Soup Guzzler

it/he | 21 mostly vents and messy reblogs, call that a variety show! ❌MDNI❌ IG: @gremliin_priince

[gremliinpriince]

i desperately need more people to understand that you can want to have sex with a person and not be sexually attracted to them. you can love a person and not feel romantically attracted to them. you can want relationships, sexual and romantic, and still be ace, aro or aroace.

[gremliinpriince]

im mostly saying this bc im kinda tired of having to hide the fact that im grayace from all my friends bc im so sex-favorable (thank you bpd for giving me hypersexuality /s /hj) it can LOOK outwardly like im sexually attracted to people but in reality my “standards” for who i do and don’t have sex with are “do i love you enough in any capacity that i would like to share this act with you?” and i also don’t really define “love” in the convencional way of “romantic vs platonic” i just love people.

ive been thinking about my sexuality a lot recently tbf (and another thank you to aroace ryland grace, my fucking hero), and about how many partners have dismissed it because “well, you’re attracted to me” (i never have the heart to tell them that im not like 85% of the time) and how much that has hurt. they don’t understand me better than i do myself, but they seem to think they do because they had access to my body. crazy how allo people seem to think being inside you suddenly makes them mind readers.

so eventually i just stopped telling people i’m acespec out of fear of being misunderstood or rejected or told that im not bc i like sex. it hurts having to hide something about my identity that i hold so dear to my heart from the people i also hold dear to my heart, but its worth it (…for now). maybe one day the nuances and complexities of me won’t be so hard for someone to understand.

in the mean time i will continue to be proud of the way i understand myself, proud of the way i feel, proud of who i am, even if only behind closed doors. for now.

[gremliinpriince]

if i had a penny for every time a ship that involved a friendly (traumatised) nerd and a guy with long black hair (also traumatised) absolutely changed my brain chemistry forever id have two pennies.

which isn’t a lot, but its weird that it happened twice.

[gremliinpriince]

what if what if what if the petrova line is actually rocky and grace’s red string of fate?

[vixvigil]

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

[rosslynpaladin]

I need you young people to know it was almost never this hot when I was a child. Millennials and Gen Xers are all nostalgic and excited about summer because it was about ten to twenty degrees cooler to experience it back then!

I cannot express to you how FAST it has gone. I grew up in a world that does not exist now. We're starting on the path to reverse it, globally. You might not know how much solar has EXPLODED in the last decade or two. It's gone from a side thing, a weirdo novelty that was just Not Viable... to whole countries investing in infrastructure. but we have to keep fighting big oil and fascism everywhere we can in order to keep on this road to a new better less scorching burning earth.

But any time you wonder wtf the weather is doing- THIS IS NOT NORMAL, NO. THIS IS NOT WHAT IT WAS EVEN TWENTY YEARS AGO.

[bongbongnomi]

bro we have to shotgun the weed. its not gay its just financially smart to do it. we get twice the value out of weed. come on just kiss me

[nedsseveredhead]

Thank you for engaging in the mortifying ordeal of being known so that I may partake in the euphoric experience of knowing you.

[gremliinpriince]

i desperately need more people to understand that you can want to have sex with a person and not be sexually attracted to them. you can love a person and not feel romantically attracted to them. you can want relationships, sexual and romantic, and still be ace, aro or aroace.

[gremliinpriince]

im mostly saying this bc im kinda tired of having to hide the fact that im grayace from all my friends bc im so sex-favorable (thank you bpd for giving me hypersexuality /s /hj) it can LOOK outwardly like im sexually attracted to people but in reality my “standards” for who i do and don’t have sex with are “do i love you enough in any capacity that i would like to share this act with you?” and i also don’t really define “love” in the convencional way of “romantic vs platonic” i just love people.

ive been thinking about my sexuality a lot recently tbf (and another thank you to aroace ryland grace, my fucking hero), and about how many partners have dismissed it because “well, you’re attracted to me” (i never have the heart to tell them that im not like 85% of the time) and how much that has hurt. they don’t understand me better than i do myself, but they seem to think they do because they had access to my body. crazy how allo people seem to think being inside you suddenly makes them mind readers.

so eventually i just stopped telling people i’m acespec out of fear of being misunderstood or rejected or told that im not bc i like sex. it hurts having to hide something about my identity that i hold so dear to my heart from the people i also hold dear to my heart, but its worth it (…for now). maybe one day the nuances and complexities of me won’t be so hard for someone to understand.

in the mean time i will continue to be proud of the way i understand myself, proud of the way i feel, proud of who i am, even if only behind closed doors. for now.

