I've decided to leave Instagram and used this opportunity to finally expand my tumblr blogs. I like having a space for seperate things - so far I've always just threw everything on my general account that wasn't for my art blog - so I finally created the accounts in a seperation I like.
Mind you, this is mostly for my own organization, you're not obliged to follow each and every blog. Though I'd say this makes it easier for you if you wanna follow me for certain stuff.
First of, the grimmy-after-dark account has been deleted! I feel comfy enough to share mild nsfw on my main/sketches blog and I don't tend to draw anything much more wild, just not my cup of tea.
The @anime-grimmy account will be mostly used as before - my main account for reblogs and communication.
The @anime-grimmy-art blog will stay mostly the same too, I just would like it to be more of an art portfolio where I don't have to skip over sketches and ThemeTobers everytime Im searching for a specific drawing.
The @grimmy-sketches account is me forcing myself to also post the halfbaked stuff. I often find myself in smaller/inactive fandoms where I have 1-2 friends I share my stuff with and I would love to contribute some more to fandoms I love. Since I tend to not post the sketchy stuff on the art blog, it ends up on my main blog where I will NEVER find them again. Or, ya know, collect dust in some subfolder.
So, finally a seperate blog just for that stuff. This will also be the blog with the open asks! My general and art blog will have their asks closed!
Last but not least, the @grimmy-thoughts-and-rambles blog. Here I will put my pages long brainvomits, game reviews, headcanons, opinions (be that media or in general) and all my fanfic links!
OW / Meihem brainworms have been real strong since the ratman popped back into my head and my wrist hurts too much to draw anymore, but not enough to not write!
Sooo, here are some premises for fanfic oneshots I'll never write cos I do not have the patience for it. It's all Meihem btw, tho they can be read as platonic too or are just straight up setups for character studies. Also i may have caught up with the general story of OW by now, but most of this has been made with the og interpretations of these two in mind.
First premise:
While infiltrating a Talon base, the current strike team gets ambushed. Mei, being part of the rear guard, manages to avoid getting trapped and stumbles into some kind of controll room. To her horror, she sees what has happened to her teammates - looking into the room below, they have been capture by some device, all clutching their heads and groaning in pain and sorrow. Mei also quickly finds out why as there are multiple screens and machines in the room, projecting what seem to be memories of her teammates and parelleling/replacing them with bittersweet what-ifs. A young Fareeha not being alone and enlisting into the army but getting to grow up with her mother and all of Overwatch. A healthy Genji, training together with his brother in a serene looking doujo. An excited Juno as her family arrives save and sound on earth (see, i know the new lore!!). As Mei communicates hastily with both Winston and Mercy on how to safe them - just unplugging them might do irreversible damage as they do not know how the technology works - her eyes ultimately fall on the last screen, which makes her watch both in awe and a repulsive sense of wrongness. In it she sees a happy and healthy looking Junkrat, no prosthetics, no burn marks, no soot nor grime to be found. His face is beaming as he is surrounded by other laughing people and the grin on his face is full of white, uncracked teeth and no lunacy to be found. He isn't as scrawny, there's actually a bit of chubbiness to his cheeks. Mei isn't quite sure how to feel seeing that. She still sees him as nothing more than a criminal, rude and gross and rutheless. Yet, the image presented before herself is of a young, happy man in an evidently flourishing Austrialia. She's snapped out of her reverie, however, when the screen keeps glitching out. Bcs of Junkrat's unstable mind, his real memories keep seeping into the projection, distorting the dreamlike imagery into the horrors he actually lived through. Due to this, Junkrat manages to be lucid enough to rip the device from his head - not without lots of shouting, cursing and copious amounts of blood - and freeing himself. Mei urges Winston and Mercy to hurry up with a solution bcs now there was a very, VERY angry rat on the loose who might or might not just blow all of them up.
Now, I have two ideas on how this story might go:
In either version Jamison would get a scolding from Mercy since he ripped off a machine that was literally stuck to his brain, so ofc that would bring some repercussions. Mei, haunted and honestly worried by the memories she involuntarily witnessed, is slowly filled with guilt - a mixture of being guilty to having invaded Junkrat's (and the others') intimate thoughts but also for being as harsh as she was to him. On one hand she cannot make herself apologize for judging him instantly as he IS an international criminal and pyromaniac, on the other hand the reality of his upbringing also isn't lost on her. As she finally tries to gather the nerves to approach him, Mei finds him wandering in the middle of the night. She immediately notices that something is wrong as he is a lot more jittery but also a lot quieter than usual. Despite a rough start to the conversation, they manage a small heart to heart, both not quite going into their trauma, but revealing enough to find some common ground. Feeling all cheesy, Mei leaves him with a "And honestly, the jock look didn't suite you at all. As weird as you might be, I think I like you better this way"
The other version would follow true repercussions to him ripping a neurological device from his brain. Once they return to base, everyone notices something wrong with Junkrat, well, more than usual. He's jittery and paranoid most of the time, but something about his behaviour seems genuinely afraid instead of just his usual twitchiness. Turns out boy's broken brain actually switches between his true and projection self, meaning half the time he thinks he IS just some peppy bloke from Sydney instead of a deranged criminal. It's Mei who eventually stumbles across him and clocks this switch in demeanour, as his dialect isn't quite as aggressive and crude as normal. Once he asks her where they are and if she knows what's going on, she understands what is happening. Even when convincing him to be looked at by Mercy, there really isn't anything they can do, they just have to wait it out. And it's just plain weird for everyone - Jamison is just as loud and gaudy as before but in such a "normal guy" way that it throws everyone off. Roadhog is also quite unsure on what to do bcs his employer literally forgot who he is and would not approach him at any cost. Which sucks because that means he wouldn't be paid anymore - at least not my Jamison. He decides to stick around anyways bcs OW makes it clear they rely on his skill (at least that's the reason he gives, man is secretly worried about his lil buddy).
As Mei feels somewhat responsible for not being able to keep her teammates safe, she spends a lot of time with Jamison and tries to make him more comfortable. And it is really weird and uncomfortable and it keeps just getting worse because this Junkrat was a charming guy and while a bit oblivious Mei starts to really get along with him. Which just fuels her guilt and pity for him as this is a version of him that never gets to exist in real life. She also feels a bit angry at herself and the rest of the team as they treat this Jamison with a lot more empathy and passion than his lunatic self - which she tries to justify to herself for a long time but the guilt is getting too much. She starts to understand that, really, all Junkrat needed to grow into an upstanding guy were friends and a family. Thinking back on the images she saw on the projector, seeing him navigate a desolated and hostile wasteland all alone, makes her feel ashamed of how quick she was to judge. Again, she wouldn't fault herself to hold him accountable for all his misdeeds, but since joining OW Junkrat has been on his best behaviour (crudeness and accidental explosions aside). So, when eventually his mind snaps back into reality for real, Mei tries her best not to fall back into old habbits. While it is hard to keep up the cordeal act as before, she learnt how to handle Junkrat's demeanour a bit more easily and she never notices how she just starts hanging out with him regurarly. Only when in a quiet moment between them, Junkrat thanks her for not giving up on him, she realizes how she started to care for him deeply and promptly apologizes for her prior behaviour. While still delicate, both of them look forward to explore this new unusual friendship.
Second premise:
Junkrat is forced to stay in the OW clinic as he was hit by some new experimental bullet laced with venom that makes Mercy's healing abilities not as potent, so the bullet wound doesn't close up. He is, of course, not happy at all. To his absolute "delight", he's not the only one hit by such a bullet which ends up with him having to share a room with Mei, who in turn is also very "happy" with the situation. Not much they can do as Mercy has to keep monitoring them and the clinic bay only has so many rooms and beds.
Usually Junkrat would have a field day with this setup as he highly enjoys annoying the shit outta Mei - for some reason the only people he has seen her snap at were himself and Doomfist of all people (gal had balls) - but the fact he has to keep his prosthetics off mixed with the constant dull pain of the bullet wound is making his phantom pains almost unbearable.
Now, I like to imagine this is set sometime after the Junkers were contracted by Vendetta (as I understand there is a hint that that is going to be the case in the canon lore) and they double crossed her cos OW offered them a better deal. So, Junkrat having being hunted by a very angry Italian woman, is very cautious about showing weakness to anyone but Roadhog at the moment. Especially anyone in Overwatch since he needs them to think him valuable and strong.
The pains, however, get really really bad, and no deep breaths and desperate hand biting manage to keep his pained groans at bay and that sends him into a panicked spiral. He all but forgets why he has to keep quiet in the first place and the pure instinct of hide and don't let them see and get the fuck outta here start taking over. It's only when someone roughly grabs his face and all he can see is the scared but determined frown of one Mei-Ling Zhou that he starts to snap out of his stupor. She keeps calling him, shaking him and eventually gets him back to reality.
Junkrat is honestly embarrassed as shit and tries to play it off, especially bcs he knows Mei hates him, but to his surprise, she sits with him and tries to get him to talk. Of course he gets all defensive and the conversation is tumbling into a total failure, but again, Mei surprises him by taking a step back and coaxing him to actually talk. He doesn't how why she would even do this for him, but something in her face just screams that she would die trying. So, in the end, he relents the truth about his pains and tells her not to worry. But for a third time, Mei shocks him when she tells him to call her when it starts getting bad and she will try to help him get through it. (note: he really REALLY doesn't want to tell Mercy out of fear he would be stuck even longer in the clinic).
So, for the next few days it turns into a routine, everytime he would start to ache and panic, he'd reluctantly call out to her and she would always, without a fail, come sit by him, talk to him to take his mind off the pains and even sometimes let him hold her hand when it got too bad. In turn, when she is the one plagued by nightmares, he tries to do the same and is delighted that she recipriocates and he does his damn hardest to make her feel better.
Once they're out the clinic everyone is extremely confused when they're not exactly friendly but always look out for each other.
Third premise:
I think making headcanons about Mei's cryofreeze abilty is very fun. I like the idea of her not being completely unconcious, maybe for part of it, but really just stopping time for herself. Meaning she still sees what happens around her.
So, she also sees when a pair of curious ember eyes stare back at her. She can't really do anything to stop Junkrat from examining her frozen form but as he doesn't seem to do anything weird she is also not going to mention to him that she knows what he's doing.
I think this could lead to very many funny but also emotional scenes. From Junkrat mocking her through the ice thinking she wouldn't know and then being confused why she is all huffy with him for the rest of the mission, to Mei being touched that despite his crude mouth and rude demeanour, each and everytime she cryofreezes in his vacinity, Junkrat makes it his job to guard her and keep her safe. Maybe she also notices him talking to her when in cryofreeze. She can't really hear him, but she always watches his expressions and she catches some ways he looks at her that make her all squirmy inside. And ofc, obligatory "Junkrat makes he cryofreeze activate to shield her from an attack and takes the brunt of it and she has to watch as he fucking bleeds out" or something.
There's also two more specific cryofreeze scenarious I thought up:
- At some point, to get out of a hairy situation, Mei freezes both herself and Junkrat. She knows it's not a good idea because despite being used to it herself, it never got easier and less disorienting, so she doesn't even know how Junkrat would react. In the moment, however, the consequences post-freeze really arent on her mind as she is squished firmly against his concrete wall of a chest. Mei starts to notice all sorts of things about him - how damn thin he is (she can feel his individual ribs for crying out loud!), how damn TALL he is, the fact he actually has a bit of stubble going on and how many scars and burns are hidden beneath the layer of soot he's always covered in. What she also notices is how his heart keeps beating faster and faster, which should technically not happen as cryofreeze should induce the exact opposite to make the heal effects work, but nope, Junkrat seems to fall into a panic. If the fic is fluffy, that would be him just getting incredibly flustered, if it was angst, it would be him getting claustrophobic and some trauma being dug up, which would lead to a very reluctant yet very successful heart to heart. Alternatively, either of the two activated the cryofreeze to save the other from a nasty injury and the time spent in the ice block would be them evaluating their own feelings towards the other and both coming to the conclusion that no matter what they think of the other they wouldn't want them to die (esp. not for their sake)
- Other version would be Mei's cryofreeze malfunctioning and not de-freezing. Story could be from both their perspectives. Junkrat's would be him playing guard and slowly but surely panicking as he waits for backup so the sciency guys can get her outta there (yes he was yelled at for suggesting to just blow the ice up). It would be him realizing how he actually started to like quite a few ppl in Overwatch and how he might just have found a place for himself (and Roadhog). Mei's version on the other hand would be a lot more introspective, her battling the resurfing trauma of Antarctica, asking herself if it was finally her turn and if she would finally get to reunite with her old colleagues. But at the same time she keeps seeing Junkrat as he tries his damn hardest to keep her safe and there is genuine worry and desperation on his face and Mei slowly realizes that while she cannot undo the past, she will make sure not to inflict the same pain she experienced on her new friends and family. They care about her and she loves them in return, so she would hang in there, not fall into a frozen slumber and return to them no matter what.
That's all I got for now, might update with more ideas later.
Guess who got their ass up and actually wrote a fanfic.
No, Im not a writer, this is a stream of conciousness which I cannot promise doesn't have obvious flaws, but I wanted to write one of my prompts from here. (it's the "Vash has soft hair" one)
Based in the '98 anime, Vashmeryl-centric.
______
As triste and unforgiving the land of planet Gunsmoke was, the festive atmosphere in the many saloons showed the bright sides of the hard lives of its populace. Meryl and Milly found themselves in one of the most joyful saloons they have been in a while.
The town they were in was barely on the map, just a small cluster of buildings that held maybe a few dozen residents. But as Meryl had gathered from fleeting conversations, despite all odds the small settlement was experiencing a small economic boom. She could have guessed as much, considering all the construction sites they’ve passed just at the outskirts of the town, or the fact the number of thomas in the stables and the cars blocking half the streets seemed out of the ordinary for such a small residency.
So it was no surprise how lively the people were. The saloon was basically glowing, the small lamplights reflecting off the many risen pints of beer. The atmosphere was so joyful with all the shouting, laughing and singing.
Meryl could not care for any of it.
Milly and her were cramped at a small table in the corner of the room, Meryl slumped back in her chair, hands idly turning her whiskey glass in circles without taking a sip. She was just so, so tired, the exhaustion weighing heavy in her bones.
Their few days long travel through the desert felt like it had taken weeks. From encountering sandstorms and bandits, to one of their thomas running off, everything that could have gone wrong, had gone wrong. When Milly and her had arrived at the inn and finally taken a much deserved shower, Meryl had been ready to flop into bed and not open her eyes for at least 11 hours.
To her dismay, the warm water had seemingly energized Milly to the point where she acted like they hadn’t just spent days full of sandy torture. Meryl really had wanted to decline, maybe even let Milly go by herself, but she just knew that the nagging feeling she’d get wouldn’t let her get a wink of sleep.
So, 30 minutes later found them in the brightest saloon for iles, Milly already downing her third drink while Meryl just stared off into space.
It really wasn’t too bad, actually. Milly was having a blast and Meryl was too tired to care for even the rowdier patrons. She just kept on watching the people with mild interest.
Maybe then it was her exhaustion that didn’t make her instantly panic when a very familiar broomhead made his way towards their table. Milly immediately waved Vash over when she spotted him, patting the stool next to her in invitation. Vash was all grins and drunken blush, probably having a big deal to do with the busty brunette slung under one of his arms.
Usually by now, Meryl would be filled with dread, disgust and a lot of other harmful words, but she found her mind was a bit too zoned to get riled up. Instead, she was honestly surprised Vash had managed to land such a woman, knowing how terrible he was at flirting.
It didn’t take too long for her to figure out how though.
The way the brunette was totally playing into his schtick, clanking drinks with him and even complimenting him, yet also keeping him at a physical distance, screamed gold digger to Meryl. She opted not to comment, it was weirdly enjoyable watching Vash dig his own grave.
A little flirty whispering here, some more coins clanking on the table there and a well-manicured hand brushing through the straw hair of his with barely disguised disdain over the woman’s face, Meryl was quite enjoying the show.
Ah, but then Vash got greedy, or too drunk to understand his companion’s signals.
His hand kept sliding too close to areas the brunette didn’t see fit, and after his third attempt, there was palm on his face and a second later, the seat next to him was vacant.
Meryl pulled her glass to her mouth, if only the hide the smile on her lips. The absolutely shocked and longing look he threw after the brunette was so sad that it was hilarious.
Milly, in comparison, didn’t have Meryl’s filter, especially not four pints in. Milly’s laughter was both sweet and boisterous which made Vash turn his hurt gaze onto her. With a loud whine he slid onto the tabletop, crying dramatic tears as usual. Milly slapped his back in comfort (a bit too hard if Vash’ wince was anything to go by) and shouted for another round of drinks.
Half a glass in and the whole escapade seemed to have been forgotten.
With her immediate show now over, Meryl let her eyes slide back over the crowd. Milly, despite being way too deep into her glass, seemingly had Vash under control. As long as the two of them just kept drinking together they’d stay out of trouble, probably, hopefully.
Meryl sighed. She was honestly too exhausted to care much.
The moments ticked by without anything really catching Meryl’s attention. She tuned into some conversations she could overhear or watched people lose at poker, but most patrons seemed to just drink and enjoy each other’s company. With nothing interesting to focus on, Meryl felt her eyelids grow heavy. She really didn’t want to fall asleep in the saloon, not when Milly was too drunk to find her way back to the inn, but the shouts and laughs soon turned into a low buzz in Meryl’s mind.
She was sure she was about to lose her fight against sleep when something blonde popped into her vision.
Meryl jerked back slightly, quickly blinking the drowsiness from her eyes, and turned to look at Vash.
He was leaning forward in his chair, closer to her, staring at her with squinted eyes. Meryl rose her brow at his…accusing? No, maybe puzzled look? She couldn’t quite describe his expression, but he sure was concentrating hard on her.
They spent a few moments like this, Vash just staring intently and Meryl waiting for him to speak what was on his mind. His head cocked to the side and Meryl swore she could see his eyes adjusting. A second later, they flew wide open.
“Holy crap, insurance girl, were you here the whole time?!”
Meryl pinched the bridge of her nose. He couldn’t be serious.
Vash laughed loudly, his chair scraping on the floor as he scooted closer to her. Meryl couldn’t help but lean back a bit when his beer breath hit her nose.
“Wow, you were so quiet, I didn’t even notice you! Wait, is that a new technique so you can watch me from the shadows?!”
Oh boy, he was being so serious about this. This time Meryl was sure his squinted eyes were supposed to be accusatory. She shook her head with a sigh.
“No, Vash, I just really don’t have the nerves today to pity you for being a terrible flirt.”
Vash gasped in offense, his hand flying to cover his heart. Meryl only rolled her eyes.
“Excuse you, that girl was all over me.”
Meryl gave him a deadpan look.
“More like all over your wallet.”
Vash’ hand slid from his chest to his pocket, protectively cradling the bag inside as if Meryl was the one trying to steal it. He held her gaze for a moment, before he cleared his throat and rebutted with way less confidence.
“I might have tried to appeal to her with some of my funds, but I know that my good looks sparked her interest.”
Meryl scoffed. The way the brunette had tried to cuddle up to him with as little touching as possible spoke more of aversion than attraction, which, if Meryl was being honest, was kind of surprising. She may call Vash a lecherous creep sometimes, but he was relatively harmless and not to mention far more handsome than most drunken patrons. Not that she’d tell him that.
“Really now, Vash? You really think that girl was into you? She bolted the moment you tried to make a move on her.”
Meryl was pretty proud of herself how little contempt and judgement clouded her voice as she said this. Still, Vash dramatically recoiled.
“She was just intimidated by my handsome-ness!”
Meryl sighed.
“Yeah, sure.”
Vash gave her the stink eye before leaning in close. Meryl wasn’t entirely sure what he was going for, but any seriousness was off the table with the way his lips pulled into a childish pout.
“She said my eyes were pretty.”
“Aha.”
“She also said my smile was nice.”
“Oh, how original.”
“She ALSO said my hair was great.”
At that, Meryl laughed.
“Vash, that girl barely dared to touch your hair! Not to blame her, I wouldn’t want to stick my hand in a haystack either.”
Vash’ jaw actually dropped at that. Meryl was taken aback how the look on his face wasn’t his usual theatrical performance but looked actually offended. A disapproving noise came from Vash’ throat as he jabbed a finger at her.
“How dare you! My hair is perfectly fluffy and stylish to boot! I will not allow you to insult my soft locks!”
Wait, fluffy?
“Fluffy? You can’t be serious.”
Vash slid the palms of his hands along his hair and then went to frame his face with a hand under his chin. He gave her a dazzling smile.
“Why yes, my dear insurance girl, my wonderful hair is the smoothest silk known to man.”
