i'm always walking as somebody else

indie 18+ rp blog for an original Sandman character heavily centered around themes of love, grief, and dissociative identity disorder. written by the wilds system (27, they/them collectively).

[griefbringers]

THE GRIEFBRINGERS. [HIATUS]

(psst, here's a carrd for bios, verses, and tags!)

they were A SINGLE DREAM once: GRIEFBRINGER, ghost of your dead come to visit you in the night. a dream shaped from human nostalgia, grief, and love, brought to life at the hands of LORD MORPHEUS. when lord morpheus disappeared from the Dreaming, things began to fall apart: the rules swayed and bent, and dreams and nightmares alike began to leave the Dreaming and enter the Waking.

now, after close to a century since the original Griefbringer left, lord morpheus' return calls the dream back to its home--but the old Griefbringer is gone, shattered into a collective of dreams and nightmares that used to exist as a whole and became separate over time in order to survive the Waking. now they are the GRIEFBRINGERS COLLECTIVE.

Johnny-Come-Lately ('Johnny') (he/him or plural they/them): dream of grief of all kinds, home and loves and missed opportunities, who shows you what could have been as well as what was. generally a positive experience; a sound rather than a person, associated with music, particularly vocals.

the Gravedigger ('Graves') (he/it), nightmare of forgotten dead and rotten hearts, bearer of unspoken secrets and heavy burdens from the dead. associated with decay, earth, and death.

Mykonos ('Meek') (they/she), dream of nostalgia and wearer of rose-tinted glasses, forever calling you back to the past. associated with birds, fish, water, and secrets.

there are others, many of them, that may reveal themselves over time.

written by WILDS. semi-selective, crossover friendly

more griefbringers under the cut! these ones are lesser-used or less developed, and may rarely be seen compared to the others.

Proximity City ('Proxy') (it/its), a nightmare of towering cities and confined spaces, and the feeling that no matter where you go, big brother is watching you. it represents grief over a lost past as well as a lost future, especially for those born before the digital age, and those who are afraid of the humanity's future. associated with paranoia, the fear of heights, glass, and cameras.

Cassette ('Cassie') (she/he/they), a dream of music encompassing grief of many kinds; symphonies you dreamt of in childhood and never brought to fruition; songs you heard at funerals or played over and over after a breakup; the music you want to hear when you die and the music you never want to hear again because of the grief it brings you. a time capsule; a longing for the past. associated with laughter, friendship, radio stations, and jewel tones.

The Proctor (he/it/they), a fragmented dream with nightmarish aspects, whose purpose and intentions have yet to be revealed. associated with sense of self, manipulation, desert heat and long roads leading nowhere.

NOTHING MAN (it/he), a nightmare of unbearable isolation and loneliness. a relentless void that swallows every good feeling you've ever had and turns it to poison. associated with apathy, abandonment, and the feeling that nobody understands, cares about, or wants to listen to anything you've been through.

[griefbringers]

moving these guys over to @formshaper !

[ghostmemesource]

💞 that's amore !! a collection of valentine's day symbols. it's a mix of sfw and nsfw. for multis, please include who you're sending them to/from. feel free to reverse roles.

💋 to kiss my muse

💞 to ask my muse to be their valentine

💕 to tell my muse that your muse loves them

💌 to write a valentine's day letter to my muse

💐 to give my muse flowers

🍫 to give my muse chocolate

🍷 to have a valentine's day dinner with my muse

🍿 to watch a romantic movie with my muse

🍓 to surprise my muse with breakfast in bed

💃 to slow dance with my muse

🐶 to give my muse a pet

👗 to tell my muse they look beautiful/handsome

👙 to see my muse in lingerie

😏 to see my muse undressed

🛀 to take a romantic bath with my muse

👅 to go down on my muse

👆 to finger or give my muse a handjob

😘 to leave hickeys on my muse

[charlemane]

two characters who understand each other like no one else does and therefore hurt each other like no one else can

[charlemane]

i'm being so fucking normal about the imaginary people that i made up in my head

[feverdreamsuggestion]

elevator music rings in your ears. you don’t remember if you’re going up or down. the door opens into the next elevator. you don’t remember if you’re going up or down.

[griefbringers]

" what the fuck is wrong with you ? " / from roman to graves

it swings its huge head to look at him. there is nothing to read in its face, no emotion that can be expressed in the blank, still features of a bestial skull. all roman has are its eyes, which stare blinding through the dark and cast him in violet shadow.

