SAID BY THE 2 YEAR OLD
“OH NO! NOT BEIGE AGAIN!”
“No nap! No nap ever! Nap gone! Goodbye!”
*gasp* “Cookie?”
“I love you. But…not really. I don’t love you. Bye.”
“Oh man! The gun was in front of the TV I was watching!”
“Take my left shoe off! I can’t do that one!”
“Green is better. Better than anything to ever be.”
“Mac and cheese is my best friend.”
“BEEP BEEP HERE I COME!”
“Take off your hat!”
“Siren! You be quiet!”
“Oh hello there.”
“I don’t want that. Throw it in the garbage.”
“Please don’t leave, [name.] I love you.”
SAID BY THE 5 YEAR OLD
“Just ignore him, he’ll work it out.“
“DID HE JUST SAY STUPID THAT’S NOT NICE I’M CALLING AN AMBULANCE”
“How is it fair that they have ice cream and I don’t? It’s not. It’s not fair.”
*sings the Titanic theme while standing on the back of the couch*
“I want plain bread.”
“Okay, just hear me out, listen to me, just hear me out…”
“LOOK! I’M MAKING A TRAFFIC JAM!”
“What’s Hawaii? That sounds not real.”
“I’m free for snuggles! I’m available! Hello!”
“Ugh! Where have you been? You were in the bathroom sixty years!”
“I don’t want to go, I’m calling in dead. I’m so tired that I’m dead. I’m calling in dead.”
“It’s not creepy! It’s just…not okay.”
“What about snacktime? It’s the most important ‘time’ of the day - next to bathtime and bedtime, but snacktime is still the best.”
“Neighbors don’t exist!”
“Goodbye forever!”
“If it involves fruit snacks, I’m in.”
“I don’t care what your mommy wants!”
“Why is it called a hoodie if you won’t wear the hood? It’s all lies!”
“You can’t leave! Then you won’t be here! And that’s where I like you most!”
“I love you, [name.] I’ll always remember you, even in a long time from now. Yeah. I’ll always love you.”
SAID BY THE 20 YEAR OLD NANNY
“Okay, Spiderman, let’s find your brother.”
“STOP TRYING TO CHOKE ME OUT.”
“There will be no negotiating, this is not a democracy, I am in charge!”
“I’M THE ONE WHO GOT KICKED IN THE FACE, WHY DO I NEED TO GO IN TIMEOUT?”
“You make me simultaneously make me the happiest I’ve ever been and the most upset I’ve ever been. It depends on the day.”
“Can we calm down for thirty seconds?”
“For the love of god, we already had one person in this house who broke their arm, we don’t need another!”
“[name] IT’S TOO QUIET WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“You can be mad all you want, I’m not going to apologize for not letting you run into the street!”
“That’s valid and I love you.”
*whispered* “Oh for fucks sake.”
“I will support you in all your dreams in life…except that one, I think that one is illegal.”
“You better appreciate me.”
“So what we’re not going to do…is that.”
“Why are you screaming bloody murder about crackers?”
“Can we just have naptime? That’s all I want.”
“No, McDonalds is not a state, in fact.”
“At least one of you has manners.”
“Listen, buddy, all I’m asking is for you to hold my hand. It’s not the end of the world.”
“End of discussion! No more! We’re done! Period.”
“That? That’s the ‘Confiscation Corner.’ That’s all the things I’ve had to take away from you, because you mishandled them.”
“I love you with all of my heart and soul, but why on earth did you think that was a good idea?”
“I just…do not care.”
“I love you guys so much.”
