The Ebb and Flow

whatever strikes my whimsy

[gryphaena]

Profess-shun-null

I shared my feelings two years ago You did not feel the same I pressed no further and thanked you for your honesty

It makes no sense, how my halting glances at you cause adrenaline in me I am foolish for holding on so long

There are so many compliments I would give, so many questions I would like to ask- but you have made yourself clear so I stay silent, though I fear I will explode

I wait for this emotion to subside, and your face to be blank to my heart but it hasn’t happened yet so I unravel daily when you are near

[gryphaena]

Palomar Mountain Senate Retreat

I am here where the earth touches the clouds

Fire-scarred trees line the way but there is new, strong growth as well

Let this retreat be a forging of all of us together as one family, one tribe

We are different people, but as a forest is the whole of a group of trees

We are one organization

[gryphaena]

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

Buddha

[gryphaena]

Teach this simple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.

Buddha

[gryphaena]

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.

Saint Teresa of Calcutta

[gryphaena]

One Minute Speech

“Love your neighbor as yourself”.  Mark 12:31.

The Golden Rule.

We need to live by this rule now more than ever.

What does love mean?

In the Bible, the first adjective used to describe love is patience, so do your best to practice it in daily life.

Patience means waiting for someone learning American Sign Language to remember each letter for the word they’re finger spelling to you.

Patience means driving to the non-disabled parking and using those spaces.

Patience means giving the other person the benefit of the doubt when they annoy you; they may have a health condition.

Patience means honoring the person who confides in you about their attempted suicide or self-harm.

Who is your neighbor?

Your neighbor is 1 out of every 4 Americans who has a mental illness.

Your neighbor is an amputee or a prosthetic user.

Your neighbor is a person who uses a mobility aid.

Your neighbor is a person who uses a feeding tube.

Notice us.

Hear our voices.

We can add them to yours.

We choose for ourselves how we want to be defined.

We are with you.

[gryphaena]

Seeking Connections

When I was in middle school, I missed recess

I had grown used to

runningthroughgrass

playingfoursquare

climbingtheplaystructures

diggingtunnelsinthesandbox

and middle school was -s-o- -d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t-

heavier backpacks

six classes now (called periods)

and the color scheme of the place was "Barney" green

but not his purple, thankfully.

I would live for Nutrition Break and lunch,

reading sections of favorite books to my friends

and we would laugh together with our jokes.

I had a favorite pair of overalls then

and I knew it would be perfect to romp in the park with,

but I never did.

Oh, I had my arm movements even then

in abbreviated form-

one friend remembered my claw gestures five years later at community college.

I feel most like myself

moving to music

with shining eyes

a large smile

among friends

and little worry.

[gryphaena]

Spectrum

[she feels it all]

The agony of defeat

The thrill of the chase

The heights of victory

The physical, emotional and psychological pain

The contentedness of friendship

The wariness of strangers

The hostility of foes

The curiosity of children

[and so much more]

Each emotion is a/part from her

And she is a/part from them

[every pain reflected towards her]

[every feeling locked away]

[each event has been stored]

[every touch has been remembered]

[every conversation is named a treasure]

[each smile is like a snowflake]

[every welcome as needed as rain]

But each glare is a glass splinter

Each cruel word is a stab

[gryphaena]

25 posts!

Ooh, lookit this, I guess.

[gryphaena]

Complementary

I am earth.

Constant, patient, enduring.

Water cycles.

Wind is restless.

Fire burns away.

The earth remains.

I am wind.

Untamable, capricious, refreshing.

Earth erodes.

Water evaporates.

Fire destroys.

The wind moves on.

  I am fire.

Warm, dangerous, controlled.

Wind is my servant.

Earth is parched.

Water is my end.

The flame consumes.

  I am water.

Necessary, treacherous, calm.

Fire is put out.

Wind forms my waves.

Earth is my carving.

The water seeks a path.

[gryphaena]

The time for action is now. It’s never too late to do something.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

[gryphaena]

!I!n!s!p!i!r!a!t!i!o!n!

My eyes

catch the glare off the computer screen,

feel the headacheofnosleep’s throbbing

 The Muse whispers,

and I answer with pen to paper or finger to keyboard

writing to connect with my younger self

writing for enjoyment

writing for academic purposes

writing for performance

Feeling always the flow of !i!n!s!p!i!r!a!t!i!o!n!

while so employed

 And I reassure myself of the existence of

MY VOICE,

which dries up in the face of aloneness among crowds

which cannot express the whole truth around my parents

(for how does one begin LGBT+ topics around conservative Catholics?)

and so my voice slumbers, slumbers, slumbers

[gryphaena]

BFS

I am brown.

Brown as a honey-brown wood.

Brown as a spot on a banana.

 I am fat.

Fat as a puffball mushroom.

Fat as a juicy mango.

 I am short.

Short as Christina Ricci.

Short as a giant’s toe. .

[gryphaena]

Fundamental

The most basic of needs is touch

The confirmation that one is not alone in the world

that one can receive comfort

staves off loneliness, the slow march of death

Food and water are needed also

but if one is alone in the world

there is no more joy

[gryphaena]

Benediction

May faith and love grow in your heart

May joy and wisdom come upon you

May comfort and prosperity be yours

May luck and adventure go your way

May you never lose hope

and may your enemies become your truest friends

[gryphaena]

Process

At this moment of writing,

I am mindful.

I feel the pencil in my hand,

and I hear the slight scratching sounds it makes.

I am not anxious, only methodical,

focusing on putting my thoughts down on paper.

When I am inspired there is a kind of losing self in the work-

knowing that it needs to flow somewhere, into something

for completion.

[gryphaena]

Observation

If a pearl is formed from long moments of irritation inside a mollusk

and a diamond is formed by countless hours of pressure,

there must be beauty that comes from pain,

treasures that form from neglect,

good that springs from the existence of evil