What To Do When Comfortsā¦Donāt.
What do you do when your comfort no longer comforts?
As some of you know, over the last 6 months I have been battling the sudden onset of a new chronic illness. In the space of a month and change I was suddenly newly disabled, being gaslit by doctors, and slowly losing the ability to eat. As if this wasnāt distressing enough, this all was playing out over the backdrop over the holidays and anniversaries of the death of my mother and grandmother.
Worst of all? I found the things I usually do for comfort (cycling, traveling, writing, and engaging in crafts with friends) suddenly off limits. As my life turned into my own personal hell in late 2025, the world outside got bleaker and bleaker. I found myself growing more and more numb, unable to cope or escape in the ways I usually did. My friends started complaining their comfort books werenāt comforting the way they were used to. They were turning to cozier and cozier pieces of media and lashing out when those books werenāt what they were looking for.
The whole situation reminded me vividly of the problem many of us found ourselves with in March and April of 2020: Many of us lost or had to alter our coping mechanisms because of the pandemic.Ā
(Yes, yes, I know, donāt remind you.)
The pandemicās effect on mental health was well documented and doesnāt need additional commentary by a little sapphic author. However, as someone who has recently found themself turning to old comforts to get through these trying personal and political timesāand has found themselves struggling to find comfort in these once-comforting itemsā I thought I might share some thoughts on what Iāve been doing to get through.
(And yes, there may be some lessons from the pandemic thrown in there, too.)
Step 1: Realize Comfort Is Transitory
We turn to our comfort medias, items, and tasks because we find regulation in media. We sink into models of the life we want, not the ones we have, but perhaps most importantly, we know whatās coming. There are no surprises in a piece of media youāve already consumed and found comfort in. Our bodies and brains relax into the routine and muscle memory, etc. This is especially important for folks who are neurodivergent, who often need routine to thrive (whether we like to admit it or not).
However, the problem with life is that it isnāt routine.
Have you ever had an experience where youāve spoken to someone further along in their life journey, and therefore trivializes your stressors while upselling theirs? Yeah, itās like that. As we move through our non-routine lives, we react to different stimuli and stressors. Things that made you want to tear your hair out in high school make you go āoh, you sweet summer childā in adulthood. Things that stressed us out in 2016 seem banal to us in 2026.
So how does that apply to suddenly losing the ability to find comfort in your old favorite media piece?
Well, think of it this way: The human body has a million different enzymes and chemicals it releases in reaction to the different things it encounters every day. Enzyme A is meant to signal Cell A to attack Intruder A. Why? Because Cell A is specifically meant to be effective against Intruder A. So when you have been minding you own business and living your regular life, is it really fair to think the media that comforted you during your normal everyday life or when you were going through a break up can suddenly go toe to toe against a global pandemic or life-altering event?
My ability to consume media took a nosedive after I got sick in October 2025.
Step 2: Realize Comfort Items Are Transitory, But Themes Are Not
Yeah, great, Ty, what does that mean? It means that while Comfort Media A might not be comforting anymore, thereās a reason why you liked it. Why it brought you comfort.Ā
Hereās some examples from my life.Ā
Example 1: Two of my favorite comfort medias, Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road, are both set in post-apocalyptic settings. It turns out, though, that when the world around you feels like an apocalypse (i.e. a global pandemic), you no longer find comfort in media set at or near the end of the world. Surprise, surprise, right?
However, both Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road both have themes where a āband of misfitsā come together to save the world. There is cool technology, worldbuilding ripe for expansion, opportunity for deep character exploration, etc. I also love the fight and action scenes and the open, Happy For Now (instead of Happily Ever After) endings.
Step 3: Search and Apply Comfort ThemesĀ
Once you identify why you liked Comfort A, and you identify why Comfort A no longer comforts like it should, you can then apply that to finding Comfort B (and C, and D, and E, andā¦)Ā
Ask yourself the following. For Comfort B, do I want something:
Almost Exactly The Same (Same Themes, Nearly Identical Execution)
Find canon compliant fanfic, podfic, or fanmixes for Comfort A
Check out comp titles for Comfort A
Find a new hobby or task that stimulates the exact same part of brain as Comfort A
Like knitting? Try crochet or needlepoint.
Find a new activity that moves your body in the same way as Comfort A
Like jump rope? Try trampoline.
Similar But Different (Same Themes, Similar Execution)
Read canon divergent fiction (universe alternation instead of alternative universe) for Comfort A
Check out comp titles for Comfort A (but in an adjacent genre)
Cozy fantasy or romantasy instead of fantasy,Ā
Find a new hobby or task that stimulates a similar part of the brain as Comfort A
Like crosswords? Try Wordle
Find a new activity that moves your body similarly to Comfort A
Like running? Try soccer.
Similar But Completely Different (Same Themes, Completely Different Execution)
Read or engage with alternative universe fanfic, podfic, fanmixes, etc
Find new media with similar themes (found family, etc) but in a completely different genreĀ
Noir or epic fantasy instead of romantasy
Find a new hobby or task that stimulates a similar part of the brain as Comfort AĀ
Like Wordle or crosswords? Try Sudoku.
Find a new activity that moves your body in similar as Comfort A
Like flag football? Try ultimate frisbee.
