[greedmaynotbegood]

hows your self esteem honestly? mine is so bad idek how to handle it usually tbh you seem secure in yourself though so this is sad sorry but can you maybe help?

can I help? I doubt it, but let's give it a shot n see how it goes

…okay let’s get the part where I talk about myself out of the way here

I go back and forth a little. who doesn’t?

most of the time I’m fine but if you leave me alone for too long things can get ugly. that didn’t happen a whole hell of a lot until now-ish since I had Ling and before Ling I had the Nest for a while. before that… meh

…know how you can be in a room with someone you know, not actually pay any attention to each other, but still feel like you’re. I dunno. spendin time together? I guess? fuck. uh

what I’m trying to say is… having someone else around, whose opinion I give a shit about (this post never happened, that sentence never happened, if you bring it up you’re dead to me) it reminds me to… keep on top of stuff

but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say my issues are very, very different from yours, so I don’t… really… know what to say

I can’t tell you how to feel better about yourself. what I can tell you though is that if you’re feelin like shit since someone else has a low opinion of you

why.

seriously, why bother, it’s a waste of your time to build your life around the idea of pleasing someone who’s already got it in for you. and if they catch on it’ll just go to their head, so then you’ll have some jackass with an overinflated ego pushing their expectations onto you and you don’t need that

look at shit objectively. don’t make yourself out to be the villain when you’re not, alright? cut yourself some slack. cut yourself a lot of slack.

it takes a while before it sticks. if you’re the type to apologize for everything, things that aren’t even your fault, always sorry for being sorry, that’s insane. if anyone’s pissed at you, that doesn’t automatically mean you’re in the wrong

maybe the other person’s the one who’s wrong. and hey, you can be wrong sometimes without being a total fuckup. and you can be a fuckup without being utterly hopeless or a waste of space. trust me on this one, I speak from experience.

I think the best advice I can give is... if somebody kicks you while you’re down, get up, kick back

(whether you take this literally, that’s up to you)

get out there and kick some ass, seriously. it may not solve all your problems but it’ll sure as hell make you feel better in the moment

literally and metaphorically speaking… you can run. you can grab em by the collar and bring em down to your level. you can lie there and wait for it to let up and lick your wounds after it’s all over, that’s fine too. if it doesn’t look like they’re gonna let up anytime soon, though, and no one else is gonna intervene then it’s up to you

or me. if there’s one thing I’m good at it’s hitting people who deserve it.

…that’s some loaded wording considering the subject here. I… errrrr

I’m no therapist, kid. hate to disappoint ya but this’s all I got.

just... be a little nicer to yourself maybe. try it. that's all I can say

[greedmaynotbegood]

Hey, Greed! Remember that time when you were at my house with Ed and I still thought you were Ling, before the Promised Day and all that? Man, those were fun times!

oh yeah! y’know, now that I think about it… it’s been a damn long time since we’ve seen each other. same goes for you ‘n Ling, obviously. (when are you gonna get your ass over here for a visit, eh?)

and hey, I remember everyone havin dinner together, too. circumstances aside, it was kinda nice.

though I also remember… the wrench.

[winrysgearblog]

Oh wow, it really has, hasn’t it? Maybe if re-schedule some of my appointments set for the next few months, maybe somewhere I can get a week or so in there free to come visit. Unless, of course, you want to actually come visit me instead! Yeah, it was awfully fun, despite some… Certain occurrences. I kinda miss those times every now and then! And to respond to that last bit… I don’t know what you’re talking about! I mean, it’s not like I beat all of you morons with my wrench because you were invading my room… Why would I ever do that? If you were even half as smart as you claim to be, you wouldn’t have been in there in the first place.

[greedmaynotbegood]

touché. as much as I'd like to argue, you got the upper hand here, I'll give you that much

I'd take you up on that visiting thing if it didn't mean a) crossing that damn desert again, or b) saddling Princey with the task of getting me proper transport

I'll try to pay attention next time he goes on about the travel stuff but you know me, I gotta be honest - I can only handle so much political bullshit before I start tuning out

[greedmaynotbegood]

Hey, Greed! Remember that time when you were at my house with Ed and I still thought you were Ling, before the Promised Day and all that? Man, those were fun times!

oh yeah! y'know, now that I think about it... it's been a damn long time since we've seen each other. same goes for you 'n Ling, obviously. (when are you gonna get your ass over here for a visit, eh?)

and hey, I remember everyone havin dinner together, too. circumstances aside, it was kinda nice.

though I also remember... the wrench.

