[memestockpile]

ghostbusters from the 1984 film. alter as needed.

i want you to concentrate.

good guess. but wrong.

incredible. that's five for five.

you're not cheating me, are you?

you only have seventy-five more to go, okay?

i'm getting a little tired of this!

the effect? i'll tell you what the effect is. it's pissing me off!

you can keep the five bucks.

you may as well get used to that.

you're no fluke.

i'm right in the middle of something, [name].

i want you to get right down there, check it out, and get back to me.

you're coming with us on this one.

you are a legitimate phenomenon.

this is big, [name], this is very big. there's definitely something here.

this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head.

i don't remember seeing any legs, but it definitely had arms.

my uncle thought he was st. jerome.

back off, man. i'm a scientist.

you're right. no human being would stack books like this.

listen! do you smell something?

[name], your mucus.

one of us should actually try to speak to it.

okay, i have a plan. i know exactly what to do.

do exactly as i say.

"get her." that was your whole plan. get her.

i just got overexcited.

you know what this could mean to the university?

i think we have an excellent chance of actually catching a ghost.

we could really bust some heads. in a spiritual sense, of course.

i'm always serious.

[name], i'm gonna take back some of the things i've said about you.

this is preposterous. i demand an explanation.

but the kids love us.

your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe. your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable.

they wouldn't touch us with a 10-meter cattle prod.

you're always so concerned about your reputation.

you don't know what it's like out there.

for whatever reason, [name], call it fate, call it luck, call it karma, i believe that everything happens for a reason.

where are we gonna get the money?

you're never gonna regret this.

you didn't even bargain with the guy.

the franchise rights alone will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams.

i think this building should be condemned.

the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.

you gotta try this pole.

we should stay here tonight, sleep here.

i taped 20-minute workout on my machine and played it back at high speed so it only took 10 minutes. i got a great workout.

no sweat. i'll take a rain check on that.

i always have plenty of low-sodium mineral water and other nutritious foods in the house.

i'd like you to stop by, being that you're my neighbor and all.

the creep down the hall phoned the manager.

are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?

do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?

have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, or ghost?

we're ready to believe you.

you don't think it's too subtle?

everybody can relax, i found the car.

don't stare at me. you've got the bug eyes.

you're very handy, i can tell.

i bet you like to read a lot too.

some people think i'm too intellectual, but i think it's a fabulous way to spend your spare time.

i collect spores, molds, and fungus.

what i have to say may sound a little unusual.

that was two days ago, and i haven't been back to my apartment.

well, of course i'm telling the truth. who would make up a story like that?

i don't believe in any of those things.

if something's gonna happen here, i want it to happen to me first.

i like to torture them.

you're more like a game show host.

you actually eat this stuff?

i don't think you're crazy.

all i have is my work. there's nothing else in my life.

i meet you, and i say, "my god, there's somebody with the same problem i have."

i am madly in love with you.

you are so odd.

i'll prove myself to you.

and then you'll say, "[sender name]'s a guy who can get things done."

i'll bet you're gonna be thinking about me after i'm gone.

no kiss?

hey, slow down. chew your food.

the guests are starting to ask questions, and i'm running out of excuses.

what are you supposed to be, some kind of cosmonaut?

bite your head off, man.

i'm sorry. we thought you were someone else.

yeah, we can do more damage that way.

disgusting blob.

it's right here, [name]. it's looking at me.

i feel so funky.

save some for me.

there's something very important i forgot to tell you.

i'm fuzzy on the whole good-bad thing. what do you mean, "bad"?

try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

nice shooting, tex!

i've always wanted to do this.

that wasn't such a chore, now, was it?

we came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

my grandma used to spin yarns about a spectral locomotive that would rocket past the farm where she grew up.

how is elvis, and have you seen him lately?

do you believe in ufos, astral projections, mental telepathy, esp, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full-trance mediums, the loch ness monster and the theory of atlantis?

uh, if there's a steady paycheck in it, i'll believe anything you say.

i gotta get some sleep. i'm dying.

you don't look good.

someone should tell him it's not gonna do much good to scream at us in german.

i don't have to take this abuse from you. i got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

if we could get together thursday night, i'm thinking nine-ish, you know, we could exchange information.

i'm making a special exception in your case because i respect you.

i'm glad you're feeling much better. you're still very pale, though.

i've quit better jobs than this.

because you did not use the magic word.

frankly, there've been a lot of wild stories in the media.

i'll sue your ass!

that's a big twinkie.

you're missing a classic party.

you think it's too warm in here for the brie?

okay, who brought the dog?

are you the keymaster?

i guess the roses worked, huh?

take me now, sub-creature.

i make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.

i want you inside me.

what a lovely singing voice you must have.

what an asshole.

i have a terrible feeling that something awful is gonna happen to you.

bad news, honey, i gotta go to work.

hey, will you stay here in bed until i get back?

i love jesus's style, you know?

how about a little music?

oh, no. hold on. i've seen tv. i know you can't come in here without a warrant or a writ or something.

don't patronize me. i'm not grotesquely stupid.

i think there's just been a slight misunderstanding, and i want to cooperate in any way that i can.

now it is my turn, wiseass.

yeah, i'm not interested in your opinion.

my friend, don't be a jerk.

you do your job, pencil-neck. don't tell me how to do mine.

oh, shit. clear the building!

your mother!

everybody getting this so far?

i guess they just don't make them like they used to.

just tell me what the hell is going on.

no offense, but i gotta get my own lawyer.

yes, it's true. this man has no dick.

hey, come on. knock it off. hey, break it up!

i think it's a sign from god. but don't quote me on that.

i have seen shit that'll turn you white.

old testament. real wrath-of-god-type stuff.

dogs and cats living together. mass hysteria.

i like that shirt, friend.

gotta run. got a date with a ghost.

okay, whatever happens, let's be professional.

wanna play rough?

i'm gonna throw up.

art deco. very nice.

when someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "yes."

this chick is toast.

let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.

oh, very cute.

there's something you don't see every day.

i tried to think of the most harmless thing. something i loved from my childhood.

i'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

mother pus bucket.

funny, us going out like this.

we get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble.

there's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive.

i love this plan. i'm excited to be a part of it. let's do it.

see you on the other side, [name].

i feel like the floor of a taxicab.

it smells like barbecued dog hair.

go check on that little guy.

boy, the superintendent's gonna be pissed.

you know, mr. [last name], you are a most fortunate individual.

we'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.

i love this town!

[memestockpile]

ocean's 11 from the 1960 film. alter as needed.

i made a cardinal rule not to answer the telephone during december.

what's funny about going to the pokey for ten years?

why should i be treated like i'm stupid?

was your scheme in the first place.

there isn't a man in the country with my reputation.

you don't do nothing, just get ideas.

that man is going to flip.

beats the hell out of me.

time for your nap. beat it.

get up, lover boy.

you're a spoilsport.

i'd know you anywhere.

you look great, kid.

just like the old days.

i'm afraid what i'm going to have to tell you isn't a very nice thing to hear.

you look almost human.

i'm running out of scar tissue.

the plan is foolproof. take my word for it.

why waste all those cute little tricks that the army taught us just because its sort of peaceful now?

stop talking like a kid.

i'd like to grab you, take you home, and spread you on my waffle.

hold it, pal.

all you know is to give me heartache.

your clothes smell funny.

maybe we can go to a movie and have some ice cream, hm?

you don't get rich if you don't take a chance.

i'm hard luck. i used to be unlucky only for myself. now i'm unlucky for everybody.

you're a tough guy to catch up with, [name].

that's the only way to be. makes you careful.

the brave ones don't come home.

bravery rhymes with stupid and still does.

baby boy, the way i figure it is like this...

okay, little pal, i'm ready for the briefing.

hey, you better stop getting prettier every day, you'll turn into a monopoly.

you knew it was a gag?

i'll consider mistress, plaything, toy for the night, but i refuse to be your mother.

that's no life, it's a way of running away from it.

just sit there and don't interrupt me.

i'd like to have rich friends.

what a prize you are.

well, i married you once and it didn't work out too well, so...

there's only one thing you love: danger.

i don't expect you to be perfect, i want you to be my husband.

it was wicked of you not at least to have telephoned.

hurry over and bring me a big kiss.

hawaii? oh, great sunsets. only one a day but they're working on it.

sometimes it rains, sometimes the sun is out.

would you mind spelling that out?

you sound like a ferryboat.

wherever i go people stare at me in dumb admiration.

you know something? i think the only reason why i got into this caper was so i could see you again.

i agree with you. i'm worth it.

i finally caught up with you. where have you been for days and days?

you're two-timing me, and i'm warning you [full name]: i'm the one you can't treat this way.

listen to me very carefully, my dear.

i picked you up because i thought you were attractive and i had nothing better to do. and i made a pass at you for the very same reasons.

you really are a rat.

one of these days i'll break your back, i swear it.

you... you low, miserable...

i just wanted to check on you to see if you're still alive.

i think it's only natural if you resent me a little.

alright, rich boy. you want it that way, you got it.

they're not looking for me anymore, i'm clear now.

easy for you to look down on people, isn't it?

know what i had when i was a kid? a lot of nothing.

it's been that way ever since. fight, fight, all the time.

i've often wondered if i'd have the guts to jump out of a plane.

you got to be young to do anything.

only point in having money is so that other people know that you got it.

i don't need no improving, i'm alright the way i am.

what took you so long, you come on horseback?

you should be ashamed of yourself.

you know what your problem is? you underestimate people.

you worry me into an early grave.

where there's hoods, there's stool pigeons.

come midnight they go nuts. everybody kisses anybody.

nobody will even see us.

is this going to be another of your long stories?

even i, myself, am a little bit tempted.

is this another of your morbid jokes?

old times are only good when you've had them.

shut up or i'll step on you.

