habromania

(noun) delusions of happiness ♡ Own Stuff • Recovery Blog

[habrxmaniax]

I think I need to detach from Iran to survive this life

[habrxmaniax]

One of these days I’m gonna wake up & there’s gonna be a new video by Reza Pahlavi that the Islamic terrorist dictatorship occupying Iran has fallen, Iran is not longer occupied but finally free & that he is sending us this massage from a city in Iran.

[habrxmaniax]

From January 8th until February 28th I smiled so little- only when I had to at work or at cashiers when grocery shopping- that it felt foreign & unnatural to my face.

When I heard the news of the attack on the Islamic regime, I laughed & cried out of relief. When I heard Khamenei is dead, I couldn’t stop smiling for about three days.

Now we’re at a point in this war against the Islamic terrorist dictatorship occupying Iran that is yet again unknown what comes next, will Iranians succeed and wipe this regime from the face of earth & be free? I am hopeful about that but there’s still uncertainty & anxiety around it.

I don’t even know where I want to go with this, I just feel so much internal turmoil & fear of the next minute.

Not that it matters, honestly, it doesn’t at all. I’m here in safety, I’m worried about 90 million Iranians, my sisters & brothers at heart. May they be safe & may they be free. Soon, sooner than I can imagine.

[habrxmaniax]

I really don’t know how to continue this life if the Islamic terrorist dictatorship occupying Iran survives.

[habrxmaniax]

I’m mourning the memories I never even got to create in my homeland & with my family to even be able to miss them.

It’s all just could’ve beens & should’ve beens.

[habrxmaniax]

I do wonder about the life I was supposed to have.

I don’t belong here.

This isn’t my life, this isn’t my home.

[habrxmaniax]

My life has pretty much fully stopped on January 8th and slowly, I’m getting too tired of continuing it altogether. I don’t know how I could continue my existence if Iran won’t be free. Sure, humans get used to anything but I really don’t want to live that version of my life.

I don’t know what kind of human I will turn into if this doesn’t work out the way it should.

[habrxmaniax]

We were so close

[habrxmaniax]

Is it time to break up with Iran again to save myself from the heartbreak that’s going to come?

[habrxmaniax]

About 3 weeks of living on my own & I actually miss my mom

[habrxmaniax]

Another birthday I’m waiting to be over cause I really can’t stand spending time with my parents, especially my dad & pretending like I like spending time with them like this when I don’t.

I’m not okay with him in any way, so why fake it & act like I get along with him so well? On MY birthday?? So HE feels loved?

It’s MY birthday & I don’t feel loved but more so obliged to spend it with him so he feels good.

Fuck this shit I’m so over it. But of course I’ll repeat it next year…

God damn it.

[habrxmaniax]

I don’t want to be strong anymore

I’m drained & exhausted

by being strong for myself and other people all the time

I need a break

I need an end

[venustapolis]

Nocturne in Black and Gold - The Falling Rocket (James McNeill Whistler, 1875)

[habrxmaniax]

I really finally want to feel loved romantically for once.

I feel like shit & so lonely.

[habrxmaniax]

„Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl“

- I‘m not that girl

[habrxmaniax]

Being in situationships sm has made me so toxic I fucking toxic, fuck men for real for taking away my sweetness & grace

[habrxmaniax]

Ich hab mich einfach zu deren Geburtstagen darum gekümmert, dass wir uns sehen & feiern & hab denen was geschenkt, nur um an meinem per insta auf eine story ein „Happy Birthday“ zu bekommen.

Danke für nichts.

Ich weiß einfach, dass die trotzdem an deren nächsten Geburtstagen abgefuckt dein werden, wenn ich denen nichts schenke 🤡

Ich hab so genug davon in meinen Freundschaften immer so viel mehr zu geben, als ich zurück bekomme & trotzdem die Freundschaften so weiter laufen zu lassen, um nicht „allein“ zu sein. Dabei bin ich nicht mal allein, ich hab meinen Kreis, der mir wichtig ist und denen ich genau so wichtig bin. Es ist dennoch schön, mal weitere Leute um mich rum zu haben. Wobei naja, offensichtlich wollen sie mich nicht um sich haben.

Dann halt nicht. Ich bin mehr wert, als solche Leute mir entgegenbringen können.