I am 19, almost 20 years old.
I am 19, almost 20 years old and I have already found someone I could spend a life with. Some people go a long, long time before finding that. Some people never find that.
Most days I consider myself lucky, already living in an apartment with my boyfriend, everything feeling in its place.
But there are days I feel like it’s a mistake. That now my identity is “we” instead of “me”. That I can no longer visualize myself as an individual, that can go anywhere. Of course I still think I can go anywhere, but it’s limited now. The path has narrowed. I can’t experience other people, this is the last one. It’s sort of like I feel like I’ll get stuck in this identity, this personality, this person, with no where else to go, because I am stuck with this person. For someone who likes lots of breathing room and freedom, that can be very scary.
However, when I think of love and how it makes me feel, how living with this person let’s me breathe for once, let’s me have my space, I’ve lost the meaning of lonely. Sometimes I see his face and all I can think is, finally. Because in the grand scheme of things, when you do find the person you want to spend your life with, a lifetime doesn’t feel long enough. To think that one day he will be taken from me, or I will be taken from him, it’s the biggest tragedy of all. Even a lifetime is a limited number of days, and not enough for love. Love is bigger than life. Must be why people sit an dream up a heaven, for our love to go after we’re gone. Maybe this love I feel will go to the sun when I’m gone. It’ll be the light that the next people see every day. My love feels like light.
This is how I like to end my worries. When a lifetime is unfair and doesn’t feel like enough time, I’m glad to have found it early.