[name], darling, just run a want ad.

you said you'd break me like a dry twig.

i actually haven't got the strength to pull a wing off a dead bee.

you ought to be a little more careful.

it can happen, you know. the whole joint could be mine.

i hope somebody is keeping an eye on all this reckless spending.

i can do it if you cool it just a second.

technically, yes. technically, everything works.

why, it'll be just as easy as riding a stuffed horse.

i never bowled in my life.

fake it.

yeah, it's my lucky spot.

ah, no, you got me wrong. i'm here on business.

i'm all alone, cross my heart.

i hope you die.

that's funny, i was taught that creatures like you always rattled before they struck.

i thought i was doing you a favor.

love to have you waste your money.

las vegas is like paris in a way: you always run into people you know. and usually wish you hadn't.

i adore running into old friends.

lucky i can hold my liquor.

it so happens that i do not know who you are, my good fellow.

i used to be ricky nelson. i'm perry como now.

smart girl.

now, about this night air, let's get out of it, come on.

i hate holidays.

gimme a little kiss.

you know something? i think i kiss better when i'm drunk than i do when i'm sober.

this is a dirty deal.

after all that we've meant to each other, i must leave you.

from here on in, you don't fit into my picture, sweetheart.

it so happens i'm very much in demand.

sing loud and clear.

don't look now, it's little old me.

good boy. get lost now.

things went too easy.

happens all the time.

no sweat.

smooth as a peeled egg, how about you?

is it true somebody stole millions of dollars?

that's a whale of a finder's fee.

honey, baby, darling, you're wasting my time.

thatta girl.

we're all grateful for your cooperation, but i want to warn you: don't cut out on your own.

whatever i get goes straight to you. i'm a great collaborator.

so what's new on your end?

alright, alright. don't get your feathers ruffled.

not a word about this to anyone.

look, make it quick, will you? i got a lot of important calls coming through.

relax, sweetheart. i'm clean.

you know why i don't tell the police? because i love you too much.

oh, i envy you. your youth.

you're not getting any younger hanging around here. what do you want?

don't try anything cute.

50% of something is better than 100% of nothing.

what's your relationship to [name]?

your best friend sold us out.

you want the facts tattooed on your nose?

you always have to be different.

you always have to jump to conclusions.

go ahead. right on the chin.

i've been making a couple of mistakes myself.

you fool. you complete, utter ass.

i could slap your face.

you dare to be sarcastic after what you've done?

that's the next logical step for a maniac.

you probably thought you had committed the perfect crime.

you moron, i could die.

oh, please, don't try to lie. your face gives you away.

you're an amateur.

how could you treat me this way?

i owe you an apology. i thought for a minute you blew the whistle on us.

i knew this color would come in handy one day.

good boy, [name]. i should've thought of that myself.

something is going on in there, but i don't know just what.

i'll round up the boys. we'll be right over.

yeah, yeah, skip the commercial, will you?

i hardly know what to think.

the lord is my shepherd, i shall not want.

once i had me a dream but that dream got kicked in the head.

[memestockpile]

miami vice: dutch oven from the 1985 tv episode. alter as needed.

showtime.

that's your problem. you never believe anybody.

that's a major character flaw, sweetheart.

easy, neighbor. let's not make this personal. this is just business.

plant your face on the carpet.

want someone to keep you company?

get a hot bath and a good night's sleep.

hey, partner.

no more sad songs.

girl, you do look great.

it's been hard not reaching for the phone.

say, baby, i think we got off to a bad start before.

i'm the candy man.

i got me some serious connections. heavyweight.

i been took for a chump too long.

i killed a man tonight.

i just couldn't face being alone.

we should have never broken up.

i never felt so good or been so right as i was with you.

i'm so tired of being alone but it all just seems pointless.

i just want you to hold me. please.

it's for you. official-sounding.

what do you mean, "gin"?

that's why none of these guys will play with you, because you don't play fair.

a nice boy. no card sense. but a nice boy.

you're a regular john wayne!

i'd like to just get through all this schoolyard crap. cut through it and just tell me.

i was doing what was necessary to protect myself.

now you're getting the picture.

when it comes to what is and what isn't, you don't know squat.

stop it. all that second-guessing does is mess up your mind.

don't listen to those guys. they weren't there, we were.

i want you to take some time off.

i thought you were going right home and straight to bed.

is that right, sport?

hot shot, huh?

i've seen worse.

i wanna show you off.

your jaws, they look a little tight.

don't give me that bull, man.

there's a lot of weed and blow there. hell, you can't go to a party without tripping over it.

i don't know, sweetheart. how do you feel about calling in some reinforcements on this?

how serious is it between you and [name]?

no offense, but there are other people in the world to date.

first, we find out what's what, who's who, and then we take it from there.

you got something on your mind again?

let's you and me take a long trip. anywhere.

sometimes i got to do a lot of things that ain't nobody's business but my own.

hold on, slick. what, do i look like i just fell off a cabbage truck?

i'm not about to give you 100,000 dead presidents.

excuse me, baby, but this is the nature of the beast.

stay sharp.

[name]'s been on your side since the beginning on this.

i'd be a lot better off if everyone stopped worrying about me and left me alone.

i'm always right, baby.

when i look in your eyes, i see someone who's going places.

april fool.

you ain't gonna shoot me.

you sold me out, and i'm gonna take care of you right now.

you're busted.

hey, you wanna ride with us?

you lied, cheated. you used me.

what do you think i have, a switch in my head i can just turn on or off?

it's not what i do. it's what i am.

you got no soul, no honor.

[memestockpile]

perfect strangers: season one from the 1986 tv season. alter as needed.

i hope whoever it is brought a chainsaw.

you don't know how many people have never heard of you.

yes, yes. now you're safe.

i see. so we're sort of related by rumor.

america. land of my dreams. home of the whopper.

wait a minute, you came here to move in with me?

this is the first time i've lived alone.

you want a beer?

look, i can't just turn you out into the cold.

that many thank yous would be appropriate if you were staying a long time. a day or two worth of thank yous is plenty.

sit down and help yourself to the goodies.

don't be ridiculous.

i think i'll just hit the sack.

it's only a mouse. they're cute. think of mickey.

you don't go by what's on the price tag.

don't you realize what you've done to me?

same damn thing every day.

rotten day, isn't it?

well, uh, technically, you're a jerk.

wanna hear a funny story?

what a swell guy.

if i wanna hear a good idea, i'll go to a smarter source than you.

i can fix anything.

would it be impolite to ask if i could be your slave for life?

take me and do with me as you will.

i want to worship your painted toenails.

just leave with whatever dignity you have left.

i can die happy now.

go for it, sport.

on second thought, pinhead, do it yourself.

you come out here right now, you unfair person.

i wanna see your heels going that way.

you don't know what kind of good fellow you're dumping to the birds.

you're making one big mistake, ghost buster.

welcome to the wonderful world of being in debt.

where i come from family sticks together.

you need me. and this may surprise you but... i need you too.

it's nice to have somebody to talk to.

every panhandler on the block knows you by your first name: sucker.

okay, you're right. i'll never be nice again.

dolly parton wouldn't do that.

i'll explain it some other time.

you've got to learn to say no.

don't say you're sorry. it takes the edge off.

i'm very proud of you. and you'll never do this again.

i am desperate. i am in need.

who do you think you're talking to? somebody nice?

you know, i can pout too.

you're not dealing with a dimwit here.

it's not groveling unless your head is lower than mine.

it's so dark in here. you can't even see your own nose in front of your face.

i am dirt. i am the sweat of a pig.

it would make me happy to do something for you because you are my friend.

what a wonderful day we've had. you have learned something, and i have learned something.

we should've just gone to the movies.

save something for your honeymoon.

goodbye, love goddess.

easy for you, you're a happening guy.

don't you give me that face.

maybe you should go to a singles bar.

i prefer more formal situations, you know, uh, weddings, tax audit, heimlich maneuver.

i see. you're afraid if i learn the secrets of your power, i'll misuse it.

you really know your stuff.

everyone is looking at us. i don't like that.

like the three stooges?

you work your way over to the woman and you use your opening line. something like, "do you come here often?" "can i buy you a drink?" "didn't we meet in the oval office?" things like that.

would you smother me with your beautiful american body?

this is a little faster than i usually like to operate.

i'm lucky i wasn't killed.

i would rather spend the evening with jabba the hutt.

other than gargling with pledge, i think you're off to a good start.

i don't like to be embarrassed. i have spent my life avoiding embarrassing situations.

take a reality pill.

you don't have to tell me that tonight is going to be a disaster.

this has got to be the most ugly animal in the world.

i don't like to sing. i don't like to dance. people look at you.

i think you won't admit it, but you really did have fun tonight.

you and i are different. you like to just jump into the swimming pool of life without even checking to see if there is water. i, on the other hand, like to make sure there's water, a lifeguard, test for algae. and then i dip a toe in and call it a day.

i don't know how to have fun.

do cagney for me again.

now, you see, don't you feel better?

i'm gonna try to loosen up more often.

you taught me, if i just relax and be myself, people will like me.

obviously, you don't know the first thing about physics.

well, it's hard to argue when you put it like that.

my car is very special to me.

i'm not even gonna dignify that with a response.

all right, you got a bet.

it's gonna be like taking candy from a baby.

next time, buckle up. it's the law.

i don't even deserve a library card. i would probably be arrested for speed reading.

things don't always come easy.

you're not a quitter.

that's why you buy insurance.

who's this, your ventriloquist?

take your hand off my face.

you're getting on my nerves.

i may be nervous, but i know my Gs and Us.

i'm sorry. all out of little gold stars.

you've gotta be nice to these people.

those nuns are so pushy.

i'm not a nice person.

