“The July 15 full moon urges you to pay attention to your home sector…” Reimi spoke the horoscope from the newspaper aloud to herself, trailing off at the end, dropping her Chinese takeout on the floor in front of her. Grabbing her phone with her now free hands, she quickly dialed the only number in her phone. “C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon” she whispered as the phone rang. The sound of the other line picking up, a loud “aha!” emerged from the back of her throat. Before Cedric could even make out a greeting, Reimi was already loudly speaking. “Hey hi, I need you to come over ASAP, like faster than ASAP, can you teleport? Of course you can’t, teleportation hasn’t been invented yet. I think your assistant can though. That’s weird. So anyway, you need to come over ASAP because my horoscope said that I was going to die today, thanks see you soon, Cedro. Bye bye.” She quickly hung up, not giving him a chance to reply. Shortly after hanging up, her phone lit up. That’s not even close to what your horoscope said, however, I’ll be over after I finish all of my work. PS. I told you to stop calling me that. Reimi, furrowed her brow, “I’ll take matters into my own hands then.” she stated, puffing her chest out.
“Computer, continue playing my Billy Joel mix” she said, pushing her chair away from the desk. I can find the buckets, rope, and thumbtacks, in the closet by the front door. She thought to herself, Vegetable oil, butter, water, and molasses in the kitchen, she scratched her head, “Feathers!” She exclaimed, jumping up from her chair and grabbing a pair of scissors and her pillow. Even if the horoscope is wrong, Cedric will come in and get what he deserves. Heading down the hallway to the kitchen, she devised a plan, there was a guest bedroom, two closets, a bathroom, and a kitchen between the front door and her bedroom, she’ll need a trap for all of those rooms. Laying the pillow and the scissors down on one end the island counter, she quickly swiped it clean of all the empty pizza boxes and old Chinese takeout boxes into the trash can. Turning around to the fridge, she pulled out multiple sticks of butter and  opened and unopened containers of molasses, setting them next to the pillow on the counter. “Whoa-oh-oh-oh for the longest time!~” she sang as made her way into the living room closet, opening it just enough for her to reach her arm in so nothing fell out and slid one arm in, grabbing the two buckets, and placing it outside of the door, sliding her arm back in four more times, for some brown rope, an extension cord, fishing line, and a box of thumbtacks.” After retrieving everything, she brought it back into the kitchen.
I’ll use the extension cord for the trap in the living room. So living room first, she thought, tying the extension cord into a circle and grabbing the butter and a handful of thumbtacks and then running into the living room to set it up. “Wait how do they set those up? Do they just… hang them from a tree branch or the ceiling?” She asked herself, confused. “Yeah, I think it’ll work” She said, standing on the back of the couch, thumb-tacking the extension cord to the ceiling. Opening the front door, she rubbed the entire door knob with the stick of butter until it was completely coated but not noticeable to the eye. “Windows next.” She spoke aloud, opening her windows and carefully placing thumbtacks down, pointed side up, and then closing the windows. “Are you doing alright?” a concerned neighbor, asked, standing at the fence that separated the two yards. “horosCOPE!” Reimi yelled, her voice cracking as she ran back inside, slamming the door behind her.
That was a close one, she sighed to herself. “That won’t slow me down, onto the kitchen.” She huffed, marching into the kitchen and grabbed the vegetable oil and opened it, pouring the entire bottle out onto the floor, spreading it around with her foot, almost slipping in the process. After wiping her foot off with a hand towel, she grabbed everything else on the counter and headed down the hallway, stopping to set up traps in every room. Bathroom; bucket with water on the door, butter the door knob. Guest bedroom; bucket with molasses on the door, setting up fishing line to turn the fan toward the door, to blow feathers on whoever her victim may be. Both closets with buttered door knobs and thumbtacks thrown around the floor. Finally, she makes it to her bedroom, butter the door knob and… she reaches down to her thumbtacks, “uh oh” she says quietly, realizing she used all of her thumbtacks. “I’m sure they won’t even make it this far.” She reassured herself, walking into her bedroom, stepping on a stray lego on her way to her computer desk. “Owowowowowwwww” She whined, falling over, “who just puts a lego right there?” She asked herself, “Wait…. I do….” She got an idea. Crawling over to her closet, she pulled out small tote filled with legos and tossed them all over the room. Finally, she was finished. “Try to get past these grade A defenses, murderers.” She exclaimed, avoiding all of the legos and plopping down into her computer chair, sticking her feet up into the chair so she didn’t step on the now cold chinese takeout from earlier and turning on her lawn flamingo cameras.
Ace flipped the headlights off and put the car in park. He pulled the keys from the ignition and looked at his stowaway. “You ready, partner in crime?” He asked, but waited for no response before popping the car door open and putting one boot on the smooth pavement.
