“ i wouldn’t say i make a habit out of it myself. “ yet, something tells abby that she frequents these particular ladies bars a lot more than her acquaintance. judging by the stiffness of her posture and the evidently uncomfortable manner in which she holds herself, abby can only be lead to believe that joan doesn’t quite know what to do with herself here. “ but yes, i’ve been here a few times. mostly because of the very distinct lack of men - those regular bars can get a little suffocating. you walk in as a woman and leave as an object and that’s not exactly a desirable notion. “ she reaches for her own drink - a glass of red wine, merlot. she lifts it to her lips and takes a rather generous sip before lowering it but not quite placing it back on the table. “ but also because, well, you never know what the night will bring. i don’t always come here to take somebody home. “ thumb taps a rather quiet pattern against the side of her glass as she speaks, dark brown eyes fixed on the face of the other woman - silently figuring her out. “ sometimes the mere company of a woman is enough. this place, unlike those regular bars, it shares a mutual respect. there’s no expectations, we’re just … existing. “
she does, of course, have questions of her own for the other. so after another swift swig of her wine, she presses on with them. “ forgive me for mentioning that you seem a little out of your depth but what brings you here tonight? colour me a little curious, joan - that’s all. “
Joan does not look at Abby. She looks instead at the surface of the bar. It is an effort not to think about how many other people have sat here, tarred the varnish with their stickiness, cocktails, liquors, sweat, perhaps other bodily fluids; she tries not to wonder about the cleanliness of the establishment, how many other mouths have touched the glass holding her whiskey. She removes her gaze from the bar and looks into her lap instead. Her chin stays level, her back straight.
“As you say,” she says. “I am here to... Exist.” When she leaves, she will vanish back into her ordinary life. She will return to her routines: polishing her shoes, ironing her work shirts, sipping vodka at her dinner table, alone. She will return to work: corralling the sweaty filth of the city’s underworld, maintaining order where none naturally thrives. These are the things that make her. But, she feels, perhaps... In them, she might not exist.
If she lingers in the thought too long, it makes her queasy, makes the edges of her mind tremble. She banishes it. She sips from her whiskey. She smiles a little, tightly. She has to make an effort. Abby can see that she is uncomfortable; she is not blending in. Pointless. She shifts on her seat and makes her shoulders lower a little. She reaches up and undoes the topmost button of her collared blouse, then the next, freeing a hint of skin at her pale throat.
She lifts her glass, offering it for a single musical tap against Abby’s. “To no expectations,” she says, and eases her smile into something more natural. “And... Good company.”