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@grandestofall
PERSONAL NURSE
tetsu outright yawns. while, especially during the first few days of him looking after tooru, he’d tried to hide his yawns 〔 more or less successfully 〕 he doesn’t bother now. despite his medication, the brunet is attentive enough to know very well that tetsu is just about as tired as he himself must be. no wonder. they both haven’t slept properly for what feels like a g e s . their job has stopped tetsurō from being the heavy sleeper he’s been at a younger age. as a teenager he could have slept for days, nowadays though the mere sound of someone turning the doorknob or just the feel of someone moving on the other side of the bed is enough to wake him up. so whenever tooru’s sleep is interrupted by his paining knee, so is tetsu’s.
he wouldn’t have it any other way though. the black haired assassin wants to be there for tooru and that’s why he s t a y s . has stayed for over a week and will stay until the other is better. and even though he makes it look like he just prefers staying at tooru’s nice and cozy apartment instead of his own, in reality that isn’t his main intention. he just wants to be there for a friend. or at least that’s what he tells himself.
tetsurō tries very hard to concentrate on the movie playing in front of them. the movie that tooru was so excited about. judging by the familiar sounding title, it’s probably a movie that most people have seen but tetsu isn’t one of them. in fact he doesn’t really know a n y classic movies, just isn’t that kind of guy. that’s why he doesn’t have a big say in what they’re going to watch, especially not if there’s aliens involved. luckily, tetsu has a generally undemanding nature, so he doesn’t mind.
for the fact that tooru seemed to like said movie so much, he’s paying very little attention to it. tetsu is well aware that the other is eyeing him and he should probably change to a more decent sitting position, but he’s way too lazy to do that now. his butt is on the very edge of the couch and his legs are stretched out u n d e r n e a t h the coffee table that tooru doesn’t allow feet on top of, to resemble a sort of lying position. one of his hands is behind his head while the other arm refrained from resting his elbow onto the brown haired head beside him. ‘the guy is injured’ he keeps telling himself.
right when tetsu is about to ask tooru if there was anything he could do for him, the brunet raises his voice first. tetsu-CHAN. he has grown to like the sound of that. it was awfully irritating when tooru started calling him that pretty much right after they first met but now it gives him this childishly c a r e f r e e feeling. even if it’s just for a moment.
〔 kiss me. 〕
not in a million years would tetsu have expected THAT to be tooru’s demand. he turns his head to simply stare at the brunet for a while then he frowns in confusion and lets out an awkward chuckle. his first notion is it’s probably the medication speaking. all those pain killers can do a lot to people’s minds. but tooru’s eyes don’t look hazy. there’s a soft tinge of pink on his cheeks that tetsu can’t interpret, but other than that he looks completely clear and certain. before he knows it, the black haired male shrugs and leans in, mumbling a low ❝ whatever, if you want me to. ❞ that comes out way cooler than he actually is. in fact, he’s probably blushing a bit when their lips meet. tetsu is surprised at how soft the other’s lips feel. not quite what he expected his first kiss with a male f r i e n d to be like but better.
he keeps the kiss rather quick and innocent for now, still not quite sure if the other is in his right mind or not, and has his usual smirk and sort of smug undertone back once they separate.
❝ there. did that make it any better? ❞
a part of him feels guilty for having tetsuro here.
a part him feels near ashamed that he can't get around as he used to, curses his knee on a daily basis as he does for not making the person who shot him down hurt just as much ( but akaashi got him, didn't he? ). a part of him feels even worse when he sees testuro yawn, tired no doubt, by the lack of sleep either of them are getting. he, with his pained ( but healing ) knee, and tetsuro with his hyperfocused self as all assassins become. he feels bad and tooru tries to make things better. like making sure tetsuro is comfy. like making popcorn. like watching movies. mundane things. but perhaps he should really feel just as BAD for asking tetsuro to kiss him. though, does he REALLY feel that bad for that?
sort of. not really. eh.
tooru watches with such keen attentiveness, eyes focused just upon the other. watching. observing. analyzing. he almost wants to laugh at what tetsuro says. the brunet wonders if this is out of nervousness. surely it sounded better in tetsuro's head than out loud, but - yes. yes he does. he DOES want tetsuro to do this ( like he wants many other things ). his gaze slips a little lower, catches onto the faint tinge of PINK that graces the other's cheeks just as tetsuro leans in and presses lips against his own. it is as though lightning struck him. an electric current that travels down the length of his spine and all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes and every strand of hair. it leaves him with a FLUTTER in his heart despite the way this wasn't LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. no.
it was just a kiss between TWO FRIENDS ( for now ) that leaves him all the more curious as it did wanting.but surely, even if things didn't go as well as he had hoped, tooru could easily pin it all on the drugs. or maybe he was simply overthinking this. after all, friends could kiss each other any time they wanted, right? tetsuro leaves him with a near starstruck expression, one that tooru is quick to recover from by the smug tone in tetsuro's voice and the return of that signature smirk upon his lips. amazing how quick the kiss had been. just one second and it's gone. a contemplative hum just as he licks his lips, leaning back as though to spend more time on his "official" ruling of the kiss he was given.