Meryl’s brow twitched. There was no way. No way in heaven and hell was that broomhead of his anything but dried grass. She’s seen it in action, it never lost form, and even when drenched to the bone his hair managed to look somehow spikey.
“There’s no way.”
“Yes way.”
“I don’t believe you.”
With a huff, Meryl fell back against her chair, crossing her arms in the process. She glared up at Vash, who was only staring back with just as much stubbornness.
Ugh, why was she arguing with him. Her body was almost melting into the chair from how drained her muscles felt, and here she was spending energy bickering with this idiot. And by the way his eyes shone with a challenging glint, she knew their argument was going to go on for hours at this rate.
Even while mulling over how to easily diffuse the situation, Meryl herself didn’t drop her gaze, therefore keeping the tension between the two alight. Vash’ own eyes flitted about, seemingly also analysing the situation, when he suddenly bent forward.
Meryl jerked back at the sudden movement and watched him angle beneath her eyelevel and then turn his face downward.
“Try it.”
Meryl stared at him for a moment.
“Excuse me?”
“Touch my hair.”
Again, Meryl recoiled, thrown off kilter by the sudden demand.
“What, no!”
Vash turned his head to pout up at her.
“Hey, you said you don’t believe it! This is the easiest way to prove it!”
Meryl held his gaze, seeing the dangerous mix out stubbornness and determination written all over his face. She really did not want to touch him, but at the same time, she was just so over this argument.
So, with a defeated sigh, she gave him a small nod.
“Fine, fine, I’ll do it.”
A big grin broke out on Vash’ face before he bend downwards again, presenting her the crown of his head.
Meryl was still hesitant. Somehow, this felt way out of bounds of their relationship, not that she was even sure where the two of them stood on an intimacy basis. But getting a bit flustered being so close to him beat bickering with him for another hour or so.
Swallowing another sigh, Meryl slowly raised her hand to the top of Vash’s spikes and gently took a strand between her fingertips. She rubbed them together slowly to properly feel the texture of his hair, and felt her eyes widen.
There was no way.
Meryl brushed a few more strands between her fingers, still doubting what she was feeling.
The hair felt soft.
Too stunned to accept this fact just yet, Meryl turned her palm towards Vash, gingerly pressing the hair down atop his head. It gave way immediately, bending down with the pressure she put on it and bouncing back up straight once she removed her hand.
Meryl could not believe what she was seeing, could not believe what she was feeling. Of all the impossible things she’s seen Vash do, this somehow felt like the most implausible. It just seemed so out of the laws of physics. After all, she had seen how his hair behaves. Once it was spiked up, his hair never seemed to stray out of its shape. While moving or being caught in the wind, his strands always seemed to move as one form.
But this, this looked and felt like something that should not be happening. Meryl bunched a bit of his hair in a fist, again evaluating how it felt. It wasn’t exactly silk like, how Vash had claimed, it reminded her more of finer, more strand-like thomas down.
Meryl released his hair and pulled her hand back slightly. Eyes still glued to the blonde mess in front of her, Meryl could hear a small voice in the back of her head screaming at her not to do what she had in mind, but her curiosity was too strong to not overrule her logic.
So, tentatively, she let her fingers comb through his hair. She let them slide from atop his forehead into his hairline until all her fingers were submerged in a sea of blonde. Meryl cringed slightly as she could feel some sand and grit in between his strands, but she kept kneading through his locks, untangling some knots she came across.
Meryl hated to admit how fascinating this was. She had always assumed such a dry and rough texture from Vash’ gravity defying hair, and yet, her fingers glided through even smoother than through Milly’s hair after a fresh wash. This blew all of her expectations out of the water, so she couldn’t help but marvel at the experience.
Meryl was only dragged out of her little trance when Milly’s giggling caught her attention. She turned her head towards her colleague, raising a brow in question.
Milly was trying to hide her highly audible laughs with a hand to her mouth, but Meryl couldn’t judge her as the poor girl was swaying in her seat from her buzz. The tall girl was also struggling to get a sentence out between her uncontrollable giggles.
“Aww, Mr. Vash looks like a kitten getting pats!”
Milly burst out into more laughter at her own quip, but Meryl immediately froze as reality caught up to her. With a hammering heart, she looked down towards the man whose hair she’s been toying with for the last few minutes.
Vash, for his part, looked to be in absolute bliss. There was a big, content smile on his face, body laying on the table with his arms serving as a pillow for his head. He had his eyes closed and was humming a sigh every few moments, bright cheeks getting even rosier as his smile grew.
Meryl only noticed now her hand was still scratching at the back of his head.
Flustered, Meryl jerked back her hand, instead opting to press it against her pounding heart. Vash wailed in protest, looking as if he had been ripped out of a cozy dream. Milly only laughed harder.
Oh god, what had she been doing? Was she really that zoned out that she was giving Vash, the absolutely insufferable Stampede, head scratches? This exhaustion must be making her delirious. Yes, that’s what it must have been, the exhaustion.
With a resolute slap on the tabletop, she rose from her seat.
“Ok, that’s it, party over. C’mon Milly, we’re going.”
Twin whines met her ears, but Meryl only glared at the other two.
“No, enough is enough. It’s late, we’re exhausted, and the table is filled with almost a dozen pints. It’s time to turn in.”
Now having her resolve back, Meryl whirled on Vash and flicked him against the nose.
“This also counts for you, Mr. Fluffybuns.”
Resolute on finally getting her well-deserved sleep, Meryl slapped some double dollars onto the table, grabbed Milly by the arm and Vash by the ear, and headed out the saloon.
Sweet bed, here she comes.
______
That was easier said than done, however.
As fate and circumstances would have it, the small size of the town only provided one inn for the whole town, so Meryl found herself dragging two drunken giants along with her.
The inn was a mere five minute walk from the saloon, but the sheer difference in size, mass and drunkenness made it an ordeal for Meryl to keep her two friends on track. She felt like she was running after children that tried their hardest to run off. Only the kids were over a head taller than her and probably could throw her around as easily as a sack of potatoes.
So, it took them a good twenty minutes to finally arrive at their five-minute-away inn, and Meryl all but slumped against the counter. She was just about to ask for their keys when two heavy weights barrelled against hair, squashing her against the table and knocking the air out of her lungs. With a loud groan, she pushed them off of her, shoving them in the direction of the stairs.
“Off with you two! Let me get our keys in peace, geeze.”
Meryl turned with a huff, trying not to look too disgruntled at the man at the counter. Thankfully, if anything it was amusement crossing his features. He offered her a laugh.
“Rough night out?”
“You don’t even know. The keys to room 104 and…”
Meryl noticed she had never asked Vash for his room number. As she turned to yell after the two drunks, a small jingle caught her attention.
“And 107.”
Two pairs of keys were dangling before her eyes. She met eyes with innkeeper who only smiled at her.
“Your buddy came in just a few hours ago, and I wouldn’t forget such a gaudy get up for a while.”
A nervous laugh made its way out of Meryl’s throat. So far no one in town seemed to even have an inkling that Vash was, well, THE Vash the Stampede. Still, comments like these unnerved her just a bit.
“Oh, yeah, he just really tries to stand out, you know. Thinks it’s going to land him some points with the ladies.”
Meryl bit the inside of her cheek. Even to her that explanation sounded kind of fake, but to her relief, the innkeeper’s chuckle seemed sincere.
“Well, just make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid. The women here are vicious. If he makes the wrong move, they gonna put a bounty on him and come for his head!”
The man cracked up at his own joke, Meryl laughing only to hide how much this unsettled her. She knew it was meant as a joke, but from experience, things always liked to end badly.
So, as not to spill something she didn’t mean to, Meryl yanked the keys from the man’s hand with as much restraint as possible and hurried after her friends.
Milly and Vash were struggling up the stairs as she approached. For a moment, her heart almost jumped out of her throat when the two of them bent backwards at an alarming angle, but they managed to readjust themselves with a loud thud on the stairs, breaking out in drunken giggles. Meryl moved to shove them up the stairs, trying not to hurry them too much as to prevent them from falling over.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Meryl, they arrived at their room door. Meryl had to grab onto Milly and Vash so they wouldn’t mindlessly keep wandering down the hallway. She spun them to face her and thankfully caught their attention. Dangling the key in front of Vash’ face, she placed it in his palm, turned him around and pointed down the corridor.
“Just three doors down from here, alright?”
Vash blinked slowly, moving his eyes from the empty hallway to the key in his hand, down to Meryl and back again. Meryl waited with waning patience as his fuzzy mind processed her order, but not too long and he gave her a lazy smile and an even lazier salute and went to trudge down the corridor.
Sighing in relief, Meryl turned to her own door and unlocked it with a swift movement. The door was barely open a fraction when Milly squeezed through, making a straight beeline for her bed. Meryl could only smile, Milly really had the right idea. Collapsing in bed seemed like the best course of action right now.
However, just as Meryl moved to close the door, a nagging little voice in her mind made her hesitate. With apprehension, Meryl leaned back to see beyond the door and down the hallway.
Vash had, thankfully, found the correct room and was currently trying to push his key in the lock. Emphasis on trying.
With Vash’ glasses on, she couldn’t really read his expression but by the way his brows furrowed and he kept missing the keylock entirely, she was pretty sure his eyes refused to focus. Meryl watched him miss the hole sometimes by an inch, other times barely even striking the metal of the doorhandle. When one miss sent the key clattering to the floor but Vash kept repeating the hand motion still, Meryl groaned in resignation.
She threw a quick glance into her and Milly’s room, only to find her colleague passed out on the bed. Meryl closed the door and locked it, just to play things safe, then quickly crossed the small distance between her and Vash’ room.
Vash, for his part, had finally caught up with the fact that the key was not in his hand anymore. The way he flexed his fingers and frowned down at them were enough to clue Meryl in. When she came up to his side, she gently pushed him back a little.
“Move a bit, will you?”
Meryl noticed him startle, but as soon as recognition settled in he smiled and took a step aside. Meryl bent down to retrieve the fallen key and smoothly unlocked the door. Just like with Milly, the moment the door was open just a slit, Vash pushed his way inside. Meryl threw a glare after him but ultimately let her shoulders slump with a sigh. At least he was safely in his room.
Sticking the key on the inside of the door, Meryl turned to Vash to remind him to lock it after she left, when he suddenly stunned her into a pause.
Instead of flopping into bed, Vash had his duffle bag over his shoulder and was currently pushing open the window. Meryl only managed to startle herself out of her stupor when Vash swung a leg outside the window. With a few quick steps, Meryl bound across the room, grabbed him by the bag and dragged him back into the room. Vash fell flat on his ass, the momentum bringing his feet up in the air, and Meryl used the short moment to slam the window shut.
She whirled on him with an incredulous look on her face.
“What the hell are you doing, Vash?!”
Vash sat up with lighting speed, eyes so big they peaked out from behind his glasses.
“What does it look like, I’m bailing! They’re already after me!”
Meryl felt her heart drop down to her knees. Vash was being pursued? Why hadn’t he said anything until now? Wait, if he was being followed why had he even stopped here? And how could he let himself get this plastered knowing there was danger?
Shaking her head wildly, Meryl quickly dispelled the mounting questions from her mind. Now was not the time to fall into panic.
“Vash, what are you talking about? Who is after you and since when?”
Vash was back on his feet again, trying to edge closer to the window, but Meryl planted herself as a barricade, not allowing him to leave before she got the answers. With an indigent whine, he met her eyes.
“Didn’t you hear the innkeeper? They’re already out for my head! There’s no telling how long it will take ‘til they get me!”
Air tight in her lungs, Meryl’s eyes widened as realisation hit her.
Then she smacked Vash upside the head.
Meryl rubbed her face tiredly as irritation burnt through even her strongest haze.
“Vash, you idiot, the guy was JOKING. Now stop acting stupid and get your drunk ass in bed.”
When Vash still looked resistant, Meryl’s patience was worn too thin to talk him into doing anything. Instead, she just yanked the bag from his shoulders, grabbed him be the suspenders at his back and dragged him over to the bed. With a strong shove, she pushed him onto the bed. Vash landed with a pained grunt, but the moment he realised the softness he found himself in, his body went lax with a content sigh.
Feeling a headache come on, Meryl rubbed her temples as she thought about what to do next. With a longing look at the door, she debated whether to just leave and finally get the sleep she so desired, but Vash was hanging halfway off the bed, still fully clothed and with a gun strapped to his leg. Against her better judgement, Meryl went to close the still wide-open door and go help Vash properly get into bed.
She returned to him no 10 seconds later, and his hip was already sliding off the mattress. With a result huff, Meryl grabbed him by the belt of his coat and dragged his body fully onto the bed. She made quick work of the clasps of his boots, sliding them off and arranging them next to the bed. Next followed the knee protectors and his gun, which she decided to keep on the nightstand to still be in quick reach for him. Once again, Meryl pulled him up by the suspenders that connected to the back part of his coat, and settled him against the wall to more easily open the buttons of his coat.
She took a moment to read his expression, mostly to see if he was still awake. The reflection of his glasses didn’t give her any insight on what he might be thinking, but when his lips slowly stretched into a smug grin, she was at least sure he wasn’t asleep.
“Oh my, insurance girl, didn’t peg you for the handsy type.”
Meryl just rolled her eyes at the overly suave tone and slapped him against the chest.
“Oh, shut up, you. Don’t spout such nonsense, rather help me get this off.”
At her comment, Vash’ grin only grew but he did as he was told. With practice ease the last few buckles and buttons popped open and he slid out the form fitting coat like it was no problem. With a little shift of his hip, he tugged it out from under him and let it crumple to the floor. Apparently satisfied to be freed from excess weight, Vash let himself fall back onto the bed with his hands behind his head.
Meryl just shook her head at his antics and retrieved the coat from the floor. She was honestly surprised his coat was in such good condition with how little care he seemed to handle it. She hung the coat up on a chair and took the time to right the discarded duffle bag as well. Stepping back to Vash’ bedside, Meryl reached down to eventually pluck the glasses from his nose.
To her surprise, an arm snaked around her waist and pulled her down. With a startled gasp, Meryl tried to retrieve her balance but ultimately found herself sat down the edge of Vash’ bed. He was grinning up at her with a mischievous glint in his eyes, but Meryl only graced him with a huffed sigh. She placed his glasses by his gun before trying to peel off his hold on her.
“Come on, Vash, let go, I wanna get to bed as well.”
Meryl bit her lip, believing she might have given him just another sentence to easily turn into a tease, but Vash only laughed softly and secured his grip on her waist.
“Aww, come on, insurance girl, just until I’m asleep? Don’t wanna get nightmares. It will be real quick, I promise.”
Now, that was an unusually honest sounding request. Meryl peered down at him. Vash’ looked and sounded rather sincere, which perplexed Meryl a great deal. Even if drunk, since when did he act like this in front of her?
Still somewhat taken aback, Meryl gave a slow nod and let herself relax against the bedside. Vash looked content, small smile turning gracious, and closed his eyes with a sigh.
As he promised, he slipped off into sleep only a few moments after. Meryl couldn’t help but watch him. His little smile soon turned lax, his jaw even hanging open slightly. The arm around her loosened its grip until Vash’ hand lay slack on her lap. She could easily unwind herself from him now, leave and finally get to her own bed, but something in the carefree, calm and dare she say, vulnerable expression on Vash’ face made her so mesmerized she couldn’t get herself to move.
Then, a little twitch of the hand in her lap. Muscles tensing in his arms up to his shoulders. His jaw clamped shut and his brows furrowed. His dreams seemed to turn sour.
Meryl watched him still, apprehensive on what to do. Had he actually known he’d experience a nightmare? Was it something that had happened, or was it the alcohol that made his mind turn dark?
Either way, he seemed to have anticipated it even in his drunken stupor, and he had asked Meryl to stay.
Slowly, with her own hand trembling, she laid her thumb on the crease of his brow. With gentle strokes, she tried to ease the tension, staying attentive on how his body reacted to her touch. His muscles relaxed just a bit, the arm around her not clutching at the fabric of her shirt anymore. But the furrow in his brow and the downturn of his lips wouldn’t leave his face.
The image of a goofy smile and feeling of feather-light texture beneath her fingertips rushed through her mind.
Ever so slowly, her fingertips glid across his forehead until they met the base of his hairline again. With one smooth motion, Meryl buried her fingers in his hair. She let her nails lightly scrub against his scalp and once again carefully loosened any tangles she could find.
The effect was instant. She had not brushed her fingers through his hair three times when a heavy sigh left him, and so did the tension. The knit of his brow immediately evened out and his mouth popped back open in tiny breaths. His body basically melted into the bed after only few moments of her combing through his hair.
Vash was doing fine, he was fine. She could leave.
Meryl really didn’t want to leave.
A humourless laugh left her. She felt so selfish, enjoying an intimate moment like this even though Vash was so vulnerable underneath her hands. Meryl couldn’t deny the happy buzz beneath her skin to see him so content, so at ease. She also couldn’t deny the thrill it sent through her as smooth locks glid in between her fingers.
She wanted this, she wanted this so badly, but she also knew she couldn’t for so many reasons.
She knew Vash. No matter how big a flirt he was, intimacy was just something he seemed to deny himself at any cost, be that physical or emotional. Not that she was any better. Meryl had to bitterly admit that she was not ready to act truthful to her emotions either, she was too prideful and scared to do that.
So, sharing such a calm moment together, while one half was in drunken, sleepy daze, felt both exhilarating and awful at the same time.
But still, Vash had let her close, had requested her presence, even if he was drunk. So even if it was egocentric of her, if only for a few moments more, she wanted to be self-indulgent and enjoy the quietness and intimacy she could only dream of.
Vash was drunk out of his mind, he wouldn’t remember this.
He would never have to know.
______
Except when opening her eyes the next morning, an aquamarine gaze was staring right back at her. There was surprise, confusion, realisation and some kind of excitement sparkling back at her, and Meryl couldn’t stop the thrum that went through her body.
Oh, she was not ready to face these feelings just yet.
So a scream, a slap and a flustered march back to her own room would have to do for now.
Trigun hyperfixation has an iron grip on me and I desperately need to get my head to think of something else. Especially cos I crave so much for good stories but to my suprise, a lot of (vashmeryl) fanfics I read are extremely samey, especially the post-anime ones.
That being said, while reading, I was actually suprised to see a few scenarios or themes never explored? So I thought, since I can't get my brain to focus anyways, might as well drop some vashmerly hcs and prompts.
the one I'm most suprised has not been explored at all is Meryl and Milly trying to teach Vash how to actually talk/flirt with women. I still dunno how Vash came to be known as a womamizer in the og anime cos he is abyssmal when it comes to flirting. So, after an especially embarassing rejection, Meryl picks a fight with Vash as usual and he's all like "yeah, then you show me how it's done." Not one to chicken out on a competition (and with avid encouragement by Milly) they set up a fake date. I can totally see it going really funny, Meryl trying her darn hardest to act like an actually interested date but can't help herself from cringing and and scoffing at how stupid Vash' approaches are. So basically, it would be a mix of silly flirting and a lot of bantering.
By the end Meryl admits that he's not half bad if he just turns down the goofiness a bit, mentioning if he just ties up the night nicely he might even score a second date (she means in general, not realizing that it sounds like she's implying a date with her). Cue Vash doing the only smooth move in his life and stealing a goodnight kiss, asking "well, did it work?"
less of a prompt or headcanon, but in all the scar-centric fics Ive read, not once is it mentioned how Vash has a literal cage over his heart? Ive always loved this little design aspect, since it so obviously shows Vash fortifying his heart and keeping everyone out. I can also see Meryl being all smug like "well, im small and nimble, and the spaces between the bars are wide, I can easily slip through"
another funny thought about the metal grids on his body would be them cuddling but Meryl's hair gets caught on the metal and now they have to akwardly maneuver out of this situation
Meryl uses any and all situations to be taller than Vash. Since she is so much smaller than him, she usually stands when he sits, especially when they argue, tries to be just a few stairs above him or walks a few more steps up a slop so she can peer down on him. Not that her presence isn't big enough already, but she for sure tries her hardest to assert dominance.
To her dismay, Vash likes to use this moments to pick her up. I dunno why, but since Meryl is so small I can see Vash just enjoying it to pick her up and twirl her around. Lugging her around like a pretty looking sack of potatoes.
Vash is a human pretzel. He will contort his body in ways to hug as much of Meryl as possible.
Meryl becomes incredibly good at ignoring Vash if she needs to work. She could be sitting at her typewriter, only noticing Vash has her in a vice grip when Milly asks if she isn't distracted.
Despite how spiky it looks, Vash' hair is actually pretty soft and fluffy, and once Meryl finds out she uses any opportunity to run her fingers through it. Vash doesn't mind cos he totally digs the head scratches (humanoid typhoon? more like humanoid doggo)
when traveling together, they usually share a thomas cos Vash can't ride for shit. Vash likes to be dramatic and complain about it (cos he's a big boy thank you very much) but he can't deny that he wholly enjoys being cuddled up behind Meryl for hours on end.
