tw: rape (no vivid descriptions; it’s what this post is all about) + some swearing but people seriously need to read this.
to the people who say that the man raped them because he changed position during (not holes, just position), you were slightly intoxicated, you regret it or simply because "women can't consent to their oppressors therefore hetero sex is ALWAYS rape.": I'm going to be going through each of these arguments and explaining to you how they are complete bullshit.
1 - "i only consented to missionary but then he changed to doggy style without checking with me first!!" (or swap out missionary and doggy style with other positions) - no. this is not rape. there is nothing different about the physicality of missionary and doggy style except the dick is rotated 180. that's it. it's not in a different hole or anything. its literally just turning your body around and having it elevated. changing position is not rape. even if he did it in a rough way, that’s just him being a little too rough which you should tell him about.
2a - "I was a little drunk so I couldn't properly give consent!" - odds are, if you were intoxicated when you two met at the club, he was too. who's to say he raped you any more than you raped him? obviously this doesn’t count people who got drugged or passed out and were raped then. but if you are both drunk and you say "yes" to him, it isn't rape. it’s you consenting just as much as he is.
2b - "even if he was intoxicated, he should make the rational decision to not have sex because I was." - all that you're saying with this point is that women are less capable of making rational decisions than men and that women cant get by in life without men being their protector.
3 - "but looking back on it, I wish I didn't say yes" - everyone does things they regret. some people date absolute assholes then as soon as they get dumped they're like "man i wish that relationship never happened". fact of the matter is, that person still said yes when the person asked them out. they remained in the relationship until the end. just because you regret it doesn't mean he raped you. it means you aren't good at making rational decisions and you then saying that he raped you because of your regret means you are also incapable of taking responsibility for your actions.
4a - "heterosexual sex is always rape" - no. if you consent to him (this includes "im ready", "yes" or anything along those lines in a sexual context) it is not rape. even if in the back of your mind you were like "i don’t wanna do this" if you don't express that to him, it is your own fault. he isn't a mind reader so don’t expect him to just know.
4b - "but men are all ugly so women cant consent to them" - (yes, i have actually seen this argument) i would appreciate it if you didn’t promote hate speech about a group of people based solely on their gender. thanks.
4c - "but heterosexual sex involves a power imbalance which no woman can consent to!!" - it doesn't but let's pretend it does. you know what else involves a power imbalance even greater than hetero sex supposedly has? BDSM. which a number of people actually require for sexual arousal (aka a fetish). the BDSM community revolves around extreme amounts of trust and consent which is ironic considering kt's also the community which non-con roleplay falls under but, within the BDSM community, there's a thing known as a "safe word" (or the "safe action" if they are unable to speak) which most partners discuss beforehand. the idea is the moment your partner says the safe word, you immediately pull back. the point that im trying to get across is that the biggest sexual power imbalance is also the one with the highest respect of consent and people's limits.
please, don’t belittle people who experienced actual sexual assault. it's a serious issue and more and more people are having trouble being heard just because of stupid people claiming to have been raped when it was either their own fault or just not rape at all.
tangentwithtanner
stormborns
