there's just a meanness in this world.

my heart is a fist of barbed wire.

[guttersniper]

this may be unpleasant to consider, may even be a bad place to begin, but if there were a nicer way to tell this story it wouldn’t be this story.

an independent and selective original character, written by laney. 

an exploration in: rage, grief, a heart too large for a small ribcage, a clever mind, fighting tooth and nail, staying alive and kicking despite despite despite, and the mouse catching the cat.

rules.  stats.  verses.  memes.  sideblog.  playlist.  

[guttersniper]

this post is about mutt

[userjohndeacon]

THE HOLDOVERS (2023) dir. Alexander Payne

[memestockpile]

ordinary people from the 1980 film. alter as needed.

to know someone that well is wonderful.

i've always loved you.

have you thought about calling that doctor?

yeah. okay. don't worry about it.

it's your favorite.

breakfast, pal. remember? main meal. energy.

you have to charm him.

we'll play some touch football.

i studied all night for this exam.

you should try meditation.

does my hair look like shit?

you have nice knees!

let's discuss theory.

i don't like being here.

it was senseless.

i found the book hard to follow.

[name] gave me your number.

get your head down.

leave it on the table in the hallway.

give me your hand!

i tried to off myself.

i'd like to be more in control.

quit worrying about me.

i don't want to tell you again.

are you getting enough sleep?

i don't see you having fun.

everybody drives you nuts.

you have a lot of energy.

here, i just did this great thing, love me

it would be like something out of dickens.

let's get back to normal.

you must work at that.

i bought you two shirts. they're on your bed.

let's go to the movies.

don't be negative.

please put out your cigar.

what are these hushed tones?

i'm not talking to you.

i have my fingers crossed.

i'm free most days.

you drank too much.

you make it look easy.

i think it is a very private matter.

i don't believe in dreams.

i just feel... i feel so jumpy. i don't know.

look, kiddo. sometimes i want to know what's happening with you.

you sounded funny on the phone.

i'll bet your folks are real proud of you.

i can't believe how beautiful you look.

the only one who can help me is myself.

that was such a dumb thing to do.

things have to change. you know?

this is the real world.

let's have the best year of our lives.

would you cheer up?

you should put that on.

your hair is starting to grow out.

that was the closest we came to having a pet.

i'm giving you the benefit of my experience.

watch your back.

i don't know what else to do.

a bright kid like you, acting this way. i just don't get it.

actions have consequences.

i'm not taking you back.

clean your room. brush your teeth.

i'm not feeling anything today.

i thought you didn't like fooling around.

don't say "i don't know."

you're always so hard on yourself.

should i make up answers?

you're trying to make me mad.

do you jack off?

you can do better than that.

give me the camera.

i'll make sandwiches.

this can be saved.

you sing well.

that's my bus.

maybe you'd like to go out sometime. we wouldn't have to call it a date.

let's not fight. okay?

i didn't mean any of it. please don't be mad.

i'll be downstairs if you need me.

i don't know if i love you anymore.

don't take refuge in one-liners.

that pisses me off.

i'll never be forgiven for that.

a real problem has a real solution.

that's some secret you've been keeping.

we're back to the rotten kid routine.

don't stare.

i don't like myself.

you know the rules.

just think on it.

i'm not a great believer in psychiatry.

i wish i knew what i was doing here.

you think of yourself as a lucky man?

i feel like i'm sitting on a fence.

what i'm going to say will sound strange.

don't try to change me.

maybe you'll be surprised.

let's hold on to what we've got.

i know i'm not perfect.

i really admire you for that.

you're missing the point.

i know you mean well.

let's just give things time. okay?

i'm a horrible bowler.

i promise you won't look silly.

i don't believe in god.

i've done many things i'm ashamed of.

you're the first who's asked.

it was like falling into a hole. it keeps getting bigger and you can't escape.

you deserve a break.

i don't like your attitude.

you look tired.