❝ just a little. ❞
an open invitation or a way to escape.
see? he's being CONSIDERATE.
this isn’t a huge wowowowowow i’m back fam because i honestly don’t feel like writing tooru a good 95% of the time and it’s not so much that I don’t love him anymore, don’t get me wrong, but I think i’ve finally kinda tired myself out.
tumblr became a very tiring place and while my friends here and the people i have been fortunate and honored to write with, never pressured me to write at their pace, it was very tiring. that might have been easier done if I just deleted a lot of the asks that i got and moved on with threads that were no longer active, but i’m a very sentimental person and i have always saved onto the thought that i would eventually get the time and the muse to answer and write drabbles for everything. truth is, with school getting more and more time consuming and challenging, that wasn’t the case. ya should have listened to yourself smh.
so with that in mind, i’m tempted to set up an akaashi blog ( a new one bc i forgot my log in to my private one lmao heck ) or hop back onto my sakusa blog, though personally i think i might set up akaashi better. then again, it’s really hard for me to get the time to post and i might end up not making any blog. plus my wrists are hecked up right now, there’s that too. so for now, i guess, if any mutuals are interested in writing with me again, let me know since it’d be nice to have a little vote of confidence. also if you’d would rather talk to me on discord, then you’re free to add me down below. just let me know who’s who.
&&. for mutuals only!!! please let me know who you are before adding me. just drop a note on this post. it’s mostly a way to keep in touch, but i do kinda not really rp with tooru on here. so just a heads up!!!
&&. for mutuals only!!! please let me know who you are before adding me. just drop a note on this post. it’s mostly a way to keep in touch, but i do kinda not really rp with tooru on here. so just a heads up!!!
1240 段ボール箱 in a box
更新は今週1週間お休みします。 I will have a week off.
&&. near scared myself into thinking i completely forgot the email for this blog lmao
♧ authorized reprint for tumblr // artist: 時雨不沢
✿ please do not remove source link// edit illustration // change caption // upload to other websites!
this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion. i’ve divided it up into two categories ( light & dark ) based on the themes. some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions. please be cautious before continuing on!!
L I G H T
‘ at night i dream of you. ’ ‘ don’t give up yet. you still have time to fix things. ’ ‘ falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack. ’ ‘ i am still so weak when it comes to you. ’ ‘ i can’t believe i let myself let you down. ’ ‘ i don’t care where we go when we die, as long as i’m with you. ’ ‘ i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late. ’ ‘ i feel so warm & safe when you talk to me. maybe i could love you if you’d let me. ’ ‘ i finally let the right people in & i have never felt so loved. ’ ‘ i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone. ’ ‘ i lived in your permafrost for twenty years & then you looked at me & i felt the warmth of spring. ’ ‘ i once wished you’d leave me alone, but i take it back. ’ ‘ i want to be able to love someone else, but you stretch your arms & spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else. ’ ‘ i want to believe that we got it right this time. ’ ‘ i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely. ’ ‘ i would travel across the world to be by your side, because as long as you are with me, anywhere is a perfect place to me. ’ ‘ it took me awhile to realize it myself, but you are not what other people say you are. ’ ‘ it’s not that i really need you, but life would be pretty boring without you around. there’s no one i would rather be with. ’ ‘ i’d like to stay like this for awhile. ’ ‘ life & death don’t have to be so boring, let’s make both an adventure. ’ ‘ life imitates art, they say. i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke. ’ ‘ live your life so that when you die, souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales. ’ ‘ make your exes jealous & your past self proud. ’ ‘ maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on. ’ ‘ never get caught falling harder. they’ll never let you back up. ’ ‘ please don’t go. ’ ‘ some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it & succumb. ’ ‘ sometimes, you’ll find it hard to keep going, but you always will. ’ ‘ the desire i feel for you is that same itching, insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction. ’ ‘ the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad. ’ ‘ there is absolutely nothing & no one who can stop me. ’ ‘ there is no route of losing you that is without pain. ’ ‘ there’s still room for adventure & there is no one i’d rather have by my side. ’ ‘ things didn’t turn out the way i planned, but i’m alright with that. ’ ‘ we could be really incredible together, you know? ’ ‘ you are beautiful & vibrant & confident. you are light & laughter incarnate & every fiber of your being screams freedom & joy. when i am with you, i am truly happy. ’ ‘ you are starlight incarnate, from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think. blessed are any to be loved by you. ’ ‘ you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you. ’ ‘ you call me yours & i have no idea what that even means to you. ’ ‘ you remind me of bubblegum & sweets; soft & pink & warm. you are strong in the gentlest way. you are so stubbornly kind. i wish i could be like that. ’ ‘ you still visit me while i sleep sometimes. your fingers trace my spine & i listen to you breathe. please stop haunting me. ’ ‘ ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you. ’