the hospital? you were in the hospital?

i don't know why they call it rush hour because nothing moves.

a salami sandwich, french fries, and two chili dogs.

human suffering is my thing.

trust is what friendship is all about.

what do you say we go out and celebrate?

the keys are nice and safe. i locked them in the car.

it would help me if the floor didn't shake before noon.

boy, you are grumpy in the morning.

i'm grumpy all the time. i just hide it better the rest of the day.

i don't need any pagan curses.

oh my lord!

i could've bought a new couch. but nooooo, i had to buy a used one.

step into the 20th century.

not on your life.

i'm planning a real big poker game tonight.

if it ever comes up, i was with you.

some men in the nixon white house did those things for each other.

can i be candid? [blows a raspberry]

i'm gonna tell you something about my upbringing that i've never told you.

it was used, it was a little uncomfortable, but it was all mine.

erotic?

yeah, blame it on me. yes, it's all my fault and i'll burn in hell for it.

i have heard so much about you.

i got fresh coffee.

i'd give you a kidney.

do you mind if i call you turnip?

you should keep your money in a bank.

if you ever violate that trust, i'll break your chubby little legs.

thank you. i have a dark side.

then i'll teach you how to balance a broom on your nose.

everything's fine. just a little tense. anxious. upset. irritable.

this may be the greatest day of my life.

now we are so happy, we do the dance of joy!

what can i say? i'm scum.

i just wasn't in the mood to celebrate this year.

if it isn't tweedledum and tweedledumber.

what if a giant prehistoric monster crawls out of lake michigan and eats chicago?

well, i'd love to talk about my nepotism but i don't know what that is.

the baby wasn't even that cute.

you must be so disappointed.

i may as well throw my master plan out the window.

call me cuckoo but instead of giving up on life why don't you just change your plan? give yourself more time.

i'm [age]. my life is over.

what would make you feel a little better?

are you nuts?

this could get ugly.

you look miserable. why don't you go lie down?

i might as well get some sleep now. just hope my tears don't short-circuit the electric blanket.

i can't sleep. i'm hungry.

why have you got peanuts in your pocket?

don't you ever, ever do that again.

you locked me in the closet.

no way. uh-uh.

this whole day has been part of some cosmic cruelty joke.

[sarcastically] ha ha! fine!

if tony perkins shows up wearing a house dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife, tell him i'm in the shower.

i don't know what you said, honey.

this is the worst day of my entire miserable life.

no hot water. why should i expect hot water?

this is typical. this is so typical. i am suffering a personal crisis of major proportion, and you're off in dreamland with a stuffed sheef.

[howls like a wolf]

i've spent five hours coming to a realization: i'm a failure.

you're being too hard on yourself.

i'm a loser in life.

i said it. i didn't mean it.

you fooled me, buddy.

i thought at least my mom liked me.

you may be a failure in every area of your life, but at least you have one friend.

can't stay long, kid.

not a day goes by i don't ask myself what i did to deserve him.

why don't you make a speech?

you're the best.

you're not a failure. you have friends.

that was one of the nicest things anybody's ever done for me.

[memestockpile]

miami vice: made for each other from the 1985 tv episode. alter as needed.

read a book sometime.

i just can't believe you're letting [name] move in so fast.

dumped me? is that what she told you?

you okay, old man?

i thought you said this place was safe.

i just burned my fingertips.

i'm gonna frame it for a memento.

[name], i believe things are either in whack or outta whack. right now my life's in whack.

i'm sorry, but this is all we were able to save.

don't touch the hair.

honey bunch, i made a few minor decorating decisions. i hope you don't mind.

we're gonna have to hang your clothes in the garage.

i wasn't expecting guests for dinner.

i guess i'll park myself on mr. sofa.

you can use some of my clothes.

we sort of chipped in because we love you.

i vaguely remember. fill me in.

it's not gonna be an easy job.

it's like a new start ot something.

a new girlfriend is like a new goldfish: you gotta spend time with them so they get accustomed to the bowl.

ooh! that stings.

i'd stake my life on it.

your bad luck is beginning to get contagious.

there's gotta be a better way.

no wonder i'm not married.

[parrot voice] you have the right to remain silent!

i've never been convicted. i have a few indictments, man, but... i'm a man of no convictions.

i think i'm gonna sit in the sun for a while.

you have a great future ahead of you.

[name]'s holding you back.

i saw it the first moment i laid eyes on you.

i just lost my appetite.

you got any café cubano?

who's the captain kirk of this enterprise?

is your hair always this pretty earling in the morning?

wait, wait. i've seen this one before.

maybe you come on too strong. what you need is a new concept.

i feel like we're doing a remake of the defiant ones.

do you think you could sleep somewhere else tonight?

do you ever think about the future?

i'm glad i got you.

you hitting my bourbon bottle again?

am i interrupting something?

the guy's too good. that's his problem. i mean, here's someone who can crush your head in his bare hands, and he cares that your eggs are done just right. you know what i mean? i'm just worried about him. he's such a soft touch. i just don't want him to get shafted.

why don't you hang out with me tonight? you can stay at my place, pal.

if you change your mind, you know my number.

well, good-looking, tonight it's just you and me.

you should have asked me first.

didn't you read in the brochure? they got mirrors, cable television. they got water beds. they got magic fingers. they got free soap and towels.

where am i, third grade?

we gotta continue to battle against the forces of evil.

it's too dangerous for you.

we're out here lone rangerin' amongst the bad guys.

hey, we hispanics don't know the meaning of danger, but we're very familiar with the word "compensation."

and, uh, that's just the tip of the ice cube.

word.

"whoa" yourself, jack!

maybe you're not familiar with mr. [sender name/nickname]'s style.

i think they're full of it.

you better hurry up, man. coffee break's almost over. come on, man.

hey, man, this isn't exactly made by mattel, huh?

you're going backwards! hit the brake! put it in first! do something!

i thought you said you knew how to drive!

hey, hey. watch it, that's a custom lacquer finish.

i'm basically a good guy.

disney world, here i come.

of course i miss you. of course i'd like to see you.

we're just friends.

this is so tawdry!

i'll do it for you, but i won't enjoy it.

this is it. not another peep.

we're very professional, homeboy.

you talking to a man who has withstood the finest interrogation techniques: electrical, mechanical, psychological, philosophical, european, domestic, commercial—

shut up, homes!

you got nothing to say that i want to hear.

there isn't any time. we'll have to jump.

let's do it, buddy.

¿qué pasó, eh?

you didn't tell me that pawnshop had an alarm system. i almost got busted.

my main man always come through.

it's got about fourteen carats, at least.

if we're lucky, maybe one of us will catch the bouquet.

boy, am i lucky.

thanks, buddy.

[memestockpile]

marvin & tige from the 1983 film. alter as needed.

you crazy little boy.

don't give me any back talk.

would you wipe that frown off your face and get back over here?

i didn't appreciate my mama while she was alive.

poor child.

come on out of there, baby.

if you're one hundred percent sure you wanna die, then i could suggest some other ways.

if you feel that you could at least live one more night, i'll invite you home for a bowl of chili. 

you could start again in the morning. that's the way you should do things.

you could get some rest. sleep on it.

would you like to come home with me? you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

i really don’t think that you should be out here all by yourself. the boogeyman could get you.

i wouldn’t know. 

make yourself at home.

you know what makes you cry, don’t you? these sad thoughts, they trigger a reaction, and when these depressing, aggravating, and sad thoughts collect, crying is like decongesting a head cold. the thoughts start right up here in your forehead, and go straight to your eyes in the form of tears. and the more you cry, the more of these depressing feelings you get rid of. and you start to feel better.

so much for dinner!

sure you don’t want half?

put some music on.

you can stay here tonight. i could use the company. 

i think it’s good to be cautious, but i do give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes. 

i have a deck of cards. wanna play?

i might not even make it to [age].

maybe i’m your guardian angel.

don’t see what the hell you’re complaining about, neither.

don’t talk that way. 

i can say whatever the hell i want.

this is my home. let’s get it straight. what i say goes. if you don’t like that idea, there’s the door.

i ain’t gotta do nothing you tell me. 

i’ll leave in the morning.

you don’t need a lot of money to live. you know what you need? a terrific sense of humor.

you can’t look at the sun without smiling.

you need a heavier coat.

get over here before you freeze your rump off.

i need a bedtime story.

you scared me, man. 

go on, take your bath. i’ll cook us something to eat.

you are unbelievable. 

i don’t know how many times i’ve started this puzzle, then i lose interest and put it away.

that, my friend, is the greatest mystery of them all.

go on in the kitchen and get yourself a glass of milk.

rarely does one drink for mere taste.

see, it pays to be honest.

i never said i was no genius.

i wanna at least be able to write my name and read a little bit. so i can be like other people.

still have that knife of yours?

how do you tell somebody you got one month to live?

you remember too much, man. 

you can’t remember all that bad stuff, you gotta remember the good things.

do you believe in god? when he gonna come down and help us out?

you’re young, you’ll make it.

you respect others, and they respect you.

i asked you repeatedly not to swear.

don’t tempt me, son.

go to hell, bastard!

i don’t wanna go to them hospital people.

you take me for some kind of fool or something?

i’m not afraid of anything.

for all i know, you may be some kind of a nut who goes around digging things up on people and tries to blackmail them.

you had me so scared there for a while. 

i was wondering what would happen to you if sudden something happened to me.

you need clothing, and you need education, and you need regular meals. that’s what you need.

you sure you ain’t dying?

you’re going in there with me. otherwise, i’m gonna take you over my shoulder and carry you in.

don’t you know how to say hello to a person?

you ain’t never cared two cents about me. 

you must think this gonna make everything okay, don’t you? well, it ain’t.

i bet you wish i was dead.

we got some chocolate cake.

i hate to eat and run.

you are home. this is where you belong, and this is where i want you to stay.

you look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.

i didn’t know what you was, come busting through the door like that.

this place just don’t seen the same no more.

that’s cute.

don’t you get lonely?

just want you to be happy, that’s all.

right now, the only thing that’s gonna make me happy is to see that mug of yours smile.

you need to shave. getting fuzzy.

will you laugh if i tell you something?

i love you. i had to tell you.

i can't remember when i heard those words last. i love you, too.

