What is my gift? Is it writing? Is it helping others in some way? I don't know but I want to find out so I can use it to help in some way, help others and myself. I like helping others, encouraging people that are sad or down or need someone to listen. I'm not really that good at listening, more talking, but at times I am able to listen. One thing is depression and suicide. I know what it's like to have depression, sometimes just blue that I have no friends, to feeling like I'm in a deep dark hole I'll never get out of and wishing I never existed. Yes I've been there. It is hard for me to be around others. Yes I come off as friendly and talkative and fun, but it's hard to be sociable and keep it up. I feel depressed sometimes all the time. It's not because of what I don't have, it has nothing to do with what you do or don't have. It's an imbalance of chemicals in the brain and it SUCKS...but thankfully I'm too scared to try to actually kill or harm myself. Yep, too chicken to cut myself or jump off something and one thing because I'm scared of heights but also scared of landing and feeling that physical pain even if it's not long-lasting. Not to mention that I do have people that would Miss me. I often thought NoOne would notice if I were gone, just disappeared. I know because life is hard, Soo freaking hard and so unbearable at times and even sometimes for those that are beautiful and rich and seem to ha e everything, and no I'm not one of those people. It just goes to show you that depression doesn't care who you are or what you have. But still, I think I'd rather be a rich depressed person lol, alone on a tropical beach or a yacht. Nothing makes it go away but some things can make it tolerable or make your life better.. meditating, eating, saying positive affirmations, dancing, singing, rocking in a chair or swinging, coloring, listening to music..for some it's art it a craft. I love babies and it's one of the things I can do that makes me genuinely happy, to be around sweet innocent babies or kids. My own childhood kinda sucked and my own child hasn't been easy and not that ideal child you imagine having.