Concept: A witch cat thatās too fat to fly
Awwwww
I am on the verge of tears please watch this
tumblr dot com
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
cherry valley forever

tannertan36
Keni
taylor price
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

shark vs the universe

JBB: An Artblog!
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Show & Tell

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
almost home
Cosmic Funnies
Acquired Stardust
$LAYYYTER
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sheepfilms
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@sarcastonic
Concept: A witch cat thatās too fat to fly
Awwwww
I am on the verge of tears please watch this
BRIDGERTON Season 2 + tumblr (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9) and one twitter posts (7)
Legitness!!
i enjoy how they didnt over sexualize their prince costumes. like esp with jasmine. she couldve totally been in aladdinās vest, but nope. fully clothed. thanks.Ā
laughing because Mulan looks the same
things i loved more then i expected, this
this is honestly one of my favorite posts ever
Meanwhile the Princes:
Everytime I see that last pic I lose it when I see Eric. Itās just so perfect.
when she says she doesnāt send nudes
when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes
when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia
When Russia sends you nudes
#what the fuck happened here
This is my favorite post in all of tumblr
reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia
reblog it, because Russia can“t
Thanks ObamaĀ
When Russia makes this post illegal
I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS
I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash
omg
World heratige post
ah yes, the original version
āwhen Russia sends you nudesā kills me every time
shh, dont tell anyone
The ancient textsā¦
itās ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like,Ā āiām gonna go for a bike ride.ā and i was likeĀ āwhy. no. why. donāt put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. donāt do it.ā so he says he doesnāt want toĀ āhide in the houseā because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. āthe sun is shiningā does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning
@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.
this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now itās ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a āborrowerā that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devilās preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun
I think Iāve reblogged this before, but āthe thermostat of hell is always at the devilās preferred temperatureā is fucking poetry
ninety nine???? thats IT????????? buddy here in the 7th circle of h*ck, California, we get up to at LEAST 110 degrees every single gosh darned summer.Ā the bugs seek revenge.Ā the sun wreaks havoc on the mere mortals it surveys.Ā Ā every plant has turned brown in its thirst for water.Ā the very air itself has been sucked dry of every drip of moisture it ever had.Ā Ā
ninety nine degrees.Ā you weak fool.
well since you asked so politely, letās talk about something very important vis a vis weather-hotness that you clearly aināt ever heard of, called
humidity
oh alas, you say. oh papa, whatever shall i do, it is ever so hotte and drye in california. the very air hath been sucked of all its moisturey droplets and whatnot.* one hundredy and tennith desiccated degrees!
*(yo, drought is serious. i am pretty obviously not making fun of that.)
alright. letās check it out. hereās a random california city, right about now:
thirty-two percent. and hereās a random mid-atlantic city located somewhere in the wet fleshy crease behind a demonās knee*:
*(confession: i do not live in dc, but several years ago i spent three weeks steaming like a tinned ham in arlington in august. none of the pants i took with me could ever keep a crease again.)
huh! funny thing! āsee, dcās actually seven degrees COOLER,ā you say, because youāve obviously never gone outside and taken a deep lungful of wet sock trash air in your life. and now for added bliss, hereās what early wednesday morningās gonna be like for these poor clowns:
thatās right! eighty-two percent humidity! the point at which showers no longer matter, because youāre all caught in Godās grease trap! just stressed human eels miserably slip slidinā their way through a damp melty bathwater-flavored hellscape that feels like itās actively sous viding their top layer of skin! a hundred thousand people packed into public transit breathing air that feels like deepthroating swamp thing! and you wanna talk to me about fuckin california!
[cue science voice]: human bodies cool through evaporation, a process by which the body sweats and sweet invisible angels towel us off, whisking away our unwanted moisture into the air and literally chilling us out. (itās also why air conditioned air feels so fucking deliciously refreshing: itās not just being cooled, itās being conditioned, aka, dehumidified. itās cool dry air.) but. if the air is already made out of fucking chowder and canāt absorb shit then guess what the fuck our bodies canāt do.
so is this weak fool gonna remain indoors and hydrated through this only medium-hot but fuckoff-humid season? you bet your dried out ass.
