all i do is win

bitch i've been hot since flip phones.

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

Die under a mountain of damp, moldy towels, I can only assume. Probably starve to death too. I’m making dinner tonight.

I’ll have you know I can fry some mean eggs. What are you cookin’ for me, girl?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

Considering the value of those clothes, don’t you think it would’ve been better to sell them for more and donate that money? Goodwill’s going to have to sell those for far belong their worth and get minimal donations.

Your dad has some work for me. 

I can donate money anytime I want. This is different, and I mean there’s going to be some sweet little girl out there that’s going to get their hands on a pair of Seven jeans for like five bucks. I’m doing God’s work here, Davis. Stop trying to critique me.

How boring. 

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

I still think that a shot gun is the best solution, but I’m in no position to be choosy right now.

You know what they say, Laur-- beggars can’t be choosers, ‘sides, I’d have to clean up blood and brain from the wall, you know I am about cleaning.  C’mon, lay your head on my lap. 

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

In that case, maybe I should just hail one and get you home. The lessons can always wait.

That was a quick change of pace. Don’t like drunk people?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

So can Mason and his should be to not go after my baby sister. You’re a chick, I don’t expect you to get it.

Pump the brakes Lansing. Don’t call me a chick and what is that supposed to mean?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

I’m going to kill him.

You don’t think you’re being a little overdramatic right now? Louise can make her own decisions.

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

I’ll teach you, it’s easy.

I am very drunk right now. I don’t think it’s going to be that easy. 

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

Is it at least extra strength?

Uh-- nah, will it help if I rub your temples?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

I wouldn’t have to get all lectury on you if you had some common decency. And that protest is tomorrow.

I have plenty of common decency, okay? I totally donated a bunch of last season’s clothes to Goodwill today. I mean that’s definitely one of the best donations they’ve had in months if not all year.

Tomorrow, right? So don’t you have your own house to hang out at then Bono?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

No need now. I already did it.

See-- what would I do without you to look after me, huh?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

You almost threw that salt in my eye.

What? No way. You’re like seven feet tall, I’m sure it didn’t get anywhere near your face.

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

God, what did I say about leaving damp towels lying around? That’s gross.

Chill out, Ev. I was gonna pick it up.

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

Newsflash: It wouldn’t kill you to recycle. It’ll kill a lot of things if you don’t.

Puh-lease, don’t start getting all lectury on me, right now. Shouldn’t you be joining some PETA protest or something?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

Do you have any tylenol? Or a shot gun? My head is killing me right now. Desperate times, dude. Desperate times.

‘Fraid my shot fun’s out getting cleaned, but I’ve got a few advil. Will that do the trick?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

You’re lying to me.

Why the fuck would I do that?

[grannyskids]

haneysbbs:

Lou is Louise. He’s texting my fucking sister. I had a feeling, you know? I knew osmething was up.

Oh my god are you serious? What is he like fu-- pretend I didn’t say that.

[grannyskids]

thehamblog:

Yeah, like on a date. Like how I should have gone about this the first time. 

You’re totally serious right now. Okay.