trying on a metaphor
Kiana Khansmith
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
#extradirty
No title available
Jules of Nature
⁂
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
ellievsbear
almost home
dirt enthusiast
$LAYYYTER
Three Goblin Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Discoholic 🪩
Misplaced Lens Cap
Mike Driver
No title available
ojovivo
KIROKAZE
seen from United States
seen from Palestinian Territories
seen from Netherlands
seen from Germany
seen from Italy
seen from France
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Ukraine
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@grapefruitandgasoline
Assign an aspect of nature to prev
Waves at the beach
Rushing breeze through leaves
A crack of thunder
Flow of a river
The shine of a gem
Dancing embers of a flame
Torrential rain
Slow falling snow
An emerald sea of grass
Austere cliffside
A maze of roots
The endless oceans
lotr meme · one movie [1/1] return of the king
There's this thing I never realized I did when I was doing it that I like to think of as "Ownership of Space"
And it's that thing where you mentally place yourself as the second, auxiliary party to someone else that you consider to be "In Charge" of whatever space or occupation or responsibility you are assigned to
And when you are IN that mindset, it *feels* like you're being responsible. It *feels* like you're being respectful, and helpful, and contributing to the load.
But what you don't SEE- because it *feels* like deference- is that the other person who you're seeing as The Authority you report to- by being assigned that role, has also been assigned the invisible load of BEING YOUR MANAGER.
This is by FAR most commonly seen in husband-and-wife relationships, where the man says, "just tell me what I can do to HELP- you don't have to do it all by yourself, but it's like you won't even tell me when you NEED help. You just do everything and then get mad at me for not doing it first. I can help clean. I can help with the kids. I can help"
But I also see it- and am guilty myself of doing it- at work, at school, in public- that mental, "this is THEIR space, and i will be respectful and helpful to THEM"- without realizing that subservience in this manner isn't actually a good thing. That it actually shifts the burden of responsibility to the other person. That aspect was totally invisible to me.
I didn't understand that when I was told, "if you see something that needs to be done, just DO it", or, "take the initiative", what they ACTUALLY meant was, "I am not above you", or "you have equal say in what kind of environment you want to live or work in", or "I do not want full control over what happens here, I do not want to order you around, I do not want to be in charge, what I WANT is to co-command WITH you"
Being in The Assigned Authority position NOW, that is all so much clearer.
I am the senior member of my team at work, and now, every time I train a newbie, every time I finish catching them up to speed and giving them a list of everything that needs to be done, my next big hurdle seems to always be, "now take pride in the space when I'm not around". "Now don't assume I'll tell you when something is due or what orders to plan things in".
Now, having been on both sides of the struggle, I can appreciate the sticking points here
TO THE PERSON "IN CHARGE": The person deferring to you doesn't understand the invisible labor you're doing. They genuinely believe you know more, you WANT more, you see things they don't, and that they are being respectful and good by staying out of your way and waiting on your orders. THAT is the bit that's not clicking.
TO THE PERSON "WANTING TO HELP": "Help" implies that you are providing assistance to a problem that belongs to somebody else. Stop thinking like that. Understand that the problem belongs to BOTH of you equally, and consider what kind of shared space you BOTH want. What is your SHARED GOAL? Not THEIR goal, but a goal that belongs to you too. Own your space.
This is not a Commander-Lieutenant problem. This is a Partnership problem.
You Are Co-Commanders On This Ship
Sharing my own tags actually
Okay, so I used to struggle a lot more with this than I do now, but I’m still iffy on it sometimes. Sometimes I just do not see something because I don’t think of it as a problem, or I don’t understand the overall project (RIP to my first adult roommate who had to coach me on cleaning our apartment when we moved out). So, for myself and the rest of the class: what if you just don’t care as much as the other person does? Like if there are recurring tasks that clearly need to be done, do them. If the dishwasher is clean, empty it. But what do you do about the things that are only obvious to someone who cares 30-60% more than you do?
THIS WAS TOTALLY MY PROBLEM!!!
I have a fun mental cocktail that contributes to it, but the end of the line is that If A Mess Does Not Physically Endanger Anyone, I Will Not Notice It For Days.
This OBVIOUSLY causes irritation for people who are, say- NOT ME- and comes back to bite me in the ass only AFTER they lose their temper or clean up after me like a nanny and I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and weirdly violated. THEN the atmosphere gets super tense and we will slowly start avoiding each other, because *I* feel like they hate me and my presence and nothing I do will ever be good enough, and *they* see me as an inconsiderate slob.
So- if it's something I don't SEE because I don't CARE- I gotta find a way to care.
And what works best for me to MAKE myself care is to think, "okay, so *I don't care* if there are half-empty cups of water all over, and it's not immediately dangerous, but it's important to THEM, and do I really want to live somewhere that feels like a minefield? Do I WANT to live with someone who is always upset with me? Or do I WANT to live with someone who is happy and comfortable and enjoys being here as much as I do, where we can come and go without worying about setting each other off?"
What I've learned is: Live and work with people who have the same goal as you. Discuss the goal. If the goal is, "low stress environment where we don't hate each other", then it's not a matter of, "do I care about dirty cups". You don't HAVE to care about dirty cups. You only have to care about not making you hate each other
Now I'm not looking directly through an invisible pile of whatever. NOW I'm looking at, "oh shit that's a pile of Make-Roommate-Stressed, and I don't want that for myself"
Find the shared goal and make it your own problem, is what I mean
he had suchhh a way with words
pourquoi du pain est masculin mais la baguette est féminine....... la baguette est transgenre ?
je vais laisser la communauté parler:
la baguette, icône trans?
oui
non
eh bah
10k notes pour un post francophone sur tumblr macron où est mon poste de ministre de la culture
you give it different meaning…
Habemus Papam, Taylor's version
we were laughing but she was serious
HATE when you can't stand someone who is literally harmless. Like oh I'm the bitch here. I'm 100% in the wrong but nonetheless fuuuccckkk this guy
"I learned a lot from making this" is artist talk for "making this sucked ass and I'm not entirely happy with the result."
if you are my mutual i need you to be on some bullshit i dont understand
ok so this is another long shot but a few years ago there was a twitter post (in japanese i think?) that had measurememts for how to make this book stand thing out of cardboard that you could use to double up books and use up more space on shelves
back then i made a bunch of these but by now i lost the pic and dont know how to find the original post anymore
if it comes down to it i can just take one apart and get the measurements from there but i would be very grateful if anyone happens to have the original post or something similar??
don't mind how long it's been since i made this post, anyway i realized that i don't even need to take one apart to get the measurements when i can literally just unfold it and refold it /FACEPALM
so anyway here is the diagram for anyone else who is interested!!
this requires pretty big carboard pieces, if you have a really big box or something you can make it from one piece, but if you don't, you can also just make each of the pieces individually and then tape them together
and then in the end you put it together like this!!
and then when you make a bunch you can put them all next to each other and stack your books like crazy
EVERYONE START GETTING MORE USE OUT OF YOUR SPACE NOW!!!!
what does the wedding mean for evermore long pond studio session
I cared for others all my life. And still I was wrong.
Alice Notley
I ❤️gossip I ❤️eavesdropping I ❤️asking nosy questions I❤️ looking for and acquiring information. On account of my curious and inquisitive nature #mynature
The Comfort - Alice Notley
I needed a long bus ride up-
town like a new hole oh well
my only comfort the possibility
you’re unhappy, insane, etc.