After some back-and-forth between the two over whether she had to wear her shoes or not, they both got out of the car. It was a short distance from the car to the front of the house and she followed closely next to Ace, keeping a close eye on the pink birds she thought were watching her back. He was cautious, noting the tacks on the outside of the window. A crude attempt at a trap? He thought as he grabbed the brass doorknob, his hand slipping back off in the greasy substance that coated it. “What the everlovingfuck?” He wiped his hands on his black jeans and fished in his bag for his leather gloves.
“What are you looking at?” The blonde whispered to the flamingo, unaware it was actually looking at her. Moments passed before she softly spoke again. “I hate you… I’m gonna take those beady eyes out of your head.”
This went on while the man put his gloves on. He tried the knob, and slipped off again. Ace drew in a deep, annoyed breath, before he kicked the door just below the lock. The wood splintered and cracked and the door swung wide open.
“That’s gonna be you.” She said, pointing to the bird before following into the house.
On the floor, there was a suspicious extension cord attached to the ceiling. It seemed harmless, nonetheless Ace avoided the loop and moved further into the house. Ana, on the other hand, grabbed the length and pulled it loose. “Yank.” She shuffled to catch up with Ace before showing him what she found. “Look at this lasso…”
“Shh.” His response was short as he walked through the kitchen door. He looked around, stuck to the walls and moved to the walk-in pantry, opening the door and peaking inside.
Ana followed through the door frame, stepping directly into the puddle of oil. Her bare feet slid in the substance and she proceeded to slip around comically for an extended amount of time. She froze, straightened up and carefully made her way onto a carpet mat below the sink where she wiped her feet.
“Are you done?” Ace asked, his voice just louder than a whisper. “Hmph.” The girl pouted her lips and turned her face away from him, in response to his question. He kept moving around the kitchen, and back into the living room. Ana, making sure to avoid the oil in the middle of the floor, made her way over to the cabinet and took a look inside. “Ohhh!” The girl squealed happily at the sight of the treats in front of her. “What would Roman like!?” She pondered to herself before grabbing an empty bag and shoving whatever caught her eye inside. Once she had everything she wanted, she slowly made her way out of the kitchen and followed after Ace.
Ace started down a narrow hallway, stopping at the first door to check. Inside the cool building, the butter was obviously smeared on the handle of this door too. To save from having to deal with that mess again, he used to body weight to break the door open again, taking a blind step into the dark room triggering the bucket to dump the water on the intruder. The water rolled off his leather jacket for the most part, but his normally curly, unkempt hair was now flat to his head. He breathed out, drops of water blowing off his lips as he pushed his hair back as best he could.
“Uhhh- I didn’t know we could shower while we were here…” The crazy-haired girl said, confused by the now very wet man, who she was sure was dry just a couple of seconds ago. “Here hold these. I’m gonna rinse my feet off in the tub.” She said, smushing the snacks in between their bodies a she tried to move past him into the bathroom.
“Let’s just get her and go.” He said, not accepting the bags from her all while not letting her move any further past him. “Can you check that other room?”
Ana nodded, with a “Hm.” accepting her mission. She practically skipped across to the next door and grabbed the handle with no hesitation. “Ewwwwwwwwww.” She said, wiping her hand on the wall. She looked to Ace, who seemed to be busy with something, so she turned her attention back to the gross door. Putting her hand under her shirt, she turned the door knob and stepped inside. Setting in motion the next trap that was laid. First a bucket of thick molasses. “Yuck!” The girl immediately began whining, before feathers flew at her face. “Aaaaaace…” she turned to face him with a pout.
Ace stopped pretending to look around the bathroom and turned his attention to the complaining girl. Unable to stop it, a quiet chuckle escaped his lips. She looked ridiculous, the blonde hair that was typically wild was currently straight from the weight of what seemed to be syrup or molasses, her face was covered in the substance, and feathers were stuck to the sticky stuff. Another quiet laugh came from the man before he moved across the hall, past the girl, and in front of the room. One look inside was enough to spot the many tacks that were piled on the floor. “Stay here.” He mumbled before stepping inside. He took a look around, decided the girl was not in there, then left the room with his boots now filled with tacks.
One room left. Ace walked over to it with Ana following close behind. Both of them stopped in front of the door and stared at the knob for a couple seconds, before finally the man reached out and, after some difficulty, managed to get the door open. Ana took a big step backwards, attempting to get out of the way of whatever may fall, while Ace kept his distance as well and very slowly opened the door. After he was sure that nothing was going to happen, he flung the door the rest of the way open, and immediately spotted the girl sitting in her chair.
Simply ignoring the legos spread on the floor, Ace made his way to the girl, flung her over his shoulder, grabbed the laptop with his free hand and very quickly made his way through the hall and out of the house, with Ana following close behind.
