days go by

Inside my mind... A place to document my day... Come, join me.

[gradnurse]

Pick a card, any card. I’m struggling here. Really. I thought my focus would be heart health and helping people adjust after a heart attack. I’m thinking that’s not a niche because they’re focused on their physician’s advice and just trying to stay alive. They’re not out there searching for a stranger (no matter how unique their perspective might be) to tell them what to do. At least I think that’s right...

So I’m struggling. Duped by hearts again. Guess that’s ok as long as my own heart doesn’t do me wrong. ❤️😄♦️

[gradnurse]

I always loved this tumblr blog, but drifted away...I probably won’t remain committed to blogging here but for now I’m thinking about it. Days go by...

[gradnurse]

Winter wonderland.

[gradnurse]

So 2017 just kinda flew by. And 2018 is headed this way. Organization, mindfulness, and health are the focus words. And I will recommit to writing...for today anyway. Merry Christmas and see ya next year!

[gradnurse]

No words.

[gradnurse]

It's been a looong time. And even though it's been a long time, I really don't have much to say. I'm happy here at home, work is work (the patients make it all worthwhile), and life is really good. Maybe I write more when I'm frustrated or sad. But I'll take happy any day. ☺️

[gradnurse]

Nooooooo! I thought the ad on the Sonic sign meant spring had arrived. The Weather Channel says otherwise. Snow and a killing freeze equals sadness for the lilac and hydrangea bushes that are budding in my yard. Nature is lovely, but cruel without a doubt. 😞sigh ~

[gradnurse]

I wake up every day to all my dreams coming true. Living the dream! So thankful for all God has shared with us. 🏡

[gradnurse]

It's that time of year. Spring is getting closer and closer, but winter still has its claws dug way in. 25 degrees tonight and feels like 19. Yesterday it was close to 70 degrees. Oh, the weather roller coaster rides on. Waiting for this winter fog to clear and spring to show off in flowers and sunshine and crystal blue water...another dream coming true! @nursingschoolcat I can hardly wait! We need a fast-forward button!

[gradnurse]

We worked in the mud today--so we needed matching boots! We are SO precious! 🏊🏻‍♀️

[gradnurse]

I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books , music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and (grand)children, perhaps - what more can the heart of a (wo)man desire? ~Leo Tolstoy (parentheses mine)~

[gradnurse]

Waves of the past have been washing over me for several days. Tomorrow will be forty-one years since Dad passed away. I think every year it might be easier, but it’s not. Note to self: it’s hard, it makes you sad, don’t expect anything else. 

Plus, the death of George Michael and Carrie Fisher have unearthed many memories of the 70′s and 80′s. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t say I ever owned a George Michael album, but his music provided a background melody to much of the 80′s. My favorite George Michael song is “Father Figure”…”I will be the one who loves you ‘til the end of time”…yes, words to express those “daddy” issues that are hidden in every emotion of my life. Thank you, George. 

I didn’t become a Star Wars fan until “The Force Awakens” was released last year. I was so excited to see Princess Leia, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo in the movie. Again, not because I had been a Star Wars fan in the 70′s. I think I saw the first movie (now the “fourth” volume because of prequels) back in 1977, and wasn’t impressed enough to see any of the others. But Star Wars produced a cultural impression which couldn’t be ignored, even if you tried. 

And then, Carrie Fisher’s death represents all the “soapboxes” I have climbed up on since my heart attack. I’ve tried to caution women about heart disease and how coronary artery conditions act in such sly, malicious ways to destroy life. Just think, she was flying home for Christmas after a European book tour and then she had a heart attack. Then she died. She had all life had to offer, and then she had no life. Sudden death from heart attacks always strikes a dark chord in my heart (pun intended). I lived…my dad didn’t, Carrie didn’t, Alan Thicke didn’t, Janet, a high school acquaintance, didn’t. Sigh~ such news should remind us that life is fleeting so get busy living life. But often it just freezes me in my tracks, wondering when…

I got an XM radio (I love it!) from Tracy for Christmas (I know it’s SiriusXM now, but it’s always XM to me). “70′s on 7″ and “80′s on 8″ have served up the background music for the past few days. Music can sure take you back…back to being a child when everything felt perfect and secure, back to being a teenager with all of life ahead of you, back to being a young mother, back to any place in time…I wonder if someday I’ll listen to music and be nostalgically transported back to today. Nah. 

Later this night: Debbie Reynolds passed away. This is all very surreal. I'm guessing her heart was broken.