[memestockpile]

the a-team: mexican slayride from the 1983 tv pilot. alter as needed.

i am not taking you with me, kiddo.

adios, amigo.

you made a big mistake.

how many people you tell about me?

i'm not gonna waste any more money on that lost cause.

you need some time off.

honey, get out, before i pull your plug all the way.

that was really great, you telling that fathead about journalistic responsibility.

i went through his apartment last night and pulled out this.

look, kid, i told you. it's a rumor.

we're burning daylight here.

and step on it.

as you can see it's gonna be much easier for us than it was in the film.

nice try, but you ain't moses.

all you had to do was pull the lever.

you gotta do these things with style.

i gotta be alone with my phone.

i'm gonna slam-dunk that sucker.

and may the great spirit watch over your refrigerator and keep it cold.

haven't you ever seen a man shave in the morning?

did you bring any candy?

get down from there.

don't you think i wanna get out of here and see e.t. just like everybody else?

i have a sneaky feeling that you're faking all this.

man, i'm gonna hit you right alongside the head.

get off my pants leg! i can't deal with it when you grab my pants all the time!

why do you think i'm sitting on top of this dresser? i'm not up here for the fresh air.

i hate everything. i hate this dresser. and i hate you.

take care of yourself, son.

take this. spend it on food or something.

i like your style.

don't yell at me, okay? i have a terrible headache.

confucius. great. just what i need to go along with this headache.

you're late, my boy. i was wondering if you forgot.

i've been giving you a great deal of thought.

i'm tired of running.

i'll see you maybe next week. don't steal no hubcaps.

brother, if it's got wings, i can fly it.

you got five seconds.

you keep talking like that, i'm gonna take you with me.

i love it when a plan comes together.

it's a notch or two past silly. this is ridiculous.

get the luggage, kid.

if you wanted somebody with good manners, you should have hired an english butler.

are you still being chased by the government?

welcome back to the land of the living. you really slept, kid.

i hate that movie.

we gotta get some new threads.

very macho, but is it smart?

you learn to love him, but it takes a long time.

that still doesn't tell us who you are, sonny.

chickie, my job is hanging by the ol' threadola.

you want my opinion? it stinks!

stay with me, boobie.

you can fix anything.

that's bull.

it is better to fight and die than to run like children.

life doesn't mean a thing unless you can hold your head up high.

i come from a place where the rats are big as alley cats.

look, lady, the way i am is the way i am.

how do people work with you if they're so afraid you're gonna rip their tongue out if they say the wrong thing to you?

for the jazz, baby.

you ought to be hung upside down from your heels in a vat of pig slop.

you're not smart enough to be angry. you're just mean and stupid.

you got thirty seconds, meathead.

you gotta go with the flow, baby.

i been working on my personality. read the book and everything. nothing seems to be helping.

you better have a hell of an apology ready, pal.

i have influence.

what's your full name, kid?

[memestockpile]

moonlighting: pilot from the 1985 tv pilot. alter as needed.

is there something that you want from me?

you want to know what's going on? i'll tell you what's going on.

i do not work for free.

whatever the problem is, i'm sure it's just some mistake.

just call me a cab and i'll go get dressed.

tell me it gets better, say "it gets better."

hand me that wastebasket, i'm going to throw up.

let's not lose our heads. this is not the end of the world.

after all, you are [full name].

there are worse ways to make a living.

you're only saying that because i'm loaning you my car.

in the meantime, go home. pull yourself together.

i don't like being poor. poor doesn't become me.

you have a very pretty chin. try to keep it up.

no job is too big, no job is too small. we're here to please one and all.

my goodness, looking a little pale today, aren't we?

now, now, no reason to be shy. let's see a little confidence.

lesson one: imagine your entire audience is completely naked.

amscray, will you?

when i first found you you were nothing but a poor little urchin, out on the street, urchining.

you might've seen my pictures somewhere.

and if you don't mind me saying so, you are even more beautiful now here in my office, completely dressed, almost a decade later.

listen, bub. knock that high school locker room grin off your face or i'll knock it off for you.

god, i gotta tell you, i love you.

this isn't easy for me either.

you'd never guess what a cold bitch you are.

i'm gonna miss working for you. you were the most fun boss i ever had.

it's hell. my mind never really shuts down.

that's better than a ticket to bermuda.

i'm not supposed to tell.

what makes you think people are following you?

god had the right idea with lobster, don't you think? just a good, hard, tough, shell.

who's the geek with the phony tan?

if you don't leave this table this instant, i'll scream.

you're the most aggravating person.

the guy is obviously not from this planet.

forgive me, is this conversation making you nervous?

stop sneaking up on me.

excuse me, i have extraordinary credentials and experience.

small world, isn't it?

we would have made a terrific team.

you are one cold, icy broad. you got your nose so high in the air, it's snowing on your brain.

you need somebody like me around. i'm fun. when was the last time you had fun?

that's gotta hurt, falling on your nose like that.

i am entitled to one phone call, am i not?

nothing to it, kid.

i am not your partner.

i want you out of my life, do you hear me?

let's not say things we don't mean.

a man was murdered. he was stabbed to death right in front of me.

i was thinking about myself and how to maximize the situation for my own benefit.

here i go. this is me going. goodbye.

didn't wanna see you stranded out here in the middle of nowhere.

i love it when you beg.

i'd like to go into my own house, alone, and take about forty-five sleeping pills.

i just hate you.

what is so funny is that i almost believe you.

i couldn't have done it without you.

come on, what are you trying to do, bore me to death?

i'd like to take this opportunity to initiate a discussion about fried foods.

i swear, i gave it to the police! i swear it, i swear it!

if i return, it won't be to threaten you. it will be to kill you. have a pleasant evening.

i have never been so scared in my entire life.

this may be a good time for you and me to have a little chit-chat.

you better untie me.

here, i want you to drink this.

you maniac! you almost got us killed!

like i want a [receiver's hair color] ball of fluff following me.

didn't anyone ever teach you how to throw a real punch?

the muscles in your face look tight. looks like a charley horse in your cheek.

like it not, it's you and me, kid.

i'm really looking forward to working with you, kid.

i love sleepovers, don't you?

you want to call anybody and let them know you're okay?

i haven't heard the word "boyfriend" since the eighth grade.

that was very brave, what you did. stupid, but brave.

i am not hostile. i'm just exhausted and uncomfortable. and still a little scared.

what's it like being so pretty?

the plot thinnens.

you don't know much, do you?

why am i always the last to know these things?

you talk with your mouth full, don't signal when you turn, and you don't even have a plan.

how does someone like that get to be head of a detective agency?

i can't even walk and chew gum at the same time.

i know you. you used to be on television.

no flies on you.

if i ask you to do something, would you do it without asking why?

now, i don't want you to look, but there is a dead man in the back seat.

i've known you less than forty-eight hours, and in that time i have been driven from my home, watched a man die, and had a stiff in my car.

are you trying to get me drunk?

take a night to think. a good sleep on a nice firm sofa.

i just wanna get one dance with you, that's all.

my life is an open book. i'll discuss anything except me and the president.

you stole it from me, you rat.

i can't let you do that to our future.

what does the word "poopla" mean?

you're looking great, kid. i'm right behind you.

we're gonna sing a song now.

whatever you do, don't look down.

trust me, i won't let you fall.

don't be foolish, young man.

i'm a different guy. i've changed.

you don't play with people like that. you don't lie to people like that. and you don't put pressure on people like that.

i'm penciling you in for a lot of lunches, kiddo.

look nonchalant. [beat] nonchalanter.

nod your head once if you understand. [beat; receiver nods] beauty and brains.

if we live through this, i'd like to see you again.

do bears bear, do bees bee? this is going to work.

if i wasn't so happy, i'd feel terrible.

i don't have to do anything i don't want to.

you're gonna get a licking.

sitting in a car alone on a scary street is not my idea of f-u-n.

what's the point if you won't even let me try?

unbotton that button. people with attitude do a little advertising. one more. shake your 'do. girls with an attitude don't have a 'do like that. nuns and librarians don't have a 'do like that.

alright, professor henry higgins, can we go in now?

let's put a little motion in the ocean, kid.

what do you say you set me up with seven, maybe eight, tequilas? better yet, make it a baker's dozen.

you're starting to tick me off, pal.

what do you want it to look like: murder, suicide, mother nature?

we are in deep doo-doo.

it's not easy to tell someone you've discovered a hideous secret about their loved one.

hey, we're partners, right?

i played in piano bars for a while. played torch songs. tried to make ladies cry.

it's not the dying that's sad. it's the living.

anybody ever gives you a choice between dying slow and dying fast, i promise you, take the express.

we have a moral obligation. we made a promise.

a promise? you make that to mom about wearing itchy clothes in the cold.

we agree on a lot of things. you like meatballs on your spaghetti, right? me too. how about books? me, i read left to right. how about you? is that an amazing coincidence or what? you wanna get deep? let's talk about sex. who could have guessed, i like sex too. it's frightening how much we have in common.

you got it, buckaroo.

i wanna die. [beat] i don't mean that.

i consider myself a pretty fair judge of character. and it's my feeling that this man really will blow my head off.

i believe you, kid.

you're gonna blow his head off and i'm gonna blow your head off. they're gonna have a devil of a time figuring out whose brains are whose.

you gotta learn to relax and give a girl a chance.

dying is a funny deal. when you know it's coming, all you can think about is life.

i remember the face of every man i ever killed.

you're not my son, but i expect if i had one, he'd be just like you.

walk away from it, kid.

i got a great idea for a broadway show.

it'll never happen again in a million years.