This is poetry.
Hereās a handy calculator that tells you how hot a placeĀ āfeelsā depending on the level of humidity:Ā
https://www.calculator.net/heat-index-calculator.html
World Heritage Post
i love tommy wiseau because nobody but tommy wiseau knows exactly who he is
nobody knows where exactly he was born, or anything about his past. ātommy wiseauā isnt even his real name
fuck nobody even knows how old he really is
heās also a multi billionaire and no one has any idea where he acquired that fortune
his whole life literally makes no sense
a friend of mine tried to sell his soul on ebay and the starter price was $10 and people were bidding on it but before anything happened ebay took it down and sent him an email explaining that if he was selling a soul that didnāt actually exist then it was against their policy and if he was selling a real soul then that is a human body part and it is also against their policyĀ
tag by @ilthit
this is what I have been spending my time on today! Itās a mock-up of a would-be New Jericho website, for human and Android access. Pages includeĀ āabout usā, FAQs, a publications page and a short series of blog posts. Thereās also information for Androids seeking a New Jericho shelter, and information for those who canāt reach a NJ shelter.Ā Explore the full site here! (And cross your fingers the link works!)Ā
What animal looks like it would screm the loudest
the bare-throated bellbird is so loud that it can cause permanent damage to human hearing at close range!
and they absolutely look like it.
edit: i couldnāt resist
That felt too mild so may i present AAAAAA bird v2
saved as ā
These are cute but misleading, because the call doesnāt go onāitās more like one single, quick, rusty beep, only thatĀ beep is one of the loudest sounds made by any land animal
oh iām so glad you have a video ofĀ āem, I knew I had seen one before!
I have provided an updated funnypic to more accurately reflect the reality of the bird.
the dynamic between heinz doofenschmirtz and perry the platypus would probably come off as v romantic and gay if they were two people in a similar age range rather than a dude and a platypus. no i dont ship them but think about it. villainous monologues are already a very romantic and gay thing in itself (donāt question me on this you know im right). listening to somebody ramble excitedly about something theyāre proud of is even more romantic and cute af. also doofensmirtz is already gay anyway. the only thing preventing this from becoming Peak Gay is the fact that perry is strictly professional and also a platypus. thanks for coming to my ted talk
āPerry is strictly professional and also a platypusā
I love the fact that āprofessionalā is the first reason and āplatypusā is the second, because this is extremely plausible for Perry.
āYeah no I canāt fuck Iām on dutyā.
Did you know that�
1.Doofenshmirtz isnāt evil anymore,allowing Perry to date him
2.Romance betweet animal/human isnāt frowned upon in the Dwampyverse
we even got humans falling in love with inanimate objects, albeit played for laughs
one of Doofenshmirtzā dates ditched him for a whale
we are talking about a universe where this is canon
for godās sake
Look, Iām not that knowledgeable about Phineas and Ferb lore (although Iām very glad that my post resonated with the Gay Scientists Dating Tired Platypuses fandom) but what, pray tell, the fuck is going on? am i having a stroke? im willing to accept the teacher falling in love with her desk because language teachers just are like that but is this nerd about to bang an ice cone?? hello?????
Itās the ice cream machine,and her name is Carla
Let us also pop bottles for the time Doofenshmirtz had to help his ex-thwarty callās current nemesis become desirable for punching again.Ā
I thought Perry was with the Panda?