Welp, just some food for thought cos my brain is in Trigun overdrive. These are specifically based on the 98 versions of them but I have a whole lot for Stampede as well haha
- dunno how many of you know that one winter scene from Toradora, but there's this scene where Taiga gets lost in a snowstorm, Ryuji saves her but she thinks it's another friend and basically spills all the beans on how she feels about him.
So, the Vashmeryl version of that, Meryl gets drunk (for once) and Vash piggybacks her back to the hotel. Meryl is half asleep as well, so she thinks it's Milly, and she laments how, after finally seeing Vash again, she just slips right back into their old song and play. She cant help but put up her usually angry front and she hates how she cant be honest with her feelings, like how she's so happy he's doing well or how scared she is for him to leave again. Oh, why did she have to fall in love with that guy. Meanwhile Vash is freaking out more and more by the second.
- Another fitting Toradora thing; Vash realising he likes Meryl (before she shares her feelings with him) and she takes him by the ear to avoid another catastrophic situation. When he whines she pulls him close to tell him to shuddup when he suddenly goes all red, which in turn makes her fluster.
- This one is more Stampede, but Meryl doodling on Vash's prostetic arm, drawing cute and fun patterns all over it.
- Meryl doing this grand speech (lecture) on how Vash isnt a monster, how he cant run and keep himself from relationships forever, yadda yadda, basically declaring her lover for him. Vash after lotsa hesitation kinda accepting, then sheepishly asking if she could say that again. All of Meryl's grandeur falling away as she suddenly becomes way too embarrassed to repeat herself.
- if Meryl cant reach stuff bcs of her height, instead of just reaching for it himself, Vash picks up Meryl so she can reach it herself. She hates it but eventually relents when he keeps doing it
- Vash has lots of nicknames for Meryl, some which agravate her to no end, so she fires back at some point. She calls him chicken boy, fruity and other feather or plant based things. She does use it sarcastically but also endearingly when she calls him "apple of my eye" and stuff like that. Meryl thinks she's getting on his nerves but he highly enjoys this.
this hc has been stuck in my mind for a while now, but I just can totally see poor Meryl having to drive through the night, tired beyond belief, while all the other guys just snore loudly around her. This hc lends itself well for late night talks though. Meryl is huffing and puffing, complaining how everyone just leaves her to do all the work, when Vash speaks up from behind her. As usual, Meryl almost topples the car with how bad it swerves, but since everyone is so used to that by now, Wolfwood and Roberto just sleep right through it. Cue Meryl and Vash bantering and then it turning into a suprisingly deep and honest conversation or sth.
since we're on the topic of "vehicles". We know from ep 2 that Vash can in fact right a thomas, which was not a thing in the og. So I think it would be funny if it's the opposite for Meryl, her temperament not rly letting her vibe with the animals, so she cant ride one. So when they have to make a getaway, everyone hops on a thomas to flee, except for Meryl cos she just knows the overgrown bird would throw her right off. When Vash runs up to her and tells he to hurry, she confesses she cant ride a thomas, and to her suprise he just swoops her on his own and they right off after the others. Meryl will never admit that despite all the adrenaline, being cuddled up back to chest with Vash was in fact a very nice experience
speaking of cuddling up to someone (wow, my transitions are on point today), Meryl has always been kinda baffled how someone as lean as Vash was as athletic and strong as he was. So, when Meryl is being Meryl and runs straight into the trouble Vash (and probably Wolfwood) find themselves in without Roberto being there to hold her back, Meryl suddenly finds herself being thrown behind cover by Vash to not accidentally get shot or something. Only in this close proximity, pressed up against his chest and grabbing onto his arms for dear life, does she notice how this beanpole of a man was all solid muscles. Meryl cannot look him in the eye for the rest of the day as the feelings that revelations brings with it send her reeling.
last one is just a small hc, I like the thought that either of their earings isnt just accessories but sth important to them. Maybe you have a situation where, in a scuffle, one of them loses an earring and the other is rly suprised how frantically the other searches for it. Or they get a closer look at one of the earrings and notice some kind of message or stuff engraved on one side/ on the inside of it. This rly just leads back to my adoration for the idea of them exchanging earrings as a promise to come back to each other.
Vash stumbles upon a book Meryl is reading and just skims through it since he's curious what kind of stories she likes to read. He gets hooked immediately but when Meryl almost walks in on him reading, he acts as if he hasnt just read a third of the book. Vash acts all nonchalant about the fact but he stopped right when stuff was getting super interesting, so whenerver he sees Meryl reading it he tries to look over her shoulder or steal the book for himself.
One time Meryl DOES catch him in the act as he stares intently over her shoulder at the pages and doesn't notice that she's staring right back at him. He immediately tries to backpaddle, but suprsingly, Meryl invites him to just read together. Cue that lil action evolving into a routine for them and while they barely touched shoulders at the start, by the third book they're all cuddled up together and they audibly react to the twist and turns of whatever story they read.
Going with the idea that TriStamp Meryl isn't actually that good at cooking and TriStamp Vash is still super into doughnuts, Meryl tries to secretly learn how to make them, as a lil' pick-me-up since Vash is always going through so much shit. At first it's really not working out so great, so she never gives him her attempts, but she keeps practicing nonetheless. Meryl didn't anticipate though that Vash has a keen nose so he starts picking up on the baking smell. Vash would just lean close and tell her "You smell delicious." and Meryl would NOT handle that well.
Another TriStamp idea; Wolfwood and Meryl give me BIG sibling vibes in the show (Wolfwood in general feels like such an edgy teenage middle child to me), so I can see them egg each other on a lot. When Wolfwood catches her looking at Vash once with that contemplating look, he starts teasing her on having a crush on him. Meryl at first doesn't want argue back, because "she's an adult and a professional" but Wolfwood being the lil shit that he is, is a master at pushing all her buttons.
At some point though, she just gets so frustrated that she shouts "Yeah, I do! So what of it?!" kinda forgetting that both Vash and Roberto are also in the room.
If you remember human pretzel Vash from the initial prompts, I feel like if Vash has nightmares or just lots of bad thoughts, he doesn't really like talking about them but he does seek comfort. So he just silently seeks out Meryl and curls around her in cute to really confusing and physically impossible positions. At first Meryl got really concerned about this but after a while she just lets him do his thing, she usually just keeps working or doing whatever she was doing before, just leaving enough space for Vash to hang on.
Meryl also uses situations like these to learn to read Vash's moods better. If he's getting really quiet and clingy, she tries not to get as irritated with him, and if he's overly obnoxious and annoying but looks genuinely happy, she sometimes bites down on remarks.
Even if Merly potraits herself as professional and level headed, she and Vash live off of pettiness. If one is miffed, they do the most stupid and childish things to get back at each other. Meryl would make donuts and purposefully put in ingredients she knows Vash hates, while Vash would be super dimissive of her but in such a theatric way, that he somehow calls for more attention even though he's supposed to be ignoring her. Or he'd start prancing around in plateau boots or heels or sth, just to be even freaking taller than her.
Vash has to learn new flirting techniques with Meryl, cos he usually likes to flex his height to win girls over, like, leaning over them, hand against the wall and looking down at them all "seductively". Meryl hates being called small and him trying these moves on her just makes her think he's making fun of her, so they never work.
The one thing that does, however, always throw Meryl for a loop is when he's being all silly and goofy and she lets her guard down, and he suddenly gets up close and gets all serious. Meryl can't deal with the emotional whiplash. Vash can't keep up the face though, because seeing Meryl fluster because of him just gives him back the goofy smile.
Meryl is an even more terrible flirt than Vash when she's drunk. At first she manages to hold back, but once her feelings have been validated, she doesn't hold back anymore. Vash always tries to get drunk too the few times Meryl lets herself get plastered, cos the one time he was sober when Meryl wasn't, the things she kept insinuating even made him red in the face.
I am back in once again, this time cooking edition! (totally not cos Im cooking rn, nope)
- In a previous prompt I pointed out how I think TriStamp Meryl cant rly cook that well, but I can totally see her picking it up as a hobby to get her mind off of things. We don't know yet how the whole escapade in July is gonna end, but Im pretty certain it will leave Meryl out of commission for some while. And since food is a necessity and she'd be restless being homebound, she slowly but surely takes up cooking as it is very methtodical and based on routine, which makes it easy to take your mind off of things.
- That being said, I think Meryl in either version unknowingly shows her mood through cooking. While she always has a precise and efficient system, when she's in a good mood the whole affair feels a lot calmer. She'd hum while cutting veggies and smile when tastetesting. On the other hand, when she's angry, the knife moves so fast you can barely see it, and sometimes she stirs so hard the food spills out the pot/pan. So when Vash sees her leave deep cuts in the cutting board, he knows not to mess with her.
- I dont remember if I already wrote that prompt, but I think cooking would be a hobby between 98 vash and meryl. I feel like Vash is actually a good cook but only if you give him a recipe. He's just not practiced enough to wip up stuff on the spot and his taste isnt practiced enough to rly point out whats missing in a meal. But Meryl got all the expertise, so after one session of him teasing Meryl, only it turning into honest intrigue in her cooking skills, somehow ended up in the two of them often preparing meals together. Meryl would show Vash all the recipes she knows and teach him what spices to add to get the taste he'd like, while Vash would introduce some more wild recipes and push Meryl to experiment more.
- I cannot see TriStamp Vash being able to cook at ALL tho. His denial of food as self punishment aside, this boy probably didnt stay long enough in one spot to even think about cooking food, probably doesnt even allow himself to get a warm meal in a bar or sth. So when he gets his first homecooked meal from Meryl after not having eaten one in so long, boy is so damn touched.
- Meryl would also try to get Vash to help her out to cook under the guise of "if you're out wandering again, at least you can feed yourself properly", which rly is just a ruse to figure out what Vash likes so she can cook accordingly (and also to have him close and spend time with him but she'd never say that out loud)
Just wanted to say thanks so much for all the kind comments, for the fic but for the comic too.
Some people have been saying they really do enjoy my characterization and details, which honestly, makes me very very happy.
I don't consider myself a writer. I like to write, but I'm no writer, if only for the reason that I don't really intend to put time in improving that skill.
But to hear that the things I have been putting time into, which is characters and character analyis, translate into my writing, that makes me rly giddy ngl.
This also reminds me of an old comment I once got that said they like how I structure long sentences and stuff like that and I'm like:
perks of speaking natively in German I guess, I had sentence structure drilled into my brain at a young age lmao
Here’s also the bit of fanfic I wrote in a daze yesterday. Mind you, I wrote most of this in one go, half asleep and re-read it maybe once. Might feel a bit weirdly paced but whatever:
Jeneora Rock n’ Roll!
Meryl considered herself a kind person. No nonsense and sometimes a bit short-tempered, but always willing to lend a helping hand. She was no criminal, that’s for sure.
Was she currently looking down at a wanted poster of herself? Unfortunately, yes, she was.
Meryl glowered at what she could only describe as a crude caricature of herself. She was a woman short of stature, with big blue eyes and slim body, most of the time covered by a wide cloak and covered in sand. Intimidating wasn’t how she would describe herself. The offending image on the poster was of a tall, busty woman who’s chest showed even from behind her coat flaps, her long face staring back with a sultry look.
A grumble rippled through Meryl’s throat and she had to take a big gulp of her beer just to stop herself from letting out a string of profanities. She’d been on the run for years now and everytime a new iteration of the “Sexy Typhoon” found its way between her hands, she was reminded why she had been as successful as she was with avoiding authorities. Except for the similar haircut and the rather faithful coat, this caricature didn’t look like her at all.
It wasn’t even like she was an actual criminal! She had just been at the wrong place, at the wrong time and suddenly there was a 6 million $$ bounty on her head and a string of disastrous luck to follow.
Meryl’s hands gripped the paper just a bit tighter, a lump forming in her throat at the memory. It hadn’t been her fault, she hadn’t been the one to destroy a whole town. Yet, just thinking back on that day, if she just hadn’t…
“Vash!”
Shoulders jerking up in surprise, Meryl snapped her gaze towards the bar’s entrance. The previously rather rude bar lady had switched her frown into a blooming smile, her face almost glowing from the pure happiness on her face. The recipient of that outburst was a tall, lanky man in a bright red coat and a mop of shiny blonde hair. In fact, the whole bar had gone into an uproar as soon as the men had entered, cheerful welcomes and many excited shouts making the man fluster.
Meryl just raised her brow. The townsfolk of Jeneora Rock were your typical, doubtful bunch. With two Plants of their own, they were no strangers to gangs and thieves trying to infiltrate the city, but they were grouchy and insane enough to fight back on their own. That was also why they usually showed any strangers the cold shoulder, as Meryl had graciously experienced herself.
Seeing them this jovial and happy about another person sure was strange. For cautiousness’ sake, she turned her eyes back to the paper in her hands, but she perked her ears for any snippet of information that she could gather.
From the short look she had gotten of him, the man – presumably Vash – must have some official function. He wore bright orange glasses on the top of his head, a pen tucked behind one ear, an earring on the other. Despite the mass of people blocking him, she had caught some kind of badge or pass hanging from his neck and vanishing in a pocket by his chest. He looked too young and loose to be a Plant engineer and also not rough or conniving enough for a sheriff or mayor. Not that the people of Jeneora Rock would take kindly to someone like that in the first place.
She strained her ear to catch more of the conversation. Something about him saving the town? No, him reporting about the town? Wait, now there was discussion about the Plant-
Meryl snapped her eyes downwards, not having realized her gaze had travelled back to the entrance. The bar lady and this Vash figure had moved to the counter, the crowd now dispersed. She had to be more careful, she was trying to keep a low profile after all. No need to appear as if she was spying on strangers.
Eyes now focusing back on the offending poster in front of her, Meryl frowned all over again.
“Why even “Meryl the Stampede”? Doesn’t roll of the tongue…”
“I agree. Not to mention, that doesn’t even look like you.”
Meryl’s whole body tensed, her breath seizing all together. There was an unknown voice right by her ear and she had not even noticed the person approach. Cautiously, she turned her eyes sidewards, only to be met with bright aquamarine staring back at her.
It was the man from the entrance, Vash.
He smiled cheerily at her and, without even asking, took the seat next to hers. Only then did it hit her what he had even said.
Her wide-eyed stare narrowed down to a severe frown.
“Who are you?”
Vash backpaddled, his smile morphing to a flat line and his hands flying up in a surrendering gesture.
“Woah, scary! They really don’t do the real thing justice.”
Meryl’s brow twitched. Not only did this weird man apparently know her true identity, but he even had the gall to make fun of her. She was no fool, despite the placating look she could see the corner of his mouth twitch upwards.
As she decided to keep quiet, the man in red popped open an eye to look at her. Something under Meryl’s skin bristled. Despite his approachable appearance, there was something sharp behind those eyes, something a lot more serious and dangerous than what his dopey smile presented.
He left her no time to ponder on this realisation as his stare suddenly turned into a 1000-Watts smile, sending Meryl reeling, and a hand entered her space.
“You can call me Vash! I’m a freelance reporter turned newbie at the Bernadelli news agency!”
Meryl quirked a brow.
“Isn’t that kind of backwards?”
Vash only laughed sheepishly and Meryl found herself slowly shaking his hand. Before he could take his back, however, she tightened her grip and fixed him with a look that she hoped was as threatening and she had planned.
“Well, Vash, it seems I don’t have to introduce myself.”
Her grip tightened to a painful degree.
“How do you know?”
Vash, apparently not affected by his fingers bending in an unnatural angle, just questioningly tipped his head to the side.
“Aren’t you literally the most wanted criminal on all of Noman’s Land?”
She barely left him enough time to finish the sentence before slapping both her hands onto his mouth. As subtly as possible she raked a quick look over the bar in apprehension someone might have heard. Thankfully, the drunkards and poker players were too absorbed into their groups to pay them any mind.
Meryl sighed heavily before glaring back at the reporter who patiently waited for her to free his lips. She tightened her jaw. This guy was dangerous. Infuriating, but dangerous. Having a reporter here who knew who she truly was really was just another entry on her long list of unlucky situations she found herself in. She could also not read this guy at all. He was all smiles and lax attitude, but it had been him who had approached with intent. Her brow furrowed.
“Listen here, you little-“
A glass was slammed onto the table, her own half empty beer wobbling dangerously. Twin stares shot up to meet the angry look of the bar lady. Meryl noted that that fury was only directed at her.
“I do not take kindly to roughhousing in my bar.”
Her voice was deep and grouchy, had Meryl been anyone else she might have shrunk under that glare. But she stared back defiantly, ending in a glaring match with the barkeep. She felt something squirm beneath her hands, which made the other woman snap her eyes towards her involuntary companion.
“Do you know her, Vash? Depending on your answer, I might have to react differently.”
Meryl did not miss the underlying threat, neither did Vash, apparently. He sprung back from her hands, only to encircle her shoulders with a long, lanky arm. Meryl was tugged in and crushed to his side, his loud laughter booming.
“Oh, Rosa, calm down! Everything’s fine!”
His laugh was shrill in her ears and she was already starting to jab her elbow into his ribs. His grip only tightened.
“She’s actually an old college buddy of mine! Remember, I told you about my time at November university.”
Meryl felt the blood drain from her face. There was no way he could know, this had to be a lucky guess. Yes, of course, there were a handful of universities to go around, he had to just have chosen November on accident. There was no way he knew that she-
Another wave of Vash’ fake sounding laughter brought her out of her second-long panic. He was jostling her whole body from side to side and, looking up, she saw that he was staring down at her with an insistent gaze. She frowned, annoyed, and turned back to the bar lady. Rosa was eyeing them suspiciously for a while before a sigh left her. She did not look convinced at all, but she had seemingly given up.
“Fine, I’ll let it go. I hate how you always get yourself in trouble, but I hope you know what’s best for you, Vash.”
With another grumble, she put down a second glass of water, this time in front of Meryl. An uneasy feeling bloomed deep in her stomach as she took in the brown liquid presented before her.
“Sorry ‘bout the dirty water, our water production Plant is malfunctioning.”
Meryl was surprised at the sincere apology. It made sense, however, once she realized it was directed towards Vash. The reporter had a worried knit in his brow as he swirled the brown liquid in its cup. Rosa tapped nervously on her tray.
“We’re buyin’ what we can from a neighbouring town, but there’s just not ‘nough to go around.”
“Maybe I can do something.”
Rosa and Vash jerked their heads towards her. The malfunctioning Plant was no surprise to Meryl. In fact, it was exactly the reason why she was here in the first place. And now she had the perfect opportunity to get close to it. She threw Rosa a look.
“I’m actually a Plant engineer.”
The bar lady rose a disbelieving brow.
“A plant engineer? Didn’t you say she went to your university?”
The question was posed to the reporter next to her, though he could only look back at Rosa with bewilderment. Meryl scoffed.
“Yeah, and? We had different majors. Didn’t know you countryfolk were this uneducated…”
A crude remark, one she slipped out with practiced ease despite the sour taste in her mouth. If there was anything she had quickly learnt in the wild west of Noman’s land, it was that getting townsfolk riled up is the quickest way to get what she wanted. Once they were too emotional to think straight, it was easier to manipulate the conversation in a way she wanted. Even if she hated doing it.
Rosa squared her shoulders at the jab, growl coming from deep within her throat. Vash had shot up, placating hands waving from Rosa to Meryl and back and effectively doing nothing to calm the situation. Meryl also rose from her seat, albeit slowly and with purpose.
“Want me to help you or not?”
Her tone was cold and annoyed and she turned up her nose just slightly. Rosa immediately bristled, but despite her flared nostrils, her glare grew suspicious.
“How can we trust you?”
Meryl clicked her tongue. Rosa was a smart one, she would give her that, not falling for her spiel. Meryl tried not to let her disappointment show, instead she just waved her arms across her form.
“What do you think I’ll do, steal it? If you remember, I quite literally crawled in her on all fours with nothing but this cloak on my back.”
She heard something that sounded suspiciously like a snort from her side.
Rosa kept staring.
“Alright. Then what do you want? We don’t really have the money to pay you.”
Must have been the truth considering the bitter tone to Rosa’s voice. At least she had the barkeep hooked, now she just needed the perfect argument to get her on her side fully. This was not the first time being in this situation, and despite no one ever believing her, Meryl usually asked for nothing. The reason, of course, was simple: She wasn’t really an engineer. She had witnessed Plant maintenance up close often enough to maybe fix small issues, but if a Plant malfunctioned badly enough to the point of leaving water brown, she probably could do nothing. Not that it mattered, she was here for her own interests after all.
Trying another tactic than just stubbornly glaring at each other, Meryl let herself deflate with an almost pathetic whine, evidently catching Rosa off guard.
