& love, love will tear us apart again

only a message away, always

[mylovingpain]

And when he leaves, it feels like the world is crashing down around you. Your heart is pounding so hard in your chest, but it isn’t really pounding. And you can’t breathe and your stomach is twitching. Your legs can’t even carry you anymore, so you collapse on the floor. It feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest, but it’s still in there. You know it is in there, ‘cause it hurts so damn bad, you don’t think you’ll ever be able to move again. And then it’s been a week and you haven’t eaten yet. You still can’t breathe right, because you needed him like air. And now you’re suffocating with just enough air in your lungs to keep on living. But you’re not really living, ‘cause you haven’t even left your apartment. And you stopped crying two days ago, but you still haven’t slept. You’ve lost three pounds, but you’ve never looked worse. And you miss him. And then it’s been a month, and you still can’t breathe right. You can’t even pull yourself together long enough to go for a walk, but you’re sitting by the window now. And you’re heart isn’t pounding as hard, but it’s pounding enough to make you feel it. And you know you’re alive, even though you wish you weren’t. And you’ve started to eat again, but you haven’t set foot outside your apartment. And you miss him. And then it’s been six months and it’s raining, and you go for a walk. And your legs can carry you again, and it doesn’t hurt to breathe anymore. You still feel the pain, but you found some bandage and it’s not so bad anymore. And you can breathe. My love, you can breathe. And your heart is beating, and you’re still alive. You’re still alive, and you made it this far. And you don’t miss him as much. And then it’s been a year and your heart stopped hurting. You still miss him, but now you can say his name without crying. And you finally removed the bandage, and your heart has stopped bleeding. You’re not so broken anymore, but you’re still his. You don’t miss him as much, but you’ll never forget him, ‘cause he was the love of your life. Even though you weren’t his.

You’ll be okay (via mylovingpain)

[drinkt0forget-deactivated202303]

Because you will know every time she gets her heart broken again. She begins to talk less and if you pay attention, she starts to slip a little whiskey into her drinks at random hours of the day. She begins to distance herself and she stops hanging out with all the people she enjoys. It’s as if she completely shuts down and it takes her months to build it all up again.

Heart break (via drinkt0forget)

[drinkt0forget-deactivated202303]

You were a little too fucked up, he was a little too fucked up, and in the end, you were just a little too fucked up for each other.

10:01pm (via drinkt0forget)

[drinkt0forget-deactivated202303]

I. I know life goes on with or without you, but it all seems so fucking dull since. II. They have classes for drugs and alcohol, but not for love, and I find that I’ve always been more drawn to other people than I have to objects. III. I need help to wean myself off of you because if I don’t, i’m afraid i’ll lose to my own head. IV. I remember how you blocked me, and how easy it was for you–For it to not bother you that we won’t talk again. For it to not hurt you. I wonder how you did it. V. If someone would tell me that you were a piece of shit, I’d cut them off and tell them that you were the best, only lost when it came to love. VI. I remember the last day we shared. I felt so much love, but I should have paid more attention to the words you spoke. It all sounded too much like a goodbye. VII. I know you weren’t heartless. You always got sad about past lovers and how you were never comfortable in your own skin; but when you left, it didn’t seem like you had any feelings in a single part of your body. VIII. Everyday I catch myself wondering if you’ll ever come back and I spend those times waiting for you. I know it’s not healthy. I know I should have better things to do. IX. I’m afraid that you will come in with sweet words and i’ll be a prisoner to you again, but I am more terrified that you will never speak another word to me. X. You’ve seen people strung out on drugs because they’ve been held captive by their addiction, but I don’t think some people know how strung out you can be on love. How obsessed you can become. How much self hatred runs through your veins when you two are arguing. How your feelings are based on how they are treating you. It makes you feel tired. It drains you. And when it’s all over, you have to fight like hell everyday with your addiction gone. You have to spend every waking moment recovering. You have to find purpose again, because their love was your whole purpose. XI. I catch myself thinking of every regret I have about our relationship; the things I did, the things I didn’t do. I can’t help but think that if I would have done some things differently, we’d still be going strong. But I can’t take things back, and because of that, we drifted so far apart. XII. You promised to never hurt me again, and then spent everyday after doing exactly that. XIII. I want you to tell me the truth, even if it rips me open. Come on, tell me. Tear my heart apart one last time. XIV. We spent our last day having sex, and I wonder if during that time, you already knew you were going to leave. XV. It’s easy to dehumanize you. To tell them you were cruel. To tell them you lacked important organs such as a heart. But really, those things aren’t true. Sometimes it’s just that two people don’t work out, even if they really want it to. Even if they love the other person. XVI. I hope you remember the times we shared. The times I touched you and you felt on top of the world. The times love ran through your veins and it felt too fucking good. I hope you remember and miss me. I hope you remember and know you made a mistake. XVII. You used to give me that feeling of running through a sprinkler in eighty degree weather. You used to give me that feeling of coming home after a long day and jumping into bed, under five blankets. You used to give me the best feelings that life had to offer, but I don’t have any of those feelings anymore. The bed doesn’t make me feel comfortable, the weather doesn’t make me feel nice, and you don’t make me feel loved anymore. XVIII. This last one is to just tell you goodbye. I hope you know i’ll always love you. You were my first love, my most toxic, strongest addiction. whether we talk a couple months from now or never talk again, you’ll always be in my memory. I’ll always reminisce about you.

