[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

i've come to the conclusion that the dating life is not for me. come to think of it.. none of the dates that i've ever been on have fallen outside of the realm of tragic.

.

there was that one time i went over to a girl's house to smoke and her and her friends ended up taking a lot of my weed, getting into a random car to take a pill and then watching them fail at making ramen. RAMEN.. i left early from that one.

.

that other time i drove to georgia to meet up with this girl and we were going to go hiking and then chill at her house. fun, cute date idea. that turns into me going to her house where her mom and grandma and uncle were all fighting in the garage-living room and i watched her chainsmoke into the fireplace and down a double bottle of pink wine. it wasnt until the next morning that she showed me all of her tattoos - the one that said daddy's girl and was covered up by a rose on her chest was my personal favorite.

.

one time i drove even further in georgia to see this other girl... i liked her though that one was actually fun. but dont drive over 4 hours for sex, guys. it breaks down your soul.

.

recently? there isnt much happening. i guess that's all part of transitioning and not knowing yourself. my recent endeavors have all been equally as tragic though. projectile vomiting, me hitting someone's truck, a possessed doll and a variety of wildlife... none of these things are part of a quality dating experience.

maybe it's a good thing i'm forever single.

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

you know it's crazy how time can change pretty much everything. for example. i'm starting to see this girl, and i've known her for a good two years at this point. and she wasn't just someone i knew casually either, like we saw each other pretty much every day and had the same friends, but just somehow we managed to never talk. i think we had a conversation at one party when i was BLASTED right after she first joined the team, but me being me meant that i truly didn't even remember that happening. but at some point this year we started talking and just didn't stop.

at first people were like hm.. would you wanna date her?? and i had no clue.. i'd only thought of her as just a pal from rugby. but the longer we were talking the more i got to realize wow this really cool person has been on the team for so long and i genuinely know nothing about her. it's crazy what you can miss out on by being oblivious, or maybe not caring to get to know someone because you think you know enough about them.

but at this point it's gotten to the point where i'm actually starting to get feelings for this girl and it's nice in a way i wouldn't have expected. she doesn't rush me and she actually knows me and how dumb i can be and still somehow manages to like me despite that. like on our first date i fucking ran into her truck with my truck i was that nervous. how fucking tragic is that?? it just goes to show you what can be hiding in plain sight. maybe i was meant to take that long to realize and mature before anything happened.. i don't know. time is funny that way.

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

sometimes people sneak up on you and take you completely by surprise. how have i known you for two years but still dont know anything about you? i guess now i do and things are changing.. but it's spooky how someone cool and sweet can just be chilling near you and you never know until you take the time to look. at first it was odd but now it's becoming more comfortable talking to you and i may be starting to have feelings that i would never in a million years expected to have had. i guess it's time to take a chance and see what happens.

[mueritos]

some people on insta said i should post my workout routine since i mentioned how im so happy with the results, so here’s my little workout guide for my fellow trans folk! I focused on getting a more masculine body because obviously that’s what I want. I’m so happy with the results, this workout is saving my fucking life!!!! I can’t get on T soon so this has really been keeping my dysphoria in check. I barely get body dysphoria, i love how my clothes looks on me, i love feeling confident for once in my life!!! HOWEVER Don’t go overboard with working out my friends. Do not work out in a binder, you MUST take days off to let your muscles heal, and you CAN’T starve yourself! Fitness is all about health and diet! Take care of yourself. This is also MY workout routine, you may not get the same results as I have! Every body is different. 

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

getting back into reading and writing is something that seems to happen to me every summer. maybe its because im free to explore again without the mental burden of learning something expected for a "required class" at school. it's kind of nice to open a book for the first time and be struck by the information inside and be drawn into it to the point where your mind is focused solely on the words and the ideas instead of the workings of everyday life that are so often at the forefront of everything.

the book im reading now starts by saying we need to be aware of the coincidences of our lives. is it a coincidence that today of all days i recieved in the mail a gift card for barnes and noble from parents of a friend of mine? that i got into a fight with xander and took off to greenville to go to the closest barnes? that i found the one specific book on the shelf that drew me to it's cover, to the point where i put down the other books i was holding because this was the one for me today? that this book triggered me opening my mind just slightly to the coincidences out there? that seems pretty coincidental to me.

[alexthetransmeme]

[choose-to-have-faith-deactivate]

Support trans men that don’t fit the pastel, feminine, flower prince archetype. Support trans men who present as the stereotypically ‘masculine’ and trans men who don’t conform to archetypes at all. 

Support trans men who wear leather jackets and combat boots, who paint themselves as aggressive and intimidating and come home with blood on their knuckles or their lips because they got in a fight defending themselves or someone else again. 

Support trans men who aspire to having a deep voice and broad shoulders and a scruffy beard. Support trans men who are rough and tumble, who drink straight scotch, who don’t have a single feminine streak to their appearance.

Flower princes are beautiful and deserve support. But all too often, the community forgets that some of us don’t fit that mold, and we fit something a little more stereotypically masculine.

Support trans men who are rough and gruff and the opposite of soft.