Thatās a funny history actually.Peter the Panda is also dating his respective nemesis,he even got to met his parents
āāour boy is all grown upāāĀ āāwhy is he a panda bearāā
had me crying
I think there was a scene where Peter and Perry were having dinner together at a fancy restaurant. But that was before Doofenshmirtz stopped being evil.
what the fuck is going on in Phineas and Ferb
@deenalloh you have to watch milo murphyās law season 2 to know whatās going on with Doofenshmirtz life.He stopped being evil to commit to his future self: āāProfessor Timeāā inventor of time-travel and a public figure.
and he is trying to be a good guy now
also thereās 2 more time lines where he ends up good
1.Science teacher
2. O.W.C.A agent (The OWCA Files)
this universe is big and vast and doesnāt end at Phineas and Ferb
Okay but saying that just because some people in that universe are in love with animals/inanimate objects doesnāt mean itās normal.
I mean, in our universe, someone wanted to marry the Eiffel Tower.
yeah..but you see..thereās this wonderful thing in cartoons that real life doesnāt have and its animals being actual sentient/anthropomorphic. So,you canāt compare our life with a cartoon ship in this case
Also Perry is arguably one of the smartest characters on both shows when it comes to deductive reasoning, common sense, and social intelligence. He could tell just by looking at a room exactly what happened there a few hours ago. He can problem-solve on the fly, and does so very often. He has basic engineering skills (or at least, ābasicā for this universe, which is kinda masterful for our universe), and can communicate complex thoughts to others despite being physically incapable of speaking English (he even knows ASL!) To claim that Perry the Platypus is incapable of providing consent simply because he isnāt human is a disservice to his character. And honestly, if weāre going by the anthropological definition of āhumanā (bipedal, opposable thumbs, ability to communicate complex thought), then he is by all means āhuman.ā Heās just⦠A Human Platypus. ā¦?
What the fuck became of my post
Also Doof is legally an Ocelot
Logan that only raises more questions on an already strange post
Itās canon. In the OWCA Files. Him legally being an ocelot is what allows him to be an agent.
What the FUCK
Yeah, in one part of his long, tragic backstory, he was abandon and raised by ocelots
I was wondering when someone was gonna bring up the ocelot thing
@looney-mooney I agree with this vit thereās one thing, even if Perry has amazing deductive reasoning he has to at least fall to one trap. Thatās just the law of nature.
@oceanic-panic-panic bold of you to assume that Perry doesnāt let himself get trapped on purpose at least 2/3 of the time. Perry always escapes the traps. And he always waits for Doofenshmirtz to finish monologuing before escaping from them. Itās part of their routine, something they both expect: Perry bursts in, gets trapped, patiently listens to doofās rant of the day, escapes the trap, fights his nemesis, and blows up the Inator. Whenever this routine is broken, they work to maintain it anyway - I can think of at least like 3 instances where Perry purposefully, politely traps himself, and several more where Doofenshmirtz gets impatient and sets Perry free from the trap himself so they can fight.
Perry getting trapped isnāt a sign of some intellectual folley - itās a sign of his incredible problem-solving skills that he can escape them so easily, and a sign of his social intelligence that he knows to politely wait until his nemesis is ready to stop venting and start fighting.
But why does Perry need to be trapped for his nemesis to vent? Easy. Doofenshmirtz is a victim of severe child abuse, and needs to feel as though heās somewhat in control of the situation before allowing himself to be vulnerable. Perry being trapped makes him feel safe, and Perry catches on to this. Itās an intricate social dance that none of his coworkers have mastered, the ability to communicate with and accomidate for a villain with special needs. And though it takes the whole summer, they eventually donāt even need the traps, because Perry makes Heinz feel safe.
I mean, back on the Peter the Panda line, being a nemesis was always supposed to be analogous to being in a relationship anyway. I think of this way more as an āarranged relationship turns to true loveā story than an āenemies to loversā one.
āāYou probably look at Perry the Platypus and me and think itās a match made in heaven. But it wasnāt always this way. Back in the day, O.W.C.A. assigned agents willy-nilly, with no regard for personality conflicts or basic compatibility issues ⦠like a bad blind date!
Why, when I first met Perry the Platypus, I didnāt even know what kind of an animal he was. Whoās ever heard of a teal platypus?! And I gotta tell you, he got on my last nerve ⦠always staring at me, judging me. You know how he is.
