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Unparallelism

You came back. I thought you were ready. But why cant we understand each other? I understand your point. It should not have been me who will look after my father, should have been his wife. But it's not always like that bee. Pamilya nako na ako ng papa either way i have the responsibility to take care of him. I cant just let him be samot nag iya diay asawa iyang ka stressan. Why cant you understand mine? Fine you admitted your clingy, your adjusting, nakalitan raka. Naa kay gibuhat pra masabtan ko? Nahadlok nako bee. Cge nalang tag hilak ani. I may have looked tough but im crashing everytime we argue about this. 💔 Little sacrifice will do bee. 😭

Summer Love? Should have been more..

Wala raman gud. Plain summer. Volleyball everyday.

Then you came. Abi nako mustay ka. But i guess i was one of your temporary feels.

Okay naman gud tanan. I was very understanding and i was ready to be yours. But you stopped. Wa ko katingog ato. I was hurt. I cried to bed. I mean, why cant you risk with me, di man ko parehas imong uyab. I was willing to help you. Pero wala eh. The fact nga di ka karisk made me decide to not wait for you.

Or i thought so. Ngano murag gahulat japon ko? Im still thinking of you at night. Im still itching to chat you kung online ka. Im still worried if nkastudy nka for exams. I still want to see you and hug you. Maybe i need closure?

After all, I always think and convince myself nga naay rason si Lord ngano gipahulat tkaw. Maybe you’re not the one. </3

mypsychology

For more posts like these, go to @mypsychology

mypsychology

For more posts like these, go to @mypsychology

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LAV ET!

LONG TIME NO POST TUMBLR!

Pre-Menstrual Dilemma

I have been wanting to write a blog about what emotions i feel before my visitor arrives every month but ends up being lazy, writing none. Until last March 30, 2016, I felt an extreme wave of negativity surrounding me.

On the said date, I was just at home with my eldest sister. We were lazy and carefree that time. Then came the dark, it was now evening. I was surfing the net when my friend chatted and opened up about the achievement of my ex. As i read the results of his test, I was not surprised of his scores. I was proud of him actually. Feeling proud turned to feeling jealous. There were so many questions piled up in my mind: Why am i not smart? What would have happened to me if i was smart? If i did not broke up with him, will the results be the same? (Of course!!) Why am i even envious of him? etc. I WANT HIM BACK. BUT HOW? WHY? I’M STILL NOT ENOUGH AND WHOLE. I NEED TO BE SUCCESSFUL FIRST. So many thoughts that i almost broke down. ALMOST. I thought of my pride, my being competent, my being dumb, my ever alive self-pity. I didn’t know what to think and what to believe anymore. But i did not thought of the word REGRET. I don’t really know why i never felt guilt of letting go. Maybe it was meant to be. I felt that God has better plans for the both of us. I end up dreaming of my ex. What was he doing? I forgot. But i know i slept peacefully and well that night.

#CONFUSED #GODHASPLANS

Valentine Realm

Today, February 14,2016 is Valentines day! And My date? My ever crazy team mates. Why? Because today marked the back-to-back-to-back champions of SU Women’s Volleyball team in the inter-school tournament in the city. Some may say that we will still the crown since it was just a norm to be the champion in that tournament. But this time, being champions meant a lot.

For the past two years, i never mind losing against other teams. I always say it is just part of the game, someone wins someone loses. It may not just our luck to have that bacon. But yesterday in our game 2 of the championship, it became an eye opener for me. We loss in straight set with a far gap. I really felt down and helpless that time. Our coach scolded us, telling us to figure out what was wrong. I couldn’t find the right words to describe how off we were. But as positive as i was, I told the team to have a comeback in the game 3. And we made it. Straight set. Gave the opponent what we tasted yesterday. Plus a blessing of being the MVP is heart-whelming. And as i was holding the champion trophy, realization came rushing my thoughts.

It is indeed not at all times that you will win or be on top. You have to taste the bitter reality of losing and being down in order to be motivated to do better and give out the best that you have. Everything happens for a reason. We just have to keep believing in God’s plan on molding us to be the person that He wanted us to be. It may be painful. It may lose you something but you will be rewarded with so much more. Just hold on to your faith and your capacities. Focus but stay relaxed. Keep up with hardships, it will be worth it in the end. :)

#3peat champions lesson

hxpiest-deactivated20150619

The world is filled with nice people. If you can’t find one, be one.

(via hxpiest)

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tJ70Ov4JtM)

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PesIj7sAhVw)

I LOVE YOU CYRUS! 😍🙌😭

Disappointment---who to blame?