we could've used you today.

don't be a prick.

you give me a goddamn pain in the ass.

why do you want to be in this alone?

it hurts too much to be around you.

i don't know who you are.

that wasn't fair.

screw you. you jerk.

i just didn't know if you were being straight with me.

bad things happen even when people are careful.

how long will you punish yourself?

did that ever occur to you?

i feel really bad about this.

feelings are scary, and sometimes they're painful, but if you can't feel pain, you won't feel anything else.

you're here. you're alive.

because i'm your friend.

i don't know what i would've done if you hadn't been there.

when i'm embarrassed, i laugh.

i've done lots of dumb things lately.

i'd like to try it again.

drink, yes. little, no.

let's discuss what's bothering you.

you blame me for everything.

can't you see beyond yourself?

i'm just honest.

what does everyone want from me?

we all just want you to be happy.

it was a rough week.

i'm glad you're back.

why are you crying?

do you love me? do you really love me?

you can't handle mess. you need everything neat and easy.

things happen. people don't always have answers.

i don't know why i'm yelling at you.

i never had the heart.

you always made us feel everything would be alright.

don't admire people too much. they'll disappoint you sometimes.

[zheurgeist]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @guttersniper I LAV EU AND DA BEST BOYYYYYYY 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[guttersniper]

@duran-duran-esq said: happy barfday mutt <3

saw something so beautiful i started crying

[guttersniper]

i am now 24 👍

[guttersniper]

curious about the movies that inspire #guttersniper and influence mutt's character?

now ya know

[guttersniper]

no fuckin compromise on exactly who mutt is, that makes the whole scéal special. be real easy to ease his edges for certain narrative purposes but you don’t, you hold true and that’s remarkable in that it is very honest. good job great guy

sometimes i do have to work something special out because he is such a big proponent of the hit da bricks mentality but other than that he will STAY a mean little cuss. thats our story and we're stickin to it!

[guttersniper]

words cannot express how crazy mutt makes me-- he's such a well written character! as sad as it is, there are too many kids living in similar circumstances as him and you do such an amazing job of considering every aspect of his life and how it all coalesces into such a tough, angry, hungry little boy who never got the chance to be a kid. i care about him and i feel like he's someone i'd see hanging out under a local bridge or camped out on the steps of a public building somewhere. he's real to me <3

there's no hiding the fact that his story is sometimes difficult to swallow, and i never want to hide it or downplay it for whatever reason. i'm pleased to know mutt is realistic in a way that tugs at the heartstrings, and i'm glad the moments—those little human moments i put so much stress on—of a kinder world have as much of an impact on you as it does on me. 💜

[joeinct]

Chicago. Kangaroo court for juveniles at the Wabash Avenue police station, Chicago, Photo by Wayne Miller, 1946

[duran-duran-esq]

"You missed the part where I asked you where," she gently reminds him. Dolores believes him a lot more than she might visibly let on. It wasn't that long ago when she herself had to put up with late night body snatchings or waking up to a glob of ectoplasm dripping on her forehead from the ceiling with a viscous plop. Just because she's somewhat used to the hauntings now doesn't mean she is without sympathy and Mutt's frustration is completely understandable. She's just also been around the block and knows what they're going to look for. "The problem isn't your story, okay? It just helps knowing the location so they can investigate and get to the root cause of the problem." Dolores plucks a pen from the Ghostbusters mug sitting on her desk and makes eye contact with Mutt. "Even just a landmark you can remember would go a long way."

