ghosts of our fears and worries

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Wolf | First Aid Kit

I hope for a trace to lead me back home from this place But there was no sound, there was only me and my disgrace

[itsjustdeepbro-blog]

So I’m holding a stolen kitten?

[gracespencer]

Technically. I mean, it might not be the stolen one but it looks the same. Where did you find it?

[itsjustdeepbro-blog]

…Is this someone’s kitten?

[gracespencer]

I think that may be the one Bradley stole.

[gracespencer]

Give until it hurts → Grace & Augustus

[augustusfinn]

He felt a little bit of relief knowing that Grace was as inexperienced as him. They had never really discussed their personal experiences in this area, normally too busy focusing on their research. It was a comfort though. If they both went in, not knowing what to expect, they could work out the problems together. “No, that’s totally fine. I don’t either. I only know what we’ve both heard.” Which to be fair, wasn’t much but the dens still existed. “I have a feeling their’s an alpha wolf, otherwise their might be chaos so someone has to be in control.” He pondered out loud. It wasn’t something they knew a lot about, then again that’s what the point of their mission would be. They needed to learn all this. The Ministry had them at a disadvantage in this area. Werewolves like him and Grace had to learn from their own experiences, the Ministry seemed to be reaching everyone as a whole. 

It was comforting to know that they would be going in together. He actually believed himself when he said two would be better than one. The rapid fire questions stumped Augustus for a moment. He stopped to think, trying to remember each of them before he started answering them. “You don’t have to be sorry.” He said, smiling at her. He started with the first question since it was the easiest one to answer. “We should clear it with someone higher up. I don’t think they would be opposed but it’s still better to be safe. Plus, we’ll need to let someone know what we’re doing in case we get caught in a sticky situation. As for when, I would need to give a weeks notice for work. I can get someone to cover my shifts pretty easily. How much time would you need?” He asked, countering her questions with one of his own. 

One of the biggest questions on Augustus’s mind was their transformations. There were stories of course, about some werewolves who could half transform. They lingered somewhere between human and werewolf. Then there were those who could stay in werewolf form and be productive. Augustus didn’t fall into either of those categories, he had only dealt with the full moon by locking himself up and avoiding it. Then he started taking wolfsbane potion and things became easier. He only knew his own transformation though, not Grace’s or those who would inhabit the dens they would be visiting. He had to ask anyway. “How control of yourself are you during a full moon? Have you ever done the half transformation?” Augustus felt guilty for asking, these were personal questions. It wasn’t like asking about family but it was still a personal thing to werewolves, or at least to him. 

[gracespencer]

An alpha? They hadn’t read anything on it, or Grace hadn’t anyway – it was probably there, somewhere, but whether it was of high importance was a question she didn’t need to ask. Of course it was. She needed to know everything she could if she planned to get in and out of there unharmed. Though, there was time to catch up on reading and she planned on doing that as soon there was time. Which, obviously, meant every moment she wasn’t at work or busy with important things. “I’d never thought about an alpha, I mean I’ve seen it mentioned but I didn’t think it was a thing.” She tried to explain with arm useless gestures, knowing it wasn’t going too well. “It would make sense.” Unfortunately, neither Grace or Augustus had ever been in a den of any sort therefore dealing with an alpha wasn’t in their list of experiences. But apparently that list kept piling up as they discussed this plan.

She nodded along as Augustus answered her questions. Her mind ran through a series of things to say back to his replies to send Augustus’ way once he was finished answering. A little silence to ensure he was finished before she opened her mouth again. “Not as high as Lauren, though, but someone closer – right? I think. I mean, I don’t know exactly how important we are to –“ Grace stopped. She needed to be positive; otherwise she risked bringing down both her mood and Augustus’ mood, which wasn’t fair. “Okay. I’ll find someone to speak to because I have more free time than you. As for my job, I’m able to get time off quicker than that but I’ll put a notice in too so I can do extra shifts to make up for it.”

The place fell silent but Grace hadn’t noticed, she’d been too occupied running through things in her mind about the whole mission. It wasn’t the best planned out strategy – go in basically blind, but what else could they do? They’d been researching for too long not to put it to good use, and this was the only way they’d find out more. Augustus’ voice brought her back to reality, her mind quickly catching up with what he’d said and processing it for her to understand. “Concluding from the recent scars I’ve obtained, I’d say not too fantastically when I don’t drink the potion. But I try every single time to make sure I have it ready. In which case, I’m pretty good with... being myself, if you want to call it that. As for the half-transformation, no. I kind of just drink the potion and have a ‘get on with it because it’ll be over quicker’ attitude about it. Less hassle.” That, and the fact she had practically no idea how exactly you went about doing such a transformation. It sounded difficult, something she would rather not risk going through unless she knew it was possible.

