Wait wait wait can I?? Can I add?????
I think whatās delicious about Ilya is his self worth related to these concepts. He thinks heās lazy, messy, undisciplined. You listen, you donāt soeak. Yes. You need a haircut. Yes, Father. The problem is leadership. Yes, nod, yes. But repeatedly we are shown that Ilya is good. Heās an attentive lover, heās a good friend. He tries to be a good son to a hard man. He gives his brother whatever he asks for. He inspires his teammates. He worries that Ryan Priceās book will fall on the floor and oh fuck Price is going to lose his place, I will help, oh fuck, I failed.
But his family tells him heās no good, so it must be true. They have been the loudest voices in his life and thatās literally become his inner monologue. But then here comes Shane āI donāt know that side of you at allā Hollander and soon enough Ilya is monologuing into the phone on the street outside of his fatherās funeral about how actually no. Heās given everything to his family. He makes everything perfect. And he couldnāt physically be there for his father all the time but he paid for it all. And yet they despise him. He knows why, or says he does. But I donāt think does, I think in that moment the seed is planted that Ilya is lovable. And he doesnāt have to be perfect, he doesnāt have to drain himself dry. The person who loves him is trying to fill his cup from thousands of miles away.
Ilya lives somewhat hedonistically because he has a nihilist edge. What does it fucking matter, Hollander? He has a hopelessness, but he fights it. These characters are triumphant, even if that triumph is bittersweet. If Shane is on a journey to self acceptance then Ilyaās is one of self-actualization. The more he loves, the more he loves himself.
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