[guttersniper]

his foul-mouthed riposte just barely gets the metaphorical boot. in its place he chews one side of his tongue, a dismissive gesture she can't see that's reminiscent of crushing a cigarette out underfoot, smothering the embers not to strike back up again.

people never believe him. he stopped trying to make them. there's a strange sort of relief in being more or less invisible. even if he knows why that's so and the reason is ugly on its own. not much room or want for him. when he is wanted the reasons why always make others flinch. his look is incriminating enough: ragged clothes, angry and drawn-thin features, unsettling silence in movement and speech, vulgar and brusque when he does speak, delinquent tendancies, whatever the fuck that means. all people like him will eventually come to know there will always be someone believed over them.

doesn't make it any easier. there's levels to demoralization only homeless youths know. a pebble in his shoe that he can't shake, or a lump in the throat that never goes away.

but. isn't that their whole thing, her men?

"there's an encampment in the park. we call it freedom tunnel. cops don't even go there. we were right outside the 72nd street entrance."

[zheurgeist]

she halts walking fingers through a wallet and her gaze drops down to him. teeth in her slow smile. they're keeping a camel in place. (it'd been the best they'd had in stock, this week. could be worse. it's not untrue that she's itching for better, or at least something more nostalgic.)

"that so?"

a soft laugh.

she checks with a glance, but otherwise keeps her eyes on him and pulls out $70.

does this cover 'thanks'?

"that's a tip. i know what's between my ears as well as you do yours, kid." flash of a grin. well. she might not have known $53.96 as well as he did, but numbers are not outside her purview, and something isn't ringing right. "next time, just tell me what you really want for it. are we good?"

that lxi was going to see use tonight. she could almost hear the music, could almost feel wil's hands in hers. she tucks her wallet into an inside coat pocket and flicks the fag away onto the pavement, whistling a gentle tune, [i've been waiting for this moment... all my life... oh lord...]

[guttersniper]

nails of his right hand dig ragged little crescent moons—anxious but not afraid—into his left wrist above the sharp protrusion of the ulna's edge. the way it shouldn't stick out but does, just like the way his elbows shouldn't be the widest parts of his arms, but are. one wiry shoulder lifts and drops. no use lying, even if the way she talks to him makes him feel condescended to. that makes a tiny muscle in his jaw pulse, a small lapse in perpetual pointedly illegible features.

"something about you told me i could get away with it." whether it's a criticism or an honest statement is up for debate, though it doesn't sound like a compliment either way. how he uses her money, his money, that's his business alone. food, lodging, a new jacket (thrifted), bus ticket the hell out of dodge if it comes to that.

he counts the money, then when he finishes, flippantly tosses her the extra lincolns she tacked on. they float, limp and sad, before landing at her left toe. then, he nods. yeah, we good. seven dollars is enough extra.

he leaves, grave-silent, to get her prizes.

[bruisedpenny]

a fat, hearty yowl bounces off the cobbles, pidgeen's balance in her penny boots knocked waysides. a stone! a big stupid stone right in the tender bit of her ankle, for the love of god! feral fucking kids!

she charges, valise with the broken clasp abandoned on the ground, ready to clip the ear of the closest bastard she can catch. no worry on her as regards the bag - nothin worth anythin in it unless you're keen on dirty clothes.

"don't throw the CUNTIN thing if you can't FUCKIN make the shot, ya shcutther!"

@guttersniper

[guttersniper]

mutt watches the ruffians from an anthropological distance. he spears off a misshapen slice from an apple with his knife, bringing it flat-side up to his mouth. it's mealy, doesn't give with a small snap under his molars like it would if it were fresh, but complaining is a privilege he cannot afford.

his attention starts to drift elsewhere. a knot of men down the street start a card game. a stubborn garron that hasn't seen a bath in a month of sundays refuses to budge. a woman in penny boots passes out wolf tickets and the children scatter.

now she's what he watches.

[rvolving]

with this, yusuf seems satisfied. ❝ i'll hold you to that ❞, ready to acquiesce, though it could just as reasonably be read as a threat. he would prefer for mutt to be cautious for his own sake, of course. sometimes a guilty conscience makes for an acceptable workaround.

                   it doesn't take someone as intuitive as yusuf to understand mutt would rather like to drop the subject. it honours him to do so in such a sympathetic manner, however. yusuf takes this to mean mutt knows what it is to worry about another. there is hope yet that he will come to understand.