[gabrieldunst]

You find out what little you need to know either by yourself, or from the people around you. The rest doesn’t matter.

[gracespencer]

I'm not sure what you even mean by 'the rest' but sure, I understand what you're saying.

[abigailtheundecided]

I guess I can’t argue with that. Although I bet my supervisor would.

[gracespencer]

I'd rather not argue with your supervisor.

[gabrieldunst]

It’s pure propaganda.

[gracespencer]

Yeah, okay, true. But how are you going to know what's going on in the world?

[abigailtheundecided]

Tiring. Sleep looks very appealing right now.

[gracespencer]

Sleep always looks appealing, especially when you're not getting enough of it.

[abigailtheundecided]

Thank merlin for the weekend.

[gracespencer]

Hard week?

[gabrieldunst]

In that case it would be a shame, seeing as I don’t read the news.

[gracespencer]

Why not? I know it's not the most unbiased source of information but it helps you get up-to-date with everything.

[gabrieldunst]

[Turns over a newspaper roll in his hands] Strange. I could’ve sworn I didn’t order a subscription for the Daily Prophet.

[gracespencer]

Maybe someone wanted you to see something in the paper. Or maybe I've been watching too much television.

[gracespencer]

Give until it hurts → Grace & Augustus

[augustusfinn]

He knew Grace was right. If the Central London one was known about, it wouldn’t be much use to them. Augustus was certain that there were others in London, it would just take some scouting to find them. After all, England and Great Britain were the areas they were concerned about the most. Unfortunately, finding the others would take more research and quite possibly a scouting mission of sorts. There was no point in assuming a den of werewolves existed unless you were willing to check it out.

That wasn’t the big concern though, it was the danger they would be in. He hunched over the map, already thinking of the possible dangers and troubles they could come up against. For one, they would need to be able to shift and stay in control. It was possible that it could even come to a fight if they needed to prove their worth. Augustus had no idea how these places ran or what went on there. Just as Gus opened his mouth to say Grace didn’t have to go with him, she was offering him the same deal. He smirked, feeling a little bemused as he watched planning out the entire thing internally.

There was no way Augustus was going to come up with a mission for them and then not go along with Grace. Of course, getting off work wouldn’t be easy but they had given him exceptions in the past because of his “condition”, as they liked to call it. Besides, he had worked hard for the past seven odd years, they could handle it if he took a break for a few weeks, or however long it took them. “I’m not that important. Besides, there are plenty of other mediwizards at St Mungos. If I ask for the leave, I can get it.” He assured, straightening up.

“I’m more concerned about how dangerous this could be. We don’t know what we’re going to go up against. I’ve never been in a werewolf den and I’m assuming you haven’t either?” He ended his thought as a question. It would be rude to assume either way about Grace but they didn’t really know each other like that. They primarily focused on their research when they were together. There was no room for idle chit chat, especially when Augustus ran to strict schedules to make sure he slept enough for his shifts at work. “I do trust that you’ll tell me everything once you get back. It’s just… I want to do this.” He finished, lamely.

It was hard for him to put into words about how he felt especially when it came to the resistance and their Minister of Magic. Although, it was safe to assume Grace felt the same way otherwise she wouldn’t be there either. “I’m going to come with you.” He confirmed. “Two werewolves are better than one, right?” There was no way to know what they would be up against or what they would have to face but with two of them, it felt like a safer choice. “I mean, I’m sure you could look after yourself but I want to learn everything I can as well.” He rambled. In Augustus’s mind, two sets of eyes were better than one. If there were two of them, they could pick up all the scents and details of what they were taking in. Any clue or detail could be vital for what they needed.

[gracespencer]

Grace was actually relieved when Augustus said he wanted to go, that he could get time off and take on this mission. Because she’d have been unprepared, alone and not to mention extremely scared about dealing with a den of werewolves. She’d never been around many in wolf form, in fact she’d strayed away from it as long as she could. It was pretty easy to, especially since every werewolf member of the resistance preferred solitude to keeping in a pack and shifting together. Probably because a lot of them had been turned at a young age – otherwise they’d have ties to the Ministry – which left them without belonging to a group; werewolves she’d met so far in the resistance anyway.

“I, uh... no?” She replied, wondering if that was the answer he wanted to hear from her. It would have been easier if either of them had experience in this area, but Grace knew it wasn’t exactly fun to be surrounded by other creatures when you shifted. There was a constant worry of harming another, though Grace suspected werewolves may not have attacked each other in dens otherwise they wouldn’t exist. Still, she’d gotten this far without belonging to any sort of pack and never planned to do so in the future either. But that probably wasn’t why she had been hesitant to tell Augustus. Neither of them spoke much on a personal level, which made Grace realise she didn’t actually know too much about Augustus other than the basics. Not like she wanted to, it was his business, but it seemed odd to trust a stranger as much as she did. “No, I understand. That’s fine. As long as it won’t be a hinder to your work.”

