List of movies to show my kids some day
- Moxie: Badass movie about girls in high school fighting against the patriarchy
todays bird
Jules of Nature

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ellievsbear
Sade Olutola

izzy's playlists!
wallacepolsom
Today's Document
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Cosimo Galluzzi
we're not kids anymore.
cherry valley forever

Product Placement

pixel skylines
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
RMH
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

roma★
One Nice Bug Per Day
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

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@groovygardenelixir
List of movies to show my kids some day
- Moxie: Badass movie about girls in high school fighting against the patriarchy
Kinda feel like a piece of shit loser this week.
Didn’t get into the school that would launch me into the career I’ve been working towards for the past 8 years.
Got laid off from my job.
Not really sure what to do with my life now.
I want to make the most of my free time, but feel so down on myself making it hard to really enjoy this time.
Trying really hard to make the most of it.
GOD I just want to be CREATIVE but all my energy is being used to survive
Dream 3/17
My dream started with me looking through my stuff trying to find a giant fish tank that I had from a dream a long time ago. I was getting worried because I knew I hadn’t fed my lizards and fish that were inside it in forever (because the dream was so long ago). My mom was there and she told me I haven’t had that fish tank in years.. I got so frustrated with not being able to find it, I was asking my mom aggressively if she had thrown it away, or if she just didn't know where it was?? Then I found a box of clothes in my dad’s room that had been in my room the day before, and I got paranoid that someone had been going through my house and moving things around.
Not sure how it transitioned into my next dream, but here is the next part:
I was on a flight where nobody knew where we were going. I was with a lot of people from my friend group and from high school that I don’t talk about anymore. As we were landing, we could see that we were landing into a forest, but when we got out of the plane, there was a whole town where the trees just were. In my mind, I pictured how it used to be with the trees, and somehow realized that we had time traveled. We were way in the future. There were a bunch of adults waiting for us up on the balcony of one of the hotel buildings. The hotel looked more like an old European boarding school. I got a creepy, eerie, feeling from the adults that were waving to us. Somehow I knew that they were not to be trusted.
I couldn’t figure out what room I would be in, and couldn't find any of my money... I also realized that in this future, it was as if we went into the past and that black/white roles were reversed. It wasn’t so far into the past that white people didn’t have their freedom, but they were definitely looked down upon as sub-human and less than other people. I asked my black friend to help me because I wasn’t allowed to directly talk to the adults myself, because I’m white. We got our room orders, and for some reason my sister was listed in a room with a bunch of boys from my high school. Now for some reason the numbers 213 kept coming up, and there was a short period in the dream where there was a girl who thought she was a witch, telling us how much she’s been seeing the numbers 213 everywhere, and she was showing us with a magnifying glass how the numbers 213 were in different things, like a book and some mail.
From there, we went past an old man who was my friend and his little brother’s uncle, who almost drove them over. My friend was so confused, shouting “uncle its me!!” but the uncle’s eyes were glazed over and he looked as if he was under some spell, or like he was something else disguising himself as my friend’s uncle. We walked up the stairs to this corridor type of place and that’s where it got really weird. I can’t really remember the specific order of the events, but this place we came to was really messed up. They had all of the kids in separated rooms, like jail cells. Each person would have to decide between two different disgusting things to do for the day. One person I saw had to eat this huge, white, flat thing, that looked like flattened out intestines. I feel like this part had something to do with the seven deadly sins or something, but I have no idea. It was kind of like a scene from one of the SAW movies.
Again, I’m not really sure how this dream moved into the next, but here it is:
I was walking along a shopping center and one of my friends asked me to do her makeup, which I suck at makeup but I tried it out anyways! And then she told me that our double date bailed on us. I had no idea that I was supposed to go on a date, and I also have a boyfriend, so I was confused. I told her that it was okay because I don’t think my boyfriend would have been okay with that anyways. Then she tells me that my boyfriend actually set the date up?? I was super confused at this point. She then showed me mean texts from the boy that I was supposed to go on the date with that were sent to my boyfriend, and said that me going on the date was some sort of getting back at the boy for those texts? The gist of the texts were that this guy was upset with my boyfriend for never having to pay any bills, and that this guy has had to pay a bunch of bills ever since he got out of high school, and that he has to cook his own bacon everyday. So for some reason these texts really piss me off that someone would get all angry towards my boyfriend because he has it easier than this guy?
So I find the guy at the shopping area, (which by the way, is dark and seems like a movie scene from a New Orleans crime show, with it being very damp, with water dripping from random places) and I walk straight up to him and punch him in the face. We end up fighting, but he’s mainly just trying to dodge my hits, and I’m yelling at him for the texts sent to my boyfriend, telling him that he doesn't have to be upset at him for not having to pay bills, and that we make scrambled eggs sometimes, so he’s not the only one making his own breakfast??
Then I have to also fight his uncle? Idk
Afterwards, I find my boyfriend who is cracking up with one of my friends and I’m like “wow great date you set me up on??”
Transition into the next part:
Some guy in all purple is running past us, screaming that someone’s coming for him, followed by another guy that looks like maybe he's holding a gun? He throws the gun?? at the first guy and it turns into a big scene. I end up staying far away from the action, and start to call the police, when the guy with the gun starts walking around to all the people watching, threatening them. I lay on the ground to hide while my phone is still calling. On the other line, I hear a lady answer asking me questions I can’t really hear. I tell her that I need help and that someone has a gun. She asks me “what kind of fur is on his belly?” I was like “what?? I need help, there’s a man with a gun” and she keeps asking me questions about cat grooming until I look at my phone and realize I dialed “92cat22″ which apparently called the cat groomer?? So then I try to redial 911, but now the guy with the gun is next to me, and I don’t want him to know I’m dialing 911, so I try to make my phone as quiet as possible and try to lay as still as possible, so that I don’t raise any alarms in his head.
And thats all I remember.
Does anyone else have a hard time understanding their existence? In a physical way? Like you’re not even sure what you really look like? You look in the mirror and see what you think looks like you, and then you see a photo that you hardly recognize as yourself? And no matter how hard you stare at the photo, or in the mirror, you can’t seem to grasp who you actually are?
Do people just live the same routine every week for the rest of their lives?
I finished college, I got a full time job...
I’m going on my third month at my job now and my schedule is starting to become normal to me. Am I supposed to do this every week until I die?
What is the end goal for me here? Do people ever get to just stop working?
Will I ever achieve all of the things I’ve dreamt of?
Own a house, rescue animals, have a garden, have the perfect, healthy body that allows me to have energy all day and do fun active things
How do you get there?
I know how you get there; I could lay out all of the steps you need to take to get there and have a plan laid out perfectly.
But I’ll never execute the plan.
I don’t have the motivation.
If I get all of that... all of what I’ve thought about.. then what do I do? How do I spend my time?
I’m so bored with life. And tired.
Life is.... so boring
So boring sometimes
I don’t really know what I like or what I enjoy
I just exist
I do things others like and I realize half way through that it’s not really my thing..
Or is it my thing, and I’m just overthinking it, and ruining it, because I can’t make up my mind?
What do I enjoy
What do I actually dislike
Hello
Hi... I feel so awkward typing out to myself, talking as if someone is going to read this.. ha.
I feel like I have to try really hard and that I’m in a weird teen TV show like Euphoria, where I’m starting a blog and have to be perfectly quirky?? on here.
But alas, this blog is for me
So I can really say whatever I feel like saying, however I feel like saying it, and I shouldn’t feel embarrassed while I’m typing this out right now
Anyways,
I would like to be a better writer.
I would like to have a space to where I can express everything I need to express without bottling it up or without relying too heavily on one person to be able to absorb any and all information I need to get off my chest.
I need to do something creative to help me feel like life isn’t completely meaningless.