[memestockpile]

the many saints of newark from the 2021 film. alter as needed.

okay, i explored the criminal lifestyle.

i was an altar boy, for christ's sake.

i don't got five dollars.

you're all such great cooks over there.

let's not talk politics at the table.

it's paradise over there.

it wasn't me who ripped you off!

can't i get you to switch to newports?

your lucky number, boy, play it.

you shitting me?

too much fucking salt on this.

get out of here, you fucking mutt!

apollonia is the patron saint of dentists.

don't worry, it's not what you think it is.

oh, i think this is a waste of money.

some celebrity, i don't know who.

your sister's cunt!

it's the summer of love.

you should have seen this man run

aren't you humiliated by what you just said? i know i would be.

come on in, son. have a seat.

turn that light out. i'm trying to sleep.

baby, you are a riot tonight.

the fuck happen to you?

you wanna get smart now?

thought i heard somebody fall.

you shouldn't wear your sunglasses in the tub.

i should have stayed there.

i think maybe you still love him.

i didn't like it then, i don't like it now.

who the fuck do you think you're fucking talking to?

you're not getting away with it again.

what the fuck did i just say, goddamn it? now go home!

there was a bird in the garage. it means somebody's gonna die.

you're talking through your hat.

you can't watch television in here.

you know, i'm sorry, i know i never came to visit you before.

i brought you some sfogliatelle.

i want to do whatever i can to help you now. it wasn't right how they treated you.

i'll be honest with you. i want to do a good deed.

i'm a jazz nut.

bring me a copy next time you come. if you come.

i want to keep taking care of you.

i like that word. motherfucker.

you know i don't like to lean on you about stuff, but you can't start a gambling operation at school.

don't bullshit me.

you gotta have a better attitude. you gotta be good.

pinky swear?

hey, you don't talk to me like that.

i don't want that to happen to me.

keep a close eye on that one.

i need to borrow some money.

it's my gift to you. you don't gotta give it back.

you don't gotta be afraid to say hello to me.

pain comes from always wanting things.

i can't get in fucking trouble again.

i want to make it to the nfl someday.

they're gonna be here soon. we gotta get inside and hide.

nothing changes.

hey, baby, how are you? come here.

you gotta berate me in front of everybody?

go upstairs, right now, put on some decent clothes.

i missed you too, kid.

i made your favorite.

it's only me, your uncle [name].

i didn't do anything.

some babies, when they come into the world, know all kinds of things from the other side.

that's some inspirational shit.

here. why don't you buy you and your friends some of those... mcdonald's.

but the thing about remodeling is, you start with the sinks and then you go, "we might as well do this other thing while we're at it." it spins out of control.

can you stop eating for one minute?

no capisce, but i'm all fucking ears.

you think i'm stupid?

i always want to do right by you!

and what are you getting so pissy about?

you think you know everything!

grab his arm, hold him down.

we're gonna get in so much fucking trouble!

come here! free ice cream!

there you go, sweetheart.

we all do things like that when we're kids.

don't give me that look.

you don't understand fate.

i don't talk to people in here. i mostly read all day.

you're a saint!

i wonder if i could talk to you for a moment alone?

there's a big difference between a smart person and a smart aleck.

don't get cute.

i made it special for you.

you look nice.

it's a song. it's by the stones.

i don't smoke pot!

don't look so blue, kid. you and me'll cut out, go play catch.

wonder what they talk about in there.

don't be a wise-ass.

hey, hey, come here. i want to show you something.

far out, man.

i can't get caught with shit like this.

now, you say to yourself, "this is the last time i'm ever gonna steal something."

maybe i should get on top.

any excuse not to fuck.

sit down. have a hot chocolate and baileys.

soon i'll be in the stratosphere with you.

why would you want to do that for me?

i'd better do this myself.

ten minutes ago, you were laughing like an idiot. what did i do?

i thought that's what you wanted.

i'm alone so much.

hey, if i don't love you anymore, you won't mistake it for a maybe.

i don't promise anything, but you don't tell me, it's gonna be worse.

so much tragedy in your life. what kind of god, huh?

you kids shouldn't be drinking at your age.

give me the goddamn phone.

fucking truck's not gonna unload itself.

you too, kid.

i don't want any part of this! none of it!

9am. no later.

it's over, go home.

it shows you never know about people.

go do something useful, man.

[memestockpile]

miami vice: milk run from the 1984 tv episode. alter as needed.

if you're not careful, you could end up with eye strain.

i knew the job was dangerous when i took it.

don't get comfortable.

what, do you got a hormone problem?

man, you need to chill out.

did i ever joke with you?

they got all those neat rehabilitation techniques, such as sewing your fingers in your mouth and letting the ants eat your eyeballs out.

don't you love that evening air?

you're lucky i don't have time to sue you for slander.

i'm willing to let bygones by bygones.

you're a lowlife.

yeah, i've seen it a million times.

you want one? my treat.

i don't see how you can make it through the night with one of those tubes of mystery meat in your stomach.

thought you were asleep.

hey, forget about that weasel.

you never know about kids like that.

i read it in a comic book.

hate to use the same line twice.

they just wanted to spook us.

we're just gonna get in and get out.

we were kids when we dreamed that. kids don't know no better.

look. we're partners, right? and if you're too scared, we're still partners.

don't ever tell me you're too scared to dream.

heads up. we got company.

hang around a little bit. some culture might rub off on you.

you don't want to tell me, huh? that's okay.

it's kinda evil-looking.

we going some place special, or are you just contributing to the ozone layer?

listen, toots.

i just wanted to ask you some questions.

i should have known. punks like that never listen.

just drive, damn it!

nobody talks that way to me! not in my car!

you're gonna do time unless you help us.

you don't scare me.

uh-uh. no more games. stand up.

you think we don't have better things to do than to teach punks like you about life?

you hear they're making sex a misdemeanor? the more you miss it, the meaner you get.

you want to settle our score, i'm available.

we're on your side, pal. you're gonna be all right.

i'll get you out of this in one piece. i promise.

just do what you're told.

you could have kept your mouth shut!

we're giving you a chance to put this behind you.

i want to go home!

take it easy.

we'll get some pizza, sing some songs. we'll have fun.

i won't help you later if you don't help us now.

what'd i tell you about talking to strangers?

tough guy, huh?

why don't you have something to eat and relax?

no wonder people deal drugs around here.

don't be a wise guy.

get on the damn plane.

[memestockpile]

miami vice: brother's keeper from the 1984 tv pilot. alter as needed.

i'm gonna cut you good, sucker.

i was up til five this morning trading shots of tequila.

you lost your temper, right?

hey, shortstop.

sometimes i feel guilty.

you forget where the ocean is?

free enterprise, dude. take it or leave it.

check it out. twelve grand cash.

don't worry. i'm gonna get you some new clothes.

you guys have got a sick sense of humor.

haven't changed much, have you?

i haven't heard one word from you for the whole stinking week.

you free for a drink later?

how's my boy?

you suppose if i had been in some other line of work, things would have been different?

you're welcome to spend the night. i'll make up the couch.

you must be crazy.

i've killed people for less.

spare me the tough talk.

hey, twinkle toes. we gotta talk.

keep up the good work, princess.

lately it's been looking a lot like disney world.

i'd sort of like to keep it that way, if you catch my drift.

are you down here for some specific value, or are you just working on your tan?

instead of beating up on each other, why don't you guys consider working together?

it's a great day to be alive.

have some coffee and doughnuts.

down here, you're just another amateur.

i couldn't let you handle all that bad karma by yourself.

get your stinking, filthy hands off me!

you're starting to get on my nerves.

it's called protective custody, son.

i think it's time you reconsider my offer, pal.

you need me.

you're not exactly up my alley, style and personawise.

i think we might have to consider some sort of temporary working relationship.

you enjoy beating a dead horse?

very good. next week we'll work on your name.

hi, sweetheart, look. i need to ask a favor of you.

tv's where i learned to speak english so good.

it's called staying alive. i'll explain it to you sometime.

never trust anyone in this business.

there's not a hell of a lot you can do about it now.

maybe i'm getting too old for this.

forget who i am? darling, sometimes i remember who i am.

it's like the song says, "she left me at sears and i cried all the way to walgreens."

you can play that routine from now til doomsday, but i don't believe it.

you can be a real pain in the butt sometimes. but i like you.

rise and shine, buddy boy.

unless you want your entire intestinal tract lit up like cape canaveral, you got exactly ten seconds to tell me who you are.

when it gets personal, it gets messy.

if you wanna know where i got the money, just ask me.

i got nothing to say to you.

nothing like having some guy roll over at sunup and whisper his ex-wife's name in your ear to boost your self-image.

as a matter of fact, your old lady gave me this shirt, and it wasn't my birthday.

waiting's over, dead man.

i hope you brought an appetite.

not this time, son.

i think we'd better handle this outside.

i never expected anybody to get killed.

i took a bullet for you, for god's sakes.

i trusted you, you bastard! i trusted you!

honey, don't do that. you know better than that.

the way we used to be together. it was real, wasn't it?

you're not gonna shoot me are you?

