chin up, kid

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

Rosy (2018) Directed by Jess Bond

[paigerambles]

“That look seized hold of her heart: / desire is terrible.”

— Euripides, from Hippolytos, Grief Lessons: Four Plays tr. Anne Carson  (via lifeinpoetry)

[zoekinsella]

[valteenie]

At first, she hadn't seen it in her. The ability to hold out. That she'd be on her ass out. It was her surprise when she stuck it out. Would've applauded her if Val was anyone else. She knew she hadn't made Carson's life easy but it wasn't her job. Val gave a short nod of acknowledgement. They could find new ways to address Dani and none of it would even reach how they felt. She clicked her tongue against her teeth. This was exactly why she kept private. No one needed to know her business, but at least she knew Carson wasn't going to be blasting her news. "I'm not her biggest fan either. It would've done us all some good if she had stayed there." It was more information that she needed to process later. What was so unfortunate about them. "Have any idea why she's here? Clearly not to visit either of us."

[grumpycat-carson]

Carson cringed as Valentina clicked her tongue, she was always a private person. As her assistant, Carson had to both know everything she could about her and never speak of it. She used to anticipate Valentina's every move, you know? She knew her schedule like the back of her hand. She would never go back to doing that for her again. "That we can agree on," Carson offered. Daniela was a snake, there was denying it. "Definitely not. I'm not sure why she's here, she didn't really give anything away when I bumped into her-," except an especially annoying comment about Amir and how good he looked- "Wait, I did see her before, though. Last month at this party... gala thing... I got me and Amir in for his article and there she was."

[kanye-amir]

Oh he knew exactly what she was talking about. you don't have to do this. but choosing to play dumb was Amir's one and only plan to get away with it. "don't know what you're talking about, car." he shrugged lightly, glad her back was now to him so he could hide his face better. "also what kind of guy would I be if I didn't hold out a chair. Manners, Carson. Manners." An excuse. A perfect one.

If he were honest, well if he were honest they never would have gotten this far, but if he were honest he had already written most of their article. He couldn't tell her that, he couldn't even begin to imagine how she would react so yes, he had lied to Carson once again. Oh the complement he didn't know he needed. His heart swole, feet taking him back to the counter. He placed the plates on the table. Taking a seat across from her. He cleared his throat, "okay so for Chef Amir's attempt at a fancy meal today, I present you brown butter scallops with parmesan risotto. I also got a desert. Can't bake yet so I bought it but one day I'm going to surprise you." He grinned.

He raised a brow. Had Carson just presented the perfect opportunity for him? "Oh, I'd be down. Well, I feel like you're just using me but I like it. You don't eat enough anyway." Any chance to spend more time, especially outside of work with Carson? He would be a fool to turn it down.

"Uh yeah. Well we know Jas will go all out so I — oh you wanna go together? Save some effort you know?"

[grumpycat-carson]

"Manners," she mumbled, definitely rolling her eyes again at him. Affectionately, though. Always. Carson watched as he placed the plates down and sat across from her. She's looked at Amir a million times before but now it was like she couldn't look away. She had to keep reminding herself that they were done playing pretend, that it had been fun but it was over now. It was work. They were friends. She was impressed and charmed by him, she couldn't even hide it anymore. She'd deny it, sure, but it was written all over her face. "You really took it to heart when Ratatouille said 'anyone can cook', huh?"

Carson relented, though, allowing herself to grin back. "It looks amazing, Amir. I look forward to you leveling up your skills. What, you don't think popcorn and red is a food group?" it was her main one, at least. "As long as you like it, babe," she joked, but her tummy was doing somersaults.

"There is no stopping Jasmin," she agreed, about to say something else when he pivoted and asked. She was going to ask. If Carson had been braver, she would have asked so much more than that. "Uh, yeah. Sounds good. I mean, assuming you're not sick of going everywhere with me by now."

[valteenie]

Val tapped at Carson's desk. if looks could kill, her little sister would be buried 6-feet-under. Twice at least. She wasn't sure what Daniela had done to Carson and she didn't necessarily care. All she saw was someone she could relate to. "We have our differences," that was a fact, "but it seems like the spawn of satan and you clash for some reason." @grumpycat-carson

[grumpycat-carson]

Carson had long since moved on from working as Valentina's assistant, but she still held her breath when she tapped on her desk. They had never been friends. There were days when Carson would have quit on the spot if it weren't for Amir promising it would get better. And yet, when Valentina spoke, Carson couldn't help leaning in. "That's one way to put it," she said, expression neutral. "You mean Little Miss Eyebrows-and-Bad-Attitude?" Carson canted her head, running through everything she knew about Valentina again. Oh. "No offence. Daniela and I have an unfortunate history. I thought I'd left her behind in New York for good."