"you don't remember me, do you. guess you wouldn't. you didn't know i was there."

it draws itself up, eight feet of skull and horn, cracked flesh and tattered leather. the smell of petrichor rolls off him like the tide. he shoves his shovel into the dirt, leaves it standing.

"i remember you, though."

starts to walk, heavy step by heavy step towards him. as he walks, he changes: cracks open, soil cascading off of him, dirt pouring out, bone cracking and splintering... and it's like he crumbles, a statue brought to ruins, and something else is left where he was standing as if hatched from an egg.

just a man: shorter even than roman, tousle-haired, artfully scruffy. brown leather jacket too big on him. guitar strapped to his back. something's wrong with the eyes though--he's familiar otherwise, but his eyes are the wrong colour and cold. and when he talks, the voice is all wrong - it's the same voice as the beast from before. it's grating. it hurts to hear.

"you gave me your wallet. told me to fuck off. anything to get me out of your face. fair enough - except you were a real fuckin' dick about it."

[griefbringers]

graves can play most of the instruments johnny can play, but his favourites are the bass guitar and the hurdy gurdy.

[occasionalrpmemes]

LA by Night: Immortal Longings starters

dialogue and actions taken from s1ep6 of the VtM chronicle LA by Night.  edit as desired.  the transcript these lines were copied from, including credits to transcribers, will be linked in the replies of this post. tw: violence, death, drugs, possessive behavior, guns, foul language

I.  WORDS.

“When you're dead, you must often make choices that humans would never dream of having to face.”

“Oh, wait, you care about me?”

“You are... angsty?”

“Everything is all about money and status with you.”

“[Name], darling, are you okay?”

“I am at your leisure.  Whatever you need.”

“Don't trust anyone, really.”

“I can control myself just fine.”

“I'm sorry, did I walk into after-school?  What is going on?”

“Or you could hide in a sewer.”

“Well, that sounds like an us problem.  Again.”

“[Name], are you armed?”  –  “Always.”

“I mean, 'own' is a real loose term for a Millennial, but yeah, I've got an apartment.”

“Oh, am I boring you?”  –  “Uh, often.”

“There are certain conversations that I can't discuss with you.”

“Knowledge is power.  Money is more power, but knowledge is power.”

“I do need you to understand something.  If we show any weakness whatsoever here, we will be destroyed.  Okay?  Good meeting.”

“I don't wait in lines, darling.”

“I don't indulge when on business.  Maybe later.”

“What do you want?  We have almost anything here.”

“Do you like to party?  Partake in narcotics?”

“You seem to drink deeply from all the cups of life.”

“Hope you're not doing anything important at the moment.”

“It would be my pleasure to take away the emptiness inside you.”

“[Name], um, you're okay with this?”

“Calmeth down.”

“Go away, now.”

“Why did you decide this?  Why do you want this?”

“An opportunity presented itself to expand my business and I took it.”

“Darling, we made a promise long ago that we would... protect each other's backs.  You know that's hard to come by these days.”

“You don't seem to fit in with them.”

“I'm not some disaffected middle-aged banker that you're going to woo with your beautiful eyes and fabulous presentation here.”

“I'm trying to figure out how we can be friends.”

“You are obviously very distracted.  Perhaps you should go relax a bit and then we can talk.”

“I would like to talk to you.  I feel like you're a bit lost.”

“Back off, Dad.”

“I do not know why you are so accusatory.  I've done nothing but be hospitable.”

“This is a place of decadence.  It's a place for you to be safe. One place in a very big city that you can relax.”

“If I ever catch you again with another one, I will hurt you.  Understood?”

“You must take control of your fears.  Sometimes indulging in them until you can understand them.”

“You should have patience with yourself.”

“I might have answers.  But you need to ask your questions first.”

“Is this- Is this a cult?”

“Have you ever loved somebody? Like, really loved somebody?”

“It can tear you apart... or you learn to live with it.”

“All of this... decadence.  The drugs and the alcohol and the sex.  Does that help you?”

“The night doesn't have to be so dark and terrible. ”

“It's supposed to be meaningless, but...”

“What's wrong with emotion?”

“First, I don't have to explain anything to you.”

“I don't know how this ugly rumor keeps spreading about me.”

