I loved that small hesitation before Book decided to answer in his own way... There is something that seems to pass in this small instant. It was also the most vulnerable moment of Mud. He was hanging onto Book's every reaction. I wonder if he was afraid to be rejected, and yet he had hope that Book would say "yes".
In the end, Book put an end to this silence by kissing him, which is in a way the answer they were both waiting for. I especially like the way they looked right after kissing each other... Book with his barely opened eyes still lingering in the feelings of that kiss, while Mud was trying to reassure himself that he is with Book now and they are again in good terms.
Y'all... just binged this after randomly scrolling past it on IQIYI....
Dont wanna spoil anything but its actually so beautiful and such a hidden gem everyone needs to get on asap
((And most importantly there is only ONE fic for the entire series on ao3 and it's only FOUR HUNDRED words. I'm actually unwell and begging all the prolific writers to get on your zooooom w this one 🙏))
Also I just need to give flowers to the new up and coming actors in this series. They are all so sincere, dedicated, and authentic and portray this story so beautifully. There is abundance for them and I cannot wait to see where they go next ughhhhhh
I loved your discussion of Payu and Rain’s d/s dynamic; can you do it for Johann and North? I feel like Johann likes power play but in a really gentle way, and North might not initiate it but seems willing and responsive to that kind of play as well. It’s super cute.
Hey friend!!! JohanNorth have quite the dynamic...one that I very much enjoy. Again I would like to say I'm no expert in D/s as a kink, and that's not what this post is going to be like anyway.
I want you to know I typed this up, and deleted it, and typed it up again several times because I was starting to ramble and this was getting long af. I am going to insert a page break so people can scroll if they want to.
Let's talk about it.
I think JohanNorth's whole dynamic is very much give and take. Or more like, 'I'm giving you me please take me and give yourself to me in return.' "ALL OF ME LOVES ALL OF YOU" type vibe. Please sing that in John Legend's voice or you won't understand.
JohanNorth's beginning feels like a Dom/sub thing but in the end it changes to something completely different. Not everyone goes into a relationship feeling 100% comfortable with each other.
Johan had more time to have his feelings for North develop because he spent so much time falling in love and being there for North when North had no idea who he was. So by the time Johan was granted access to approach North he was already level-minded and clear headed. He was solid. That meant he could focus everything on North.
He was so ready to handle North's bar fight situation in away that would pull his most precious boy right into his awaiting orbit. It did help that Johan had so many people in his corner who knew the dedication he had to North.
I think once Johan got over the major hurtle of letting his feelings be known to North he was ready to play hard ball, no more holding back. He confessed and gauged North's reaction to him. North was excited about the confession. He was happy to know someone as kind and as capable as Johan would be so into him. That gave Johan the greenlight he needed to advance.
I don't think Johan's into power play exactly, I think in the beginning he asserts some level of power to draw out North's confidence in him and their relationship. I think he used some more aggressive tactics to kind of push North out of his comfort zone so he could get used to being in a relationship with him.
Like in the beginning we definitely see Johan be more dominant, and take control of their relationship's progression, but as soon as North starts to return some of that assertive energy Johan starts to mellow out. I think he was treating North how he wanted to be treated in return. And when they reach a stable emotional plane Johan becomes softer, sweeter, and more vulnerable.
Ultimately Johan wanted North to be possessive and selfish with him. He wanted North to take from him. He wanted to give himself to North. And he wanted to take North for himself in return.
Speaking of possession; Johan is physical in a way that SCREAMS 'I'm obsessed with you. I want to possess you. You belong to me.' The way he kisses North??? The way he devours his lips? That hand that ALWAYS finds it's way around his throat? The tie yanks? The hair pulls? It's like he can't get enough of North. It's like if he lets North go, he'll vanish. He's obsessed.
Also the way he just holds onto North. He wraps himself around the boy. And once North is settled there he will not let the boy go. That whole scene in the café where he pulls North into his lap and just traps him there. They would need the jaws of life to pry his arms from around that boy and what does North do? Allows it. He always does. He likes it when Johan treats him like a big ole teddy bear. Holding onto him tightly, kissing him whenever he feels like it. North loves it, he's usually smiling about it, hands placed obediently over Johan's.
Let's talk about the little transactional method Johan established with North. I love it. It's another habit he's formed to kind of pull North out of his comfort zone...maybe depend on him a little more. I love that he shamelessly offers to pay North for his time and affection and attention. A kiss? A hug? A cute lil video? Smexy time? He's willing to PAY for everything North does because he wants everything from him. He wants North to feel like he can express himself however he wants to.
Going back to Johan wanting North to be more selfish with him. I think that's why he kind of conditioned North to exchange kisses in return for him fulfilling requests. It's ok for North to ask anything of Johan but he also wants North to feel okay with being affectionate with him and asking or demanding some affection in return. Johan asks for the simplest of kisses for payment and he will fill North's every desire and answer every question.
I think Johan wanted to get out of the habit of asking North, "What do you want from me?" and get him into the habit of asking for it on his own. Like when he coaxes North into asking him to take the lead when they kiss. Instead of Johan having to ask, "Do you want me to kiss you?" he would prefer if North asks, "Can you kiss me?" You know? Be more proactive.
If North wants something from Johan he only needs to ask and be confident with it and Johan is ready to serve. He doesn't want North to feel any sort of negative way for wanting to take from him because everything he has is for North. Also this way he gets to enjoy more kisses from those lips he loves so much.