[memestockpile]

the goodbye girl from the 1977 film. alter as needed.

i'm trying to tell you how beautiful it's going to be.

you were born twenty-six.

stars have to be actors first.

you're such a stickler for details.

wash your face and brush your hair.

we cleaned out the store. we bought everything on sale.

i bought you a present.

doesn't start off too good.

i thought you'd be upset if you knew.

this is one of the worst letters i've ever read in my whole life.

i had to sell my watch and camera to pay off the loan sharks.

it's amazing how flabby you get when you're happy.

you leaving tonight, or in the morning?

that's none of my business, honey.

that bastard! that no good bastard!

you're so young.

there's nobody by that name here.

you got a latch, you can keep it on. i just want to talk to you for one second.

i figured i could spend the night here.

you look confused.

over my dead body.

what a shitheel!

i think the answer is something fishy is going on.

i don't have a place to sleep tonight. and i don't want to blow my last few bucks on a hotel.

according to my non-waterproof watch, it's at least 12:20.

i've got a gun! i'll use it if i have to!

you got change for a one?

go to bed. i will handle this.

if there's any such thing as the 78th street flu, i think i've got it.

if you have any compassion in your heart whatsoever, you'll call me back.

i'm dripping on your rug.

i don't blame you for being hostile.

you're a sharp girl, right?

you get dumped on enough, you develop an edge.

i happen to have a lawyer acquaintance downtown. all i gotta do is call him.

right out of streetcar named desire.

ask an actor a question, you get his credits.

i love actors. just so long as they stay on stage.

you are really something, you know that?

wait a second. hold it. can we make a deal?

can i have a cup of coffee?

don't be bashful, just say what's on your mind!

the only practical solution is we share the apartment.

i may be stubborn, but i'm not stupid.

would you stop grinding your teeth for two seconds? the noise is driving me crazy.

you're dynamite. i love listening to you.

this is your room. i do not clean or make beds. use the kitchen or the bathroom when i am not in it. wash it up when you are through.

i play the guitar during the night whenever i cannot sleep.

i sleep in the nude, winter and summer, rain or snow, with the windows open.

them's my rules and regulations.

i don't like it. i don't like you.

one of god's little jests.

move your little fanny out of my room.

you forgot to say goodnight.

jesus christ, you're naked!

i am decent. i also happen to be naked.

won't grow on two hours of sleep a night.

music is one of nature's sedatives.

i'm sorry, baby. i'm really sorry i got you in the middle of all this mess.

god gets up early.

i smell strawberries burning.

i'm in a blissful state. don't bug me.

most musicals have less music.

today is probably the most important day of my life.

you are a pain in the ass.

i slept seventeen minutes last night, thanks to you.

my body is a temple which i worship.

i really don't know you well enough to dislike you, but you are too weird to live with.

a little rusty, but not bad.

richard iii was a flaming homosexual. so was shakespeare, for that matter.

don't give me bette midler, but let's not be afraid to be bold.

that's why we're here, isn't it?

i am going to put you up for adoption.

get your old [relationship] a coke.

i don't want to beat the crap out of you.

i told you to write everything down.

i think he's kind of cute. he reminds me of a dog that nobody wants.

can i talk to you in private?

not in my house. i won't put up with this sort of thing.

they have motels for that sort of activity.

i will bring home anyone or anything i chose, including a one-eyed episcopalian kangaroo, if that happens to be my kinky inclination.

if i attempt to have carnal knowledge of that gorgeous bod, that's her option, my problem, and none of your business.

why don't you turn off some of the lights?

socks in the hamper, please.

oh, god, please let me be hit by a rich man in a rolls-royce.

any money's not bad.

what a nice person you are.

i am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth!

let's take five.

i see. you want to play it safe.

i come from [place]. we do things differently.

i feel like an asshole. i passed foolish on tuesday.

relax. we don't have to fight til we get home.

why don't we have one shopping list and split the bill?

you're quick. i like a quick girl.

i'm short of stature, but not tight of pocket.

they took my bag!

should i fight them with a can of tomato paste?

why can't you at least thank me for risking my life for you?

it's style that counts, darling.

i got the biggest ego this side of st. louis.

you're terrific with words.

got a good eye, kid.

you don't think i'm sexy?

what do you know? you're [age] years old.

it's off-off-off broadway.

all you gotta do is be nice to me.

you go to hell!

you don't have to snap at me.

everybody's not after your magnificent body.

you're not even very pretty.

i'll tell you what i like about you.

i know, smiling's against your religion.

how do i feel? did you ever see the exorcist? then you better get out of the room.

i want you to take slow, deep breaths.

today was the pits.

i'm not used to the kindness of strangers.

if you're listening, this is my attempt at being nice, decent, and fair.

try and be tactful.

i never listen to critics.

well, if you got to kill me, kill me with panache.

i thought you didn't put unhealthy things in your body.

i was putrid. capital "p," capital "u," capital "trid."

you don't have to be so blunt about it.

you're really not such a bad person, after all.

i don't know what came over me.

you try and get some sleep now, okay?

the minute you think your world's collapsing, something wonderful happens!

it's all for the best. now i can take that other job.

we're late. get your jacket.

did you know spencer tracy got terrible reviews the first time he was on broadway?

kids are fickle at ten.

well, after breakfast, i was contemplating an aborted suicide attempt.

you look terrific. you're so cute.

you want to get paid, or not?

all i want is a kiss. just one little kiss.

come here, you little twerp.

i'm gonna bust your stupid face in.

tough crowd.

stop trying to make something between us. that man is not my type.

that is a rotten thing to say.

sometimes i can be so goddamn furious with you.

my eye? oh, i used it to stop a fist from going through my face.

let me put some ice on it.

i've decided that you can stay as long as you like.

get yourself to bed, young lady.

talent-wise, i'm very secure. just appeal-wise, i'm a little shaky.

c'mon, you can tell me, i can take it. am i as adorable as i think i am?

i cannot keep up with your energy. they must pick you up on cb radios in alaska.

high school was the last time i heard that line.

your goddamn nose drives me crazy.

you drove me bananas the first time i saw you.

i'm [age]. i'm not supposed to get embarrassed anymore.

if you were a musical, people would hum your face.

i hate that "goddamn, it's wonderful to be alive" feeling.

do not come into my life. i just got through putting up fences.

even ginger was nervous the first time she danced.

[begins to sing "how about you?" by sinatra]

i'm a sucker for romance.

[sender's full name] is a many-faceted individual.

it happens all the time on the road.

i'm ashamed to tell you.

i used to do things like that. thank god i am over that period.

are we going to sleep with each other tonight?

of all the up-front girls i know you are the right up-frontest.

it's an expression of endearment, like "hiya, kid." "how you doing, kid?" "what's wrong, kid?"

would you be terribly hurt if we just forget all about last night?

it's a little late for that, i've already entered it in my diary.

you could at least say to me last night was wonderful.

i am not up to falling in love again. it is too much work.

lots of weirdos in this neighborhood.

i'd just like to say that last night was terrific. it was the super bowl of romance. i give it a fat nine, but you lose one point for burping into your wine.

lower your neurosis for one minute, i'm not finished.

you love to love somebody, but the minute that they take the initiative, that scares the pants off of you!

you are the silliest man i ever met.

despite the fact that you're a huge pain in the ass, last night was the best thing that's happened to me.

you're behaving like such a horse's rectum.

personally, madam, i think you blew it.

if you don't let go of me, i'll punch your eye out!

i think you got charisma, too.

[name], you big fink!

i owe you a good time.

what are you so sore about?

i like your style, kid, i really do.

i'll keep asking you until you answer me.

i'm getting nauseous.

a really, really, really lot?

as much as you like me, it's not one one-thousandth as much as i'm crazy about you.

you can cry all over yourself, i'm gonna tell you anyway.

i am certifiably nuts about you.

you know what i want more than anything else in the whole world?

i think we should have them over for dinner real soon.

what color should we paint the bedroom?

i'm very fond of you.

you didn't lock yourself out again, did you?

i would take you if i could.

isn't that what a mature relationship is all about? i root for you, you root for me.

i couldn't be happier for you.

jesus, i am so scared.

honey, i thought you'd be excited.

that's a dumb, stupid thing to do.

i'll miss you, but i'll survive.

i've grown up these last couple of months.

it was better than summer camp.

if you're ever up for an academy award, i promise i'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

what is it about you that makes a man with a high iq feel like an idiot?

so long, kid.

give it five minutes, you just got into bed.

i can predict the future.

get dressed, you're coming with me.

don't play games with me.

anything, my angel.

you have enough work to do without worrying about me.

i never doubted it for a minute.

[memestockpile]

paris, texas  from the 1984 film. alter as needed.

what the hell?

you know which side of the border you’re on?

guess something must’ve cut your tongue out. either that, or you’ve got something to hide.

i’m gonna call up this number and see if they can tell me who you are.

i’ll get there as fast as i can. 

i just got the strangest phone call. 

a lot can happen to a man in four years, i guess. 

down here, a man gets himself into a fix, sometimes it costs a little to get him out. 

alright, son. but first i would like to ask you something.

you look like forty miles of rough road.

come on, let’s get in the car. 

i can’t blame you for running out on them. 

look, we’ve got a bit of traveling to do, so i hope you’re not gonna clam up on me for the whole trip. might get lonely. 

we thought you were dead, boy. 

you want to get cleaned up? maybe take a shower or something? 

i think i’ll go into town and get you some new clothes. you can use a new set of clothes, can’t you? what size shoe do you wear? 

i’ll be right back, okay?

would you mind telling me why you want to walk straight into the middle of nowhere? 

how does to feel to have fresh clothes on, huh?

just stand up. let me take a look at you. 

let’s go get something to eat. i’m starving. you oughta eat something. 

i talked to the doctor at the clinic. he told me you’d gotten all busted up. you don’t have to tell me about it. 

i don’t know what happened to you. i don’t know what kind of trouble you got into, but—i’m your [relationship], you know. you can talk to me. 

i’m tired of doing all the talking. 

i thought you were in bed already. 

you know, i’m getting a little sick of this silence stuff. 