She thought about whether or not she should persist on the matter of him not joining the mission because of his work, or whether she should let it slide. Mostly because she was unsure about if she wanted him to come along – which she did, but she didn’t want to ruin his job or anything. But he’d seemed to made the decision and was sticking by it now. “Definitely.” She nodded. “Don’t worry about it, I probably wouldn’t do so well on my own if I’m honest.” What were they supposed to do next? When were they going to set off and leave? Did they need to pack? So many questions. Grace blurted them all out, one by one without much of a breath stop in between and hoped Augustus was keeping track of her queries and had answers to them. “Sorry.” She mumbled afterwards.

[greeneyedlupin]

Offer me a taste of death { Teddy & Grace }

[greeneyedlupin]

All of a sudden Grace had taken over the conversation by talking a lot more than she had been. Teddy was okay with that, just a little surprised at how quickly she was talking along with the sharp sentences he caught here and there. Clearly the topic was something she hadn’t wanted to discuss and he couldn’t blame her, it wasn’t the most sensitive thing he could have said and truthfully he’d regretted it ever since it slipped out of his mouth. And he didn’t even have alcohol to blame for his slip-up. Thankfully, Grace hadn’t reacted in the worse way imaginable in addition to staying to speak to him. Surely it couldn’t have been the most unpleasant thing he could have said. Still, it probably had been insulting to some degree and that’s what mattered. Teddy would simply have to make up for it.

His work was a subject usually left at work because it was uninteresting lately. More often than not he was off-duty, which was hardly surprising. People were more afraid of getting caught than they ever had been, reducing crime as well as criminals incredibly. That or the fact criminals were getting incredibly brilliant at their activities, concealing any trace that they’d even been present. The former was most likely, though, because there wasn’t much that got past the Ministry. It wasn’t exactly a blessing when you were in cahoots with the opposition. But no action had been taken against him yet which meant he was safe.

“We can talk about both, seeing as they run into each other.” Teddy explained, taking a moment to re-position himself on his seat. “Work’s generally okay, it’s better than I had imagined it to be but it’s also incredibly time-consuming and stressful. There are times when the aurors don’t get called out on a job in weeks, which decreases pay and some of them end up dropping out of the job because the department can’t pay for people they aren’t sending out. I’m not too bad, I get called out more often than a few of my co-workers, but I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or not, you know? They’re my friends; it’s tough to see their career dissolving in front of their eyes. They know it’s happening. You know it’s happening. Everyone else knows it’s happening. It sucks so damn much, and you feel useless because you can’t do anything to help them in anyway. You can’t give them your job, otherwise you’re out of one and it’s only postponing the day till they have to leave.” He rambled on, ending in a heavy sigh and taking a large sip of apple juice from the carton.

“Being an adult is awful, and I’ve been one for ten years now. I’m usually optimistic about these sorts of things, and it’s no fun to be pessimistic about it that’s for sure. Maybe it’s because it’s late. I’ll probably feel better after a good nights sleep.”

[gracespencer]

Grace’s smile dropped. “I’m sorry.” And that was all she could say. What else was there to discuss? Grace wasn’t his boss; she wasn’t in charge of anything. The only thing she was close to being in charge of was this bar tonight. There was nothing she could do to help. It hurt. Instead, she listened as he continued to talk. While he talked and she listened, she also nodded as she picked up a few glasses left by customers that she then cleaned with a spell. When she returned to her space in front of Teddy, she bit down on her lip and looked around the bar. “You don’t have to be optimistic about everything, Teddy. But I think you should try to be. It’s upsetting to see you so... well, not yourself. Still, I don’t think there’s much you can do about it.” She sighed then nodded in agreement. “Sleep sounds good, if you want to leave that’s fine. You’ve paid.”

It felt wrong to just let him go while he was feeling down. “Or we could go out somewhere.” She suggested, shrugging gently and pushing herself back up from her leaning position on the bar. There was a lot of cleaning up to be done, especially if she wanted to go out after closing up. Her boss wouldn’t be too pleased with a messy place. “As soon as I clean up this place, of course. I don’t want to leave it a pig-sty for tomorrow’s opening.” After everyone had left, cleaning up and packing away happened within ten minutes thanks to knowing the right spells. Grace placed her wand back into her belt as soon as she was pleased with the condition of the place. “It’s pretty dark but I promise I’ll return you home before it gets too late.” Grace laughed lightly, picking her coat from the stand and opening the door for Teddy to leave before her so she could lock up.