“I personally love hanging out with criminals.  They're very tasty.”

“Directness has never been a problem for me.”

“Sometimes learning the hard way is the best way.”

“I should explain. I don't do loyalty.  I do my job.”

“You took everything from me.  Everything!  And you think that I'm just gonna let it slide?”

“You're, uh, you're pretty strong.”  –  “That's right, I fucking am.”

“Look, look! It doesn't have to go this way.  We can deal.”

“Give me the gun.”

“Humor me, and pretend I'm an idiot.”

“I wouldn't- I wouldn't do that to you.  I couldn't.  I couldn't do that to you.”

“If you want to kill [x], you can kill [x].”

“My doors are always open to you.”

“The taste of fear has no equal. It's electric.  That frisson of terror...”

“There is a war coming, I can feel it.”

“What do you think about a double date?”

“I'm so proud of you!  That was awesome.”

“That was probably the worst moment of my life.”

“Just remember, decisiveness is power.”

“It's almost impossible, but I guess here almost anything is possible.”

“Is there a vampire therapist?  Relationship counselors?”

“I don't want death and violence to become second nature or natural.  It's- It's wrong.”

“You don't have to be me, but you have to be a different you.”

“It shall be as you wish.”

“You're done, you're finished, you're over.”

“What is your problem, bro?”

“We know where you live.”

“This is boring and I hate your attitude.”

“Mm.  You smell good.”

“Just kill me.  Just get it done.”

“Just listen to you!  You deserve to die!”

“Shut up, the adults are talking.”

“To be fair, we are kind of monsters.”

“Jesus fuck, [name]!  Just right when I think, maybe you're starting to understand the predicament you find yourself in...”

“I appreciate loyalty.”

“Vengeance is yours.”

“The next time you put hands on me in public, I will fucking execute you.”

II.  ACTIONS.  add “reverse!” to switch roles of sender and receiver

[GROVEL]:  sender drops to their knees to beg receiver’s forgiveness

[SHOVE]:  sender forces receiver up against a wall

[CARESS]:  sender massages receiver’s hands

[YOINK]:  sender steals receiver’s drink

[OBSERVE]: sender stares at receiver across a crowded bar

[CLICK]: sender handcuffs receiver

[SELFIE]:  sender takes an unplanned photo with receiver

[PRICK]: sender presses the point of a sharp weapon against receiver’s chest

[STRIKE]:  sender hits receiver in anger

[HESITATE]:  sender decides at the last minute to spare receiver’s life, though sender has the power to kill

[APPLAUD]:  sender mockingly slow-claps for something receiver has done

[END]:  sender kills someone who hurt receiver, while receiver watches

[griefbringers]

god this was hard.

[griefbringers]

god this was hard.

[griefbringers]

hc. Johnny

Generally seen as the 'carefree' one among his collective, it may surprise some to know that Johnny carries immense guilt and a feeling of responsibility for some of the things that formed the other Griefbringers... Mykonos in particular. He feels protective of and responsible for her much of the time, and is much more forgiving of their flaws and control issues than Graves is. It's likely that this stems at least partially from the fact that Mykonos formed during toxic and/or abusive relationships Johnny couldn't--or wouldn't--extricate himself from; he sees their trauma as his fault, because he couldn't handle it so they had to.

Graves feels somewhat similarly, and most of the time those memories are taken by him so that Johnny doesn't have to remember+feel guilty about it.

[griefbringers]

"You didn't get unmade."

he knows what the corinthian is looking for, what questions it's really asking.

why me and not you? didn't you do horrible shit in the waking too? why was my predecessor punished and you weren't?

the gravedigger shrugs its massive shoulders.

"skill issue."

[hillbees]

oh, you're praying to God? he's not gonna fuck you you know

[griefbringers]

I don't need no love It ain't strong enough All I need now is a beatdown Something I can feel Even if it never heals I wanna break Something's gotta break

gestures. gravescore. also i'm realising "entities that, for one reason or another, either cannot be or don't want to be loved the way most people like to be loved" is a recurring theme with our muses HMMM.

[griefbringers]

What form of love do you embody?