“Honestly?” she mumbled, “if I just get a hot meal and warm bath out of this, then it’s on the house.”
Rosa now stared at her with a comedic mix of disbelief, confusion and suspicion. The way her eyes raked over Meryl’s face betrayed her inner conflict and Meryl could basically feel the tension thickening in the air.
You could hear a needle drop.
Instead, something loud and metallic clatter on the table, both women jerking from the sudden interruption. Vash chuckled.
“Tonis! Are these the new pets you wanted to show me?”
Meryl’s eyes inched sideways towards the intruder, only to stare back at unblinking, bulging green eyes. They were buzzing.
A startled squeal escaped her and she swore she almost jumped her own height off the ground. Meryl scrambled away from the caged insects, somehow ending up behind Vash and gripping his shoulders for dear life. Through her panic she noted that one of his shoulders was a lot harder than the other, unnaturally so. It ended as a passing thought, however, as she ducked behind his back once the Worms started buzzing loudly.
Rosa, for one long moment, just stared in disbelief, cogs only slowly turning behind her eyes. It was only when Vash and Tonis shared a hearty laugh that her frown fell back into place.
“Tonis! How often have I told you not to bring those inside!”
The culprit – a young boy with reddish hair and a missing tooth – squealed at Rosa’s bellow. Vash laughed at their antics and let himself be tugged out the bar by the kid. Once they left, both women let out a heavy sigh, Meryl’s full of relieve while Rosa’s was grave.
Their eyes met again and Meryl could tell something in her gaze had changed. The barkeep was sizing her up again, but Meryl could watch her defiant expression slowly breaking. In the end, another deep exhale left Rosa and she turned fully towards Meryl.
“Alright. If you are offering, I’d be a fool to decline. Give me a minute and I’ll show you the way.”
A small, triumphant smile snuck onto Meryl’s lips as she watched the bar lady go.
---
No matter how often she came across the big, metal doors leading towards a Plant chamber, Meryl always found herself in awe. The structure was gigantic and it seemed almost silly something this big could open by itself. Well, almost.
Meryl watched with a sympathetic quirk to her brow as two men were struggling with a lever by the gate. It groaned heavily and once they managed to flip it, the big metal door crawled at an agonizingly slow place.
Rosa, to her left, gave a sigh. Vash, to her right, chuckled good naturedly. Meryl threw him a look.
“Why are you here?”
Despite her curt tone, the lanky reporter only grinned down at her.
Now up close, Meryl could tell his profession more clearly. She had indeed caught a badge hanging from his neck, now fully taken from his neck and stuffed in his breast pocket. His other two pockets were bulging with the notepads and instant cameras he had squished inside.
What also immediately sprang to attention was the ridiculous gun at his thigh. This was no small self-defence weapon, this was a proper firearm that looked suspiciously like lost technology. What reporter had any business carrying something like that around?
Vash cringed slightly under her piercing stare.
“Why, I’m here to report, of course!”
As if to emphasize his statement, he fished out his camera from one of his pockets. Or at least, tried to as its cord got stuck and he ended up lifting half his coat.
Meryl just kept staring.
Vash chuckled nervously, before dropping his shoulders in a whine.
“I really have to get a scoop here, you know! Or my senior is going to have my neck.”
Trepidation found its way onto his features.
“I might have…gone off ahead of him. Alone…But he still has the car!”
Meryl hadn’t asked but he immediately swung his arms around to defend himself. Rosa from behind her chuckled.
“Well, you might as well. We could really need you saving us again.”
Now, that got Meryl’s attention. She turned from the bumbling buffoon to the other woman, voicing her question with a quirked brow.
“He saved the town?”
Rose smirked.
“Sure did. This Plant already malfunctioned a few years back. We had an engineer coming but apparently, he’d gotten lost somewhere on his way here.”
The barkeep sighed, fingers pinching her brow. Apparently just remembering the ordeal brought forth a headache.
“Thankfully, Vash was coming by the town at the same time. Guy looked at our glum faces and went out into the desert alone to find the lost engineer.”
Meryl found herself turning back to the reporter, this time with newfound astonishment. Vash had dropped his clownish act and now seemed genuinely flustered, hand jumping to the back of his neck. Meryl heard Rosa’s voice continue behind her.
“Not only did he find the poor, shivering lad, he also wrote one heck of an article about Jeneora Rock which spiked our tourism for a good while.”
Rosa now leaned over Meryl’s shoulder, winking at Vash with a flirty look.
“Might need you to do another one of those, eh?”
Now looking thoroughly uncomfortable by the attention, Vash just laughed strangely and turned back to the big gates, which had finally stopped rumbling.
“Oh look, gate’s open, let’s go!”
He all but ran into the building. Rosa chuckled while all Meryl could offer was a roll of her eyes.
The jovial atmosphere was all but forgotten once they stepped into the chamber. Vash was already standing before the big tank, shoulders squared, and Meryl could only empathise with his apprehensive stature.
Plants usually swam in a cool tank, the water shimmering in an unearthly blue. For Meryl personally, it had always been a mesmerizing and calming sight. But the big cauldron before her shone in an unsettling purple, radiating off just a feeling of wrongness.
They ascended the stairs in tense silence. Meryl and Vash kept their eyes on the tank, watching their own, frowning expressions reflected back at them. Rosa could only switch her nervous gaze from one to the other.
Once they reached the platform, Meryl was loath to find the exact situation she had feared.
“It’s red.”
Two tanks stood next to each other, each holding the bulb of a Plant inside. One was tainted in a bloody red. Rosa was eyeing her verily.
“Is that bad?”
Meryl’s breath hitched.
“It means its dying.”
Meryl jerked her head towards Vash, who looked at her surprised in return. He had uttered the sentence at the same time as her, though she could have sworn he had used “she”. Meryl’s brows fell into a furrow. How would some no name reporter know that. Who even was this guy?
Their little stare-off was only interrupted by Rosa’s rising voice.
“Wait, what do you mean dying? We can’t afford a new one!”
Meryl looked at her with a pinched look. It wasn’t like she couldn’t understand Rosa’s panic, but to Meryl a red Plant meant something a lot more terrifying than some dirty water.
“If we don’t do something, getting a new Plant will be the least of you worries.”
It had only been a silent mutter, but she was acutely aware how Vash’ eyes widened a fraction.
“So you need money, do you?”
The trio startled at the introduction of a new voice. Looking back at the staircase, a group of dark clad men stood by the railing, all heavily armed.
Vash laughed and waved his hand in greeting, but Meryl could hear the nervous slant to it.
“Oh, the JuLai military police! How can we help you?”
Meryl felt her blood run cold. JuLai military police? Why were these guys here?! Jeneora Rock was literally on the other side of the map!
To Meryl’s utter dismay, the mustached man turned towards her, sneer planted on his face.
“We’ve finally tracked you down, Humanoid Typhoon!”
There was no way, not only had someone finally recognized her, but the JULAI MILITARY POLICE of all people? She was in deep trouble.
The captain of the group stepped forward, sinister grin stretching his lips, and flicked his wrist to present a paper. The poster he held was the first accurate print she had ever seen of herself. Usually, they veered off into unrealistic caricatures, but the one staring back at her could have been a mirror for all she knew.
There was a severe frown on her face and the way they had printed her sunglasses made her look almost feral. But Meryl knew exactly when this photo had been taken, after all, she had literally barrelled into the photographer. Despite how intimidating she looked on the paper, she knew for a fact she had just been bewildered beyond believe.
“Haven’t you heard of the huge bounty on that lass’ head?”
Meryl shook herself, this was no time to get scatterbrained. She glanced at Rosa from the corner of her eye, taking in the wide-eyed look on her face.
“Six million…”
Rosa muttered quietly, but Meryl already didn’t like the indication in her voice on where her mind was going. As footfalls approached, Meryl glared back the police officer. He laughed.
“Funnily enough, that’s exactly the cost of a Plant. If you turn her in, it’ll solve this town’s problems.”
Meryl scoffed at his self-satisfactory sneer.
The men came to a stop just a few feet in front of her, wanted poster still pushed her way as if mocking her. Meryl slowly crouched into a defensive stance, watching the guy closely.
Suddenly, an awkward laugh from the side.
“My, my, can we not just talk about this?”
Vash’ lackluster attempt at diffusing the situation was answered by hurried actions on both sides. The police captain made a hasty grab for her, but Meryl sprung forward from her low angle. She slid past under his arms, leaving him stumbling and fighting to keep his footing.
His men engaged immediately, crowding her and already taking out a rope to restrain her.
Meryl huffed. If they thought a group of lumbering men could win against her speed, then they were mistaken.
She kept her momentum, running towards them with as much speed as she could muster. As planned, the quick approach made them hesitate and fumble. She rushed past them, trying to grab at their weapons. She managed to detach one officer’s gun holster and kick it off the platform.
Meryl jumped back a few steps when one man’s hand came too close for comfort. She eyed the stairwell and decided to make a run for it. Unfortunately, two of the attackers had managed to get their bearings and blocked her path. She managed to whirl around the first man as he made a haphazard grab for her. His colleague forewent trying to catch her and went in for the attack, whirling his arm back to take a swing at her.
Once his stance opened wide, Meryl let gravity drag her down, sliding underneath the man’s fist and through his legs, all while grabbing hold of his ankle and taking him down. A satisfying crunch echoed through the chamber as the police officer went down chin first.
Meryl stumbled back onto her feet, now almost at the stairs, only for a well-aimed shot to block her path. She crouched low again, swinging around to face her assailants.
The police captain frowned at her, face more annoyed than angry, and aimed his gun forward.
“You better stop resisting, if you know what’s good for you.”
A quiet growl left her as the conniving bastard made a quick gesture towards Rosa and Vash. This asshole was going to hold two civilians at gun point just to try and catch her. Meryl was debating whether to bluff and act uncaring, but by the way she was already hesitating, mustache man immediately got his bargaining chips validated.
Meryl’s eyes sprung from one of the goons to the next as they slowly approached. What to do? She could still make a run for it, but by the sheer glee in the bastard officer’s dark eyes, she couldn’t be sure that Vash and Rosa were safe. Should she fight? But then they could end up hurting the Plants…
Still, she wouldn’t go down easily, that’s just not how she rolled. Oh so slowly, her hand inched backwards. The inside of her coat was lined with ten thin but hardy Thomas leather strips, each strip holding onto 5 derringers with a secure lash. Meryl prided herself on her speed, so if she just reacted fast enough, she could take these loons down before they even fired the first shot.
Everything seemed slow down, the men’s steps echoing threefold in her mind as they zeroed in on her. Her fingertips had already reached cool metal, when-
“Hey, hey, hey, you sure about that?”
The slurred voice broke the tension like a flying beer mug crashing against a saloon’s wall.
“Vash?!”
Rosa’s incredulous outcry made everyone swerve their heads towards the reporter. Meryl furrowed her brows in confusion as Vash stumbled forward, an unmistakable sway to his step.
Was… was he drunk?
“This is gonna make a great article.”
He lumbered towards the captain, getting all up in the man’s face.
“You’re that reporter from the desert.”
“How about this as a headline:”
Now Vash was leaning back towards Rosa as if expecting an answer. Instead of waiting for a reaction, he swivelled back to bastard officer, hand slapping the air as if putting his words on an invisible wall.
“JuLai police show their weakness: Cowardly drawing their guns on unarmed suspect!”
Meryl’s eyes widened as realization set in. Vash was doing exactly what she had tried with Rosa, riling the officers up until he had him exactly where he wanted him to.
She frowned.
Why act as a drunk, though?
Vash and the officer were now basically nose to nose, the reporter smiling smugly albeit lopsidedly, while the police captain seethed.
“If you’re a real man, then you will settle this with a duel.”
“A duel?!”
Meryl couldn’t stop the outburst. What was that idiot reporter doing?! She was trying to get AWAY from the JuLai police, not be forced in close proximity to their captain and having to SHOOT him! It was Meryl’s MO to not hurt people, heck, at least half her derringers were filled with rubber bullets. And now a duel, was this guy for real?!
“Otherwise, you will be known as a coward for the rest of your days.”
Vash broke his “drunk uncle” spiel with a sing-song voice, openly mocking the officer now. The bastard captain glowered.
Then there was a gun in Vash’ face.
Rosa gasped and even the officer’s cronies seemed a bit taken aback by the action.
Then, a smirk lifted his mustache.
“You’re on.”
Everyone jerked in surprise by the statement.
“Captain!”
“Are you serious?”
The officers were getting into a frenzy as Vash and their captain started laughing over each other in an exceedingly unhinged way. Merly could do little but sit there with her mouth hanging open.
Suddenly, the bastard officer’s eyes darted her way, before fixating back on Vash.
“But, you will be the one duelling me, reporter boy.”
Vash’ laugh cut off immediately after that.
---
“It’s a duel!”
When Meryl had arrived only hours earlier in Jeneora Rock, she could have never guessed she would end up in a situation like this. If that wasn’t the story of her life.
The townsfolk excitedly put piles upon piles of money and coin into betting hats, shouting loudly while cheering on the different sides of the duel.
Meryl rose her gaze to the rock outcropping bathed in the evening sun. Vash was waving widely at the crowd, howling back and striking poses. It didn’t take him long to deflate once he faced his opponent.
Meryl had a very bad feeling about this.
“It’s a quick-draw duel, the last man standing wins!”
She heard Rosa sigh next to her.
“I don’t think a duel was the best idea.”
The barkeep sounded legitimately worried. Meryl couldn’t blame her, one look at Vash and she could immediately tell he going to do horribly at this. But, her sympathetic side still wanted to elevate the mood if just a bit.
“You don’t win a duel by drawing first.”
“Huh?”
Rosa now turned to her. Meryl gave her a wry smile.
“If you shoot too early or too late, you lose.”
If you survive, that is.
Meryl thought that last part quietly.
Rosa still had an uncertain knit to her brow. Meryl sighed, turning back to the duel-to-be.
“Well, all we can do now is watch.”
And watch they did – a whole lot of nothing until suddenly that bastard officer whipped out a bazooka from seemingly nowhere.
Meryl watched in horror as a cluster bomb sprang apart in the sky high above Jeneora Rock. If that thing hit, it wasn’t just the Plant that would be dying.
“That cowardly bastard-!”
Meryl had to get up there, fast, if only to minimize some of the damage. But the screaming, fleeing crowd made it impossible to close in, only shoving her back more and more. She wrenched herself to the side, stumbling into a small alleyway and effectively adjecting herself from the human flood.
Catching her breath quickly, she took a peek around the corner, back to the duel. She just caught the tail end of a conversation.
“Vash, get down here!”
“Keep everyone inside!”
Rosa was shouting pleadingly up at the reporter, but, surprisingly he stood his ground. Meryl watched with a sense of awe as Vash confidently turned towards the falling bomb, cape catching in the wind like some western movie.
She watched him widen his stance and stare down certain doom. For a moment, everything seemed to still, then his hand shot down towards his thigh. His gun left its sling in a fluid motion, now aimed skyward. Vash was preciously adjusting his angle and Meryl could pinpoint the moment his posture locked in place to take the shot.
Only, nothing happened.
His arm twitched again and again, nothing firing from his pistole. He lowered his arm to inspect the bullet chamber. His shoulders tensed.
“You’re joking.”
There was no way. He did not just enter a duel with an empty gun- No, yes, he did, he was already shouting frantically towards the fleeing crowd for ammo.
Meryl rubbed her face. This guy was impossible.
“Does anyone have .22 calliber bullets?!”
Vash’ shrill voice carried over the rock outcropping, panic very evident. Meryl patted herself down quickly, trying to find any spare bullet. Her own weapons didn’t have the bullets he needed and there was nothing in her pockets but lint and sand. She groaned.
She rounded the corner, analysing the scene before her. There was no way she would make it up there in time to take a shot herself, but looking around, all the townsfolk already slammed their doors and windows closed. At this rate both Vash and the JuLai police, and if worst came to shove, half of Jeneora Rock would be decimated.
“Anyone!!!!”
Meryl ground her teeth. She had to do something!
Unsure steps approached her. Turning towards the sound, a slightly dazed Rosa shuffled towards her. Wordlessly but with a determined knit to her brow, she held her hand up to Meryl.
The .22 bullet shone in a shimmering gold in the evening sun.
Meryl made a grab for it before even registering the sight properly. She swung on her heel and took off running towards the duel site. Dodging the few still fleeing residents, Meryl took deep breath and shouted.
“I’ve got one!”
Vash stopped mid wail, head snapping towards her.
“It’s from Rosa!”
Meryl reeled back her arm and threw the bullet as hard as she could.
It flew in a wide arc, Vash’s fingertips almost making contact, when a shot rang out and the bullet went flying. Meryl glowered, that bastard officer again!
Backed by his manic laughter, the bullet kept rolling across the rocky ground towards the other ledge. Vash sprinted after it, legs pumping and arms swinging. The police captain started aiming again, but with a flick of her wrist, Meryl took out one of her own guns and pulled the trigger. She could more see than hear his pained cry, pistol flying out of his grasp and scattering down the outcropping’s side.
His sneer turned her way, but Meryl couldn’t care less, instead focusing back on the red blur that was Vash. He took a running jump and somehow, miraculously, closed his fist around the ammo.
The moment he loaded his gun and aimed upwards, Meryl started running again. With her eyes glued to Vash’ form, she made a dash for the duel site. She lost sight of him for but a moment as she ascended a flight of stairs, but once she reached the top, she felt her breath stutter.
Vash’ body was stock still, firing stance confident and impeccable. The evening sun shone from behind him, silhouetting his form and making the moment almost look ethereal. She could tell, he was about to take the shot.
The moment was broken as Vash swerved to the side, the unmistakable spark of a bullet hitting metal glinting off his gun.
“That little-“
Meryl bit down on the curse as she watched the bastard officer take a run towards Vash, gun ready. She started her ascend with renewed vigour, simultaneously fishing out another derringer from her cloak. She would not let that stupid, conceited captain stop Vash from saving a whole town!
Her worry was for naught, however, as in an utterly unexpected turn of events, Vash dodged four bullets from but a hair width away. She watched him sling the officer over his shoulder before backhanding the bastard’s neck with his gun. Vash pushed the man aside, taking a few running steps to the side and then seemingly ripping a boulder out of the ground with his bare hand and throwing it all the way up between the falling missiles.
In one, fluid motion, he repositioned his gun and took the shot.
Meryl was slack jawed as the rock exploded into hundreds of tiny bits and somehow managed to hit each and every cluster bomb. The once falling disaster erupted into a shower of smoke and sparks, creating an impressive firework.
The resulting explosion blew back a gust wind, making Vash’ coat bellow and making him look like some kind of hero from a comic book.
Just who was this guy?!
The loud cheer of the townsfolk ripped Merly from her reverie.
Running the rest of the distance, Meryl arrived at the outcropping just as Vash turned towards the ledge, waving towards the crowd and laughing breathlessly. He was acting triumphant, but she could tell he was drained.
She approached slowly, eyes surveying the area. It didn’t take her long to find what she was looking for. The bastard captain and his cronies were gathered on the outer ledge of the rocky field. One of the officers tried to help their captain get to his feet but was only refuted with a swipe of his arm. The group glowered at the reporter and by the way their hands inched towards their guns, Meryl knew what they had in mind.
Her brow twitched.
She’d had enough.
6 Derringers already lay empty by her feet before the officers even knew what hit them. Disarmed and bewildered, they had no time to react as she closed the distance in the blink of an eye. One solid hit to the neck, two to the side of the face and one very devious combo of kidney, artery and private parts had the whole group slumped into one writhing pile.
By the time Vash joined her side, she was just finishing the last knot on the rope.
“Wow, your reputation ain’t a lie, huh?”
Meryl whirled on him.
Vash had her used Derringers dangling from one hand, the other experimentally squeezing the top of one of her rubber bullets. He gave her a smirk.
“But you’re actually really kind, aren’t you?”
He reached out his hand, presenting her the fake bullet. Meryl just kept glowering at him.
“Vash, just who-“
“Vash!”
A chorus of excited shouts interrupted their conversation.
What could only be half of Jeneora Rock was speeding towards them, all of them cheering and calling Vash’ name. In his moment of distraction, Meryl snatched back her belongings, stowing them back into her cloak where they belonged. Vash managed to quirk a playful brow at her before being swarmed by half crying men and women.
Meryl stepped back to let him deal with the onslaught alone.
Only Rosa and three men split from the group. The barkeep instructed her entourage to cart away the incapacitated officers, then looked towards Meryl with a smile.
“I guess I should thank you too, couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Right back at ya.”
Despite herself, Meryl found herself grinning back in earnest. Rose held her gaze for a moment before chuckling quietly, shaking her head, then turning back to the crowd.