Well, I was ready to call it quits. I even called Major Monogram to see if I could get another nemesis assigned. Something a little less semiaquatic. But thank goodness, Francis said to give it a little more time to see if things could work themselves out. And you know what? They did!
Now I wouldnāt trade my nemesis for anyone in the world. Oh, sure, he still infuriates me and I try to eliminate him on a daily basis, but thatās just what I do.
So, if your first encounter with your mortal foe isnāt perfect, donāt despair! It gets better ⦠usually.āā
Iād say both are correct
Me knowing almost nothing about Phineas and Ferb but reading this entire post anywayĀ
The whole Peter the Panda thing wasnāt even SUBTLE about being an analogy for Doof cheating on Perry. For godās sake they went on Dr. Feelbetter and Doof had to give a big apology and beg to win Perryās heart back
Also while weāre providing evidence about Doof and Perry in general, Doofenshmirtz is trans
I love all of this. But I have to point out that Perry is canonically trans because he A) sweats milk (apparently cis male platypuses donāt do that) and B) in the episode about the kids assuming he laid an egg⦠they assumed he laid an egg. Which means they know heās capable of it. Which means heās trans.
Interestingly enough, monotreme mammals like the platypus donāt have the same sex-determining gene as therian mammals.
Where humans have two sex chromosomes, platypus have 10. Additionally, Perry has venom spurs. Thus, Perry is intersex
Iāve never watched a single episode of any of these shows what the phineas and fuck is going on here
Oh to exist in a world (at least partially) of Dan Povenmireās creation
Oh my god ā¤ļø
Absolutely love this
Wow.
Please watch this.Ā
i was a little apprehensive to watch this because itās four minutes long and i have a short attention span, but within the first 30 seconds i was hooked.
watch this. please, you wonāt regret it.
If this story doesnāt give people the slightest bit of hope, nothing will. This is AMAZING.
This is beautiful. Stories like this need to live on. Please watch and share.
Oh my Lord! Tragic but beautiful š¢ā¤ļø
hello! just a lil smth, please donāt scroll!
tw // anti-asian violence
thereās been a fuck ton of aapi hate since the beginning of the pandemic and especially lately, with the georgia shootings today, and even the grammys last sunday
all this said i just wanted to share a few resources (none mine!):
- anti-asian violence resources (this resource is also linked in my pinned, it contains information, petitions, places to donate and a lot more)
- stop asian hate (contains petitions, places to donate, ways to spread the word and more)
- sites to donate to and share (if you have a twitter please consider retweeting)
- a cumulative twitter thread with a little bit of everything and more than i explained
+ stop asian hate gofundme
+ asian american resource center (an atlanta based foundation focused on housing and civil classes)
ā
if you have any resources you wanna share reply and/or reblog and iāll add it, and with that please share this with the same tags <3 sending love to my fellow aapi, please stay safe all of you and donāt be fucking racist :]
hereĀ is a twitter thread and constantly updating, currently active google doc that contains the gofundmes, paypals, cashapps, etc of victims of anti-asian hate crimes, asian-owned small businesses, and asians who need financial aid. please consider donating & boosting and adding more donation links if you have them.
I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
noah marshall x mc
THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED!!! THE POTENTIAL FOR ANGST MAN!!! THE BUILD UP!!!! THE REESTABLISHMENT OF A BROKEN FRIENDSHIP SLOWLY MORPHING INTO AFFECTION BASED ON MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING!!!! JANE TYING THEM TOGETHER!!!! THE TRAGEDY OF BETRAYAL!!!!THE FINAL GOODBYE!!! ALL THAT COULDVE BEEN!!!
AHHH PB MAKE IL3 PLS AND MAKE THIS A REALITY AHDJSNDNDNS IM BEGGING U PLS GIVE THE PEOPLE THE ULTP WE DESERVE š¤©š„°š„°š„°ššššššš
reblogging bc this post still stands