JOHNNY

love as tenderness

[ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

GRAVEDIGGER

love as being known

[ love is knowing all of someone and loving them anyway ] when tim kreider said "if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" and when joe wright said "The idea that these two people know each other, knew each other when they first saw each other. That they recognized each other from their future" and when micah nemerever said "it was a relief and a horror to be known so perfectly"

MYKONOS

love as devotion

[ devotion: love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause ] when ruth said to naomi "where you go, i will go, and where you stay, i will stay. your people will be my people, and your God my God" and when hozier sang "i'll be the dreadful need from the devotee that drove [orpheus] underground" and when deathcab for cutie sang "if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, i will follow you into the dark"

[peacereflecteda]

s.c. // @griefbringers ( graves )

❝ 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶 bother , ❞ karma prefaces , dark gaze focusing on the dream in front of her . he looks unlike any that she's seen before ; and she's seen many in the millennia that she's been around . faint quirk of brow accompanies otherwise neutral expression , indicating passive interest . ❝ destiny sent me on observation duty . seeing how the Dreaming is functioning , now that Dream is back . ❞

[griefbringers]

"Couldn't just read his book, could he," the Gravedigger murmurs, but there's no heat in it. He knows that there are rules, that things must happen as they will; Destiny, too, has a part to play, pieces to move on the eternal chess board all of the Endless seem to play at. "Your kind make my head hurt."

The filthy, rusted shovel in his hands is speared into the dirt and left there. The Gravedigger eases down onto the crumbling remnants of the cemetery wall, tattered coat hanging off of him, breath steaming in the air. It watches Karma warily, but with interest.

"Things are as you see 'em." A broad gesture to the dreamscape around them; the pale, thin skies, the dead lands, the general sense of something struggling to stay alive, colours and warmth all stretched thin. "The Dreaming's functioning, sure, but... kind of seems like that's about it. Don't know what your master would have to say about that. I don't even know what it means."

[peacereflecteda]

𝑮𝑨𝒁𝑬 𝑺𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑷𝑬𝑵𝑺 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑭𝑶𝑳𝑳𝑶𝑾𝑺 the gravedigger as he moves into sight. he does not look bothered, necessarily ; but his tone gives him away, the murmur and rasp in voice careful enough not to accidentally offend. it shows that there is some sort of anxiety brewing in the nightmare with this game of cat and mouse. Desire is a fickle thing ; and all they want to do is teach the gravedigger a lesson in manners, and not poking around others' belongings.

but there is something slightly endearing about the way the horned nightmare bows its head, something that makes Desire pause before acting. they know they cannot do anything too severe to the gravedigger ; Dream would understand the reprimand, but up to a point. Desire is not generally one to harm, either, at least not directly. they would much rather play their games with hearts than with a weapon.

❝ all collected from our admirers over the years. do you see anything you like, gravedigger ? ❞ question is innocent, but tone is anything but ; low and warning. ❝ we are curious to know exactly why you thought it would be a good idea, to explore without permission granted. ❞

[griefbringers]

Our admirers. The Gravedigger imagines, vividly, a long line of devotees and sycophants stretching through time immemorial. There is no way of counting the items--some unremarkable, some strange and wonderful to look at--in these rooms, no way of making a mental inventory of them. He glances at the remnants of the glass furniture Desire had smashed and wonders if they'll miss it. Wonders if it has any sentimental value to them at all, or if it's just another thing they own.

"Wouldn't dream..." he starts, voice catching and faltering again; Graves huffs through the nostrils of its skull, shakes its head as if bothered by a fly. Fear has him in its grasp now. It won't let go, and Desire's low, deceptive tone doesn't help. The Gravedigger lifts one hand, the fingerless glove there in tatters, and draws a mess of golden shapes into the air as though with an invisible pen. They are not words, not in the traditional sense, and yet the shape of them and the low, humming sounds they make in the air translate seamlessly into meaning:

I would not dream of taking that which belongs to you, Great Monarch.

A wave of the same hand, and the symbols disappear. Replacing them, the movements of his wrist more elegant than one might expect from such a ragged-looking beast:

I thought it a foolish idea to begin with, yet still I did it anyway. For that I have only myself to blame, and humbly beg your forgiveness.

It's always so much easier to grovel like this. His voice doesn't work at the best of times, let alone when he's... Well. Not lying, per se--but embellishing, perhaps, the depths of his sincere regret.

They must know, he thinks, that he wants to avoid their wrath--and they must know, too, that he wants that wrath very badly at the same time. But that is what Desire does. It is what they are. He'd be a fool to think himself an exception to their allure.