Once again, Merly found herself watching Vash. This reporter sure was something else. He was switching between idiot and genius on a dime, making it impossible for Meryl to read him properly. Not five minutes ago he evaded and disarmed a supposedly trained gunman, now he was acting flustered as kids and women hugged and kissed him for saving their lives.
It was almost blinding, this scene. Palpable joy and relief from the townsfolk, awkward yet sincere laughter from the man of the hour.
And Meryl found herself standing on the sidelines, watching from the shadows.
Something painful throbbed in her chest.
She turned a wry smile towards the sky.
---
“Okay, but why the drunken act?”
Merly couldn’t help but ask. Among all the crazy stunts that Vash had pulled, that instance was still the biggest question mark to her.
Vash laughed, a beer foam mustache adorning his lip.
“Oh, I just thought about what my senior would do.”
His gleeful face shuttered closed to something tired and annoyed.
“Keep acting like that and you won’t be long for the world, newbie.”
His voice dipped into a deeper baritone, slight slurring adding to the “drunk uncle” spiel he was pulling.
Vash laughed at his own antics, before a pained whine escaped him.
As is custom with my role swap AUs, only the main duo gets to switch places, so Vash and Meryl.
This is really just a fun brain experiment and nothing I’m getting serious about, mostly just a base I can maybe write some fanfics about if I get the itch for it. (I'll make a second post with the chapter Ive cooked up so far) Not to mention, I love me some story retellings with just slight alterations.
Anyways, since I’ve seen some interest and I want to ramble anyways, I wrote down everything off the top of my head.
Mind you, I’ve only just started rewatching Trigun Stampede so story beats after the first arc are kinda muddy in my memory, but since I’m going off canon anyways, who cares I suppose.
First off, some facts on how Meryl and Vash landed in their current roles!
First off, some facts on how Meryl and Vash landed in their current roles!
Meryl:
Meryl is a few years older in this iteration, I’d say around 27-ish.
She initially started with police training but seeing the corruption and misogyny in the system already, she decided to switch to news reporting as a means to bring the truth to light.
Since she started university a few years late, she doubled her workload, not only studying like crazy but going on unofficial (and technically prohibited) field work. She was convinced that getting a really big scoop before even finishing her studies would shoot her up the ranks quicker. In the end, that decision just made everything go to shit.
I don’t quite remember if it was said how long and how obvious Knives was collecting dying Plants, but in this universe, there was an uptick in Plant thefts right around the time Meryl went out to find her first big story. As fate dedicates, the two, unfortunately, cross paths.
Meryl’s at a town steeped in rumours and it doesn’t take long for shit to go down. Not being one to let injustice happen, Meryl runs right into the destruction and panic (albeit being scared shitless herself). She actually manages to save some people but once she ends up in the Plant chamber, she cannot save the few Plant engineers who unfortunately got in Knives’ way.
The only reason Knives even spared her is her big fat mouth. She manages to somehow graze him with a bullet, which initially just annoys him, but through her panic she spouts some stuff that sounds eerily similar to Vash’ ideology and some petty part of Knives makes him not instantly kill her, but pull a Jeneora Rock on her, destroy the facility and let Meryl deal with the consequences.
The reason the destruction of the town was pinned on Meryl in the first place is because she did give chase after Knives left her to die, even almost managing to board his vehicle, but just barely missing it. Problem is, people saw. It didn’t take long for Meryl to hear the rumour mill start about her.
She was initially trying to get ahead of the rumours and clear her name, but in this story she inherited quite a lot of Vash’ bad luck, so she found herself entangled in more and more crazy situations that somehow all ended up being piled upon her back. Everywhere she went, whether she got involved or not, somehow ended in something exploding or a house or two collapsing. It all always ended with people seeing a lone figure clad in white fleeing the towns.
All that started when she was around 23/24, now she’s been on the run for at least 2-3 years. She learnt to defend herself, got herself a ton of Derringers, learnt to use her small stature and speed and most of all, just tried to not get involved with anything. Wasn’t that hard, bcs the joke of this AU (stolen from the Tanlged movie) is that none of the Wanted Posters look like her. Instead of small and slim woman, the posters somehow always depicted some kind of bombshell. It irked Meryl to no end but at the same time, it made her hard life just a bit easier.
Meryl’s goal in this story is to hunt down Knives. For what, she’s not quite sure. Maybe as a way to clear her name, maybe as revenge, maybe to just ask him to finish what he started. Either way, she manages to find some kind of pattern with the Plant heists, there was some kind of rime and reason for when and where a Plant would start to die. And she knew, once she found a dying Plant, Knives would not be far off. (at least she thought so).
This is what eventually leads her to Jeneora Rock, where she meets the excentric journalist, Vash.
Vash:
Vash starts out very similarly as in the show itself. Growing up in ship Three and deciding to leave after his run-in with Nai. He drifts aimlessly for decades, but for once his luck isn’t bad enough for a bad reputation to form.
Vash hears about Plant malfunctions constantly, so he visits town after town to check on his sisters. Problem is, he always has to find some way to even get to them. The towns don’t really grant access to strangers.
This is when something occurs to him. Half his leads stem from news outlets, somehow the reporters are always on top of their game on finding out when a town is starting to struggle. Not to mention, he’s seen countless times how a journalist just flashes a badge and is allowed in a Plant chamber. Donning the cape of a reporter it is then.
Vash tries as a “freelance reporter” for years, tries to look the part too. Notebooks, cameras and film, jovial and intrigued personality to get people to talk. It often gets him where he wants to be, but as a freelancer he still misses the badge he needs to get easier access. He still manages to help a ton of times with his heroics and articles in that time.
The moment Vash decides to finally look for an agency is when a story of a totally decimated town reaches his ears. He visits the destruction site, barely recognizable as having been a settlement at all. What also reaches his ears is the rumours of the culprit – a woman that was gaining infamous notoriety around these parts, quickly being dubbed the “Humanoid Typhoon”. This doesn’t sit right with Vash, as he can tell that all the destruction was evidently his brother’s. And following the rumours from town to town, Vash kept seeing how everything pinned on the woman was mostly never her fault.
So Vash’ goal for this story, at least at the start, is to find this “Humanoid Typhoon”, help her clear her name and maybe get some more information on what Knives has been planning. Believe his luck when out on his first assignment as a newbie reporter for the Bernadelli News Agency, the JuLai military police flashes a poster of his target in front of him, which meant she was probably nearby. And there was only one town close enough to warrant a visit. His senior surely won’t mind him sneaking off for a bit…
Which brings us to arc one, Jeneora Rock. I wrote down a stream of consciousness in something akin to a fanfiction up to the end of episode one. I’d like to try and finish all of Jeneora Rock, but we’ll see. You can find my word vomit at the end of the document.
Arc 1:
Meryl arrives in Jeneora Rock with the presumption of a malfunctioning Plant being there. According to the patterns she has established over the years, the Plants in the West of Noman’s Land were bound to start getting weaker. As she’s in the bar, she’s surprised to see some kind of reporter being very warmly welcomed by the whole establishment. She initially doesn’t pay it any mind, but suddenly the guy is all up in her face and he knows who she really is.
Meryl is about to drag the truth out his throat when a small argument with Rosa reveals exactly what she had thought – the water Plant was malfunctioning. With some prodding and lying, Meryl convinces Rosa to let her see the Plant, the weird reporter – Vash – somehow also tagging along. What they find both excites and scares Meryl a lot – a dying Plant. Somehow this Vash guy also knows that it’s dying, and he gives her a very strange look when she insinuates something much worse is on the horizon.
Cue the JuLai police to show up. Meryl manages to fight her way through, only nearly escaping, but the police captain basically holding Vash and Rosa at gun point makes her hesitate. In an unexpected turn of events, Vash somehow manages to goad the officer into a duel. What the reporter hadn’t anticipated was the police captain to ask HIM to duel.
The duel scene ends up much like in canon, the police captain shooting a cluster bomb, Vash not having any bullets, Rosa and Meryl providing him said bullet and Vash saving the day. Just, at the end, it is Meryl that incapacitates the JuLai police and it brings about the one question that is central for Meryl in this AU – Just who the heck is this guy?!
The small scene from the end of ep 1 doesn’t happen where Vash reveals Knives is his brother, we need that revelation for later.
There’s a lull in the action as Jeneora Rock celebrates their win, Vash first-time name-dropping Roberto as his senior and voicing his concern for his own well-being once the older journalist catches up to him. Meryl takes the short reprieve to sort out her thoughts and decide what to do next. She was here to get a lead on Knives, the dying Plant all but guaranteeing someone will show up, but at the same time she doesn’t want to endanger Rosa and the others more.
The decision is made for Meryl once the whole town turns their weapons on her the next day. Meryl is on the run, just a lot more controlled and graceful than what Vash manages in the show. Though, somehow, he gets caught up in that chase as well. They almost manage to escape when it is Rosa who blocks their way.
Held at gunpoint, Meryl can only manage a wry smile when Rosa tells her “mothers cant let their kids starve”. She can feel Vash’ eyes on her.
The Nebraskas bulldoze their way onto the scene, Meryl barely managing to shove Tonis out of the way, Vash saving Rosa in turn. (Small aside: Through the few episodes, Id have Meryl go from being standoffish towards Tonis because he scared her with the Worms to starting to care deeply, especially after that mother-comment from Rosa).
Once it’s clear the Nebraskas are after her, she nabs the first Thomas she finds and makes a run for it. She didn’t expect Vash to jump on behind her. Cue them bickering about safety and what not while avoiding the big metal hand shooting out after them.
Their conversation about running away from pain, not being kind but timid and cowardly would probably end a bit differently. Meryl is debating whether to go back or not, Vash voicing how “kind” she was but Meryl just shooting that notion down and basically saying that it would not be an act of kindness but rather it would be cowardly of her to just up and leave, especially since they didn’t know what the Nebraskas were up to. Vash asks if it would be such a bad to be a bit scared, if fighting everything head on was really the right thing to do. Meryl was getting the impression he was not asking her for her sake but his own, considering the conflict on his face. Once Vash’ pocket radio picks up the distress signal from Jeneora Rock, however, both of them don’t hesitate to mount the Thomas and make their way back.
The fight with the Nebraskas stays mostly the same, it’s just Vash and Meryl exchanging some roles. It’s still Vash who saves Rosa with a kick to the flying, metallic torpedo hand – Just who is this guy?!?!? – and it’s Meryl squaring off with the two criminals. The “why won’t you shoot?!” is exchanged with “Why don’t you shoot real bullets?!”, which Meryl only answers with some ribbing comments of her own.
Vash is the one to counter old Nebraska’s shot with his own, but it’s Meryl who dives after Gofsef’s fist before he falls to his doom. She’s almost dragged over the ledge, she is a small woman after all, but Vash’ hands circle around her middle to keep her up. This is another instance where she takes note of how unnaturally solid one of his arms is (he hides his prosthetic in this iteration), even watching his hand literally grip into the metal of the wire.
The E.G. Bomber episode is where Meryl final gets to shine a bit. After the close call of Gofsef exploding in the bar and all of them being stuck with bombs of their own, Meryl spies the criminal up top and doesn’t even hesitate to shoot. I see Meryl as a no-conflict character, more leaning towards pacifism like Vash, but her patience has limits. And once she locks in, she LOCKS IN.
So once the guy is on the run, she’s hot on his heel, not being shaken off even when he flings bombs at her. She has a small stand-off with him in the Plant chamber, but he manages to escape with it. Meryl doesn’t quite catch up to him just yet, instead almost colliding with Vash. He lets some off-hand comment like “Humanoid Typhoon fits you well” fall and she’s almost in his face when he tells her to back off as his own explosive is almost ready to explode. Just like in the show, the “suicide” comment is what makes Meryl think of a plan.
They give chase, blocking E.G. Bomber’s escape route with destroying part of the infrastructure. Vash manages to hang onto the criminal’s cage cockpit and already has his gun trained on him, but instead of E.G. Bomber just swerving to the side, Meryl takes some well-aimed shots and makes the man jerk to the side and lose control of his vehicle.
Him and Vash fall down a ledge, and it ends with the criminal pointing Vash’ own gun at him. Once Meryl reaches their level, she doesn’t hesitate to tackle the bastard and essentially it ends the same as in the anime, just with one more black eye for Meryl.
Nebraska aims his gun at E.G. Bomber, Vash stepping in between them, saying “There’s no sense in revenge.”, which hits Meryl hard.
That’s when they hear the piano.
Both Meryl and Vash turn white as a sheet, Meryl mumbling “He’s here.” which earns her a shocked glance from Vash, before he shouts for everyone to run. Meryl is shocked for one moment too long, Vash had already started sprinting into town. She iterated his shout from before and started up towards the haunting melody herself.
She barely catches the “Who’s side are you on?” before she sees Knives leave the bar. Meryl shouts after him, takes a few shots at him and just like years before, manages to get a graze on his cheek. There’s actually some kind of recognition on his face.
It’s only thanks to Vash’ intervention she finds herself not cut in half. The both of them tumble down some stairs, hitting the landing hard. Knives haunting laughter can be heard up ahead. They both give chase, passing corpses upon corpses of some of the townsfolk that tried to protect their plant. They both end up having a stand off with Knives in the Plant chamber, both taking shots and shouting at him to stop. Knives keeps his goading towards his brother mostly, but does point out the similarities between the two. With another “Who’s side are you on?” he starts destroying everything.
Vash is the one to get a hold of Rosa, Meryl somewhere along the way gathering up a scared, wandering Tonis, who in the end gets ripped from her by an avalanche of falling debris.
Once the dust settles, and Meryl finds and, with a heavy heart, returns a maimed Tonis to a sobbing Rosa, does the true devastation set it. Rosa puts the blame on Vash due to his connection to Knives, and Meryl finds herself stepping in and defend him, reliving her own predicament from all those years ago. Her interference only makes the whole town turn against them, pinning the blame back onto her as the “Humanoid Typhoon” that brought the misfortune with her.
Vash is the first to leave, Meryl hot on his heels. When they catch each other’s eye, Meryl angrily tells him to “keep the sympathy to himself”. She doesn’t like the pity he directs her way even thought she can tell he’s hurting himself.
Unlike the anime, where the reporters just tag along, Vash and Meryl make a deal. Vash tells her he has to go East, towards JuLai, Meryl tells him to put the blame of Jeneora Rock’s destruction on her back in exchange for letting her travel with him. They have the same goal after all: confronting Knives. While going against his principles, in the end, they shake on it, both knowing that somehow fate would pull them together again anyways.
Ooookay, Arc 1 done! The Jeneora Rock arc is literally the only one I started thinking through properly. Roberto is still much part of this story and still has a big impact on Meryl, but I wanted this first arc to establish Vash and Meryl’s new roles and dynamic first and foremost. In comparison to the anime, since Meryl is already swept up in Vash and Nai’s business, Vash doesn’t fight as hard to keep her out of the conflict, even if he DOES try to keep her out of fights. Which in the future will make her more and more angry, especially after he allows Wolfwood to fight while excluding her.
The most important points of the first arc are:
Meryl has the bounty and bad reputation instead of Vash.
Vash is actively searching for her.
Both are skilled fighters, though Meryl isn’t quite as skilled as Vash, but Vash at the same time isn’t quite as skilled as in the anime. They balance each other out, however.
Meryl literally establishes her schtick in this arc – Just who the hell is this guy?!
Even with the knowledge of him being Knives’ brother, she still doesn’t understand what the two of them are.
Vash realizes just how deeply Meryl has become entangled in his conflict with his brother, surprised that Nai actually remembered her as an individual. Despite his better judgement, he decides that having her close is safer than letting her wander alone.
The rest of the show I haven’t quite figured out yet, only small instances from here to there. Most of the time it’s Meryl and Vash sharing certain moments from the show, getting to take over the role of the other while bringing in their own flair to the whole thing.
Like, Roberto is still in this show and acting as Vash’ superior. But it is still Meryl who gets the most wisdom and advice from him. Roberto’s crude attitude and snide remarks make Meryl feel young and naïve, surprisingly enough. She thinks she’d already grown cynical and scarred by being a hunted criminal for years, but Roberto’s biting commentary makes her feel green-eared all over again.
At the same time, he talks Vash down from his own recklessness half the time, but is also more easily swayed due to forming a bond with Meryl quickly.
Same thing with Wolfwood. He knows he’s supposed to hunt down Vash, but somewhere along the way he thought the “Humanoid Typhoon” IS Vash, so when he finds out it’s small, grumpy Meryl he thinks it’s the funniest shit. He still keeps on the act that he’s hired to survey Meryl because of her bounty but Vash quickly clocks that he’s just here for him.
Some key moments I’ve thought about:
Zazie’s interest in Meryl is even bigger in this iteration as she’s already as involved with the Independents as she is and has a very unique perspective on the whole situation. I’d presume that in the quiet hours on the road, they’d use the opportunity to hassle her a lot more than in the show.
The Rollo story plays out mostly the same with Vash and WW having to fight off Rollo while Meryl somehow gets stuck playing guard duty for Roberto. She finds the old photo- just who is this guy?? - and that’s when she notices that Roberto is very suspicious of his junior.
Once Rollo dies and Vash and WW have their argument about ideologies, Meryl gets involved and telling them both of their philosophies are just the easy way out of the moral conflict at hand. Suffice to say, the car ride becomes uncomfortably tense.
On a side not, somehow Meryl still gets stuck with driving duty. Vash can handle a Thomas but can’t drive for shit, WW and Roberto are just too lazy.
On their way to the sandstreamer, Meryl and Roberto end up having a tense conversation which basically leads both of them to agree that Vash shouldn’t be on his way to JuLai after all. Meryl is just plain worried, and apprehensive on what Knives might have planned, and Roberto just doesn’t want to get caught up in this deadly spiel.
Vash and WW are forced to go with Roberto and Meryl respectively to not reveal their cover up.
Meryl uses that opportunity to confront WW since she knows he’s after Vash and not her. It somehow ends up with them fighting over if Vash’ ideology is sound or not. When WW deflects, Meryl asks him the same thing Vash does in the show “Isn’t there anything that you would want to protect at all cost?”. Cue Livio interrupting with blazing guns. Surprise, WW having thought the “Humanoid Typhoon” is Vash wasn’t his fault, half the Eye of Michael thinks that. And preprogrammed Livio doesn’t question the fact that the one with the bounty isn’t a mirror image of Knives at all.
The reason Legato doesn’t notice that it isn’t Vash who’s engaged in the fight is because Zazie decides to omit that information as they find it a lot more interesting to watch.
The rest of the story goes mostly the same, Vash and WW run out to stop the canon from firing while Meryl stands by to shoot it once it’s fully charged. The conversation with Roberto is less about her deciding to stand her ground despite the danger of it all, but reaffirming that this is exactly what she’s always wanted to do, to fight for what is right. All of her life circumstances are based on one big, ugly lie, and she hates how unfair all of it is. She had to learn to roll with the lie and turn a blind eye just to survive. But she’s sick of it all. Roberto wants to flee because he doesn’t want to stake his life on this? Then he’s welcome to do so, but Meryl is sick of life forcing her to neglect her own moral standing. She was going to stay and do what’s right.
After the canon is successfully fired, Roberto and her split paths, him in search of WW and her looking for Vash. She finds him rather quickly and they make their way together towards the Plant chamber. (Meryl having somehow know where it was or sth). Vash only gives her a quick look before approaching his sister. Meryl knew something like this was probably the case, yet she could barely breath as she watches him communicate with the Plant.
On ship Three, I can see Meryl having some more moments with Luida and Brad since both of them kinda know about how Meryl has the bounty because of Knives. Luida is mostly glad to see that someone as negatively impacted by Plants still sees Vash as a good person and separates his nature from his self.
Luida still invites both Meryl and Roberto to the bio dome (seeing as these are both humans who see Vash for himself, so she wants to show her thanks) and they end up snatched by Zazie. And as Meryl’s grandiose luck would have it, she wasn’t wearing her cloak at that moment, so she had no weapons with her at all.
Most scenes after the kidnapping go mostly the same, Meryl just isn’t as naïve throughout it but calling out the enemies’ bullshit. Zazie for constantly posing the same questions and obviously trying to veer the conversation to a certain outcome, calling them out for not wanting to decide for themselves. “If you hated either, you could have gotten rid of them a long time ago!”. And the doctor for basically using them for a confessional. “’We had to do it’, “’it was our duty’, bullshit! You’ve done heinous acts, the blood is on your hands, don’t push the guilt onto some twisted worship for a supposed ‘god’. You’re just a coward!”