North is the kind of guy who wants to take care of himself and solve all issues on his own. He's willing to work THREE jobs on top of school to take care of his business. So of course he finds it hard to ask Johan for anything. He finds it hard to tell Johan when he's having a problem. He doesn't want to bother him, he doesn't want to upset, and above all he doesn't want to burden him. Johan treats him so well and he is too fearful to ask for more from him. And I'm sure he's worried that Johan may think he's together with him for all the wrong reasons.
Even if Johan is literally throwing money at him for existing and buying up all his workplaces so he can be the one to take care of North one way or another. Even if Johan is increasing his own workload so he can take over his father's company faster so he can provide for North. Even if Johan moves North into his condo to take away one less expense in the boy's life.
I appreciate that the people around Johan took time to explain to North about how a lot of what Johan does is for the benefit of him. And honestly it's things Johan would tell North if he just asked him. Johan doesn't seem like he wants to keep anything from North but he wants North to want to know. Like while Johan went to Boston and North was missing him so much, but he was too afraid to reach out. He didn't want to disturb Johan he knew he was working. But thanks to their friends, North got to learn that Johan was missing him just as much. Johan even cut his trip short because he didn't want North to be sad from missing him. Since North was still so unwilling to be selfish with him, Johan had to take that initiative to return to him instead.
I love that we get to see North learn that he can ask from Johan and take from him and depend on him and need him. Johan is the king of 'Acts of Service' and I'm glad by the end of things North got to see that. There isn't anything Johan would not do for North.
As North becomes more confident in himself and his feelings and his place by Johan's side we begin to see North willingly show his feelings. He begins to show his concerns for Johan. He wants to help Johan relax and be at ease, even if it means just being in his presence. He begins to show more casual intimacy. More pecks on the cheek, and leaning into Johan, and cuddling with him. He shows a softer side. A cuter side. A more docile side. He seems to be more calm around Johan and more considerate of what he wants from him.
I love when North gives Johan his gear. We all know how monumental that is. He essentially gives Johan the biggest part of himself, his heart. And entrusting his gear to Johan means that he trusts his heart and himself with Johan. He trusts that Johan will take care of his heart. It's a beautiful moment that holds so much weight, especially for someone like Johan who has been waiting for North for years. And I love that we get to see Johan proudly display that gear in a way that says, 'He gave me his heart and I belong to him in return.' The gear is not just an item to keep on a shelf or in a box. It's something he takes with him everywhere like their love for each other. Johan can't just put the gear down. It and North belongs to him now.
In that one scene where Drunk North shows his ownership of Johan, I think that day was like Christmas for Johan. To see his sweet and budding North show such strong possessiveness over him? It must have been so satisfying to experience.
And you can really tell Johan enjoyed it. He kept North's eye contact and he answered him directly and gently, just for North's ears. He didn't even pay attention to that woman. AND WHEN NORTH CLIMBED INTO HIS LAP AND SAID JOHAN WAS HIS?? To be outright claimed? I think Johan could've died and ascended to heaven. Nothing else and no one else mattered in that moment. He was North's and only North's. Oh to be possessed by someone.
I think Johan knew that from then on North would feel more inclined to express his ownership which what he wanted from day one. He wanted them both to feel like they belonged to each other.
THE HUG😭😭😭😭😭😭😭johan was only gone for a week since he didn't stay the full 2 weeks as intended, and YET, he left work early to see north cause they couldn't be apart from each other FOR A WEEK!!! North in tears can't believe he's there, and johan is making it clear that he will choose north over his work 🤧
Ok after watching Ep. 16, fully informed of both long-term crush backstories, I rewatched the series at 3x speed to get to specific scenes.
Now I understand why Easter fled the first time he saw Hill IRL, and why Hill was at a loss for words.
And Johan being somewhat shy when laying eyes on North for what we initially thought was the first time, and declining an invitation to wait inside of North's room for Easter makes perfect sense.
And while initially it seemed like Johan was being possessive and controlling, we learned he's just giving North exactly what he wanted: a partner who wanted to be around him, found him to be a safe and restful presence, and supported him as much as he did them.
I love this sentiment—and how the series returns to it again and again in different forms: that it’s worth it to love. That trying to avoid pain also means shutting yourself off from the good parts, too. That there are different kinds of loss, and sometimes keeping people at a distance can hurt just as much as letting them in.
If you live your life to protect yourself from loss, you will feel the loss of every chance you didn’t take
The bone deep insecurity that Team feels when he expresses how much better Win knows him than he knows Win and the way Win is always there to support him but he doesn't know how to support him in return and the way Win's tears only increase. Has anyone ever asked him that? Has anyone ever worried to him about how much he took on? Has anyone ever asked him about his favorite foods or when he sleeps or when he studies? His family and friends all rely on him to support them, to be there for him, and even if they do worry they worry behind his back, they worry with each other, not with him, not to him.
The bone deep insecurity that Team feels when he expresses how much better Win knows him than he knows Win and the way Win is always there to support him but he doesn't know how to support him in return and the way Win's tears only increase. Has anyone ever asked him that? Has anyone ever worried to him about how much he took on? Has anyone ever asked him about his favorite foods or when he sleeps or when he studies? His family and friends all rely on him to support them, to be there for him, and even if they do worry they worry behind his back, they worry with each other, not with him, not to him.
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