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Xuebing Du
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almost home
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
YOU ARE THE REASON
Noah Kahan
Misplaced Lens Cap
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@gulme-blog1
‘Details escape me, and sometimes it seems as if the harder I try to hold on to them, the more blurry they become(...) Shame on me, I thought, to gather so many stories, only to let them go like water through cupped palms. But the beauty, I learned, was that there would always be more, and that made the losing more O.K. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/15/fashion/one-bouquet-of-fleeting-beauty-please.html …
If you want to be happy, be.
Leo Tolstoy
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy (via lifeofquotations)
I tried Twitter twice now to get productive - it didn’t work.
1/365 2016
Below are my immediate plans and goals that I need to work on this month. They flow on from my 3 month challenge, which unfortunately did not get off to the best start. I’ve written in simple terms how I plan to carry them out. My goals for this month:
1. WRITE AND COMPLETE MY ESSAYS! I must work on this immediately, cannot leave it any longer. Unfortunately at this stage, I can’t really plan, I just need to go straight into them and get writing.
2. Weight loss (4/5kg aim for this month.) Exercise 5x a week minimum, with exercise in garage, yoga and walks in the park. Record in diary. Cut out junk food. More green juices also to clear up skin. Drink more water. Small meals, with more fruit and vegetables.
3. Pray daily. Read and learn more alongside to better understand.
4.Reading. 50 book challenge. Already started on this and have started to enjoy reading again.
5. Review material from term 1 course, once essays are completed.
6. Sleeping pattern. Cut down internet usage. Sleep no later than 11.30pm. Aim to wake up by 8/9am.
2015 was the foundation for your beautiful blossoming in 2016. <3
Goodbye 2015
To say hello to 2016, I'm going to say goodbye to 2015 with some key reflections on 2015 (that I can think of and remember right now anyway!)
-In July, I managed to leave my old job of almost 2 years and start a new one in central London! (It still all counts even if it was with the same organisation!) I applied for several jobs and while I should have been braver and applied to another organisation, I was so happy to finally be successful. In the process of changing jobs, I even got to take on 2 new roles! I was really happy to have left my old job, as I was getting quite restless and frustrated with being there. It was an interesting and unique role and I definitely learnt a lot from it, especially by spending so much time on my own. I also feel lucky to have had the chance to talk so closely with clients before the point of departure. I don’t think I will have another role in quite the same environment, where people can be so reflective and talk intimately about their experiences. However, I was very happy to have moved on. I’d definitely outgrown that job and my time there and I was very happy to be moving on.
My new job in London was a real challenge. The first one was with a great group of people and it was where I got the most experience, but it was very very difficult. I remember feeling exhausted from the work and trying to deal with the issues. The good thing is though, my previous job taught me how to separate myself, our clients and the issues. While a lot of stuff upset me and I went home several times in the old one crying after talking with some of the clients and seeing their hopeless situations, it toughened me up for any future roles like this, so that I knew how to not let the situations affect me.
The final role most recently was a breeze to be honest. By this point, I was in the office a lot less, as I was studying on the other days. It was actually fun to come into the office and as we were winding down, I didn’t feel that same pressure that I’d felt before. As our project finally came to an end recently, I didn’t feel sad to be leaving. I felt like I’d served my time at this organisation, contributed all I could and learnt a lot in the process. The work had given me all it could and I feel ready and am actually wanting to embrace something new. It was such a great place to work, with some really great colleagues and I have some great memories from being here, especially as it was my first full time job, but I’m ready now to move forward and take on something new.
-I started my Masters course. Even though I was absolutely terrified of applying, as I didn’t think I’d ever get in and because I left the application so late, I’m so happy that I finally started my post-graduate studies this year. It’s something I’d wanted to do for ages and I’m hopeful it will give me a lot in return to prepare for my future. The first term has been so hectic, with working part-time, all the commuting and perhaps as usual because of my own shortcomings in not using my time as well as I should. I’ve enjoyed the course so much so far and feel really pleased with my decision. I hope I can really apply myself next term and I aim to fully concentrate on my studies to make use of this valuable time.
-Travelling. I had our staff conference, travelled to Berlin and had the most incredible trip to to the mountains in Pakistan. It was the most beautiful, peaceful, magical place ever. I still remember riding in that jeep and thinking how at peace I felt there in the mountains. I hope to go back one day and be able to travel further.
