today we went to get passport for gramma... my legs are less restless. my appetite is small. i need to write aomething because im anxious. as alwyas , just anxious about everything. on thursday tho, new witch hat atelier book is gnna be purchasable so im gnna be able to go to bookshop. a book could help me.
especially this new volume, its going to be about young times of olufrey. and olufrey is the only thing im interested in wha. unfortunate that wha's protagonist is another character. every new book when it isnt focused on olufrey im disappointed. i know its not an olufrey story to begin with i know.. but still...
its also my bad habit i dont read alot. if i want something like olufrey and story is olufrey focused then i should go read queer focused books. im such a disaster :/
time is passing... maybe on thursday the new book culd ease my pain... my pain on being anxious of my current status. thats a little hope to have.
ive been damning the universe that time wuld just not stop when i find myself in content situations, or time wont just pass faster so that on 28 i can clear out my flat. but now that new wha book is so close im more at ease
im tired of everything thats going on with me right now. maybe thats why im feeling hopeful for moving countries. everything for society being so tiny, communications, living space, expected appearance, being all so tiny is making me grasp for air and it keeps me under desperation. i need to get out of here.
typing is very nice. it makes me feel some ease.i dont think i could do this traditionally. recently ive been drawing some olufrey, but i really cant get myself to continue drawing more than 30mins. it starts to feel dreadful. i certainly do not know why im drawing really... i dont think i should just because i can :/ my outputting energy is not working well. all i want is to consume and get lost within it. aside of typing that is... the thing about typing is that theres sometimes i have lots to type and other times i dont :/
wait.. should i like start writing fics with my terrible english??? heeeh as if my drawing isnt terrible. if typing is therapeutic then it seems like the only answer to it.
i sold my drawing notebook. i cant art digitally anymore. its not like i was producing good digitals anyway... maybe drawing was never my thing. i was just hiding in it. and it never turned out alright because i was never really into it. duh, my depression too deep i have never been into anything ever
coming back to wha, the animation makes me feel mediocre. not suprised since its the same i feel while reading the books. i only get sparkle of hope when olufrey is drawn however all they do until the newest book is to like, mediocre stuff. then why am i still invested in what makes me feel mediocre is that i know kamome can show queer thats why i have high expectation olufrey to become a solid olufrey. who knows how long it takes :/