                   ❝ we were free to eat or rest whenever we liked. you were not. ❞ while nicolò had provided ample provisions earlier, yusuf doubts mutt would have eaten his fill. he may not know him very well, but he certainly knows him not to be selfish. bending back over, yusuf starts rummaging in his bag. ❝ there's bread if you're still hungry. ❞

[guttersniper]

mutt runs his calloused fingers through his hair, now that is it unbound. his fingers catch on a knot. stoic and inexpressive, he tears right through it. the hairs drift to the ground and the wind carries it off along with the rotten leaves and smells from the nearby streambed, close enough they can hear it. he might take a dip later. clear his head, even as bad as he was at that. wash some of this off.

his eyes are large and dark amidst the harshened edges of his gristle when he glances up at yusuf.

"just a little." admitting to his ravenous hunger feels like admitting a wound. inward, more than outward. the strain of aloneness strips the meat from his bones as much as the want for food. "but you did," stubborn little cuss, "forgo these things to find me, i mean."

[zheurgeist]

just mutt. her eyes brighten quietly in return.

she holds out a palm to accept the grub, leans in to study it closely for a moment as it twists and rolls, "ooh... thank you very much-- mutt. i have never had it fresh!" and pops it directly into her mouth. she seems to have instantly forgotten that further preparation is an option, or perhaps it is her subtle answer to mutt's nebulous, tiny challenge.

and fresh is the word. she munches thoughtfully for a moment before her brows lift and she gently touches his arm. "the texture...! the texture is far different to the kind that is frozen! well, it's so smooth! i like the way it sort of-- um, pops!"

the slightest crease forms between her brows. after she swallows, she hesitates and turns her huge eyes back on him: "...if it's not too much trouble, i would be very curious to try a sauce. do you have a preference between them?"

she remembers something and feels for a pocket. latinum.

"and i would like to take some for zeveth to try, too, please!"

[guttersniper]

if wil wants him to stay, he will, for a while at least. the mutt from before might think it some sort of trap or test. everything costs something, everyone wants something. the grip of his right hand tightens on one handle of the barrow resting on the ground at the same time she touches his arm. remembering, and bracing against the touch.

gloved hands shuffle two snails and a fistful of tube grubs into their little pouch. mutt passes them across. "on the house," he tells her. a beat. "it's free," he elaborates before any visible confusion manifests. he's earned his latinum well enough for the day, and his barrow is near to empty. he'll sell the rest on the way back to the nagal residence, easy enough.

"i like the hot sauce the best." mutt enjoys spicy food. always has, at least as long as he has been able to have and explore his preferences. "it's from a place called louisiana. that's on earth." for any ferengi, he might've kept going: told some story about mardi gras sisko told him once, lifetimes ago, or crack a dirty joke about the city's red light district in a manner that he certainly learned from watching quark, those same lifetimes ago, but he doesn't feel that's necessary with her. it's a small relief in his day.

he only puts a dab on her next grub. he doesn't want to overwhelm her, especially with what she's told him about the vorta's taste still adjusting to being. again, his hand extends.

[duran-duran-esq]

⚖️You’ve Reached Durán Law: @guttersniper liked this post for a starter.

"Thanks, I owe you one." Is it probably against the uniform code of law for a JAG to be in possession of a bottle of Romulan ale? Yes. Does she need it because of the hell she's getting dragged through with the small army of former Dominion soldiers she's been tasked with babysitting? Also yes. But this is Mutt. She knows he won't rat her out, he's a good kid. "Do I want to know what you had to do to get your hands on this?"

[guttersniper]

mutt didn't have quark's permission to be in the storeroom in the first place. he simply remembered what rom had shown him a few years prior, opening the lockseal in under fifteen seconds. what the ferengi doesn't know will not hurt him.

"employee's discount."