Grimm Esme Kaos @grimmesme - Tumblr Blog

I had a great day at Mariam and Eric's party!

A-ya always knows when I'm feeling bad and has just the thing to help.

My boys!

Look at this dork!

Just some pictures of my LARP outfit!

More pictures from the past couple adventures.

Am I Right... Or Am I Paranoid?

It's happening again... that moment when my brain calculates everything, looking for the best answer to my problem. The problem is, it can't decide if the problem is real... Or if the problem is me. It started when my boyfriend stopped sleeping with me. Okay, let's use real terms, so we're not confused. It started because my boyfriend can't (won't?) have sex with me. He says he doesn't know what's wrong. He assures me he wants me, that I'm attractive. But my brain says different. It tells me to look at my past relationships. The same thing happened. It was fun at first, but then... pleasing me became a chore, one that wasn't needed. And they were all right. Looking at myself in the mirror I pull at every flab of skin, criticize every blemish and every part of me that is ugly... then I realize that's every part of me. So, is it me? My boyfriend starts to stay longer at work, and to sleep when he comes home. He assures me it's just because he was made to work late, that he's just tired. But what happens when that becomes every day? What happens when he comes home and the first thing on his mind is sleep, not me? Am I greedy, selfish? Or does he not want to spend time with me? There was a long red hair on his shirt. When I pulled it off and asked about It, he seemed baffled. But... was it just my head, or did his face get red and did he pause a long time before laughing it off? Is that the reason I'm no longer attractive? Is that the reason he no longer wants to come home? Or am I just reading too much into it? Last night my boyfriend had a dream. His fists were bunched in the sheets, his body tense. It happened, he was hot and ready. His words were slurry, but true. "She's so fucking cute... Oh god, yes!" When I asked what it was about, he rolled away and in the morning... He acted like it never happened. Who was she? Did she have red hair? Was she the one taking his time? Was this girl he dreamed of the reason I was no longer the person he wanted to touch? It makes sense... So... Am I Right... or am I just Paranoid?