there’s something to note about working when you’re in the south: you’re everyone’s business, customers will talk to you like they know you. i always worked sunday mornings, always the church crowd. old lady’s would tell me that jesus loves me, men would ask me why i was working instead of at church. this was polite conversation that made me uncomfortable, but in jewish. but the worst was with my managers, who loved me, and i loved them - but again, they would ask questions, and it would make me feel like i was in that private school again. or when i would mess up an order, drop food, one of them would roll their eyes and say fucking jew (of course - this is a joke, they laughed, but it still hurt).
being jewish in the south is hard. it’s taking the pride that southerners have for everything they do and focusing that pride into hiding your religion. i live in the bible belt. i live closer to lousiana now, i live down near the coast where nobody gives a shit, it’s easier here. i say ‘i’m jewish’ and people want to learn, they respect and they don’t treat me like their token jew. i don’t know why my experiences vary like this - maybe because i’m older now. i’m more comfortable being jewish and expressing my jewishness. i still don’t have anyone i know that’s jewish. i don’t have a community here, the people that go to my temple are reserved and older. being jewish in the south is really isolating. i wanted to make this uplifting, but that’s just what is it. kinda isolating.


















