Grace @grace-tlee - Tumblr Blog

Dear mi bon bon chulo,

I love you. Absolutely, with all my heart. Although we are apart, I still miss you everyday. My heart feels like it yearns for you day by day. I sometimes think to myself that I take you for granted. When I think of you, I think of how lucky I am to have someone who cares and wants to spend the rest of their life with me. I’m sorry if I don’t seem like I give you enough of my time or attention. I always try to give you my all, especially because you deserve the world. I want to think of more things we can do together while apart because all I want is you. We’ve become busy - and that’s just life - but I know I’d always like to end the night with you. Your smile still warms my heart, your laugh still makes me smile, and your love still fills my world.

I tell you I love you everyday, but I want to say what I truly mean by it. I mean to say that I love your humor that never fails to make me smile, your presence which makes me feel loved and supported, your smile which makes me fall back in love with you over and over again, your strength (physically and mentally) that never ceases to amaze me, your dedication that shows me how much you care about this relationship, and your loyalty which is always shining bright. I love every part of you, inside and outside, and I can’t explain how much you mean to me because you are my everything. My heart swells when I think about how grateful I am to have you in my life, and to think how damn lucky I am. I actually do tell myself a lot that I’m so lucky to have you because when I think of you, I think of my future, and I want you right by my side through all of it. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, especially knowing that you’ll forever be mine and I’ll be yours forever.

I love you with all my heart, and I hope you feel as loved as you make me feel.

- the luckiest girl alive

I don’t know what I’m doing, or even understand myself. I love you, but all our moments are tarnished by my selfishness. I hate that I hurt you with my coldness, and I hate that it causes you to blame yourself. I’ve been trying to be better, but maybe I’m not good mentally. I have always known that I push people away, I don’t know why I do it, but I always end up doing so. I’m sorry for all our fights, even if I never say it. My outbursts are agonizing, and I’m sorry.

I know it hurts when all I do is look out the window, but I’d rather cope that way than look at you and your frustration with me. Some times I just need the silence. Like I said, I don’t even understand myself. I don’t want to end what we have because I love you, but I just can’t help but feel empty. We always seem unhappy together, and I feel like I’m trying so hard, but nothing works. And I can’t fix it. I don’t know how. I’m scared I’m taking you for granted because you think so highly of me and are willing to stick around, but I’m worried you’ll have enough of me one day.

After every one of our fights, all I feel is emptiness. Like nothing works any more. I try to give myself the excitement we once felt in the beginning, but I have been struggling to. And I don’t know why and it breaks my heart. All our time spent together just turns into an argument or frustration, and all the little things turn into the worse. I wish I could explain it, but I don’t know how. You do so much, I know you do, but maybe my sadness and anxiety has caught up to me. I feel like I’m constantly putting a show on. Trying to put a damn smile for everyone to see, even you. Because if I’m not happy, it turns our relationship sour. But I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I feel ready to give up. I’ve lost every sense of self that I had in myself. I’ve lost my happiness, my motivation, and my reason to keep smiling. I don’t even know who I am anymore. So why would I keep trying? What’s the end point? What’s the goal, or purpose?

We do the same things all the time. My therapist said to try new things and figure out what I like to do to help me understand myself, but I haven’t done that at all. There’s nothing that craves my attention anymore. I wish you could show me the world and whats worth trying, but thats not your responsibility, and I’m sorry I reflect everything onto you.

I’m sorry that I’m like this. I hate how I’ve been treating you and this relationship. I wish I could block everything out, but I have felt so weak. I hate crying and I know you hate when I cry, and I’m so sorry. I’m trying to be better, even if it doesn’t seem like it, and I hope it does get better because at the end of the day, I do just want you. I know how lucky I am to have you. I would never want to lose you. I’m just struggling and I hope you don’t leave me because of how unbearable I am and my craziness. Overall, I’m sorry.

-me

Every day I regret my decision. I regret getting my hopes up thinking I was smart enough to make it in the industry. I regret being proud of myself for being something I'm not. I regret not voicing my decisions when I don't even know what I want. I regret everything.