[gradnurse]

My view in the mornings makes me smile. I finally got a 4-day stretch off from work and that makes me smile, too. I had a chance to review a few certification lessons and I wrote the opening for an additional chapter in my book. Tracy was home this weekend and we had nice time off together. The Christmas decorations are up and I love how the house feels. I love our home. I love my husband. I love our pets, Jagger and Gog. I love my family and friends. I'm so glad to be back working with patients. So blessed...beyond belief. I serve a gracious, loving King. Good night.

[gradnurse]

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! 🎄 It's my favorite time of the year and we are settled in our new home!! Yesterday was an amazing day because we now officially own our house as we have the deed in hand. Yeah, like we really OWN it! The difficulty and misery of last year finally paid off!! Plus we got six new windows installed and that side of the house is now bright and open like the other side. And the windows go up and down, though it's too cold for that right now! We both love our new jobs! I feel so good to be taking care of patients again and I think Tracy is loving CCU and he's a BSN now! This post is just full of exclamation points!!!!! 😊[12 days until the HCA shoe falls, but maybe they won't sue me]. Maybe they'll decide a payment plan will work...but they can't keep me down because so much good is flooding our lives right now.

[gradnurse]

~And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!~ From: "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" Yes, life can be very loud at times. We have new jobs! Very exciting! We both LOVE what's going on at our new facility. So that's not really noise, but more like information overload after two weeks of orientation. Plus I got another part-time job! I'm now Operations Director of my Sigma Theta Tau chapter! It's part-time, but my work is all done on-line from home and I'm paid! The work is pretty tedious, lots of spreadsheets and analysis, so more information overload. But I love the job!! November is full of birthdays and those have been very challenging because we are being extra careful with the budget. We used our savings to pay off our house (amazing, right!?!?) So we are cash poor right now...but our two daughters have birthdays in November plus our youngest granddaughter, too. Hard to scrimp on them! And this post-election murmuring! I couldn't wait for the election to be over so the madness would end, but it continues on. And it's particularly annoying to me because I didn't support either candidate, so nothing I read makes me happy. Overall, the noise level is very high, information levels are at elevated levels, and happiness levels are over the top!! WE ARE HOME!! Then the letter from my former employer arrives yesterday... leave it to them to be the pinprick to the celebratory balloons in our lives! So I got a sign-on bonus when they hired me. The terms required I stay two years. I stayed one year. They want half back...the letter says nasty stuff about lawsuits and attorneys and immediate due dates. And the icing on the cake is there are no pay back plans, no credit card payments, no personal checks...a cashier's check by 12/11 or let the legal proceedings begin. I'd say there goes Christmas, but there's no money for that either. I could cry, but I refuse. There's so much to be happy about, we are so blessed!! So I'm gonna hope they're bluffing and keep praying. If I had it, I'd pay it. I've paid them close to $1000 since my September hospital admission even though my care was particularly poor. We work hard to keep everyone paid, but their payback requirements are just crazy. ~sigh~ You know that whole turnips and blood thing 😬 So I'm lying in bed at 630pm listening to the quietness and pouring it all out here. Deep breath, as I remember it's Thanksgiving next week and I couldn't be more thankful that God is in control of it all!

[gradnurse]

I want to know how to bring order to my thoughts, to my life, to the very cells of my brain! I have so many “to do’s” that even trying to make a schedule just about made me crazy! Garden time, Bible reading, book of Revelation study, cleaning and organizing (it’s been marked in red every single day since we returned to TN), writing (my heart book and my novel), reading to improve my writing, walking, Pilates, professional studies (PALS, ACLS, BLS, TNCC, ENPC, professional journals), Phi Nu posts, blogging, jewelry making, holiday planning, aaarrrgh! Enough! And next week, back to work. I need a planner for my planning. 

Actually, I may do better when I start back to work because having that schedule gives me a bit more structure.  Plus I need a form of pressure in order to get busy.  I seem to get more done when I have less time to get things done. We have been home over a month now and every day I think to myself, “I have tomorrow.” The tomorrows are passing by...but maybe tomorrow.

[gradnurse]

I am sooooo excited! After several years of neglect, I'm going to start working on my book again! And, best news so far, my editor and I have reconnected on our commitment to my book. I have a few more chapters to add (my stroke experience, gender bias, and some thoughts on patient-centered care for the healthcare people who may read) and I need to re-read all the written chapters in light of any new information I've acquired in the past 18 months. I'm going to develop a writing schedule and also plan how to utilize some of the writing tools and guides I've accumulated. It's time to stop liking the idea of writing and actually start writing! After all (you knew it was coming) writers SHOULD write. I'll keep you posted. 💻📚✏️🖋