i’d just as soon neither one of us said another word the whole trip to tell you the truth. 

did you ever fly before? 

are you going to leave me?

no, i’m not going to leave you. 

i’m responsible for you now, understand? 

you can’t just go around doing stuff like that. this isn’t the wilderness. you’re living with people now. 

they put cheese on this. you can’t trust them. 

eating and talking. before you know it, you’ll be back in the land of the living. 

jesus christ, i can’t even get five minutes of sleep without some crisis. 

well, that’s just great. that’s just dandy. 

he’s a great boy. 

four years is a long time for a little boy. 

oh, you polished them. that’s very nice of you.

we’re having strawberry waffles. do you like them? do you want some? 

hi, honey. what are you doing out of bed?

there’s hot coffee on the stove if you want some. 

honey, relax. 

you sure you’re not hiding out in there, are you?

when will they make spaceships like they make cars?

i’m trying to ask you a question. will you give me an answer?

okay, come on. let’s go have dinner. come on.

help me set up the projector. 

up to bed with you. don’t complain.

you don’t look fierce. you look like a sad dog. a very sad and skinny coyote. 

everything’s gonna be fine, honey. everything’s gonna work out for the best. 

i hate to sleep. 

i just never realized how much rage i had. 

i’m tired of this mystery shit!

radical!

you don’t know what a space shuttle is?

they’re going to flip out. 

you have us worried sick. where the hell are you? do you know what time it is? i’ve been looking everywhere for you. now you listen to me. where are you exactly? you tell me exactly where you are.

she’s very beautiful. 

stay in the car, roll up the windows, and lock the doors. 

it’s okay if you don’t want to talk. i don’t want to talk either sometimes.

my legs hurt a little from standing all the time. 

this whole thing must seem kinda strange to you, huh?

i’ll just listen, alright? i’m a real good listener.

you can tell me. i can keep a secret. 

i used to make up long speeches to you after you left. i used to talk to you all the time, even though i was alone. 

sometimes your voice would wake me up. it would wake me up in the middle of the night just like you were there in the room with me.

don’t worry about me, son. i can handle it. 

you mean we’d just live in the dirt?

hi, toad-head. 

[memestockpile]

1776 from the 1969 musical. alter as needed.

good god, what in the hell are they waiting for!

for god's sake, [name], sit down!

someone ought to open up a window.

no, no, no, no!

i say vote yes.

have mercy, please.

can't we compromise here?

consider yourselves fortunate you have [sender name] to abuse, for no sane man would tolerate it!

you're a bore.

we've heard this before.

will someone shut that man up?

i do believe you've laid a curse on [location].

we piddle, twiddle, and resolve. not one damned thing do we solve.

nothing's ever solved in foul, fetid, foggy, filthy [location].

oh, shut up!

is that you carrying on?

i have such a desire to knock heads together.

i know, my dearest, i know. but that's because you make everything so complicated.

get out of there and hurry home to me.

have you done as i asked?

by treating sodium nitrate with potassium chloride, of course!

don't smirk at me, you egotist.

don't you know there's a war on?

it's all i have.

every day, my dearest friend.

i am, as i ever was, and ever shall be, yours.

do you like it?

your voice is piercing.

i have more to do than stand here listening to you quote yourself.

nobody listens to you. you're obnoxious and disliked.

i don't know. i haven't given it much thought.

god leans a little on the side of the [sender last name]s.

come on, boys, join in with me!

that was the most revolting display i ever witnessed.

i don't need a doctor, dammit.

it's a medicinal fact that rum gets a man's heart started in the morning.

softly, [name]. your voice is hurting my foot.

that strutting popinjay was so damned sure of himself.

you would, you little weasel.

i'm coming. i'm coming! hold your damn horses.

you've got your way at least.

i'm sure everyone prefers that you remain asleep.

you have an annoying talent for making delightful words sound distasteful.

sit down, you little roach, or i'll knock you down.

i've only got two hands.

christ, it's hot.

for once in your life, take a chance.

you incendiary little man.

are you calling me a madman, you—you—you—you—fribble!

whack him, [name]!

a man should die in his own bed.

i'll take you home.

i'm thinking, i'm thinking—but nothing's coming!

why the long face?

on what grounds?

i don't know a preposition from a predicate.

i'm only [age], i still have my virility.

life is more than sexual combustibility.

you're driving me to homicide!

a whole week! the entire earth was created in a week!

cheer up, get out of a dumps. it'll come out right, i promise you.

i live like a nun in a cloister.

spare me your bawdy mind first thing in the morning!

this is positively indecent!

the history books will clean it up.

from men your age it is not only unseemly, it's unsightly.

not everyone's a talker.

we dance! one-two-three, one-two-three!

you are without any doubt a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief, a scoundrel, and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking, pimping, pocket-picking, thrice double-damned, no good son-of-a-bitch.

i'll take a dozen right now!

enough socializing. there's work to be done.

stubborn little snot!

please, not while i'm eating.

you came into this world screaming "no," and you're determined to leave it the same way, you little worm!

leave me alone, you're wasting your time.

the man would depress a hyena.

and when they hang you, i hope you will put in a good word for the rest of us.

it's sounds lively as hell up there.

oh, [name], did we run.

my eyes are wide open, my face to the sky.

[name], look sharp.

it's a masterpiece! i'm to be congratulated.

i wish i felt that way.

i can't say i'm very fond of the united states of america.

we're going to have to offend somebody!

you'll have an attack of apoplexy if you're not careful.

courage, [name]. it won't last much longer.

who stinketh the most?

what a bastardly bunch we are!

it's a luxury we can't afford.

don't wave your credentials at me!

how dare you jeopardize our cause when we've come so far?

stop acting like a fishwife!

at a stage in life when other men prosper i'm reduced to living in [location].

you don't usually ask my advice.

i'm afraid you are pig-headed.

has it been any kind of a life for you? god knows i haven't given you much.

i beg you to consider what you're doing.

we're men—no more, no less.

you're the one who wrote it!

i'm different from you. i'm different from most here.

i don't want to be remembered. i just don't want the responsibility.

i happen to be a harvard graduate.

don't miss your chance to commit treason!

[memestockpile]

my cousin vinny from the 1992 film. alter as needed.

beans make you fart.

you could have been caught. what if somebody saw?

the laws are medieval down here.

there's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about.

just relax. please.

there's a cop behind us.

fuck! what are we gonna do now?

ridiculous. all this over a can of tuna.

it was a stupid thing to do.

i'll sign a statement or whatever makes this whole thing easier.

it wasn't planned out. you know, it just happened.

your friend has put you in a lot of trouble.

we figured the weather and the scenery would be nicer going through the south.

at what point did you shoot the clerk?

do you know any great attorneys?

you stick out like a sore thumb around here.

oh, yeah. you blend.

i bet the chinese food here is terrible.

that's just a figure of speech.

gotta let everybody know you're a tourist.

what are you, a fucking world traveler?

cute little guy.

if i was in your situation, i'd want to get through this whole thing as quickly and with as little pain as possible.

maybe we should spend a couple of minutes together, you know, to get acquainted before we, uh, you know, before we get to it.

you're getting fucked one way or the other.

excuse me, but i think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here.

it's your ass, not mine.

i think you should be down on your fucking knees.

you're getting me for nothing, you little fuck.

boy, that's one hell of an ego you've got.

i did not come down here just to get jerked off.

six times was a charm.

win some, lose some.

this is not the forum to be cavalier.

i'm not a patient man.

don't think being from new york you're gonna get special treatment.

want to sit at the counter?

what's the story with this incredibly, remarkably loud whistle at 5:30 in the morning?

sure. sure. i heard of grits. i just actually never seen a grit before.

go ahead, honey. you gonna try it?

don't talk to me sitting in that chair.

i'm, uh, wearing, uh, clothes.

comb your hair and wear a suit and tie.

there seems to be a great deal of confusion here.

there are only two ways to answer it: guilty or not guilty.

i don't want to hear commentary, argument, or opinion. i don't even want to hear you clear your throat.

you didn't look like you knew what you were doing.

didn't they teach that in law school?

i thought maybe this summer i would take off a couple of months.

i don't know how you can be so sure when you don't know what it is you're supposed to know.

i learned the hard way.

i could use a good ass kicking, i'll be very honest with you.

over my dead body.

if i was to kick the shit out of you, do i get the money?

wouldn't your mother be more upset if you die?

they love to argue. i mean, they live to argue.

