habitual pain

bad poetry

[habitualpain]

working

So I guess this is how it's going to be

Always on the wrong side of right where I want to be

Pushing forward & falling back again

The same repeat cycle over & over again

[habitualpain]

holy shit I totally forgot this account existed dude what the hell

[habitualpain]

shame adorns my neck for the things I have done I will hang my head low

[habitualpain]

below

prone to self destructive habits feeling like I’ve made it a habit of losing love when I have it giving up when I had it shutting down when it’s bad & I get so low

I get so low that everything starts to move slow because i’m sinking in to the quicksand & all I really need is for you to reach out your hand & you will but I won’t grab it

because you see I’m too deep now the ground is up to my mouth I can taste all the dirt & all the lies that I spread & i am at peace

I’ve become comfortable in the ground it’s welcoming me, like an old friend so familiar because its where we are from & where I’ll be found 6 ft below

I sink so slow

my body is crushed by the weight of the earth all my guilt, & all my hurt I am not dead, no this is where it gets worse

this is where I finally learn all of my worth

just doesn’t exist

[habitualpain]

untitled

sick of living my life this way feeling sorry for myself feeling stuck stuck at the bottom in the ninth circle of this hell that I personally created for myself made by my own hand you can recognize the craftsmanship constantly shutting down anything positive that comes my way for fear that I might actually let somebody in I’m afraid to feel & I’m afraid to live so just FUCKING leave me alone I’ll lay in this god forsaken bed until God comes down & death can take me I pray to God for death to take me I’m sick of my lies of my bullshit of my own sick little fantasies that I build in my head but I’ll continue to fool myself that I’m okay made with an anvil of regret built on a foundation made of clay tears leave my eyes watch me wash away

[habitualpain]

burn

you left and so did the fire extinguished like your love for what this once was now not even a flicker spending seasons contemplating the blaze oh how it burned how it burned brighter than any light light that made the darkness disappear cry out in fear we couldn't be stopped wildfire we burned out of control oh how it burned fall brought the end & saw our world engulfed by the flames we so fiercely kindled we set the mountains ablaze but ashes fall like snow on the embers on the thing we once called love ... ...but oh, how it burned....