[onetreehill-gifs]

6x12 // 6x15

[grumpycat-carson]

@kanye-amir

[kanye-amir]

He had their friendship to thank. If Amir was anyone else and had Carson been anyone else then neither of them would have gotten this far. Or it would have gone in some other direction but the fact was it helped with their article. And he got to enjoy at the same time. He couldn't argue.

If Carson really hated him, like some people liked to think, the she would never have entertained him long enough. Let his comment on the dress, photoshoot, their dates. Who knew A-List couples enjoyed so much.

Hm. He knew her too well. Luckily it played in his favor tonight. He grinned, setting the plates down at the table. "Luck on my side is my win today." It didn't hurt that he had wished for this luck either. "It's no Michelin star restaurant but I think you'll be happy." Glancing over at Carson, he pulled a chair out, nodding her to sit.

[grumpycat-carson]

Carson rolled her eyes and poorly suppressed a smile at his grin. That grin. That grin should have been illegal. She watched as he pulled out her chair and her stupid heart gave a squeeze in her chest. Carson McGregor did not swoon. She didn't doodle little hearts and wish one day her prince would come. Maybe she'd been so busy making sure that he didn't, she hadn't noticed that he--- The thought was quickly cut off. "You know, you don't have to do this stuff for me anymore."

But she sat down all the same, trying so hard not to brush against him. Carson hated how often she had to remind herself that this wasn't... It was for their article. Mostly Amir's, really. He'd make it sound a dream, she had no doubt. Anything she might have felt during their work was irrelevant (she told herself). "To be fair, I think I'd prefer you cooking over any Michelin star restaurant," she smiled.

Carson tried to shake off whatever she was feeling- nervous? apprehensive?- by focusing on dinner. With her friend, Amir. Her best friend. Her only best friend. "Okay, article or not, I think we should definitely make this a regular thing. I feel like this is the most adult meal I've had all week-," she joked, hastily adding a- "Thank you." Carson was thinking too much about whether or not she was acting normal. It was the worst.

"Are you, uh, looking forward to the anniversary party thing for work?"

[kanye-amir]

Call it fate, luck, or maybe even pixie dust. Okay, that was besides the point but Amir was giddy. The moment he showed that though, Carson would be running the other way. No matter how much he pushed her buttons, there was a limit to how far he could go with her.

The line ended the moment Car called his bluff and questioned what was taking them so long. He couldn't even imagine how much he could lie about their thoroughness but he had managed. Here they were four months later, finally wrapping up.

"Can we please eat before we break this down." He called from the kitchen. Of course in true Amir fashion, he had also cooked. Anything to prolong their night. "I'm starving and I just think we'd do better on a full stomach." Not a complete lie . @grumpycat-carson

[grumpycat-carson]

Carson couldn't believe how long she'd gone along with this assignment. Amir had insisted that they had to be committed, they had give their readers as much variety as possible. After all, they were foaming at the damn mouth to find out how to be an 'A-List Couple', right? Carson had rolled her eyes a lot these past four months. And she'd smiled more than she had in her whole life.

There had been moments she hated to dwell on though. Like the way Amir looked at her in the black dress. Or the hand holding. The dancing. The photoshoots (she squirmed at the memory). Carson had never been so close to Amir, physically or otherwise. But it was just a story and now it was over.

When he called from the kitchen, she rolled her eyes again. She was about to reply with some scathing retort but then she smelled it. And her stomach growled in response instead. "Ugh, fine!" she shouted through from the living room, pushing herself off the sofa. She leaned in the doorway to the kitchen, watching him at work. Chef-ing. Was she smiling? She was so fucking embarrassing. "You're lucky I'm all of a sudden ravenous, Amir. I'm just saying."

[thebluths]

[dailyskams]

I was always so so right, but so alone… and then I met you. 

[egosdeaths]

BRITTANY O'GRADY for Free People