December 2015
I have been wanting to write on here and update for a while now, but I have just been putting it off and not known how to start. In all honesty, the last few weeks of 2015 were not so great. Not for any particular reason, but just because my mood was not good and I really didn't do or achieve anything. In addition, I have not made any progress whatsoever on any of my goals. In fact, I have my 2 essays to complete for just over a week’s time and I am yet to make a start. I don’t know why I do this to myself every time, time passes, but nothing changes it seems for me.
The last week especially, I have been so depressed. My mood was horribly low and I just kept coming online, switching between a few familiar websites and social media apps until it was late enough for me to fall asleep. I don’t know how I got like this. The holidays started off well enough, I cleared up my whole room and decluttered so much. I was positive. I was having a nice time meeting up with friends, enjoying the last few weeks of work, enjoying the time off, getting a few errands in, but then I just sort of gave up. I haven't even bothered to respond to a few emails or update my task list. Why didn’t I just get on with my work? Why didn't I work out? Why didn’t I eat more healthily? I definitely have put on weight, the scales and my clothes confirm it. My skin has also been giving me all sorts of warnings for a while now, as I’ve gotten several breakouts with horribly red, noticeable spots.
I think being at home too much is not good for me. Cabin Fever. I wanted this time off for ages, but I really don’t know how to manage my time or myself. I’m not going to dwell on it too much, because thankfully the foul mood seems to have passed for now. And I also don't want to start the new year off on a negative note or for this to be a reflection of my year. I will put this behind me for now and move forward. I felt it was important for me to get this down in writing though as a record. Maybe, it’s not truly reflective as I was so down and upset a few days ago, but still I have it down. And I am adamant that this year, I say this always, but truly this year, I’m going to break free of these shackles and make those changes...
One day I want to look and feel this good...
If you want to be happy, be.
Leo Tolstoy (via purplebuddhaproject)
Time to bloom...
Day 1 - 1st December 2015
For the first day of December I have planned to start my 3 month challenge to get my life in order. Especially this last week, I have been feeling horrid. I have not managed to get anything done, felt lazy and have been putting things off to times that I never work. I don’t want to live like this anymore, as I have done for so long.
I feel like I have so much potential to do well and achieve something, but I don’t give myself a chance. It’s like I sabotage my own chances at success by putting things off and procrastinating. I then end up rushing to complete whatever project I am working on and while it may turn out okay sometimes, I know deep down that I could have done better. I have big dreams and I feel that if I can work on these small day to day things, it will hopefully lead me to something better in my wider life.
I also just want to be ready for life everyday. I want to stop feeling like I need to prepare for the future - I need to look better, I need to study more, I need to stop wasting time. I just want to be...to be ready everyday.
Today wasn’t the best start. I did not go to university and spent the day at home lazing around and refreshing a random set of websites. I also had a headache.
I’ve slightly redeemed myself for the last half of the day. I showered, prayed, did some reading and have now written up my goals for this 3 month challenge. I’m feeling optimistic and I’m hoping that this new method of posting online will help to keep me motivated to follow through. I am not looking for followers though, this is purely for me. If however, someone does chance upon this, it may be helpful to spur me on to avoid public failure.
It’s also a little side project, something else that I can work on and a great way to also practice my writing skills. I used to keep a diary when I was younger, but this is something that I have not done for a while. I’m planning to use this space to document my attempt at this challenge and what I get up to, with writing and some images. I will also post anything else that I may be interested in, come across and happen to like during this time like articles, quotes and photos. I’m also going to try to use this as an inspiration area to make changes within myself, remind me of what I’m trying to do and help keep me motivated.
The Challenge
1st December 2015
Today I will start to make a change and finally become the person that I long to be. I am going to stop putting things off and get started on my journey to becoming a happier, healthier and more productive me. I have set myself a time frame of 3 months starting from today to get things in order.
The main things that I want to work on are as follows:
1. Lose weight. Current weight 79.7 kg - aiming for 5kg weight loss my February.
2. Focus on my studies. Do all I can to do well in my essays and this Masters.
3. Read more.
4. Form a good routine, including waking up early, sleeping on time, exercising, helping out at home and working. Currently sleeping around 1.30am/2am and waking up for about 7.30am/8am on weekdays. Weekends - going to sleep even later and sleeping all day. No exercise, hardly help out at home and have no set study time.
5. Language skills. Specifically - work on my reading and writing in the languages I know and learn one new language.
6. Religious practices.
7. Be more productive. This is quite broad, but I hope to develop productive practices and make better use of my time. Must tackle my pracrastination habit!