[greedmaynotbegood]

yay! i MISSED you babe<33333

of course you did, who wouldn’t? place just ain’t the same without me, I’m sure

[greedmaynotbegood]

Oh goodness where have you been hiding? Doing more underworld conquering?

little bit of everything, but yeah, that's definitely part of it. I'm not completely inept in the kitchen anymore either n the cats need to be bottle fed now too, so there's that

it's been a while, good lookin~  how's things on your end?

[greedmaynotbegood]

guess who's back

time to see what all you nerds were up to while I was gone~

[winrysgearblog]

Hi, everyone! I realized I haven’t been on here in a long time… Sorry about that! Between all of my job locations and Al and the house I guess I just forgot! Anyways, I guess I have a LOT of catching up to do!

[greedmaynotbegood]

you n me both, little lady. I guess I could use the cats as an excuse, but uh

...actually yeah let's go with that

[who-you-callin]

Greed may be annoying, but you have to admit he is really good at the flirting thing. You should heed his advice.

1. what the fuck are you on about

2. when did he give me advice

3. WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME GREED

[greedmaynotbegood]

I thought this guy might be referring to the lube debacle... but that doesn't quite count as flirting

regardless~ this anon knows what's up. always listen to Greed. always.

[greedmaynotbegood]

who-you-callin liked your post:So have you tried the filling injector with the muffins yet?

and here I thought you were mad at me~

[greedmaynotbegood]

I will tell you my favorite one. It's chocolate with blueberries, and from time to time I fill the middle a little bit with blueberry pie filling. It's like a filled cupcake almost, but without the frosting.

alright, I get the cupcake comparison. I'm gonna trust you on this one and try the chocolate blueberry business next time I take over the kitchen

...and thanks for all this because seriously, if you didn't suggest it I dunno if I would've thought to pick up cooking and I'd be bored out of my mind half the time

[greedmaynotbegood]

So have you tried the filling injector with the muffins yet?

aww no, I completely forgot. now I feel like a jackass, I was just in there this morning throwing some together too

that's probably for the best, though. what would you even put in a muffin? donut fillings make total sense to me, but trying to imagine, say, a jelly muffin? it's kinda... I dunno

now that I think about it, it seems like something you'd do to ruin someone's clothes. it'd be like serving stuff covered in powdered sugar to people wearing black

"here's a muffin buddy, oh I bet you weren't expecting all that shit in the middle were you? wow what a shame, looks like it got all over your shirt, guess you gotta go get changed okay bye"

it's equal parts delicious and cruel

[who-you-callin]

EXFUCKINGSCUSE YOU

FIRST OF ALL HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW THAT

SECOND OF ALL THAT ISN’T FUCKING TRUE

THIRD OF ALL FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK FOR TALKING LIKE THAT ON A SITE WHERE CHILDREN AND ALSO MY BROTHER COULD SEE IT

FOURTH OF ALL SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU

[morthafuckinemperor]

Well, here is confirmation that you don’t shave, then!

[greedmaynotbegood]

watch it, you're gonna make him cry~

[who-you-callin]

you expect me to believe you wouldn’t be even the slightest bit perturbed if somebody got all up in your inbox asking about applications of the ultimate shield during sex?

okay greed

okay

[greedmaynotbegood]

nah, wouldn’t bother me at all. I’d find that vastly preferable to half the shit that usually shows up in my inbox

#the friction on that would be terrible wouldn’t it

you poor, sheltered child. not all friction is bad

if it ever gets to be too much, that’s what lube is for. aaand all things considered, you should probably be using it anyway

we can always shoot you a video of the “ultimate carbon condom” in action, since you’re so curious about it ;)

[who-you-callin]

i don’t even know what to say to this

wait yes i do

AUGH FUCK OH MY FUCKING GOD NO TOO MUCH GODDAMN INFORMATION HOLY SHIT I’M BARFING

the end

[greedmaynotbegood]

so this is basically what just happened in this discussion-

Ed: I don’t get how you can use your shield without it being really painful because I dunno shit about friction or how sex works in general. help me Greed, you’re my only hope

Greed: use lube

Ed: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

don’t go all “ew man tmi tmi tmi” on me when you were the one who brought my dick into it in the first place, pal. like let’s look at those tags for a second

#more like ultimate carbon condom right, #THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH OKAY MAN, #greedmaynotbegood, #greed, #the friction on that would be terrible wouldn’t it, #why am i thinking about this holy shit fuck my life where is the brain bleach helppppp, #tmi tmi tmi tmi.

see, you said it right there. “help.” I’m totally helping.