D A R K
‘ a thousand empty bottles & fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day. ’ ‘ everyone else has moved on, but i am still here. ’ ‘ everything about you screams danger. ’ ‘ everything is worthless to you & you, in turn, became worthless. ’ ‘ for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress. ’ ‘ freedom is really hard to get used to. ’ ‘ how could you do this to me? how fucking could you? ’ ‘ i am becoming everything we always dreamed of & i am leaving you behind. ’ ‘ i buried you so well that you might as well have died. ’ ‘ i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead & not the monster you became. ’ ‘ i can’t look at you. not now, not ever. ’ ‘ i don’t ask how you’ve been. what’s the point? you’d lie anyways. ’ ‘ i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest. ’ ‘ i haunted this house first. there is no room for you here. ’ ‘ i have a right to be upset. i loved them too, you know. ’ ‘ i just want it to end. i want it to all go away. i want to go away. ’ ‘ i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous. ’ ‘ i saw your face today & didn’t feel anything. i am free. ’ ‘ i tried to save you, but you didn’t want to be saved. you just wanted someone to suffer with you. ’ ‘ it’s almost as if you were never here. ’ ‘ it’s unhealthy to do these things, you tell me. you say it’s time to stop smoking, time to stop gambling, & dammit, i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you. i sure hope you’re right, darling. ’ ‘ i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind ’ ‘ i’m not really scared to die. i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone. ’ ‘ i’m not the person you left behind anymore. there’s no one here to miss. ’ ‘ i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive. ’ ‘ i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals & ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you. ’ ‘ i’ve never been completely satisfied. i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death. ’ ‘ no motive other than pleasure, my dear. ’ ‘ one day i’ll go or you will. either way, it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself. ’ ‘ our dreams & promises decay along with you. ’ ‘ the leaves change, but nothing else does. ’ ‘ the only difference between avoiding & leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you. ’ ‘ there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you. ’ ‘ there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage. ’ ‘ things aren’t going as i hoped. maybe if i die, i can start over again? better luck next time. ’ ‘ this is not something to be proud of. this is a tragedy. ’ ‘ trying to get rid of me? oh honey, you’ll have to try much harder than that. ’ ‘ trying to get under my skin? you’re nothing more than a pesky itch. ’ ‘ unlike you, i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger. ’ ‘ weeping is for gods & martyrs, we cannot afford such luxuries. ’ ‘ would you even miss me? ’ ‘ you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart. ’ ‘ you complain nonstop about being unloved & alone, i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true. ’ ‘ you don’t know what it’s like. ’ ‘ you made this so fucking easy for me. ’ ‘ you should see me as a threat. i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you. i am a walking threat. ’ ‘ you think i’m already gone, but i’m still fighting. ’ ‘ you think i’m dead, but i’m just dying. ’ ‘ you were never an addiction, you were a fucking disease. ’ ‘ you wouldn’t dare cross me. i am god & you are the soil beneath my feet. ’ ‘ your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity. ’ ‘ your fingers are so cold & bruised, but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference. ’ ‘ your hair is tied in a noose & your fingernails are razor blades, your lips are poison & i will gratefully kiss them. ’ ‘ your hatred has a body count & we will not forget. ’ ‘ your loss, not mine. ’ ‘ you’re a sick fuck. you know that? ’ ‘ you’re not gentle with me & i would never ask you to be. ’ ‘ you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s a pit. ’
like this for a valentine’s day thing. it’ll be short because i’m dying here scoob and i got fifty blogs to maintain. i’ll be capping it at five.
like this for a valentine’s day thing. it’ll be short because i’m dying here scoob and i got fifty blogs to maintain. i’ll be capping it at five.
✩
&&. after being gone for so long and there being so many url changes, i don’t know who the heckity heck half of you are LMAO FRICK. come introduce yourselves again please.
RUDE OWL DUDE
@grandestofall
“ you see this line ? don’t step over it ! this is my space. so, why don’t you go somewhere else ?! ”
❝ but I LIKE it here. ❞ also he said not to step OVER the line, right? just casually, steps ON the line. ❝ iwa-chan said we should be friends! ❞ he said be nice, so that’s close enough.
&&. the amount of things i’ll need to do if i wanna get this blog up and running again. new tags, new writing format, just new everything. rip me.
Pray for him