Meryl still makes the mistake of calling Elendira and her sisters pitiful, which has Roberto and her run for their lives. Instead of Roberto aiming the derringer towards Elendira, Meryl is the one to take the weapon from him after Elendira’s comment about them just discriminating them for their looks. It turns into a shouting match that devolves into name calling between the two, neither shooting and somehow also not noticing the elevator arrives behind them. Just as Meryl is ready to charge ahead, she’s grabbed by the back of her collar and forcefully thrown back into lift, Roberot close behind. WW’s shots can be heard, Elendira letting rip an angry “PUNISHER!!” and attacking with the few nails they have left. Before the Elevator door closes, Meryl catches Vash’ apologetic smile and wave.
Meryl is fuming.
Roberto is dying.
She does her best to stop the bleeding, ignoring his offhanded complaints. She only stops once he pushes his derringer towards her.
“You’re in charge now, be sure to take care of my stupid junior.”
Meryl is after Knives with a vengeance after this. She actually punches Wolfwood, hard, as he’s about to leave and also doesn’t let the doctor keep his confidence intact as she does give off a warning shot and keeps him in a chokehold as he explains Vash’ and Knives’ nature. Once Vash’ roots start going crazy, she funnels her anger and frustration into irritated shouts and wild shots at the tank’s glass wall. She also very crudely starts to shout after Knives as he’s entering Vash’ gate.
Once she manages to get close to Vash, she pounds her fist on the barrier between them, letting loose all the thoughts and feelings that piled up over they years. He hears her and ejects Knives from his gate. Knives is immediately on the attack, going for Meryl who lets another shot go, once again grazing his cheek, before Vash manages to pull her out of harms way.
The brotherly quarrel commences just as in canon, just with a lot more fire coverage from Meryl, which mostly goes ignored by Knives until she manages to graze him again which results in him splitting the tower in half and making her almost fly off the edge, if WW didn’t spawn out of nowhere and catch her at the last second.
He hoists her up and makes a run for it.
“They’re way out of our league.”
“Speak for yourself!”
“Has anyone told you that you’re kind of insane?”
JuLai gets destroyed, Vash is missing, Roberto’s dead and WW left. Meryl finds herself alone once again. She looks at her wanted poster and decides to take the brunt for what happened, making claims of being responsible for JuLai until they stick. Just her own for repentance after not being able to help Vash at all.
You might think “ok that’s just the show just Meryl does a lot more” and yeah, it kinda is, but mostly cos I’d think the changes would show in the hidden in between scenes, mostly on Vash’ side. I’d think you’d see it mostly up to their separation before the sand streamer. Vash actually gets to be kind, and nosy and a bit annoying as a reporter, clouding his attempts to lift Meryl up as trying to get an exclusive interview. Meryl in turn gets to let her frustrations and annoyances show, not swallowing back everything to survive her reputation. Vash gets to grow not through traumatic situation after traumatic situation, but seeing first-hand how people impacted by his brother still don’t stop trying to understand them.
Honestly though, this whole AU is just a means for Vash to be more of his adorably annoying self, while Meryl gets to be more of a badass. Also, a big part of the appeal of vashmeryl for me is that Meryl never gives up on him no matter how much pain that decision carries and Vash in term lets his guard down around her. This AU pushes that dynamic more into the forefront, making Meryl the one deep into Vash’ business and there’s nothing either can do about it, they HAVE to deal with it. Vash can’t just tell her not to get too close or to leave him be, HE is the one searching for that proximity to help her clear her name. Meryl in turn is immediately confronted with Vash’ true nature (in lieu of her knowing who Knives is beforehand), but still ending up to trust him.
Anyways, as I said, just a fun brain experiment ie daydreaming, nothing too concrete, nothing too thought out. (I say after writing like 5k words lmao).
Since you can only do Hulkenberg's Bond 3 after this specific cutscene in Martira, I believe Hulky got pissed at Strohl brushing her off this rudely and decided to get some revenge.
Ive building up a lot of ideas over the last few weeks, so it's headcanon time!
Mostly Strohl and Hulkenberg, tho I put s/o for them cos even though I myself view this through a HulkenStrohl lense, most are general things about them.
- Strohl is surprisingly shy about physical intimacy. Not the "omg they touched my hand now my face explodes" kinda shy but rather he's very pensive about initiating physical contact. I do believe his parents were very loving and doting, but with Halia's demise, Strohl learned that love is not always unconditional. I dont think the relatives he was passed between wanted him any harm, but I doubt they would show him much compassion and comfort if they didnt want to keep him around. And as is typical with Strohl and his feelings of guilt and inedaquacy he also thinks physical affection has to be allowed and earned.
- Being shy about it doesnt mean he wouldnt try to initiate at all, however. He would just go differently about it. Asking things like "May I?" without specifying what he wants exactly, or just slowly opening his arms or sth. His s/o would always be surprised when he would touch or hug them without preamble tho. Not unwelcome but rare enough to come out of left field a bit. It would take Strohl a while to get comfortable enough to initiate bigger things.
- Hulkenberg on the other hand I think would be surprisingly bold. Mostly stemming from curiousity, she would initiate physical contact to see how she would react, how her s/o would react and to honestly just to see how it feels. She'd do it so nonchalant too that it wouldnt even register at first. Taking her s/o's hand while walking, brushing her fingers across their cheek, leaning against them... she'd do it like she'd done it a thousand times and manage to make the thing not as embarrassing.
- The other way around isnt quite as smooth. Depending on how openly loving her s/o is, Id think she WOULD get flustered, tho she wouldnt show it unless out of sight. Staying professional until she rounds the corner and the tips of her ears immediately go red.
- Speaking of her ears, they do be wiggling a bit, even if she thinks noone notices. Generally, rouissantes' ears might not move as much as lets say a Eugief's but similar to Paripuss' tails, they do give away their true feelings.
- This one's more a HulkenStrohl hc than general, but Hulkenberg would make use of his horns a lot. Not like, yank them, she isnt that cruel, but she would lightly tug at them to get his attention or snap him out of things. She would also just grip them hard to make him know she aint playing around.
- Another funny hc, Strohl at some point would headbutt his s/o cos he panicked a bit. You know, like a goat. Master of bullshitting he is, he claims it's a clemar thing, and the reason I like this as a HulkenStrohl hc is cos she would fucking buy it. She doesnt question it and everyone is either too scared or amused by it to point it out.
I've been listening through the Metaphor battle lines and like, Charmed goes CRAZY holy crap. Made me almost uncomfortable XD (though I suppose that is kind of on purpose)
Made me think tho - if Charmed shows the afflicted what/who they desire most and just amplifies that attraction twenty-fold, wouldn't that make for such a funny fanfic setup?
Like, if someone started dating in the group (be that with each other or someone else) and they suddenly scream out their beloved's name everyone else goes like *surprised Pikachu*.
That would be so embarrassing lmao id eat that up.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Metaphor: ReFantazio (Video Game)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Eiselin Hulkenberg/Leon Strohl
Characters: Eiselin Hulkenberg, Junah Cygnus, Heismay Noctule, Protagonist (Metaphor: ReFantazio), Gallica (Metaphor: ReFantazio), Basilio Magnus, Eupha Etoreika, Leon Strohl
Additional Tags: Protagonist is Named Will (Metaphor: ReFantazio), Post-Game, Spoilers, Feelings Realization, Introspection, kind of comedic, kind of character study, kind of 5+1 fic, Will/Eupha mentioned, No beta we die like Grius
Summary:
It had been just a small comment, a teasing remark said in jest.
"And what of Strohl?"
Hulkenberg knew Junah just wanted to get a reaction out of her, yet she could have never expected the repercussions this seemingly inconsequential question would have. With unknown feelings shaken loose, the Royal Knight was forced to confront a part of herself she never knew existed.
OR: Junah teasingly asking Hulkenberg if she was interested in Strohl ends with the knight having to ask her friends for help with her emotional spiral.
---
As with my sketch blog, first post here is a Metaphor: Refantazio fic!
My brain is so down bad for Hulkenberg x Strohl and there's so little for them, I even got out the ol' writing pen.
If you don't wanna read on AO3, you can find the fanfic below the cut!
Food for thought
Metaphor: Refantazio fanfic
Relationship: Hulkenberg x Strohl
The Magic Academy was a marvel of architecture. Even if its restoration was only partially completed, it has gone a long way from the ruins that stood there less than a year ago. Hulkenberg took in the grand hallways and ornate doorways with a sense of awe as Junah excitedly told her of their progress. While she thought it strange His Majesty had sent her of all people to report about the reconstruction progress – she was pretty sure this was all a ploy for her to finally leave the castle after months of constant work – she was glad for it. Stuck in an office with pile upon pile of paperwork made the changes within the kingdom sometimes hard to grasp. Seeing first hand how their projects bore fruition, however, made pride swell within her.
Junah swivelled on her heel, big hat bouncing upon her head. Hulkenberg sometimes questioned if it was magic that kept it from flying off.
“Well, what do you say?”
Junah wore a genuine grin on her face, her big eyes sparkling in excitement. Hulkenberg couldn’t help but smile at her.
“It is amazing, Lady Junah, you can be proud of your work.”
The nidia scoffed playfully and looped her arm around Hulkenberg’s own.
“Come now, none of that formality! We are friends, Hulkenberg, just Junah is fine. Really.”
Hulkenberg humoured her theatrical performance with a small chuckle and let herself be dragged along. It is true that she was quick to fall back on titles and keeping a professional distance to her peers, but her friends made sure she knew she could let her guard down around them. She was getting better at that, at least she’d like to think so.
They walked through the halls some more before Junah guided her down a long unfamiliar staircase. Looking at the other woman’s face, Hulkenberg spied a mischievous expression.
“I haven’t showed you the best part yet.”
Before Hulkenberg could question that statement, Junah flung open a door at the end of the stairs and tugged her into the room. Rows of wooden benches and tables filled the space, decorated with small plants and candles alike. At the back of the room stood a small stage, highlighted by the glowing crystals overhead. Junah snuck her way behind a counter of the same rich brown wood, the back wall lined with multi-coloured bottles. The nidia woman snatched two of the pristine looking glasses from the counter and filled them with what Hulkenberg hoped to be an anti-alcoholic beverage.
Despite the proud expression upon Junah’s face, the knight couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.
“A tavern?”
“Yes, a tavern!”
Junah replied with utmost confidence, stating the fact as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Recognising Hulkenberg’s dubious look, she continued with a roll of her eyes.
“Listen, I know this is a place of study and research, that fact won’t change. But I will never forget how BORING it could be in the off times. There was nothing to do! The food halls were closed unless it was lunch or dinner time and there was little else to spend your time with. You can’t just make students study without respite or social interactions, they’re all going to turn into antisocial loons!”
Hulkenberg could see the logic behind her thinking even if she thought Junah was exaggerating the scenario a bit. Still, she sighed and took a seat on one of the many bar stools at the counter, shooting the other woman a disgruntled look.
“I understand. However, I do hope you have thought of keeping your assortment of drinks low on alcohol.”
Junah only giggled as a reply and instead pushed the drink she had prepared into Hulkenberg’s hand. The knight sniffed it cautiously - the scent was sweet and lacking any trace of alcohol whatsoever. She took a small sip and her lips immediately curved into a smile.
“’Tis delicious!”
“I thought you’d say that.”
Both women chuckled and clinked their glasses together before taking another drink.
“Soooo, I’ve been away from the capital for so long, it feels like I’m missing out on so much. How have you been?”
Before Hulkenberg could answer, the nidia suddenly raised her hand to stop her, shooting her a piercing look.
“And I’m talking about YOU. Not “how are things in general”, “what’s our progress” or “what’s His Highness doing”. How have YOU been?”
Hulkenberg was surprised and almost a bit offended by her friend’s tone, but in the end, she could hardly blame her. She was known to be extremely duty-bound and she could not deny that she herself measured her well-being on how well she was executing her duty as a knight.
Now that Junah had asked her so directly, she actually had to take a moment to think. How was she? It’s not a question she asked herself often. The kingdom’s woes were her woes, when the kingdom prospered, so did she. But Junah was right, she was not the kingdom, only one little cog in it.
“…I’m doing well, I suppose.”
“Aaaand?”
Hulkenberg bristled slightly under the impatience of the songstress, but she supposed this was another way of trying to get her out of her shell.
“Well, Basilio and Heismay recently brought back a big bounty from one of their missions. I must say, the mixture of interesting ingredients and Basilio’s skill at cooking was truly an enlightening experience.”
She could still feel the vegetables and meat melting on her tongue, the savoury butter and fragrant spices making the taste explode in her mouth. Oh, she had to reel herself in before she actually started drooling.
Her answer apparently appeased Junah’s curiosity somewhat as her sour expression turned more intrigued than upset. The songstress leaned forward, chin landing in the palm of her hand.
“And, what else?”
Hulkenberg thought for a moment.
“Nothing, really.”
A dramatic groan left the songstress as she slid onto the counter, forehead pressed against the wood.
“Come on, Hulkenberg, you can’t be serious. Did you seriously spend so much time in the castle for nothing to happen?”
Hulkenberg was rather intolerable towards what she could only describe as “whining” but with Junah, she had learned to let the nidia get it out of her system. It was but a mood to pass. So, she waited patiently as her friend spewed some more of her grievances.
Junah turned her pouting face towards her, expression annoyed.
“Pleeease, Hulkenberg, you are a young, gorgeous woman, you’ve GOT to have more going on than pushing papers and babysitting our king.”
The knight felt her eyebrow twitch at the offending choice of words. Usually, she would not let a comment towards His Highness slide this easily, even if Junah was a close friend to both the king and herself, but she had told herself to endure it. Just let her mood pass, Eiselin…
“You cannot seriously be only about work. What of your private life? Has no one caught your fancy yet?”
Hulkenberg blinked wide-eyed at the songstress. That was not a question she had expected, if only for the fact that Junah would even presume something like that was important to her in times like these.
“No, I cannot say anyone has. To be honest, matters like these have never crossed my mind.”
Junah gasped openly at her, looking more offended than surprised. Hulkenberg could only answer with a deadpan look of her own.
“Never crossed your- are you being serious? I mean, I can understand in the later half of our journey that other matters had a way higher priority and the last year has been hectic as is, but not even at the start of your journey? Are you honestly telling me you spent weeks alone with two handsome boys in close quarters and you never even took a second look at them?”
Hulkenberg jerked back at the accusation. How could Junah even imply that she would harbour thoughts like that towards His Highness?! That would be an unforgivable sin for a knight! She told the songstress as much, who in turn only rolled her eyes.
“Oh, come now, you didn’t even know he was the Prince back then.”
“Still! I would never even think to look at His Highness that way! Be that now or in retrospect!”
She leaned back with a huff, trying to will away the feeling of shame swelling inside her. She knew that the king considered her a close friend, as did she with him, but she could not just cross that line between them, no matter how kind and considerate His Majesty was to her.
Junah looked unimpressed by her outburst, unapologetically sighing. She raised an eyebrow.
“And what of Strohl?”
Hulkenberg opened her mouth to refute this implication as well but found herself frozen. Now that she thought about it, what was her opinion of Strohl? Like His Highness, he had been part of their journey from the beginning, even longer than her. From the start she had recognized his wit and determination, and for that she held him in high regards. However, as she had gotten to know him as well as she did, she also knew that he would often act on impulse and let his smarts run his mouth. Those were attributes she found quite vexing about him.
Junah perked up at her hesitance, lips curling into a mischievous grin.
“Oh my, don’t tell me I have struck gold?”
Hulkenberg bristled, an unknown feeling of upset roiling in her stomach.
“N-no, do not take my moment of thought as a sign of embarrassment. Your question just made me realize I had never quite given my relationship with him much thought.”
Junah hummed in response.
“I get it, I think. You guys have known each other the longest, including Will, of course. With everything that happened I guess any change would be so natural that you wouldn’t really perceive it as one in the first place.”
Hulkenberg nodded slowly. Now that Junah had pointed it out, the knight found herself going through their adventure in her mind, analysing their interactions in a new light. Both of them started out quite rigid with each other, but now that she looked back, they quickly became rather informal in their interactions, already ribbing at each other by the time they pursued Heismay. Not even His Highness or Gallica had had the gall to call her something as unflattering as “the all-devouring she-beast”. Even over a year later that comment still made her blood boil, even if it had been said in jest.
If there was one moment that truly changed her perception of him, however, it would have to be his speech after Louis’ presumed death.
“Do you truly wheep?”
Strohl had always been about righteousness and fighting for justice, but only in that moment had it really sunk in how much pain her comrade had truly endured. Seeing him wheep openly, seeing him be so vulnerable had made her realize that beyond the noble young warrior was still just a lonely, broken boy trying to fight for what he had lost. It had stirred a determination in her, a motivation to see their goal through and protect not only His Highness and the country, but him as well.
Hulkenberg startled as Junah’s hand grasped at her arm. When she looked up, the songstress’ gaze was both amused and a bit concerned.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I pushed some funny ideas into your head. I only wanted to tease you a bit, don’t think too hard about it, okay?”
She shook her head slightly, both to dispel her roaming thoughts and to indicate no fault towards her friend. Junah leaned back, regarding her with a thoughtful expression.
“You know, for what it’s worth, I think you two would make a great pair.”
“Lady Junah!”
Hulkenberg startled at her own outburst. How could such a small quip suddenly make such a flustering feeling rumble inside her?
Junah for her part laughed and held her hands up guiltily.
“I don’t necessarily mean a ROMANTIC pair! I just think you two work well together. Now that I think about it, you two already kind of work as a pair, don’t you? You guys were always at the helm of our strategy meetings and even now you work in tandem.”
The songstress threw her an accusing look, only broken by the smirk she could not quite hide.
“Can you really fault me for thinking like that then?”
Hulkenberg grunted weakly and slouched back in her seat. Despite herself, she averted her eyes. She did not enjoy Junah’s implications, not one bit. What she disliked even more was the fluttering feeling in her chest and the heat on her cheeks. Was she really getting flustered by such harmless teasing?
Or was it really the person she was teased about that elicited such a response from her?
Junah just laughed.
“Well, I will leave you with that food for thought.”
---
Three weeks later found Hulkenberg back in the castle. Back in her routine of paperwork and keeping His Highness in check. And she really needed that routine right now. As much as she told herself the conversation with Junah had only been an embarrassing moment to move on from, she found the topic came back to her again and again.
It was not like she had never lost a thought on romance and her future before, after all, growing up in an aristocratic family she had been raised on certain expectations. But just as she had abandoned her family’s dream of her being a political figure, she had discarded the image of her being some noble’s wife and nothing more. She had carved her own path and one that she was proud of.
Still, even if she could not picture herself starting her own family and settling down, she was surprised that the thought of romance did not repel her. After all, she was but a person, and the thought of having someone to be emotionally and physically intimate with was something to be desired.
This, however, brought about the other seedling Junah had planted in her mind – her feelings for and relationship with Strohl. If asked, she would say she harboured no romantic interest in her comrade. But if she was forced to point out one person from her close circle of friends as a potential partner, he seemed the most likely candidate for her to fancy. His Highness was completely out of the question, as were Gallica and Neuras. Heismay, as much respect as she held for him, was an old soul she would feel inadequate to sooth, not to mention she could not find it in herself to find his animalistic body attractive. Basilio was a brash but kind man, but his utter lack of tact and disrespect for formalities would surely make fights a constant in that relationship. Both Junah and Eupha were lovely women, but Hulkenberg felt that she harboured too starstruck feelings for Junah still, and young Eupha obviously had her eyes on someone else already.
Which left her with Strohl. Who, she was horrified to admit, she would not be opposed to be seen as a pair with.
Hulkenberg pinched the bridge of her nose and growled as she felt her cheeks heat.
“My, my, it is not often you see the Lady Knight this openly disgruntled. What ails you so, Hulkenberg?”
Her eyes raised at the voice. Heismay was leisurely strolling down the hallway, claws scratching his chin. His expression turned from amused to intrigued as he came to a stop in front of her.
“Heismay, greetings. I-it is nothing, just some stray thoughts that will not leave me alone.”
Heismay studied her for a moment, his scrutinizing gaze making her feel just a bit uneasy. Despite his small stature and adorable appearance (something she would never admit out loud), the eugief had a grander presence than most other knights she knew. While her title officially put her a rank higher than him, the respect she held for him made her spine go rigid. “Like being judged by your father” as His Majesty would say.
A breath left through Heismay’s nose.
“At ease, young knight. Please excuse my prying, it is just very unusual to see you this out of sorts. Even some of the new recruits seem to have caught onto your unrest.”
A wave of shame washed over her. Had she really been that absentminded even the untrained youth could perceive it? She had thought throwing herself into work would disguise her rising uneasiness, but apparently, she had fooled no one but herself.
“My apologies, Heismay. I do not mean to brush off your concerns, but it is a topic of no great importance.”
The older knight flicked his ears at her statement.
“I would not downplay its importance. If it is something to bother you this visibly, then it is something worth discussing. I might not be the person you would like to confide in, but I am here if you need someone to listen.”