I knew deep down I didn't want to go to the school. I don't know why I let it happen. Every day I feel worthless, anxious, and sick on the inside. This whole year I felt like I've been losing myself and my ambition to keep trying. I've been getting put down this whole year, and I don't know why I can't get back up. I've lost all motivation to do anything and know I'm trapped. I always thought I was strong enough to get through anything, especially if I put my best into it, but now I've realized that I'm not strong enough. I never was.

I want to scream or run away, but I feel so trapped. I’ve taken myself so far and now I can’t go back. I can’t go back to what I want to be or who I was. I just feel cold, empty. I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but as far as I know, I’m stuck and hopeless. I’d give up if I could. Anything to run away from what I’m feeling. Maybe that’s the problem though, I feel like I’m always running. But I don’t know what from. I wish I was smart enough. I wish I had the will power to get back up and power through. I wish I was talented, or at least passionate about what I’m doing to give me a sign that I’m on the right path. I wish for so much, but can’t do anything right. I’ve never hated myself more than I do now.

-me

ruhlare

the night sky reminds me of you

Dear mi bon bon chulo,

Whenever i see you, i still feel butterflies inside and just want to hold you. You are something that is so precious to me, and i never want to lose you. I know its been hard seeing each other, but it’ll all be worth the wait. In the future, we’ll have everyday to be together. This will forever be our test on how strong our relationship is, and i promise we will get through it. I know you want to see me, and i always do too. Truthfully, i miss you like crazy and would rather be with you every second, but priorities come into play. I know you’re understanding and patient, but i don’t want to make you wait too long. I hope you’ll forever be with me because you always make my day with your smile and laugh. You’re the one thing that gives me hope and something to look forward to every single day. I’ve been feeling down because i feel stupid some times, but i don’t want you blaming yourself because of how i feel. Stress can overtake me some times, but that’ll never change how i feel about you. I just want you there with me because you make everything better. Even though you’re not physically with me, your voice lifts my spirits and your jokes always make me laugh. Everything you do is meaningful to me, and i couldn’t be more grateful. You always give me the world, and i want to give you even more than that. You always try so hard for me, and it definitely does not go unnoticed. I appreciate you so much, and i just hope you’re happy. I feel that this time away is just as hard for you, but i don’t want you stressing about it. Maybe it’s good for us so we can work more on ourselves and our self-love. I just want you to always be okay, even when I’m not there. Your happiness will always be one of my top priorities, so never let anything discourage you. I’ll always be there for you no matter what. Even if I’m so busy that I can’t answer, i would drop anything to make sure you’re okay. At the end of the day, i hope that I’ll always have you, and just know that i’ll always love you. Don’t ever doubt my love for you. Nothing can take me away from you and loving you. Even when I’m being moody or emotional, i still love you every second. So promise me you’ll never doubt our love because you mean more than the world to me and i never want our story to end. Té amo mucho más mi amor

-tú bon bon chula

Dear mi bon bon chulo,

It’s crazy to me that everything has been going so well between us. Meeting you has never been better. I know i can be difficult sometimes, but deep down I’ll always love and care for you. My insecurities may be very strong, but you always look at me no matter how many imperfections i have. You look at me as if im the only girl in your eyes, and i honestly couldn’t feel more loved. Im blessed to have someone who will always love me for who i am. When it comes to you, i cant explain how much i love about you. I love every single thing you do. Even your clash royale! All the little things make you the person you are today, and i cant help but fall in love with all those things. You always care about what i want or need to do, and there’s no way to express how grateful i am to have you always there for me. We’ve had countless facetimes and im happy that youre always willing to give me your time. I love and miss you every second, so I’ll always try to make it worth your time. How did i wound up with such an amazing guy? You just came into my life with a halo over your head. You bring love and happiness into my heart, and i hope i still do the same for you. ❤️

-tú bon bon chula

Mi Amor

Dear mi bon bon chulo,

From the first day I saw you, my life changed. You have always been in the back of my mind, even if I didn’t know you yet. But ever since I met you and actually got to know you, I feel like my heart has become whole again. I have always been hard on myself and thought I would never find someone for me, but when we started talking, everything came together in an instant. From that moment, I knew you were someone I didn't want to lose. Ever since my last relationship, I looked down at myself and thought I was too difficult to love. I felt like I was seen as crazy, worthless, and that I was not enough for anybody. My "best friend" made me feel like that even when I did nothing wrong, so I thought it was just me that was broken. However, once I started talking to you, life just seemed better and brighter. Your smile makes me blush, your laugh is always contagious, and your eyes make me fall in love with you every single time. I've never felt happier until I met you. You make me feel stronger, confident, kind, content, and overall perfect. I don't know how you can always see the good in me, but no one has ever looked at my so highly. I couldn't be more blessed to have someone who views me as an angel. Even though you think that, I think that you are more of an angel in my life. You are setting me free from the chains that have held me down, and I couldn't be more grateful to have you in my life.