Every individual have their own disappointments. Whether on love, studies, happiness, family and towards oneself, right? You got disappointed on a situation you got yourself into. Whatever that is, you always find something or someone to throw the blame. Guess my disappointment now is ordinary but there’s more than it.

Earlier this morning, we had our midterm exam in one of my BA elective subject. i knew to myself that i wasn’t ready. Over the weekend, I did not use my time productively. Yes i read my notes, I practiced solving the exercise ONCE and that’s it. I had cough and colds too since Friday up until now. The virus was passed on to our family haha. I watched a movie yesterday night which i was supposed to be reviewing and slept past 12 midnight. Woke up by 5:30am and rushed to school before the test began. But before the actual exam, i was reading my notes without focus and felt like my mind was floating though my physical self was there. The class had a short prayer then the exam started. It was my tradition to pray before taking exams, calling to the Lord for help and guidance but how tricky my mind forgot to pray; i just called out the Lord telling him to take control over me. That wasn’t just enough.

After taking the exam which by the way was a hard one, the caps lock, bold word DUMB hit my face. I should say i did not use my brain on the computation. How could i forget the time part? UGGHH!

I drove home thinking what happened there on that very moment that i answered. I was so down. I could really say that i fail in that MIDTERM EXAM. Who to blame? My health? My procastination? My discipline? My broken tradition of not praying? I say its ME, MYSELF AND I.

I blame my self for not the kind of person who would be successful. I feel like what i did prior to the exam was shitty. I see myself being the inferior among my colleagues. I cannot stand alone, being the responsible one. the aspiration of being independent just went down. Blah blah blah.

Bottom line?I failed because i was not prepared. I disappoint my self as well as God. My consequence? Failure. midterm hello! 50% final grade!

#realization disappointment failure selfcheck MIDTERMSUCKS

spell-harriet

10 Things

I hate these two. And I am not kidding.

I hate you because you are the alpha and omega of my own love life’s existence. I hate it because you are the cause-and-effect of my romantic fix. I hate you because you are the reason behind my every smile and giggle and sadness and bruise and pain. But I hate myself more because darn it, I let you.

I hate you because you are so achingly irresistible that the mere attempt of getting you out of my system would cause all of my body organs, especially my heart, to fail.

I hate you because I can’t stay cold towards you for long. I can’t stand seeing you together and act as if I were disinterested. Because the truth of the matter is, you are always going to tickle my soft spot. I hate the fact that no matter how I try to portray a callous exterior, you know that I will always be captivated and I will remain forever interested in you.

I hate you because there are no other tandems in the world who are quite like you. I hate you because even if I tell everyone that I am done with you, my objective cues would tell otherwise. A part of me will always be rooting to see you share that stage, up in lights, being the rap-and-rhythm that you are. And I hate this feeling.

I hate you because I. don’t. get you. (And I don’t think I ever will). I hate it because you are too hard to decipher that even Edward Cullen won’t be able to read you. And that’s what makes you so irritatingly wonderful to me.

I hate you because you lure me into a valley of emotions that I fondly call bipolarity. I hate you because one time I’m so determined to get over you but in the next minute, I see your too-cute-and-too-adorable photos and too-wonderful-to-put-into-words production numbers, and I ended up loving you more.

I hate you because I don’t understand why I have to invest so much time and emotions and effort on you. I want to stop obsessing, but at the same time I like obsessing. Is any of this natural? Or is it unhealthy? It seems so-petty-and-silly-you-just-cannot-buy-it but it has such a legitimate weight in my heart. I don’t know.

I hate you because you are reel. And I would love to hate you more because you make it feel so real. Shoot me to the core but I know it is. Real. And you are, too. Real.

I hate you because after everything that has happened, I know in my heart, “na sa JuliElmo pa rin ang bagsak ko.” And I hate you, because I love you like that.

And yes, I hate you because this is crazy. I hate it because this messy, ugly art of feeling is, after all, beautiful.

I hate it because for the record, they are all true.

I hate to say this, but I love you.

Julie and Elmo, I hate that I love you so.

Now take a look at them:

Don’t you hate them too?

P.S,

I was recently listening to the song, “Hate That I Love You” and it occurred to me that damn, how in the world did you guys skip this song?!!! In 3 years?! Lol. But yeah I’m dying to hear you sing this song someday, if not so soon.

xoxo,

Harriet

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbO3YZNMvJ8)

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx_1oudoUEo)

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