'"dead-on balls accurate"?

i guess the fucking thing is broken.

i heard two loud bangs like firecrackers.

i'm bound to fuck up a little.

you got thrown in jail. twice.

i know i was in jail. i don't need you to point it out to me, okay?

you're supposed to stand by your man, you know, encourage me a little bit.

oh, you are a smooth talker!

you ragging on me is not gonna give me any great spontaneous knowledge.

i don't know. i don't feel good.

how the fuck did i get into this shit?

i think that once you're out there, and you're doing your thing out there, i think you're gonna be really great.

why don't you just tell me your side of the story.

nobody pulls the wool over the eyes of a [last name], especially this one.

all i ask is for that one chance. i think you should give it to me.

there's more to cross examination than knowing what to say. it's knowing what not to say.

how do i know that's not a bunch of ones with a twenty wrapped around it?

i'm a happier man for it.

that's quite a story.

imagine you're a deer. you're prancing along. you get thirsty. you spot a little brook. you put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water. bam! a fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head. your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces.

that's very impressive finessing.

it's called disclosure, you dickhead.

what are you nervous about? i'm the one under the gun here.

i'm watching you go down in flames, and you're bringing me with you, and i can't do anything about it.

my biological clock is tickin'! like! this!

i ain't slept in five days.

this is very romantic.

i thought it would be a nice surprise.

are you on drugs?

i don't like your attitude.

everything that guy just said is bullshit.

you will not use that kind of language. you understand me?

putz.

what is a "yout"?

don't shake your head. i'm not done yet.

no self-respecting southerner uses instant grits.

perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove.

that is a lucid, intelligent, well thought out objection.

i'd like to speak to you in my chambers.

you're a dead man.

no, you can't help. i wish you could, but you can't.

and i didn't think i could feel worse than i did a couple of seconds ago. thank you.

i will ask you one more time and one more time only.

please. i only have three minutes.

honey, come on now.

we don't have a lot of time. just shut up.

what is it with you with that mouth?

i don't give a shit! leave me alone!

you think i'm hostile now, wait til you see me tonight.

fiancée? well, that would certainly explain the hostility.

sit down and stay there until you're told to leave.

it's a bullshit question. it's impossible to answer.

the defense is wrong.

i find it hard to believe that this kind of information could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture.

a corvette could never be confused with the buick skylark.

you've been a lovely, lovely witness.

i'm sorry to have ever doubted you at any time.

i want you to know, you got an open invitation anytime you want to come down here.

i feel like if i don't get out of here now, i might never be able to leave.

this could be a sign of things to come.

oh, my god, what a fuckin' nightmare!

i thought we'd get married this weekend.

this is not romantic.

i want a wedding in church with bridesmaids and flowers.

how many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic?

amen, brother.

[memestockpile]

key largo from the 1948 film. alter as needed.

what gives?

the bar is closed.

think nothing of it.

can i pick them or can't i?

if he wants you, he'll send for you.

i don't plan to stay.

oh, well, why didn't you say so?

did you come on the bus? i saw it stop.

ever been down here before?

how long will you be with us?

then you'll stay overnight.

if i was you, i'd save myself the trouble.

if you can't behave yourself, you gotta leave.

i hope you didn't take offense how we handled you.

more than a year, we'd been planning to come here.

we all swore up and down: no dames!

everything's spoiled, including our dispositions.

just to show there's no hard feelings.

storm signals are up.

it leaves us in the dark about a few things.

i'd be most grateful.

dying isn't very important.

you'd be surprised how much i know about you.

that hollow above the upper lip? before a baby is born, they know all the secrets of life and death. at birth, an angel comes and put his finger right there and seals their lips.

high up, there's what's left of a church.

i'd like to pay a visit to that place. maybe we'll do just that.

thought i might make my living on the sea.

life on land's become too complicated for my taste.

what'd you do before the war?

i've done lots. anything to make a dollar.

where'd you learn about boats?

my first sweetheart was a boat.

you're very happy here, aren't you?

you're never lonely?

i knew lots of people, but i was lonesome too.

before [name/you], my life hadn't made much sense.

i never had much of a home, and i didn't like what i had.

i'm like one of those mangroves.

join me for a little drink now?

in a hurricane, the wind blows so hard the ocean gets up on its hind legs and walks right across the land.

sit in the car and wait.

there are two cons in a cell. one tries to sell the other a fountain pen. and he says, "this pen is guaranteed for life." ...don't you get it? a con. guaranteed for life.

that leaves it up to you, pal.

don't you like me? i'm beginning to think i got smallpox or something.

elevator's busting through the roof. the elevator boy says to a couple passengers: "i told you there was no 11th floor!"

wise guy.

i hear a hurricane blows off roofs and puts the snatch on people. and they all fly around in the sky together. is that right?

easy does it, soldier.

you'd think this rain would cool things off, but it don't.

you haven't got the nerve.

you think that big gun in your hand makes you look grown-up.

i'll bet you spend hours posing in front of the mirror.

now listen. i don't want trouble. with you. with anybody.

what you don't know won't hurt you.

we'll be out of here in a couple of hours. try to put up with us that long.

champagne and pompano. they really go together.

still feel tough?

stop hollering, old man.

what's that? i'm kind of deaf.

this ain't real. you're having a dream.

on the level, are you that dumb?

sure, i was all of those things. and more!

i'll be back up there one day. then you'll really see something!

you little wildcat!

swell hearing your voice again.

i paid you. you do what i say.

i'll blow your brains out.

i'll say one thing, you sure can take it.

your picture would be in all the papers.

listen, hick.

come over here. i'd like to spit on you.

i didn't ask for your advice!

unlock this door, i want out!

honey, have you been crying?

oh, come on. it'll chase the blues away.

i think i'll go to my room.

what i need is a drink.

i thought you knew all the answers.

darling, you've hurt your face.

what's funny? why'd you laugh?

what's worse: a dumbbell or a wise guy?

i was educated only in impractical things.

i see through you.

i had hopes once, but i gave them up.

show them how you're not afraid to die.

looks like you don't want it enough.

you look like you lost somebody near and dear.

want a hero? here's one for sale, cheap!

you knew the gun was empty, didn't you, son? you could tell by the weight.

you were smart, fella.

better to be a live coward than a dead hero.

i fight nobody's battles but my own.

i can't see it your way.

if i believed your way, i'd want to be dead too.

what you're saying now is only to save face.

either you show tonight or the deal is off.

everybody has their first drink.

if i'd known you'd act this way, i wouldn't have come here.

you certainly haven't changed one bit. you're as mean as can be.

i was the rage.

why don't you give us your old song?

i won't make you do anything.

my gowns were gorgeous. always low-cut.

play a little gin?

sorry about the things i said. they aren't true.

maybe it is a rotten world. but a cause isn't lost if someone's willing to fight.

you may not want to be, but you can't help yourself.

what do you know about my life?

say anything, just so it's talk.

you don't like storms, do you?

in a few hours, there'll be little to remind you what happened tonight.

if you decide to stay here with us, we'd be most happy. i'd be proud to have you regard us as your family.

i don't mean to set onto you, son. think it over. don't give your answer right away.

you filth. scum.

you know what'll happen if you don't.

there's no better fishing than what's here.

i didn't wanna say anything. it's not my business.

i wouldn't put it past you!

i killed them both.

haven't i seen you someplace before?

it's sure great to see you again, pal.

when you get outside, run.

your head says one thing and your whole life says another.

if you're a fighter, you can't walk away from a fight.

with you back again, it'll be like old times.

this time, it'll be different.

i forgot to tell you. you're not coming.

please, i love you! i need you!

good luck, son.

i feel awful.

there's just me and you. we'll be partners. what do you say? deal?

you'll get rid of me and take all the money, is that it?

you're not big enough to do this.

i'm mighty grateful to you for saving my life.

i'm the one to blame.

[memestockpile]

scarecrow from the 1973 film. alter as needed.

how you doing? you okay?

up yours, you two-bit son of a bitch!

you heading east, buddy?

some corn flakes with a little milk. and some scrambled eggs. bacon. toast.

i got the money to get us rolling.

this your first day?

hey, fella, you got nothing better to do than listen in on other people's conversations?

i'm like the meanest son of a bitch alive.

i don't trust anybody. i don't love anybody.

we're gonna be partners.

otherwise, i'll break your back.

can i have a bottle of beer and a chocolate doughnut?

man, i didn't start it.

you get in a lot of fights, don't you?

you think crows are really scared of a scarecrow?

that's the most harebrained idea i've ever heard.

i guess the fish are reciting poetry.

it was just bullshit.

you're not playing with a full deck, man. you got one foot in the great beyond.

you didn't pick me. i picked you.

that's as far as we can take you.

shut the door, you big dope.

these two guys go into a bar, right. and one guy says to the bartender, "two mugs." bartender says, "i know that. what'll you have?"

i'm the tallest man in this bar.

people can't stay mad at you if you make them laugh.

i'll put you into the goddamn wall.

gotta wash your hands first.

ever see dawn from a ship?

always made me feel like a kid.

getting laid is sure good for my regularity.

you should be more careful where you drop your drawers.

it's like i've been asleep for nine years.

the world goes on changing. there's nothing you can do about it.

[name] has told me nothing about you.

you cute little motor scooter, you.

how come you wear all these clothes?

ask me if i like you.

what did you miss most when you were in prison?

making pie. it's chocolate.

there ain't no better sound on earth.

you have your own place.

it started back when i was in high school.

screw the world.

take it easy. you have a whole half a life to go.

gee, i thought you'd never ask me.

come on, then, my little darling. you get your little self right there.

i'm headed for something. and it's gonna be big. i can feel it.

she did things i didn't think you could do unless you were a snake.

i was so drunk, i kept falling off the bed.

this round's on the house.

don't get upset. you gotta watch out for your digestion.

are you ever coming back?

that's real good, hon.

what the hell are you laughing about?

just drop it, will you? because i know what you're doing.

want to dance?

working, my ass.

i want to tell you something. i don't want to see you, i don't want to hear you for a whole month.

you were the guy who punched him, not me.

come on. it ain't so bad. it was all just a joke.

i don't want to talk. i want to be left alone.

friend, i don't think you understand.

with that attitude, you could end up on the hog farm up to your ass in pig shit.

why don't you finish your dinner.

you look tired, you know that, buddy? they working you hard?

i think you'd make a good assistant director for my talent show.

don't make fun of me.

you used to look scary and ridiculous. now you just look ridiculous.

you're also an asshole.

that's because you're learning, you know? you're learning how to laugh.

will you fuck off? jesus christ.

you're going places.

i'm glad you wore your sweater, because it's cold.

just remember, all right, that you're a person.

thanks for a big fat nothing.

you stinking shit. you coward.

you're my best friend.

going to read your fortunes. hands out.

put a peanut up your nose.

what the hell's the matter with you?

keep your voice down. this is a hospital.

what have they done to you?

look, you skinny little bastard, will you wake up?

you and me, we think alike, don't we?

i just can't make it alone anymore.

i'm going to take care of you.