[gremliinpriince]

funny thing happened yesterday (25 jul) actually bc like i’ve said in another post, my friends are currently looking for blind dates for me, so one of them was asking me who my celebrity crushes are because according to him its really hard to figure out what my type is, and i kinda just 🧍🏽.

i was actually extremely tempted to tell him there and then that im greysexual and just be done with it, instead i let him be shocked that i couldn’t think of a single celebrity i found attractive and awkwardly said “well uhhh i guess zendaya is objectively pretty? right?” to move the conversation on.

(29 jul) i actually left this in my drafts by accident and uh.

i actually came out to this friend 2 days later lol. 2 days ago now. and…

actually it went better than i thought. he said he’d realised that my view of sex and relationships seemed to be very different than average (and here i was thinking i was subtle!) but that knowing that i was actually acespec he didn’t not understand. maybe he didnt understand perfectly but maybe thats ok.

maybe the complexities and nuances of me aren’t as hard to understand as i had feared. there is a lot of comfort in that.

[gremliinpriince]

there has been this one book that has lived rent free in my brain for a DECADE that i would periodically go and try to find on the internet because the reason i read it was that it was the biggest book in my house at the time and i wanted to “challenge myself” BUT as soon as i finished reading it VANISHED like i was looking for it for ages and my parents didn’t even know about it (how you dont notice your 11yo carrying around a 560-page hardback for a week is beyond me btw) and it was just… gone! like into thin air. oh, and also i’d never seen it in our house before i decided i wanted to read something other than skullduggery pleasant, so that was also interesting? but i couldn’t remember the name for a while and i could only remember a few vague details (like the fact that it was a russian spy book) and TWO hyperspecific ones that may not even have been true at all:

the mc had 2 daughters, one of them was called Zoya and she came to help him when he was about to die towards the end of the book,

he became addicted to opium after his work partner died in some kind of conflict.

and, well, its not super easy to try and find a book on your own going just off of that…

BUT I FINALLY DID IT

the mystery is over and i can finally read this book again as an adult!

its called “Agent 6” by Tom Rob Smith.

part of me is disappointed my decade long quest is over, the mythicality of it all gone like a fog lifted. im left feeling part empty, part numb. there was something magical about the journey to find this book, the ups and downs of thinking i had found it but realising i hadn’t, the strain to remember more details but also slowly losing them to age and traumas, the thrill of the chase and not being ever certain i hadn’t just made it all up, that was infinitely more satisfying than actually finally finding it feels. like finally reaching the top of mount everest and thinking “well, this view ain’t all that” because the act of climbing actually felt good to your muscles.

but on the other hand i am excited. like being reunited with someone you loved after a long time, i get to hold 11 year old aldred’s hand again as it points out all the little things that stood out to him back then, while i also point out what catches my eye now. a conversation gets to start. i will never get to read it for the first time again, i will never get to read it at 11 again. but i get to read it as me now and i still think that’s worth something.

[gremliinpriince]

found this video on my instagram feed and it made me think like ok imagine:

grace has ran out of most real food on the hail mary atp on the way to erid, he has to eat taumoeba now in between small rations of what he does have left bc otherwise he’ll ✨starve✨ before he gets there and taumoeba is juuust about ok enough to eat nutritionally that if he eats it he wont die but he will probably need a lot of medical help to fix slight malnutrition once he’s there, right? but the taumoeba is GROSS and sludgy and he hates it so rocky programs armando to just slowly bring it to his mouth while rocky distracts him with science talk but even as hes talking he just keeps smacking the spoon away and not even reacting and hes not addressing any of it bc he KNOWS hes being a big baby (and that rocky is not beyond calling him one) and he KNOWS its for his own good and ah fuck i gotta write a one shot fic now don’t i… siiigh ok wait lemme boot up the old ao3…

[gremliinpriince]

i desperately need more people to understand that you can want to have sex with a person and not be sexually attracted to them. you can love a person and not feel romantically attracted to them. you can want relationships, sexual and romantic, and still be ace, aro or aroace.

[the-moody-angel]

I think i have improved on this ...

[gremliinpriince]

this made me giggle :)

[sabertoothwalrus]

reminder

sex repulsion is not asexuality

touch repulsion is not asexuality

low sexual libido is not asexuality

celibacy is not asexuality

asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. all that means is the thought of a Specific Individual does not make someone horny. it does not imply anything else about someone’s sexual preferences, history, or libido.

[not100bees]

People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.

[chaotic-post]

“Oh please you don’t even have children”

“Yes I do! Dozens of them…” as a teacher that line in the book BROKE me 😭

[aroace-ryland-grace]

I took this video at like 3 am last night and I can't stop laughing at it...whatever. go my rocky

[inthetags]

Reblog and share who your first ever blorbo was, in the tags

[gremliinpriince]

i keep losing my vape in my million blankets bc i am so so so cold (its only 23°C outside where did summer go 😭)

[cryptid-corpse]

Reblog if you wish you had little fangs and could bite people.