eighteen thoughts about you and how you broke my heart (in no particular order)

[h-e--a---rtbreak-blog]

He gave me a million reasons to walk away, but I had one good reason making me stay, and that was loving him more than I ever loved myself.

Still here.

[jess-amelia]

If it’s destroying you, then it isn’t love, my dear.

I wish someone had told me this sooner - Jess Amelia (via jess-amelia)

[h-e--a---rtbreak-blog]

You can have your breakdowns, but you can't stay down.

[wnq-writers]

I wish we met at a different time, in a different place, different people. Maybe it would make more sense then.

embracedbyhim (via wnq-writers)

[breatheinpoetry]

“I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that.” “No…I kinda did.” He looked at her, puzzled. “I…dont’ think I understand.” “I knew he was hurting me,” she continued. “I knew he wasn’t treating me right. I knew I deserved better…but I stayed anyways. Sometimes you love someone, you love them so much, that you let them hurt you. I wanted him to touch me, even if it made me bleed. I wanted those seconds of happiness even if it meant a night of tear stained pillows. In my gut, I knew it wasn’t right, but I’d spend hours making excuses just to try to feel it was. I put myself second to put him first…and I thought…hey…maybe one day he’ll do the same for me.”

(via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

[clearlypositive]

What if I can’t escape you?

Six Word Story #14 (via clearlypositive)

[rub-me-the-right-way]

People get drunk. They kiss the wrong person. And pretend to be okay. People will do anything to distract their heart. They will do anything to distract it from missing someone.

(via lisamaryx)

[written-on-polaroids]

Why is it that we can’t stop thinking about the people who ruined us?

(via reddeyess)

[savannaxrosexbudsx-deactivated2]

hes not going to call you at 3:00am or pm. hes not going to call when he had a great day. hes not going to call to see how you are. hes not going to call. he doesnt care. go to sleep.

im sorry. (via savannaxrosexbudsx)

[thoseconstellations-deactivated]

Some days, I wonder if you miss me. Other days, I wonder why I’m still wondering.

(via traumuh)

[11anothergirl11]

You know, I think one of the worst feelings is finding out you didn’t mean as much to someone as you thought you did, and you just feel stupid, and because you looked desperate, about caring too much.

Unknown (via 11anothergirl11)

[bugaboozled]

Life went on without you. Of course, it did. Of course, it does. It was just an ending, they tell me, not the end.

Lang Leav (via bugaboozled)

[fingertipwords]

I feel a dull ache in my bones and I wonder when loving you will stop hurting so much.

K.B. (via fingertipwords)