by God’s grace, here i am
Never in my wildest dreams would I think that I am where I am today. As a reminder to myself, I’m going to write what I said out-loud in Yaqi’s section head check in.Â
My accomplishments are a result of three things:Â
And not just HBA1 first semester, but the time I’ve been investing in my education & career since middle school when I first joined Allan A Martin’s International Business and Technology Program, and then moved onto IB at Glenforest in high school. I think for a very long time I made sacrifices by choosing school over my family, religion, etc. HBA1 first semester could have very much gone in the other direction for me. My average in my mind is “just good enough” for consulting interviews, and I barely scraped by first semester continuously struggling to find validation within myself and define my intelligence as a reflection of my grades. If I did, I think it would have broken my confidence and self-worth.Â
I had my first-round interviews with BCG and Accenture the same day. During my Accenture interview, I forgot to discuss costs and it took me an ice-age to solve the long multiplication revenue numbers. The interviewer didn’t even stop me when I ended the interview without discussing costs (LOL). I also didn’t realize this until AFTER my BCG interview - I was so oblivious to this mistake. I feel like I could have made such a grand mistake very easily in my interview during BCG as well.Â
I think I wouldn’t be where I am without God. While it is my fault, and my shortcomings, that I rarely remember God when things are going well/aren’t hard. But the only thing that I wanted to do before I left Western for my interview was to return to the MSA prayer room and ask for God’s support. I think while I don’t practice as much as I should, I don’t forget that the grace of God is the only reason anything really happens. God is graceful because while I’ve put religion on a back-burner for a while, He still listens to my prayers.Â
from joining the LEADER Project, to BCG, and now ICC Co-President. Alhamdullilah.Â
I think this year is especially notable because I feel like one of my deepest insecurities is slowly being erased, and becoming untrue. One of my biggest weaknesses is, or given the changed circumstances, was my self-confidence. For a very long time, I wanted others to validate that I am intelligent, and of their standard. From getting rejected from the IB program in high school, to not getting a scholarship in HBA1, I continuously chased after external validation. At some point during HBA1, I just realized I needed to stop or I wouldn’t be able to make it to the “light at the end of the tunnel” and it would be because of my own self. Maybe, it was this mind over matter mentality but I finally started accomplishing the goals I had set for myself. But, now I am at a point where these goals do not define my self-worth, confidence, and intelligence. However, they still provided me the external validation that I had desperately longed for. Some part of me is very content with the recognition of my hard work. Part of me wants to send Mary Weil a big fuck you email saying “you still don’t think i deserve a scholarship?”. It sounds petty, but...yeah it’s petty. I think getting over this hurdle in my life finally means that I can focus on things that are not valued just in the eyes of society/people I surround myself around - but I finally get to think about “now that I’m here, what do I want to do?”. This isn’t to say that my accomplishments aren’t fulfilling/aren’t what I want. They very much are so. But I recognize they are things that I idealized because of the environment I am raised in.Â
Searching for this deep fulfillment is such a privilege and I recognize the responsibility it comes with too.Â
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