Hulkenberg felt warmth swell in her chest. Heismay truly was a caretaker at heart and she felt touched by his concern. Yet, the topic at hand was just…
She leaned back against the wall, arms moving to cross before her. Again, the unfamiliar unease grumbled in her stomach. She flicked her gaze to her fellow knight. Heismay’s stance was relaxed, face open and patient.
“Thank you, truly. It is just…This whole ordeal is rather embarrassing.”
Heismay did not react, in fact, he stood still as a statue. Except, of course, for the halted movement of his ears snapping upwards. A miniscule, well-hidden movement, yet Hulkenberg caught the reaction nonetheless. The flustering feeling intensified when she realized Heismay’s interest was piqued.
“You remember my visit to the Magic Academy a few weeks back, yes? Well, Lady Junah asked to have a more private chat and it turned a bit more…girly.”
Hulkenberg would never admit it, but she felt quite satisfied at the sour expression that crossed Heismay’s features for a split second.
“She had asked me if there was anyone I was interested in and the conversation brought forth some revelations, both internal and external.”
Heismay cocked his head at her statement. He had yet to react in any significant way, but by his apt attention she was sure he was intrigued by the topic.
Hulkenberg was not sure how to phrase the next question. She could not just ask Heismay outright what he thinks her and Strohl’s relationship was like. Not only would it be inappropriate, but she would also rather fight a hoard of sandworms before asking something so embarrassing. Not to mention, she wasn’t even sure of her own feelings towards the young commander.
But there was another part of her conversation with Junah that wouldn’t leave her mind.
“Say, do Strohl and myself look like a pair to you?”
The question seemed to catch Heismay off guard as his expression morphed into palpable shock. He stood still for a few moments before shaking his head, features now turning thoughtful.
“What exactly do you mean by “pair”?”
“Lady Junah mentioned that she saw us as a unit, since we always work together. She made it sound so obvious I started to doubt my own perception of the situation. Do people truly perceive the two of us as a pair? Heismay, you have been with us the longest except for the king, how did you see us when we met?”
Hulkenberg had not even realized she was pacing until she came to a stop in front of the eugief. Heismay watched her with wide eyes, though he looked more bemused than anything. Claw going back to his chin, he gave a drawn-out hum.
“I admit, I understand where young Junah got this idea from. While not immediately thinking of you two as an item, it would be dishonest of me to state I did not have my suspicions.”
Heismay turned his gaze skyward, quite chuckle leaving him as he seemed to recall something amusing.
“I will never quite forget how you tried to lure me out of my hiding spot only to start bickering with each other. I was also not surprised when this behaviour continued in our journey.”
“We do not bicker!”
Again, a small, good-natured quip made her heckles rise.
Bickering, was that how their discussions were perceived? Hulkenberg always interpreted their disagreements only as such - disagreements. Even if their back and forth often stemmed from inconsequential conflicts.
Heismay laughed.
“You say that, dear Lady Knight, yet I recall more than one instance of Strohl grabbing you by the cape and talking you out of hunting some unknown beast to feast on. Or how you would reprimand him for his carelessness and daredevilry.”
Hulkenberg stared at the eugief, a weird sense of dread settling over her. She could not deny any of his statements.
Every time she spotted some new appetizing rarity, “Don’t even think about eating it.” came to her mind before Strohl could even open his mouth. Same with how reprimand and counter-arguments lay ready on her tongue every time they held late night strategy meetings. Even now, when sometimes on separate missions for weeks on end, she still heard his voice in her mind. For some reason, she found herself hoping the same counted for him too.
Hulkenberg startled at the thought. Did she truly wish for something like that? And if so, what did that imply?
Heismay watched her patiently as she processed her thoughts, studying her carefully before continuing to speak.
“Listen, Hulkenberg, being perceived in a certain way can easily lead to unfounded assumptions, something I know you are aware of. But I know as well that this is not something you care about. No, I think this matter is more than you just being afraid of your or Strohl’s image.”
He looked her over once again before a sigh left his lips.
“What exactly ails you, I cannot know. However, I am pretty certain you do not know either. What I can say is that this superficial fear is not the root cause of your distress. Look inside yourself, young knight, and I am sure you will find the answer.”
Heismay ended his words of advice with a nod. He walked up to her, patted her gently on her thigh and continued along the hallway. Hulkenberg did not turn back to watch him go, gaze frozen on the spot upon the carpet he had stood on before.
“Look inside yourself, young knight.”
This, Hulkenberg thought sullenly, was what she was actually afraid of.
---
Hulkenberg was a knight of honour, she was not someone to stand down against impossible odds. Especially of the emotional kind. No, fears were to be conquered. And to conquer your fears, you had to face them. And facing them meant seeking out the source and standing your ground before said source. And as an honourable knight Hulkenberg would do just that.
It was shameful to admit it had taken over two weeks for her honourable knighthood to come through. Ever since her conversation with Heismay, her thoughts ran rampant. “Look inside yourself” he had said, but the more she looked the more she wanted to avert her gaze.
It was like venturing into a bottomless pit. Every time she believed to set foot at the bottom, she would find a new thought that led her down deeper and deeper. Worst of all, the more she scrutinized every stray feeling and memory she came across, the more uncertain she grew. Her own feelings should hold the answer, no? So, why was she growing ever more conflicted?
If her upset had bled through before, then it was on full display now. Younger recruits and sheepish nobles made a wide berth around her, so much her distress was showing. Worst of all, her friends did not know how to approach her either. His Majesty had imprisoned himself behind his work desk if only because her last reprimand was more an outburst of anger that had shaken him quite a bit. She was sure he was not scared of her, but it was shameful how he tried to appease her with obedience.
Heismay did not address their conversation directly either, but he often left her with gentle words of encouragement. Eupha and Basilio acted mostly normal around her, the amount of offered foods and treats, however, also indicated they were trying to comfort her.
And Strohl…
Her interactions with him were the most shameful of all. That being, she had not spoken a single word with him for the last two weeks. Every time she would spot him on castle grounds, she would turn on her heel and walk the other direction before she could even comprehend his presence. It was disgraceful, she could not justify it, yet she could not stop herself either. Each and every time, her conversations with Junah and Heismay would flood back into her mind and the constricting unease would settle in her stomach.
But no more. It had taken her two weeks, but she would face that fear today. She would act normally around him and her friends, distressed or not. She was a knight for His Highness’ sake, a bit of emotional unrest was not going to break her professionalism!
…
At least, that had been the plan.
It was to her great surprise to find out both Strohl and Basilio’s squads were sent out to deal with a Human that had been reported to close in on a nearby village. Not only was it disgraceful to be this out of the loop of their countries dangers as a high-ranking military official, but a petty side of Hulkenberg was cursing the workings of fate to throw such a wrench in her plans.
It left her drained of all energy and she ended up passing His Highness document after document like a mindless automaton. The change from her anger to numbness did not pass past the king and his fairy companion. All day they had shared concerned glances and shot just as many her way. She paid it little mind, sullen as she was, that was until the two started whispering among each other. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched their heated debate, which she quickly realized was about who would approach her first.
His Majesty was shielding his lips so she could not see him talk, his other hand, however, gave away his intentions as he kept pointing her way. Gallica was no better at hiding her displeasure, stomping the air in defiance and stabbing her finger accusingly against the king’s cheek. Hulkenberg decided to elevate them from their fight with a loud sigh.
“You do not have to tiptoe around me. If you have anything to say, please do so freely.”
The duo startled back, expressions those of a child caught with their hand in a cooky jar. They laughed sheepishly, scratching at their cheek and neck and looking off to the side guiltily. His Majesty was first to recover, casting his worried gaze upon her.
“You’re avoiding Strohl, aren’t you?”
Hulkenberg closed her eyes and hid her clenching fists behind her back. She should have guessed the king with his incredible perceptive skills would pick up on exactly what she was doing. There were many perks of being close to His Highness, this was not one of them.
“…yes. Shameful as it is to admit, I have been avoiding him.”
Gallica scoffed loudly.
“I knew it. No wonder Strohl’s been such a downer.”
Her heart gave a little stutter.
Cautiously, Hulkenberg opened her eyes and watched as the fairy eventually approached. She tried to keep her curiosity at her statement hidden behind an impartial stare.
“Oh, has he?”
Like opening the floodgates, Gallica’s temper got the better of her and she started her rambling complaint.
“Don’t even get me started! He would constantly come in searching for you, having to discuss this and that and “She’s never available when you need her” and stuff like that. At first, I bought it but at some point it was getting ridiculous.”
The fairy was zipping left and right, arms swinging around from her aggravation. Hulkenberg listened to her with apt attention, fluttery feeling blooming in her chest.
Her avoidance had an impact on him? For some reason, beyond the guilt she was feeling, something else was stirring inside her. Was that excitement? …hope?
His Highness laughed along to Gallica’s tirade, giving small inputs to downplay her theatrical retellings. Once the fairy had finished airing her grievances and His Majesty calmed from his fit of laughter, he turned to address his knight.
“Well, would you mind sharing why you have?”
Hulkenberg flicked her eyes towards the window, unease spreading through her. She trusted His Majesty, Gallica as well, and yet somehow this topic felt inappropriate to discuss with her king. But looking back at him, the one returning her gaze was not His Highness but Will, her friend. The friend she had already confided in before and only had come out a better person because of it.
And was it not fair to discuss something that concerned another close comrade of theirs?
Despite her reservations, Hulkenberg relayed her conflicting and confusing feelings she had been facing ever since her talk with Junah and subsequently Heismay. It was quite the embarrassing ordeal, but His Majesty and Gallica only listened patiently for her to finish.
She finished with an uneasy breath and watched as the duo shared a look.
“I see.”
His Majesty was quiet, thoughtful at her admission. Considering Gallica’s pinched expression, she was not one to share his understanding.
“Wait, so let me get this straight.”
The fairy resumed her place hovering right before her face.
“Junah asked you if you liked Strohl, which you couldn’t answer. This made you panic. Heismay in turn told you to look closer at your feelings, and that somehow made it worse?”
Hulkenberg felt her cheeks heat.
“Yes, in essence that is correct.”
She could tell Gallica was not trying to let any offending expression onto her face, but the small fairy looked at her like a bizarre object she could not quite decipher.
“What are you so afraid of?”
The king piped up quietly, yet Hulkenberg immediately heard him. He sat leaned back in his chair, feather pen tapping onto the blank sheet beneath it. His brows were knit in concern.
She searched his face for an answer she couldn’t quite grasp.
“If I had to say... it is the unknown. The not-knowing. It feels like I have spent so much time with a perception that was far from reality. I keep looking inside, I keep finding more, yet it seems I just cannot understand.”
His Majesty gave a soft hum. A quiet settled over the room for a moment.
“Well, what do you want?”
Hulkenberg jerked at His Majesty’s voice.
“Uhm, excuse me?”
Something in Hulkenberg’s tone must have snapped the king out of his musings as he flinched back slightly. He raised his hands to wave them fervently.
“Oh! That came out wrong, I’m sorry. I just wanted to know, what are you trying to achieve with understanding your feelings?”
Hulkenberg blinked slowly, processing His Majesty’s words. Try as she might, she could still not follow. The source of her distress WERE her conflicting feelings, no? So, she had to understand them to get rid of the unease.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness, I’m not quite sure what you mean.”
His Majesty offered a pitying look as he continued.
“Hulkenberg, what I’m trying to ask is what you intend to do with the information once you have it. What is your goal? Would knowing change anything? Once you know, would you want to change anything about your relationship with Strohl? What action would you like to take?”
Hulkenberg felt herself still. The questions rang true, what truly was her goal in all of this? Yes, Junah had shaken loose something that was evidently there, a stray thought somewhere at the back of her mind. Yet, to what end was she agonizing over this? All it had caused was for her to shake up their established bond and discomfort for both sides.
What her long lost hours of sleep had taught her was that she was, in fact, curious about Strohl. That much she could admit. Maybe it was that intrigue what caused her to spiral this far. She was adamant about her respect for him, and she did pride herself in knowing him well. Yet, if she thought about it any deeper, she knew what kind of person Strohl was, but nothing about him. Neither did he know anything substantial about her.
So, if this agonizing had to lead to one goal it would be…
“I think, I would like to get to know him better.”
A simple statement, not quite the grand revelation she had thought she was working towards, yet somehow still a weight off her shoulders.
Her reply seemed to please the king, as a gentle smile rose to his lips.
“See? There you go! Now you have a clear way forward. But, do yourself a favour, Hulkenberg, take it a bit easier.”
---
“’Tis magnificent!”
What a marvellous, tastefully rich experience this was! Hulkenberg could not even describe the myriads of spices und herbs that were dancing on her tongue. The texture of the sea food was most curious as well. Chewy and juicy, yet every new bite brought forth a satisfying crunch. And the side dish! She would never have thought that a plant similar to beet roots could have a mix of such hearty yet bitter flavours. And the combination of everything made for a truly unforgettable experience.
Basilio’s laughter was booming, big grin shining against his dark ashen skin. It was an open secret that Hulkenberg was a regular in his kitchen – officially still the soldiers’ canteen – but she still could not quite get used to seeing him all done up in a colourful apron and hairband. A present of Lady Junah’s, apparently. She would admit, however, that he wore it well. It made the berserker look a lot calmer and happier.
“I knew I could count on you to have some good taste, Hulkenberg!”
Her fellow knight took back her empty plate with gusto, already moving on to the next dish. As he assembled what appeared to be a delightful looking dessert, he threw her a pouting look.
“Ya know, the paripuss soldiers LOVED that dish. The others…not so much.”
He barked out a laugh.
“I tell ya, Strohl got so green in the face I thought he might just throw up.”
Hulkenberg did not partake in Basilio’s delight, she had seen Strohl near empty-stomaching one too many times across their journey to find the situation amusing, yet she let the paripuss have his fun.
Basilio had returned only a day ago, giving his mission report and very smugly relaying that Strohl’s platoon would deal with “clean up duty” – all the while not quite realising, he was admitting to making a high-risk mission into a battle competition with the young commander.
“And I totally won!”
Hulkenberg had given him the earful he had deserved for such insolent behaviour. However, Basilio had his street smarts, he knew just how to sway her. That being with good food and his incredible cooking.
At the mention of the clemar, Hulkenberg already expected the now familiar clenching of her stomach. Since her talk with His Majesty, she had learnt to deal with her feelings a lot better. With a clear goal in mind, she could channel her rampaging thoughts in a certain direction and not make herself spiral as much.
Still, with Strohl still being out of reach, she was left with stewing in her thoughts and feelings, which made her highly alert to anything to do with the young commander. Basilio had only told the barebones of their mission, which thankfully had ended without any casualties, so it was hard to glean Strohl’s state of mind.
According to what Gallica had said, her avoidance had caused quite the distress. On one hand, Hulkenberg despised the idea her friend was upset because of her actions, yet another part of her wished that this disturbance in their status quo would light a flame of curiosity within him just as bright as it had in her.
Basilio was still rattling off facts and reactions to the ingredients he had used, all the while finishing his dessert with a flourish of cream on top. He placed the dish in front of her and despite the amount of food he had already presented, Hulkenberg immediately felt her mouth water.
The dessert was a mound of juicy, dark reds of what she could only assume to be a variety of fruits. Specs of bright yellow peaked from within the serving and the cream was making small waterfalls run down the sides.
The hilt of a spoon entered her vision. Basilio held it out to her with a confident smile, aura also betraying a kind of smugness. She accepted the utensil with a quiet thank you and did not wait a second longer to dive in.
Usually, she would exclaim her delight with a meaningful statement, but the explosion of taste left her with but a high-pitched squeal. She could not fathom how good that dessert was, she almost wanted to kick her feet in excitement. She went in for another bite and despite her ravenous appetite she chewed slowly and tried to truly savour every flavour.
The red fruits were firm yet juicy, being both incredibly sweet yet with a tang of bitterness. Every other bite threw a small crunch into the mix, adding a short stab of salt to round out the overwhelming taste. Everything was topped off heavenly with the heavy cream.
In her bliss, Hulkenberg had not noticed Basilio fall quiet. Neither had she noticed him watching her carefully, evidently debating something within himself.
“Say, did you and Strohl break up?”
An especially bitter-sweet fruit clogged in her throat, immediately cutting off her breathing. Hulkenberg hacked and gagged and hit her chest with immense power, all the while Basilio started to panic and scream loudly. A cold glass was suddenly pushed into her hands and Hulkenberg spared not another moment to down the drink in one big gulp.
Thankfully, the flow of water took the offending fruit down with it, eventually freeing her airways. She was still gasping and coughing a bit, but air was entering her lungs and that was all that mattered.
Basilio stood there like a frightened alley cat, ears and hairs standing on end in his shock. His mouth closed and opened like a fish’ while he waved his arms around her in an indecisive motion to try and help her.
Only once her breathing calmed a bit did he manage to shout out some words.
“Holy shit, are you okay?!”
Hulkenberg usually berated him on his heavy use of profanities, but this time she could not agree more with the sentiment. How such a delightful dish could turn deadly so quickly was unfathomable. She felt betrayed.
Basilio was leaning heavily on the countertop in front of him, entering her personal space a bit too much for her liking. By the way his tail wagged in distress, however, she could not blame him for trying to get a closer look.
She leaned back a bit, one hand settling on her still heaving chest and halting his approach with the other.
“I’m sorry for this shameful display, I am alright now. Thank you for your assistance.”
Hulkenberg looked down at what was left of her dessert. In the haste to help her Basilio had knocked over the bowl, splattering the insides across the table. Wrinkling her nose, she had to realize some bits of half-eaten fruit hid amongst the spillage. The poor treat looked like carnage.
“I must also apologize for disgracing your cooking like this. It was magnificent, truly.”
They both hung their heads over the rest of the dessert and Hulkenberg could not help but think like they were attending a funeral.
She was almost swept up in this comedically bizarre moment when the initial trigger for this whole disturbance came back to her mind.
“Basilio, could you please repeat what you’ve asked me before?”
Blinking out of his stupor, the paripuss looked at her for a few moments before the question hit him.
“Oh, I just wanted ta know if you and Strohl broke up. Bloke’s been kinda off kilter.”
Hulkenberg pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Basilio, did you think Strohl and I were in relationship?”
“Are you not?”
“No, we are not.”
The paripuss stared at her with big eyes, she could almost see the cogs turning behind them. He almost looked unnerving, red slitted eyes trained directly on her. If his expression didn’t look quite as lost, she would be getting uneasy under that stare.
Basilio heaved a heavy sigh all of a sudden, body all but crumpling onto the countertop. He looked, dare she say, relieved?
“Oh, OH, oh my lord, thank goodness.”
Hulkenberg’s eyes went to slits, his reaction in the context of the conversation not quite welcome. Basilio was too caught up in losing an invisible weight to notice her displeasure.
“Man, I thought I was goin’ crazy! Cos, ya know, I never thought of you two as an item and then you suddenly avoid the guy like he caught the plague and he gets all mopey. I thought I was the only one out of the loop!”
As he rambled on, Hulkenberg could feel her cheeks warm in shame. What a distressing image she had produced with her attitude. Not to mention what turbulence she had caused another of her comrades. However, his phrasing did make dread settle in her stomach.
“Wait. Basilio, are you implying other people see us as a couple?”
Basilio laughed like she had asked him if the sky was blue.
“Oh, totally. I was scratching my brain why Strohl was all angry and uptight for a while when I heard the soldiers say somethin’ about you finally dumping him. And ya know, I thought since you didn’t talk to him at all, there’s gotta be some merit to it. Made me question my whole reality for a sec there.”
Hulkenberg buried her face in her hands, rubbing her forehead to prevent the approaching headache. She had come to terms with a lot of the conversations she had had over the weeks, yet she had hoped “seen as a pair” would not be a topic to crop up again before she could sort out her feelings. Even worse, she had little doubt that her own actions only pushed rumour mills to the extreme.
She shook her head. No, she could not get caught up in her embarrassment again. Her Highness had so graciously given her a direction to work towards – and left her with the plea to not exhaust herself – so she would try to stomach the flustering unease. The goal was to get to know Strohl better, that would be the road that let her to understanding herself.
Hulkenberg looked over the rim of her cupped hands. She was thankful that, as wild and brash as Basilio was, he was also incredibly emotionally intelligent. Sometimes she found herself envying his skill to read other people.
Instead of staring her down and prodding her for a reaction, he had busied himself with washing the few dishes she had already eaten clean. The sad remnants of her dessert were still spilled out before her, but the bowl and bigger bits of fruit had already vanished from the countertop.
As respectful as Basilio tried to be, he still kept throwing her glances during his work. She could tell he was both worried and incredibly curious, as his wagging tail empathised. Hulkenberg steadied herself with a deep breath. No need for embarrassment, no need to spiral.
