“Hairdresser Reacts to Hottest Man Alive” verse
Hey you. Guess who hasn’t abandoned you! Me! I swear I haven’t, and I while I don’t have a chapter of bysoti(d), I do have a little intro vignette. Have any of you seen the “Hairdresser Reacts to…” vids by BradMondo on youtube? Because I’ve binged them the last few days and felt that he and Viktor shared a sort of kinship, if you will…
Next thing I knew… there was a whole AU-verse. Ooops? I have a ton of ideas for this, and all of the parts are super short, about this length, so it makes it super easy to jot down while I’m chilling for a little bit. (Unlike a certain other story which, unfortunately, needs to have my whole attention for a few hours at a time. Totes harder.)
Part one: Hairdresser tries Phi+chuchu’s “Fairy, Unicorn, Mermaid makeup” tutorial.
The worst part of Tuesday mornings, in Viktor’s opinion, is the fact that he never ever fails to have a client first thing in the morning. So, without fail, he needs to get up and get to Yakov’s to start getting everything set up because of course his first client of the day is Lilia and one, especially Viktor, does not piss off Lilia Baranovskaya.
By the time he shuffles out of his room, he’s only running a little late and will probably have to do without his coffee which isn’t pretty, but he can handle it. He can handle anything.
Viktor glances over to the kitchen. Christophe is leaning against the counter holding a cup of Starbucks out to him. Thank Jesus he has such an amazing roommate. Viktor grabs the cup and takes a long pull from it. He cringes a little at the bitterness of the over-roasted beans, but can almost feel the caffeine seep into his cells giving him the lifeblood he needs to make it through a coloring appointment with Lilia as Yakov breaths down his neck. “Yeah. Lilia is booked first this this morning.”
“And the makeup?” Christophe tilts his head toward the section of the living room that they use for Viktor’s YouTube channel and Christophe and Mathieu’s business. On the table Viktor had piled a metric ton of makeup. He groans.
“Oh, I have to put like half of that away. I’m doing “Hairdresser tries…” tonight when I get home and I was trying to see what I need to lift from Anya’s makeup drawers because this guy uses nothing but the best. I’m not made of money.”
“Even if your videos get over a million views?”
Viktor scoffs. “This is New York City. Unless you can lay down a million in CASH for an apartment, you’re not made of money, and even then it’s iffy. Why else would I be living with you two?”
“Because you love us, cherie!” Mathieu pokes his head around the doorframe to the bedroom he shares with Christophe and smiles.
“There’s that.” Viktor tosses a wink over his shoulder as he heads out the door. “By the time you get back or wake up or whatever your schedule is, I should be done with the filming, have tossed the video over to my editor and hopefully we can commence straight to roomie chill night!”
“Hello my lovelies! Oh. Look at you! I mean just look! You are looking extra fabulous and gorg today! I hope you ALL are living your very best extra lives! Now I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten linked this video on instagram, but it was a lot. So I’m gonna do it. Today, I’m going to try and follow… Fee… Fie… Pho… I don’t know how to say this, so sorry Piechit. I can’t do names. Phi+chuchu’s Fairy, Mermaid, Unicorn… I don’t even know… video. The thumbnail looks EPIC though. So let’s get started!”
Viktor takes a deep breath and glances away from the camera and to the computer screen and hits the spacebar so that the already queued up video begins to play.
“Hello my magical beauties. So the other day I was talking with the bff and complaining how I couldn’t decide if I wanted to do a fairy or a unicorn or a mermaid makeup tute and of course he just looks at me, like he does. You know how he is. And he just deadpans “why do you have to pick? Just do all three.” And, of course, you know, he didn’t mean all at once, but if ANYONE can do EPIC fairy, unicorn, mermaid, magic makeup at the same time, it’s me. So it’s happening.”
Viktor pauses the video and looks at the camera. “I don’t know if I am LIVING or TERRIFIED. All three at once? I’m going to look like an exploded My Little Pony. And this hair,” he points to his head and the bright pink hair he already regrets dying his platinum hair, “isn’t going to help.” He unpauses the video and then immediately pauses as the video zooms in on Phichit’s face. “Okay. One thing. I am obviously going to have to make some adjustments on the fly because I have a cool tone skin and Fitchit – still super sorry I don’t know how to pronounce your name – has super warm skin. So, we’ll just have to see how it goes.”
Viktor unpauses the video again and it starts up, two color palettes appearing on either side of the screen. Phichit starts talking again. “Okay, so here are our colors. Warm on the right, Cool on the left. If you’re neutral pick the palette that works the best for your skin tone. If you don’t know what that is,” Phichit does a little circle with his hands and points to the top left of the screen, “you should definitely watch my video on determining your skin tone and color palette which I have linked to right there. Remember sweeties, like sexuality, skin tone is a sliding scale, not an effing binary.”
Viktor pauses the video again slaps his hands over his heart and looks back at the camera. “Okay. I love him. Love. Let’s get the magic started!”
Viktor is giddy by the time he finishes the video. The makeup is so over the top and glittery and colorful that he does kind of look like an exploded My Little Pony, but at the same time, he could totally go to the club and party and knows he would ONLY get complements. It balances the subtle with the overblown perfectly.
“I AM LIVING! I LOVE THIS! I am going to be rocking this look ALL NIGHT! I don’t know if I’m a unicorn or a mermaid or a fairy hamster – and what was with all the hamster references, if you know, tell me in the comments.” Viktor points down at the table, something that will make sense when the vid is posted if not right then. “I could in fact be an exploded My Little Pony, but this is AMAZING! So PIEchit! Like AWESOME!” He takes a deep breath. “Ok, my lovelies, until next time keep on living your very best extra lives and I will see you soon! Mwah!”
With a final click, Viktor stops filming and leans back in his chair. In some ways it was super exhausting to put so much energy into his youtube videos, but at the same time it made him feel alive. He lived for the constant surprise and he loved surprising his audience which is why he even tried doing this video in the first place. It was so over the top! It was sure to hit a million views, which wouldn’t be terribly hard since he had over a million and a half subscribers.
“You look like you’re going to Glitter Party at the club.” Mathieu states as Viktor plops down on the couch next to Christophe.
“Ooooh! Great idea! I am so going to wear this makeup look to that. Do you think Anya will notice all this stuff is missing?”
“For a full month? Probably.” Christophe moves the popcorn bowl so that Viktor can grab a handful. “Rom-com kinda night?”
Viktor smiles. He might not have what Christophe and Mathieu have, but that was fine. It was totally fine. He had his YouTube lovelies. “Always.”
And hey, if you liked this and want to support my writing, maybe think about buying me a ko-fi? And for everyone who ever has, thank you so much! (I need to get better about acknowledging it on the page, I know!)
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