Completely Different (New Themes, Completely Different Execution)
Read crossover fanfiction or engage in fanmake for series youāve only consumed passively on social media or at conventions
Engage in a brand new genre
Only read sci-fi? Pick up a historical mystery.
Read a lot of fiction? Pick up some nonfiction.
Pick up a brand new hobby.
Like sewing? Try singing or playing an instrument.Ā
Move your body in a brand new way
Running? Try tai chi or yoga.
Take It Back Now, Yāall (Return To Old Hyperfixations/The Nostalgia Hit)
Reread old fanfics, watch old AMVs, and go find the fan content created by old fandoms
Engage in your favorite childhood, teenager, etc media
Pick up old hobbies gathering dust
Try moving your body in a way you used you love (older joints and current chronic illnesses allowing, of course)
Example 1: I finally determined I wanted something Similar But Completely Different/Completely different to Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road. I also, eventually, sunk back into old hyperfixations.Ā
Overall I changed my hobby habits for several monthsāI watched a lot of TV, which I donāt normally do. (Despite Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road being two of my favorite comfort medias, Iām not a screen person and rarely watch TV or movies). I also developed a new hyperfixation/fandom (space shuttle!) and fell back into an old one (The Legend of Korra).
Similar But Completely Different (Same Themes, Completely Different Execution)
I mainlined My Hero Academia, Fire Force, and Yowamushi Pedal
Completely Different (New Themes, Completely Different Execution)
I got into The West Wing based on a recommendation from a friend
Watched the entirety of The Repair Shop on Netflix
Ā I read everything from my library on the space shuttle and NASAās human spaceflight program. Listened to a bunch of podcasts, too!
Take It Back Now, Yāall (Return To Old Hyperfixations/The Nostalgia Hit)
I got really into The Legend of Korra again and wrote 300,000+ words of Kyalin fanfic in approx. six months
I rewatched Yakitate Japan, and from there watched Food Wars and a bunch of cooking shows on YouTube and Netflix (Tasting History with Max Miller, etc)
Once it was declared safe to go outside again, every evening I walked 5+ miles around my neighborhood playing Pokemon Go and listening to audiobooks/podcasts.
In late 2025, I tracked my health and did a ton of research. It was comforting because I was able to put words to my experiences, find others who were going through what I was, and I was able to start to piece together a picture of what I might expect.
Example 2: My chronic illness physically took away my ability to engage in many of my hobbies that helped me regulate, including cooking, reading physical media, and going on walks/going to the gym. I needed to find new ways to escape and to build routine.
As stated above, Iām not a TV or movie person. I was also really struggling with anything physical or mentally taxing. Standing for more than five minutes at a time was challenging. Even audiobooks and TikTok were too challenging for my brain. Writing, my main form of regulation in 2025, was out of the question. I also didnāt have access to streaming services. What was a butch to do?
Answer: Research my suspected new chronic illness, watch a lot of YouTube shows, and not much else. As I started to get a little better, I was able to listen to more audiobooks and work on my novel in fits and spurts, but I still very much watched a lot of YouTube shows.
Almost Exactly The Same (Same Themes, Nearly Identical Execution)
Oceanliner Designs (one of my hyperfixations is the Titanic and old ocean liners)Ā
Similar But Different (Same Themes, Similar Execution)
Watching Outdoor Boys, Metal Detecting WWII Battlegrounds, and Time Team, all very soothing shows
I run the Gail Carriger Fan Server Book Club, and a lot of the books we ended up reading during that time period were Similar But Different to books she has written, which was nice
Similar But Completely Different (Same Themes, Completely Different Execution)
Started reading contemporary paranormal romanceĀ
Started reading more ācozyā and less hardcore fantasy/sci-fi (but still with themes of found family, etc)
Completely Different (New Themes, Completely Different Execution)
Researching WTF was wrong with me
And Nature and Research Gate and andā¦
I started writing blog posts, because that was what my brain could write!
Take It Back Now, Yāall (Return To Old Hyperfixations/The Nostalgia Hit)
I rewatched Agatha All Along
I relistened to several comfort books from my childhoodĀ
As I was able to handle audiobooks and mental stimulation again, I listened to several books on WW2 (a special interest)
Trainer Ty wants to battle!
It was strangeāand frankly a bit distressingā to try and find new comforts while it felt like the world was on fire. It felt a bit like throwing spaghetti at the wall both in 2020 at the beginning of pandemic lockdowns and in 2025 when my health was disintegrating. It was easier in 2020 to find things that filled the void, and harder in 2025 when I was much more limited in what I could and couldnāt do physically and mentally.
However, once I found those items, I was able to find regulation and comfort. A relief for everyone!
Comfort Is Transitory. Itās Okay If Something Stops Comforting You
Identify Why Your Thing Comforts You (And Why Itās Giving You Troubles Now)
Try Something Almost Identical
Try Something Similar But Different
The most important thing is to go in with an open mind and try not to feel upset or ashamed if something doesnāt work out. People try hobbies all the time and decide it is not for them! Why should comfort media be any different?
A Final Note: Be cautious about posting negative reviews and such during this time. You are in a period of transition. Is the media you just consumed really Bad, Awful, Harmful Hateful, and Categorically The Worst, or is it just Not For You At This Time? (It is possible for it to be both.) When in doubt, DNF and move on.