[topsurgeryscars-deactivated2018]

Thing I’m Excited For About Testosterone

- facial hair

- my voice dropping

- muscles

- my hairline receding

- my body hair getting darker

- smelling different

- fat redistribution

- anything and everything that will make me look more like me

- hell im even excited for the acne

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

i feel like there is a negative view, in at the very least the trans community, about ftm's wanting to be masculine. i understand that there are plenty of ftms who are gay and want to wear earrings and what have you, and more power to them, but i don't think anyone should look down on me for trying to present as a traditional male. after all, i am a man and i want to look and sound like a man, and i want to be strong and muscular for myself. not because of any societal pressures.

do i wish i was trans? no, i wish i was born as a male who would have had the opportunity to be in the boy scouts and play baseball growing up. but i am trans and i would rather be trans than live as a woman miserable for the rest of my life.

i guess i'm not sure where this is going... but sometimes i feel ostracized from the trans community because i don't want to share my trans experience with everyone. i am lucky as hell to pass sometimes and to have family and friends who support me, but in some situations i feel like i will be judged as trans rather than as myself and i don't think its something everyone needs to know. i just want to live my life as the man that i am. i don't want to get second looks or have people wonder for a split second "what are they". maybe this is a detrimental view to the LGBT+ community and visibility, i don't know. i want everyone to be accepted and live their lives. i just don't want my life to be a spectacle because for me acceptance is being able to live my life like anyone else with no questions asked.

[brotherslug-deactivated20190730]

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

i finally got some clarity. at one of the last parties the squad went to, where we were all drinking naturally, kensley asked alex if he knew that they all knew that i was in love with ang. and he said yep. so apparently this is just common knowledge for the group.

its kind of funny because this means that we just all go around pretending that everything is totally normal all the time, but really they all know that ang and i text and ive told her my feelings (when drunk). and obviously they know that alex knows about it. but kensley and amanda and ang are just perfectly fine going along pretending that i dont care about ang.

i really just want to know what amanda and kensley's opinions are honestly.

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

the other day two of my friends who are seeing each other had a falling out, and the one who screwed up and was upset brought the other one flowers and tried to make up for it. The other one tho was just talking shit about it and saying she couldnt deal with it. like if you actually care about someone you a) consider dating them if you want all the perks of dating, b) take the time to consider wow that person i care about has hurt feelings because of this and c) don’t talk shit to the other friends in the group as soon as they leave and make it awk for them. just lost some respect, watching some girls be stone cold makes me pretty sad for my bros out there 

[mysilentconfessionstoyou]

I’ve never been good with verbally expressing my feelings. I either get too anxious and stumble all over my words or I just don’t say anything at all. But I am loud on action. If I am exhausted, but I am there, it’s because I want to be with you. If I am out having fun but I am still texting you, it’s because I miss you. If I cancel plans just to call it a night in with you, it’s definitely because I love you.

-If you’re not listening, start watching.

-m.t.t.

[fuck-me-uppppp]

this

[menz-street-style]

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

didn’t know it was a problem

today my best friend told me that he was worried that I’ve been aggressive and angry all semester. I didn’t entirely see it until now, but the past week or so I was just kind of bewildered about why the fuck everything seemed to make me mad and why I was down all the time. I haven’t been listening to him saying this all semester because we always fight. And I just assume it’s him aggravating me and us not getting along.

But he told me that multiple of my teammates have come up to him and asked, and he gave me examples of times I blew up that I barely even remember. And a lot of them were when I was drunk. And that really hit me because I haven’t considered that other people think that I’m not my normal self.

I’ve been focusing on trying to be mentally strong and capable because with these damn injuries that’s really all I have. So to hear that that isn’t working really is a blow. I think these injuries and the stress of leaving and my own lack of motivation are really taking a toll, and because I haven’t been acknowledging them it’s been coming out in my behavior. And that’s something I have to work on

[grande5pumpnowaterchai]

I can’t tell if you just like attention and want to talk when you’re bored or what. Because I feel like you genuinely enjoy talking to me, but at team events don’t want to seem like you particularly like me more than anyone else. Which is confusing because I’m pretty sure you don’t talk to everyone else as much as you do with me. Not like that means anything, but if you say we’re such good friends why not act like it, it seems like you want to hide the fact that you want to talk to me all day every day. Maybe you’re scared of your feelings - if that’s the case idk what I can do about it

[cloacacarnage]

i know its the mets, but this is the coolest shit i’ve ever seen a human being do

[futureblackwakandan-deactivated]

Wtf????

[theryanproject]

Smoove with it too 

[meqabitch-deactivated20200901]

This is the kind of shit you see in anime that shows that a certain character is stronger than other characters. 

[bankuei]

“Pathetic.  You can’t even hold the bat you dare step to the plate? Have you no respect for the sport?”

[pardonmewhileipanic]

reminds me of this gif

[sueanoi]

[batter-sempai]

Baseball players are to be feared

[cynosurecosplay]

[thenamesdede]

Reblogging for the last one

[saito-91]

^Same for me

[amuzed1-deactivated20241106]

They just kept getting progressively more “woah”

[scp2008]

much woah

[lord-blongus]

Oh my god this is a lucky universe

[cleoselene-deactivated20260315]

every time this post comes around, my favorite part is the “I know it’s the Mets” qualifier at the beginning lmao like how baseball that this zillion note posts starts with “sorry for putting this hellteam on your dash, bUT”