“Tell me, was Strohl truly in such a foul mood?”
Basilio halted his movement, now turning to give her his full attention.
“Oh, oh yeah, dude was grumbling the whole carriage ride. Stopped quick though once we had to gear up.”
The paripuss furrowed his brows before shaking his head.
“Gotta say, I don’t think you’re wholly to blame here. I think he was on edge a bunch because of the mission, hit a bit too close to home.”
Hulkenberg felt the heat drain from her face. Now that Basilio had pointed it out, it did sound far too similar to what had happened to Strohl himself. His wet, grief-stricken face crossed her mind’s eye and she immediately felt the guilt rise in her throat. Basilio scratched the back of his head and continued.
“That mission only came up after you’ve started avoiding ‘im, so I guess that just amplified his foul mood.”
He wrinkled his brows and Hulkenberg could see he was biting the inside of his cheek. He looked conflicted.
“…you know, it ain’t my place to tell you this, but I think the reason he got so angry about your behaviour was cos he can’t bring himself to go to the king.”
Hulkenberg perked up at that. She angled her head slightly to catch her friend’s eye.
“Could you elaborate on that?”
He searched her face for a moment before snapping his gaze to the side.
“It’s hard to describe, and I dunno if he himself even realises all the quiet comments he drops here and there, but I think some of the missions take a toll on him. I mean, we know he got a smart head on his shoulders – between you, him and Heismay I bet you guys could lead a whole army. But even if he’s grown a lot more confident, when you catch him stare down on all those strategy plans for hours on end, you kinda end up noticing how little faith he has in himself sometimes.”
Basilio leaned against countertop, not noticing or caring that his apron was soaking up the blood red liquids on its surface.
“But, you know, even if we all know the king’s got our backs, I think he tries to avoid troubling him with anything, small as the issue might be.”
Hulkenberg seized up when the paripuss’ eyes shot her way. They didn’t look angry or accusing, but she still found herself shrink under his gaze.
“I think that’s why he comes to you.”
As if unlocking some hidden compartment of her mind, everything clicked into place. Of course she could not immediately deny any attraction to Strohl - the two of them sought each other out for the same reasons after all. Of course they would be seen as a pair - in an attempt not to burden their friend and king, they relied on each other instead. Of course it scared her to dig deeper into her feelings - if she did, she would uncover how heavily they depended on each other.
Hulkenberg had to shake her head to recover from the revelations that hit her. These strong feelings that had emerged from within were no new development, they stemmed from the deep understanding and reliance that had formed between them a long time ago. Like holding up a mirror, she was surprised to see how many of her own insecurities reflected back at her. Understandable, in some semblance, as their current positions asked a lot of the same from them. And as arguably the closest confidants to His Highness, she could empathize heavily with Strohl’s unwillingness to burden the young king any further.
Only now did the last year truly flow through her mind – the late strategy meetings where she had to talk him out of his own recklessness while she silently encouraged minimizing the involvement of the king. The unspoken support between them when throwing out idealistic hypothesis and being granted solid advice. The few quiet moments they shared before the soldiers filed in for the day.
And her own petty embarrassment attacked the small respite they found in each other.
Hulkenberg leaned back in her chair, straightening her spine and taking a deep breath that filled her lungs. She held it in, letting the feeling of shame and anger wash over her. Unacceptable. Her behaviour, her assumptions, her selfishness. All of it was unacceptable.
But no more. Hulkenberg was an honourable knight. A knight faced their fears and fought for what is right. If the wrongs are of her own making, then it was her responsibility to rectify that.
With a huff she let the air out of her system. Locking her eyes onto Basilio’s, she spoke with determination.
“I have to apologize to him.”
Basilio grinned.
“You better do that! I’ve had enough of him moping about, you know.”
---
She felt lighter now that the storm of conflicting feelings had finally calmed somewhat. In her excitement over eventually understanding the foundation of her strong feelings, she had grown overzealous and had fooled herself into thinking she had figured out every part of the complex web of emotions she was facing.
Now on a stroll out on the streets of Grand Trad – recommended by Basilio and heavily encouraged by the king – Hulkenberg could air out her mind to think properly. While a heavy weight had lifted from her chest, the fluttering unease in her stomach still prevailed. She understood the unspoken bond she shared with Strohl now, yet she doubted she truly understood the depth of her feelings completely.
“Oh, Lady Hulkenberg, it is so nice to finally see you out of the castle!”
A delightful voice reached her ears and Hulkenberg was already smiling when she turned to face Eupha. The young priestess jogged up to her, face shining with a warm expression.
“Eupha, hello. I’m glad to see you. I hope you are doing well?”
The mustari nodded enthusiastically, excitement basically radiating off of her.
“Oh, I am doing wonderful! I just left Lady Brigitta’s place, and I am very happy to announce that her shop will officially be sponsoring their toys for all our new orphanages!”
Hulkenberg mirrored her young friend’s joy – those were certainly amazing news! Despite Eupha being in charge of the Grand Trad’s court, she was still heavily involved with the other religious groups. Her constant conversation with the Sanctist church also made her part of many charity projects the church oversaw. The building of new orphanages and the subsequent involvement of the Magic Igniter shop were wholly the mustari’s idea, however.
Hulkenberg congratulated her once more before their conversation shifted to idle small talk. They resumed walking, passing by the many markets that lined the streets near the Grand Cathedral. The young priestess was all in all in good spirit, yet the knight couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being carefully observed.
Eupha’s third eye never blinked and always had a half-lidded look to it, yet she felt its gaze trained on her constantly. Once a lull entered their conversation, Eupha slowed her step before stopping altogether a few paces behind her. Hulkenberg turned back to face her, watching her fiddle with the cloth of her robe. It was very uncharacteristic of the young mustari to not voice her mind, even if she was seen as the shiest of their group.
“Lady Hulkenberg, are you alright?”
Hulkenberg inclined her head, the sudden concern coming as a surprise.
“I am doing just fine. Why do you ask? Is something the matter?”
Eupha waved her hands for a short moment before composing herself.
“No, nothing of the sort. I have just been a bit worried. For the last few weeks, you’ve seemed very upset. So much so that it even showed in your magla.”
The priestess’ gaze flit to the side.
“Will said you were doing better, and the flow of your magla has calmed a lot, but to me it still looks like you feel ill at ease.”
Hulkenberg couldn’t help but huff. His Majesty sure liked to meddle in other’s affairs. The knight felt bad for her friend, however, as this admission seemed to leave her guilt-ridden. Her king was right about one thing - she was doing better. Her feelings were not quite sorted out yet, some depths not yet reached, but her swirl of emotions had untangled enough for her mind to be clear.
So, she approached the young priestess and laid her hand on her shoulder. Eupha finally rose her gaze and locked eyes with the knight.
“You are right, Eupha. There are some thoughts that have plagued me for quite some time now. While I feel like I have figured out some parts, I must admit that there is a lot that leaves me feeling uncertain.”
The mustari’s features slowly turned to one of understanding.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
Hulkenberg smiled gently.
“If you will have me.”
After deliberating a bit, they ended up settled on a bench overlooking the vastness of the city. A soft wind was blowing, just strong enough to push the hair out of their faces. Eupha sat straight but relaxed, eyes closed and presumably meditating in the breeze. Hulkenberg followed suit, calming her breath and freeing her thoughts, yet she kept her eyes on her friend.
For a while, they sat in companionable silence, until Eupha breathed deep then slowly let the air out through her nostrils. She opened her eyes.
“Please excuse the rude assumption, but is your distress because of Strohl?”
When the young priestess looked her way, her gaze was questioning but firm. Hulkenberg chuckled silently to herself – she would have been surprised if Eupha of all people had not caught on to the truth of the situation.
“It is indeed. However, it is not by his fault I am this conflicted.”
It felt good, being able to admit as much without her pulse shooting through her veins, even when the flutter in her chest persisted.
Eupha gave a short hum.
“From what the king has told me, and from what I have observed myself, it seems that you are battling with an uncertainty strong enough to upset the foundation of your feelings for him.”
Hulkenberg could do little but confirm her suspicions.
For a few thoughtful moments, Eupha stayed quiet. Her gaze was downcast, directed inwards.
A hushed question left her lips.
“Hulkenberg, do you love him?”
The question sent a shockwave through her body, embers dancing all over her skin. Yet, the feeling was not completely unwelcome. Like a wake-up call, it felt like she had been waiting for someone to finally ask that specific question out right. A question she had been too scared to ask herself.
Did she love him?
“I must admit, I do not know the answer.”
Her hands clenched on her thighs, eyes raising to the endless expanse of the sky.
“And it irks me to confess this, but I do not know how to find the answer either.”
Again, a quiet, understanding hum.
“I think I might know a way.”
Hulkenberg snapped her gaze back to her companion. There was a gentle yet somehow sad expression on Eupha’s face.
“We mustari hide behind our helmets all our lives. It is a sign of deep trust should we bare our faces to each other. There are other customs that resemble that show of affection as well, yet in my journey, I have found a lot of these traditions fall short. They may deliver a message, but they do not help you find out what you truly want to convey.”
Eupha looked down at her hands. Her eyes were slightly glazed, sight stuck somewhere in a past memory.
“What it takes is communication. Someone to talk to, someone who listens. You have to say it out loud for yourself to truly realize where your heart is trying to lead you.”
Her hands turn to fists, nails digging into her skin. There was a small smile on Eupha’s face, but Hulkenberg saw the strain she put herself under for the bitterness not to show.
“It is freeing – to tell the one your heart cries out for what you feel. It gives you a common ground to stand on, even if that common ground turns out to be an understanding that it could not quite work as you wish it to.”
Hulkenberg felt her heart ache for her friend. She was no fool, neither was she blind. His Highness and Eupha shared a bond no one could quite match. It was different from his connection with Gallica, built on an entirely different kind of understanding. Hulkenberg could see it in the small stolen moments she unbiddenly witnessed through not quite closed doors. It was no show of excessive intimacy or conversations rather unheard, but just peaceful coexistence that bordered an idyllic dream.
However, the serenity wasn’t everlasting – the responsibilities as a king and the symbolic head of a religion and tribe put a spotlight on the two that made such moments scarce and all too short. Hulkenberg could tell it burdened them both, but she understood they clung to the when and not the if. The connection was there, it was just not the right time to let things play out as they ultimately would.
Eupha finally raised her gaze, looking at Hulkenberg with determination in her eyes.
“Still, I believe it better for the flood of emotions to be released than letting them eat you from inside.”
Surprisingly, the priestess giggled.
“I would like to use a phrase like “to hell with the consequences” as Basilio would say, but I feel like that would be unbecoming.”
Hulkenberg couldn’t help but join in her mirth. “To hell with consequences” was actually not a bad mantra for her particular situation. After all, not throwing caution to the wind had already caused its own fair share of damages. And as Eupha had said, maybe letting that spiral of thoughts and emotions finally loose might release her from this hellish, and at this point frankly annoying, cycle.
After letting their laughter subside, Hulkenberg breathed easily.
“Thank you, Eupha. Your words truly are a big help.”
The mustari cocked her head and smiled brightly.
“No worries. But Hulkenberg, whatever you do – please just talk to him.”
---
Taking Eupha’s words to heart, Hulkenberg set out to do the one thing she had avoided for weeks.
Talk to Strohl.
This time, she would not act as disgracefully as she had before, “waiting” for her knightly pride to reveal itself. No, she had had time to steel herself, and if she made a fool out of herself, so be it. She owed it to them both to put an end to whatever her sudden rush of emotions had caused.
How they would come out the other side, she would not know.
So, filled with new determination, Hulkenberg kept a close eye on Strohl’s mission status, tracking their reports to estimate the date of their return. And quite soon, the arrival of their platoon was announced through the castle. She let the young commander arrive in peace, knowing he would immediately head to the king’s office, but laid in wait for the perfect time to strike.
“Strohl.”
Her voice echoed through the empty hallway, the only other sounds being the click of her heel and the distant sound of birds chirping in the trees outside. Strohl stopped short, leg suspended in the air for a second. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he turned to face her. Hulkenberg felt her breath seize.
It was strange, finally being face to face again with the man that had plagued her mind for so long. The evening sun cast a warm colour over his face, making his grey eyes twinkle almost brown. His expression was stuck in palpable surprise – something she could not fault him for after her long avoidance of him.
“Hulkenberg…greetings. How may I help you?”
Uncertain, a bit stilted, almost offendingly formal. Her brow immediately furrowed. He seemed to notice her displeasure as his posture grew rigid, almost guarded. Another thing she could not blame him for, yet it still stung her heart. With a huff, she composed herself.
“May I talk with you.”
Again, he seemed stupefied.
“Sure.”
His answer came flat, but clear.
“Strohl, I-“
The banging of a door interrupted her. Loud laughter was heard as a group of soldiers entered. From the other side of the hallway, another chorus of booming voices added to the mixture of noise, shouting excitedly for something to eat. Hulkenberg thought she heard Basilio among them as well.
She sighed.
“Maybe, somewhere more private.”
Strohl obliged with a nod and led her down the hallway. Passing the soldiers’ quarters, she realized he was going for the captains’ offices – really just a series of rooms used for strategizing. The only ones visiting this part of the castle outside of official meetings were her, Strohl and sometimes Heismay, the chance of anyone coming here therefore relatively low. That thought made Hulkenberg’s pulse race.
Once alone in a room, Strohl seemed to finally relax. Taking off the broad-shouldered cape and neck guard, he rolled his shoulders with a tired yet satisfied sigh. Hulkenberg noted how rugged he looked. Not a surprise, as he had a long carriage ride behind him with only a few hours of rest by now. Maybe she should have waited for this confrontation after all.
“So, what do you need?”
Strohl finally turned her way, face a lot more open and seemingly at ease with her eventually accepting his presence again.
No, she could postpone it no longer.
Hulkenberg pressed her arms tight to her sides and bowed as low as her body would allow.
“Strohl, I must apologize! My behaviour over the last few weeks has been abhorrent. A shameful and disgraceful display that should by all rights strip me of my knighthood. But titles and pride aside, the gravest sin of all is that I hurt my friend because of selfish indecisiveness! Please, you must not accept my apology but know that I am deeply regretful!”
“Woah, hey, HEY! Calm down! And enough of that!”
Hulkenberg found herself seized by the shoulders and forcefully brought upright. She was face to face with Strohl, grey eyes big, confused and mostly concerned. He was scrutinizing her, assumingly looking for anything unnatural, but once he found nothing he leaned back and furrowed his brows.
“Hulkenberg, what has gotten into you?! First your strange avoidance and now this? Eupha didn’t bring any Dragon Tears to the castle again, did she?”
He leaned back in and conspiratorially sniffed at her mouth. This finally snapped her out of her daze and made her push him out of her personal space.
“I- please apologize, this might have come out too strongly.”
“You think?”
She shot him an unimpressed glare for his comment, he only answered with a lift of his brow and a hand on his cocked hip.
“Again, I APOLOGIZE. These thoughts have been plaguing me for weeks and I have tried to prepare for this moment for such a long time, I might have gotten a bit too invested.”
Despite having to grind out some parts of the sentence, she still felt her cheeks heat by the end of it. She agreed with Eupha that finally airing out her feelings made her feel lighter, yet she could not quite swallow her embarrassment by admitting to her faults.
Strohl, for his part, had no more witty comebacks to add. He just watched her, brows furrowing and jaw working, a tell-tale sign of his indecision. Ultimately, a longwinded sigh left him. One all too familiar to her – it was the same for when he just could not stay mad at her antics.
With a grumble, he rubbed the back of his head.
“It’s fine, you really have nothing to apologize for. I admit I have not been the most mature these past weeks either.”
Hulkenberg was certain he did not know everyone had essentially tattled on him to confirm his statement. And she was not about to bring it up either. So, she just let him continue.
“May I at least know what brought on your ire?”
Even after weeks of this feeling, the fluttering unease in her chest made her unable to keep his gaze. Her eyes travelled somewhere down to his chest, focusing on the stitching on his jacket.
This was the difficult part – admitting the truth.
She thought back to Junah’s teasing remark, calling them a good pair and loosening something inside her. She thought back to Heismay, his parental concern and sagely advice making her uncover the depth of what slept inside her. She thought back to His Majesty who gave her the push in the right direction. She thought back to Basilio, opening her eyes to what, or rather, who was at stake. And she thought back to Eupha, her eyes shining with a will for Hulkenberg to grasp the one thing she herself could not have.
“Please just talk to him.”
Despite her burning face and sped up pulse, Hulkenberg raised her gaze to meet with Strohl’s.
“It would be false to call it “ire”. I held no ill will towards you. No, what truly transpired was that I have been made aware of feelings I did not know how to deal with.”
The wrinkle between his brows intensified as he tried to decipher what she was trying to tell him. Evidently, it was not yet enough. Hulkenberg took a deep breath.
“It had all started with a harmless comment by Lady Junah, trying to ascertain whether I had ever fancied His Highness or you before. Of course, I immediately shot down her comment about His Majesty. Yet, when it came to you, I thought I knew how to answer…but I didn’t.”
Slowly, his eyes grew wider as understanding seemed to seep in.
“I will have you know, it drove me mad for quite some time! You should be glad avoidance was the only thing befalling you in the state I was in. Still, it took advice by all our friends for me to find the root for all my distress. ‘Twas a question I never thought I’d have to ask myself.”
“Which was?”
His voice was but a puff of air, unbelieving and shaken alike.
Her own was starting to falter, nervousness and heartbeat in her throat making it hard to keep it steady. But she had to steel herself, the next part was essential.
“Whether I loved you or not.”
A heavy silence fell over the room, both of them just staring back at the other with widened eyes.
“Well, do you?”
Spoken quietly but more grounded than before. Yet, it still veered into a higher pitch by the end, a typical sign of him falling into panic. Unfortunately, with his shock-stricken face it was hard to tell whether it was anticipation or apprehension covering his features.
“I… I must admit, I am not certain. I have little experience in such matters and cannot pinpoint what these feelings mean still. Yet,… I find myself not opposed to try-.”
“Would you like to try?”
His question stumbled out his mouth before she could properly finish her sentence. Now it was her turn to just stare in shock. His expression had barely changed, frozen in perpetually disbelief, yet she could see red emerging on his cheeks as well. His breathing grew slightly laboured and this up close it looked like his eyes shook.
“Strohl…are you asking me to become your partner?”
“I think I am.”
Usually, Hulkenberg was not one known to tolerate this degree of uncertainty, especially not in a serious context like this. Flippant remarks not said with full intent behind them were unacceptable. Yet, as she felt like a stumbling fawn herself, just the fact he had even confirmed it was enough for her.
“I-If you would have me.”
Her voice was quivering a bit.
“It would be a delight.”
His was steadier, but breathy and quiet.
They had reached a confusing stalemate. Hulkenberg was sure they had just declared maybe not their love but at least a mutual interest in each other, yet both of them were frozen to the spot. Still, this meant the weeks of circling the same few thoughts in her head were finally over. By the flabbergasted look on Strohl’s face, she suspected that he had lived through quite a similar situation.
Like a needle had dropped, they were broken out of their stupor. Both took a step back, Hulkenberg finding herself combing through her hair in an uncharacteristically nervous manner. Strohl for his part scratched at his chin, eyes now averted to the side. The furrow in his brow was back again, but so was the blush covering his cheeks. It gave Hulkenberg a little solace knowing they both were affected by their confessions.
Suddenly, Strohl cleared his throat loudly, opening his arms and moving his hands in a beckoning gesture. When Hulkenberg only kept staring at him, he gave another cough.
“May I?”
It took a moment for Hulkenberg to process what he was asking. Cautiously, she stepped forward until she was but a hair’s breadth from him. His arms circled around her form, pulling her the last small distance against his chest. Her cheek hit his shoulder and she immediately took in the scent of worn leather and campfire smoke. Not the most pleasant smell yet one all too familiar and comforting.
Strohl’s arms settled against the small of her back and her shoulder blade, Hulkenberg soon followed suit and gripped the fabric at the back of his jacket. She felt him press his temple against hers and his content sigh tickled her ear from this close.
They melted into each other, a cocoon of comfort, warmth and safety. Hulkenberg closed her eyes, taking in everything she could feel. The way his palms were a burning presence at her back, the way she felt his horn skim against her head and get tangled in some of her hair, the way both their hearts beat erratically against each other’s chests.
This was foreign, this was new. Yet, this was the uncharted territory she had been paving her way towards for weeks now. Through storm and bottomless pits, through tangled webs and steep cliffs. It was a path shrouded in mystery to her, a road she had never imagined travelling along. It was frightening, it felt like nothing and yet everything was at stake.
But she was an honourable knight. A knight who stood proud in front of adversity. It was her duty to fight against the unknown and face her fears. But at least, in this, she did not have to do it alone.