With just your presence in my life, I feel wrapped with love and stronger than ever. You make me better every single day and it is only the beginning. For you, I hope I can make you smile, laugh, feel loved, happy, and stronger everyday. You deserve the best, and I will always try to be that for you. I know you love me for me, but I always want to be at my best for you, and you're already helping me become my prime. I admire the strength you've always had, and I know not everything has been perfect in your life, but just know that I am never leaving. You are truly the one for me and I just want to change your life for the better. Seeing your smile on your face makes my day no matter what, and you always know how to cheer me up. I don’t know how you do it, but you make everything around me golden. You’re always there for me and you show you care with all your heart. To me, you have such a big heart and you’re always giving everyone your best. You always try to hard for your family and give me the world at all times. I seriously don’t know how i got so blessed to have an angel like you in my life.

From what you can gather from my other posts, I’m pretty insecure and overthink a lot, but with you, I feel confident and trust you with my heart. I’m out of it sometimes and do overthink occasionally, but my insecurities do get the best of me sometimes. From my past, it’s always been my fault and I was the problem. I’m always scared that the person I care for will leave me because of who I am and that I’m not good enough. I feel perfect with you, but deep down I will always be scared because I got you and I never want to lose you. I can’t imagine my life without you now that I have you, and I don’t want to have to experience that. I’ve worked on myself and am always trying to improve everything I do because I want to enhance my self love and be perfect for you. Although, you think I’m perfect enough already. It’s amazing to me that I found someone who loves me for you I am and connects to me so easily. I don’t think I’d ever meet someone like that and it’ll always be you. I am sure that you’re the one and I promise with all my heart that I won’t let you go.

When i think of you, my heart starts beating fast and i feel content. You can do something effortlessly and I’d still fall in love with you over and over again. I love everything you do and I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone else. i know I’ve been with other guys before, but they surely do not measure up to you. I’ve wished to have you by my side for so long, and I finally got my dream. Yeah I’ve been with other guys, but I had to experience pain and emotional nights just to reach my true love. Nothing has ever felt more right unless i have you in my life. I can’t put into words how thankful i am to have you in my life. I feel like you’ve saved me from the bad and are blessing my life with love. You’ve already given me the world, and I can’t wait to give you the same and more. I love you more than I can say, and more than I can feel, so i hope i can show that love to you. I want you to know that you are my one and only and I couldn’t be happier to be with you.

-tú bon bon chula

bluedabadee-deactivated20221120

blacclime

Dear best friend,

You’re hurting, and I’m hurting. I know it doesn’t seem like I am, but I am still crushed. How could I be okay when I did nothing wrong, but I still wasn’t good enough. I had to end it. It wasn’t healthy, and it never was from the start. I hate myself for not seeing it sooner, but I thought we could always work it out. You did too. But I think you expected me to always come running back you after every fight. I could have, but it’s time for me to put my foot down and show you that I’m not an object that you can control and expect things out of. I put so much time to help you and make you happy, and I think you took that all for granted. I think you thought I’d always be around no matter how you treated me, so you did whatever you wanted. Now you’re saying I’m not there for you, even though I’ve been by your side for the past years. It hurts that you think I did nothing, and you’re still expecting more from me. I truly thought you were the one for me, but your suicidal attempts to bring me back is too much. I’ve tried my best to help you, I forgave you, and I gave you my time. All I asked in return was for you to forgive yourself and be happy for me. I don’t want my nights ruined because you want to kill yourself over me. I can’t work on my mental health because I’m still stuck on helping you. I thought you’d at least want me to be happy, but I guess you’d rather guilt trip me back into the relationship.

-Lee

warakami-vaporwave

Blue Screen of Death

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