I never post on here anymore because I feel like my life is on a different wavelength. But it's to the point where I can't really talk about stuff anymore on other social media.
I'm just so tired and sad. This is the absolute worst I've been. And i think the reason for that is because now I have adult problems on top of my prepubescent issues I had in the past.
Im just so exhausted. I am tired of financially struggling. I'm tired of not having a car. I'm tired of my best friend getting wasted every fucking day and not being able to be around her because she's being so self destructive and I can't be around it for my own mental stability. I miss my dad. I miss how he was when I was younger. I miss him sober. It hurts my heart so much seeing him how he is now when all my life I looked up to him and wanted to be like him. I'm tired of my health being so so bad that all I can do is lay around being sad for myself because I can't afford the copious doctors visits I need to be in better health. I'm tired of being disgusted by my body image. I'm tired of comparing myself to all the other beautiful girls people admire while I sit around wishing to be with them and get noticed but instead their attention is on someone better, thinner, prettier, nicer. I'm tired of being rejected and bailed on by the ones that do seem like they're interested when in reality they're not and make me feel worse by giving me a false sense of hope. My roommate doesn't talk to me much anymore. I spend more time with my coworkers than my friends and I'm starting to feel as though I don't really have friends. I'm tired of drinking to repress all these feelings it's not fun for me anymore. I'm tired of wallowing in pity constantly. I'm tired of creating such an inner normalcy with myself on all of the problems going on and not being more emotional over it when in reality I should be more emotional over it instead of detaching emotionally. I'm tired of tried to hope people see my beg for help with out me having to shake them on the shoulders telling them I need help because it will never come. Im so tired.
