2am
One single gun shot just rings. Jolts me out of my sleep. My 8 hours of peace completely disrupted. But confusion and bloody imagery flood my brain. I start to picture a man laying in the street of his own blood, with no help to come. I definitely am too afraid to go search and call for help. So I continue to lay down with my eyes closed, images of past lost souls keep replaying in my head. Blood stains, rage and pain, it won't shut off. I begin to pray. Even my cries to make it stop and asking the lord to send help; only seems to recreate the images. Very vividly. So I quickly open my eyes and sit up. I was really hoping this was a bad dream. Glancing at the clock it's 2am!! I realize I usually come home from work around this hour. That could have easily been me. Thanking God for always keeping me safe. Still the image of a person laying dead in the street just won't get out of my brain. Convincing myself just to lay back down and everything will be alright. The same lie I've been telling myself as my mind continues to take flight. POW, another shot rings so loud and begins to echo in the streets Nameless victims I honestly couldn't grasp why my neighborhood? The emotions of worry, stress, and hopelessness try to consume me. Now I lay here fully awake, because I feel like someone or something is going to personally attack me. Asking myself Safety? Is that even a real thing? P.T.S.D Something I've silently struggled with. Violence in any form disrupts my soul. After August 17, 2015, 2 o'clock in the morning. When my whole world was literally almost beaten from me. Six hours of torment and distress. Verbally slaughtered and physically assaulted. The cries I yelled for SIX HOURS unheard. The hope I tried to hold on to while the air was being forcefully stopped from my lungs. The loneliness that's felt and the passion to survive is more infinite than ever. Nameless victims lying cold in the street. It breaks my heart that my fear to live stops me from being able to help another person in need. I feel connected to every victim. I pray for my city as I pray for myself, that healing begins to start. As I make my way to press this send button I hope my words touch someone else's heart. I felt compelled to get this off my chest, I've hidden my secret for far too long and recent events are a constant reminder that I can no longer remain silent. We suffer from something much deeper than the eyes can see. The hearts are crying out for help and healing so our hearts can continue to beat. Healing is a process that's delayed sometimes and often misunderstood. It's a journey that takes awhile and there are moments that put you in great doubt and confusion. But conquering it is amazing, and the ability to move forward in peace is breathe taking. We all face different battles but their battles nonetheless. And every troubling situation is just another one of God's untimely test. Proving to ourselves the strength that we possess.