[who-you-callin]

okay number one SHUT UP

number two SHUT UPPPPPP

number three I KNOW ABOUT FRICTION SO FUCK YOU

Ff ≤ µFn you fucking asshole and a lubricant lowers the friction coefficient µ by a considerable margin although i don’t have numbers and i will not be enlisting you to collect experimental data THANKS THOUGH

number four I DON’T HAVE TO HAVE HAD SEX TO KNOW HOW IT WORKS I AM A FUCKING GENIUS YOU DICK

number five i was trying NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT and that is not what “help” means on the internet and you know it

first thing when i get to xing i’m gonna kick you in the kneecaps with my metal foot

number six

#it’s like community service  #I’m doin good work here

IT IS NOT AND YOU ARE NOT

[greedmaynotbegood]

there goes another 20 minutes

you truly are the gift that keeps on giving

[greedmaynotbegood]

did father read you bedtime stories at night and if yes did he ever read goodnight moon cuz that book is the shit

let’s get one thing straight: Father didn’t do “fatherly” things for us - I don’t think he would’ve known where to start. it was mostly passive-aggressive guilt-tripping while I was around

like “be a good son and go do [insert stupid thing here] for me” while he just kinda sat on his ass and pretended to be doing something important

so no, he didn’t read me stories or anything like that. remember, the only one of us who was ever actually a kid was Wrath. maybe Gluttony would’ve gone for it but I’m a grown man and the very idea of Pops tuckin me into bed at night is creepy as shit. you’ve seen the guy, you know what I mean

if there’s anything in this world more painfully awkward than that, I’d rather not know

[who-you-callin]

you expect me to believe you wouldn’t be even the slightest bit perturbed if somebody got all up in your inbox asking about applications of the ultimate shield during sex?

okay greed

okay

[greedmaynotbegood]

nah, wouldn’t bother me at all. I’d find that vastly preferable to half the shit that usually shows up in my inbox

#the friction on that would be terrible wouldn’t it

you poor, sheltered child. not all friction is bad

if it ever gets to be too much, that’s what lube is for. aaand all things considered, you should probably be using it anyway

we can always shoot you a video of the “ultimate carbon condom” in action, since you’re so curious about it ;)

[who-you-callin]

i don’t even know what to say to this

wait yes i do

AUGH FUCK OH MY FUCKING GOD NO TOO MUCH GODDAMN INFORMATION HOLY SHIT I’M BARFING

the end

[greedmaynotbegood]

so this is basically what just happened in this discussion-

Ed: I don't get how you can use your shield without it being really painful because I dunno shit about friction or how sex works in general. help me Greed, you're my only hope

Greed: use lube

Ed: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

don't go all "ew man tmi tmi tmi" on me when you were the one who brought my dick into it in the first place, pal. like let's look at those tags for a second

#more like ultimate carbon condom right, #THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH OKAY MAN, #greedmaynotbegood, #greed, #the friction on that would be terrible wouldn't it, #why am i thinking about this holy shit fuck my life where is the brain bleach helppppp, #tmi tmi tmi tmi.

see, you said it right there. "help." I'm totally helping.

[who-you-callin]

you expect me to believe you wouldn’t be even the slightest bit perturbed if somebody got all up in your inbox asking about applications of the ultimate shield during sex?

okay greed

okay

[greedmaynotbegood]

nah, wouldn't bother me at all. I'd find that vastly preferable to half the shit that usually shows up in my inbox

#the friction on that would be terrible wouldn't it

you poor, sheltered child. not all friction is bad

if it ever gets to be too much, that's what lube is for. aaand all things considered, you should probably be using it anyway

we can always shoot you a video of the "ultimate carbon condom" in action, since you're so curious about it ;)

[greedmaynotbegood]

What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? It's Ling isn't it, don't even play

it was. but not in the way you’re thinking.

it was his picture in the paper. some Amestrian rag. all the photos, they were blurry and grey and some of em were just runny splotches where it’d gotten wet. not even on the front page. either... tucked into the middle somewhere, tiny little article, don’t even remember what it was about, just that it had his face and his name and it wasn’t an obituary

the second I saw it... I dunno. you guys should know I'm bad at this by now. ...it was important, feelings happened, work it out for yourself

I didn’t keep it - wasn’t mine to keep, some lady was just showin it to me - and I don’t know the date, the name of the paper, anything like that. so I know I’ll never see that picture again

but it’ll always be my favorite