Unrecognized signs of abuse
This list includes signs I exhibited while being abused and afterwards, as well as signs I’ve seen other abused youth display, all of which are less commonly recognized for what they are: red flags in disguise.
Being described as a “perfectionist” or having an extremely competitive attitude to the point of experiencing breakdowns if you are not “the best”
Developing a habit of locking the door to every room you enter, especially when at friends’ houses or your own home, or other places you would be expected to feel safe and welcome at
Excessive daydreaming or fantasizing which may be accompanied by restlessness, pacing, or listening to music, and will often last for hours at a time, and may interfere with daily functioning
Experiencing an inability to relate to your peers which may lead to you creating pseudo relationships or obsessions with fictional characters to replace your lack of social interaction
Refusing to look at yourself in mirrors in public, especially when buying new clothes or going into fitting rooms
Showering in the dark because you are ashamed of your body
Experiencing intense feelings of guilt when someone does something nice for you
Hyperfixation on a hobby such as drawing or writing, which is often used as an outlet and a way to escape the abuse
Purposely making yourself appear unattractive
Being known as the shy or obedient child who never acts out
Possessing an unnatural amount of maturity for your age which many adults may have praised you for
Not knowing how to live, having an “I can survive with the bare minimums” mentality
Hoarding food or other objects in your room such as toiletries so you do not have to leave your room. This may be as severe as going to the bathroom in bottles or cans, or having months worth of dishes piled up around your room
Having an anxiety attack if you’re woken up abruptly or if you wake up to loud noises in your house
Never experiencing sexual interest in others, never going through a “boy phase” or a “girl phase”; alternatively, being hypersexual
Intrusive violent thoughts about small animals or children
Having no sense of belonging since you were a toddler, never feeling connected to your childhood town or house, and feeling alienated among your family members
Feel free to add more to this list. If you or someone else has experienced at least half of these signs, it’s very likely you or them has been through some form of abuse.
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