It wasn’t that cold outside, despite the moon being out, which Grace was thankful for – the warmer weather was going to arrive soon. “Thank Merlin.” She whispered to herself, charming the door then turning to Teddy who she handed her bag to. “Can you hold this for a second?” Although, she didn’t really give him a choice. Grace then slipped her coat on, took her bag back from him and then placed it over her shoulder. “What would you like to do? We have the whole night to do anything. There aren’t many shops open, but we could get some food and go back to my place if you wanted. Or yours. Or neither. Up to you, really. We don’t have to get food.”

[fyeahdianna]

[rorydaniels]

Being adopted sucks.

I wish I knew at least a little bit about my birth parents.

[gracespencer]

Have you tried looking through records?

[gracespencer]

James & Grace

Okay, so... on a scale of 10 -one being the worst- how good is your relationship with your family?

It might seem like a weird question to start with, but I'm trying.

[gracespencer]

Give until it hurts → Grace & Augustus

[augustusfinn]

Grace’s research made sense to Augustus, knowing what could hurt and harm you was important, especially if you are a werewolf. “I guess I was lazy that way, my dad did it for me. It wasn’t until later that I started looking into it myself.” Augustus has always been a sore excuse for a werewolf. He was good at hiding it and ignoring it but when it came to knowledge, he neglected finding out what he needed to. It was part of why the Alliance was so important to him. He hated what he was and there was no way he would inflict it on more children because someone thought it was for the greater good. 

Again, Augustus was nodding. Grace was right. The werewolves that they could gain access to were probably just henchmen in the scheme of things for the Ministry. They needed to find a higher ranking member but they weren’t easily accessible. Even if they were, they didn’t know who they were or what their names where. “Maybe if we can get through to one, we can get some more information. We need information and books aren’t helping us. Going straight to the source seems like the only option we’ve got left, really.” 

Surprisingly, Augustus did have an idea where they could start. There had always been whispers of underground dens where werewolves would live. The past prejudices had stuck with them and they stayed away from the wizarding world. “I’ve got a few ideas actually. Most of them are just whispers though.” He said, pushing his book to the side. Instead, he reached out and grabbed a map that was in the pile of their notes on the desk. When he had first heard about the different dens, he began plotting them down for reference, knowing it would come in handy later. 

With the map between them, Gus pointed out a few of the points that he had marked. “There is one in central London that the Alliance knows about. There is one in Paris, two in Romania and one in Bulgaria. Then again, these are just the secluded werewolves. And these are the only ones we know about.” It wasn’t much but it was a start and that was more than what they had from the books. “From what we know, I’m guessing there has to be Ministry werewolves there. What if some of them aren’t completely on their side? Maybe there are some just pretending?” It was a long shot but it was possible. 

[gracespencer]

Although they had been working together, there hadn’t really been absolute communication between the two of them. Grace had seen this map before but she’d never thought to ask what the marked areas had been for. Augustus had never explained so Grace assumed he was still working on it and would come to her with ideas as soon as he had confirmed their reliability. She nodded as he pointed out the areas and explained what they were. This was both important and interesting. It may have just been ‘whispers’ but it was better than nothing.

“This one...” Grace said, pointing to the Central London area. “If we know about it, I don’t doubt it’s already been checked it out. So we can skip that for now. But we can come back to it if we’ve still got nothing.” She pushed her chair away from the desk and got to her feet. There were a few questions she needed discuss with Augustus. About work, mostly. Her work was going to be easy to get away from – you can be a bar-maid down without a problem. Augustus, however, not so much. She felt bad already for taking up his free time, especially with a schedule she assumed was hectic.

“I’m going to need to tell my boss I need to go away. He’ll understand and when I’m done my job will still be there for me. Hopefully. But you’re going to have a tough time getting away from your responsibilities.” Grace commented, even though Augustus likely already knew this. “I can go alone, if you need to stay. I think you should stay, because people need you and you’re very important. I’ll try to be as thorough as I can with questioning and getting close to the werewolves, don’t worry. And as soon as I’m back, I’ll be sure to tell you everything.”

Perhaps he’d wanted to be a part of this, seeing as he suggested it, which was fine by Grace. On the other hand, Augustus had a large job on his hands and getting time off might not be for the best. If she were to go at this alone, it would be easier for him. Or so she thought. How well did she really know Augustus other than the basics and his time schedule? Not well. Maybe he felt like this was the best thing for him. It was probably best she leave the decision up to him. “That was very forwards, sorry. You can make your own choice; I just want you to know that you are not obliged to come with me just because you suggested it.” Did she need to pack? Unlikely. A change of clothes was all she really felt she needed, maybe her toiletries. The werewolves weren’t going to be bothered about her hygiene or appearance, but she couldn’t say the same for Augustus and being unappealingly smelly often bothered her too.

What if the werewolves didn’t want to talk to them? This was the current thought running through Grace’s head, and had been ever since Augustus brought up the idea. They’d just have to wait and see.