i can make it go boom

twenty-six. involved. surviving. Most things fall apart. All you have to do is put them back together. Sure, you might need a few extra bolts and some elbow grease, but you do it so that it works again. That's exactly what we're going to do; pick up the pieces, screw in some screws, nail in some nails, and put it all back together- as soon as shit stops falling apart in the first place, obviously.

[beau-cooke]

Beau shrugged and pulled the bag back before taking out another handful and popping it into his mouth. “Suit yourself,” he said around a full mouth. After a few more handfuls he found himself closing the bag back up and putting it in his bag, his stomach satisfied for now. He exhaled heavily before laying back down on the ledge and closing his eyes. He yawned again, reaching up and covering his mouth with a fist while he did. “I think I’m gonna…” He cleared his throat as he started to drift already. “I think I’m gonna nap.” He just hoped the nightmares would leave him alone for at least 20 minutes.

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley glanced at Beau through her eyelashes, noting how tired he seemed. She couldn’t help but wonder how much sleep he actually managed to get nowadays. “Might as well catch it while you can,” She agreed and patted his leg from her spot on the hard flat of the truck bed. It wasn’t the most lofty sleeping position (although it saved her ass from falling asleep by spreading the numbness throughout her body), but it was a position that gave her a semblance of four walls and a roof of stars and no shamblers in sight- and for that, she’s grateful. “Night, kiddo.”

[beau-cooke]

Beau said a soft, “Thanks,” before he opened the baggie and took out a handful before popping it in his mouth. He knew what it was about, she didn’t have to say it outloud. He knew Hadley well enough to know she didn’t say things outloud–especially when it came to emotions. But he guessed it was some sort of an apology. After chewing, he closed his eyes again but held out the bag. “Here, have some, I’m not going to sit here and hog it.”

[hadleyruiz]

“No thanks,” Hadley assured him as she closed her eyes against the sky. Her hands rested, entwined, below her chest as if that would quell her desire for something other than stale cereal. “It’s all yours.” Finding food that hadn’t reached a point of no return and wasn’t berries or leaves was a rare occasion, but the last thing she wanted was something sweet that would make her crave something so, so bitter. 

[beau-cooke]

Beau chuckled and nodded. “Guess so. No wonder Abby cheats at cards so often, then,” he joked. When she mentioned the cereal, he opened his eyes and looked at her. “That was you? I thought one of you just put it in my bag on accident, I still have it,” he pulled his bag into his lap and fiddled around in it for a second before pulling it out and holding it up. “Do you want it back?” It was no secret that Beau’s favorite post-apocalyptic snack was stale cereal, but he wasn’t about to eat something that was someone else’s. 

[hadleyruiz]

A crooked smile pulled at the corners of her lips insistently at the mention of Beau’s little sister. For the most part, she ignored it and the feeling it gave her, which she didn’t know what to make of, and instead focused on the rattling of stale cereal pieces. “To win you have to cheat now, whether you’re dealing cards or trying to survive,” Hadley frowned toward the sky as she reached above her head to pat him on the leg. “Nah, it’s yours. Just wanted to make sure you got it.” Of course, she wouldn’t tell him directly it was for overstepping the other night; she wouldn’t tell him she found it a lunchbox they passed in their travels and thought of him either. There was a side Hadley would show to protect everyone else, and a side she wouldn’t show which helped protect herself, so she could just hope her caught on anyways.

[beau-cooke]

Beau let out a short chuckle and nodded. “It definitely is, because then we wouldn’t have a truck.” Exhaling, he felt the exhaustion from the last few days wash over him. Sometimes he really wondered how long a  human could go without sleeping. Sometimes he’d been able to go a few days and sometimes up to five or six—one or two times even longer—but he always came down and finally slept eventually. It wasn’t a healthy way to live, but it’s just how it was  nowadays. “Least we don’t have to exhaust ourselves walking,” his words were slightly slurred as they came out, tiredness ebbing at his consciousness. “It almost feels like we’re cheating,” he said around a yawn. 

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley couldn’t help but think of Gabe and how he really tried to be the guy everyone needed him to be. The good guy. The smart guy. The kind guy. The guy she wishes she could have feelings for. “Civilization ended years ago, kiddo, cheating doesn’t exist anymore,” She assured him, letting her eyelids close against the stars in the sky and the sound of his yawn. “Hey... you got the cereal I stuffed in your bag the other day, right?” 

[beau-cooke]

"Yes, thanks to you and Gabe," he echoed, closing his eyes again and just letting himself relax for a moment. It was nice, not having to worry about one of the dead stumbling over their camp—not having to worry about getting eaten alive if they closed their eyes for five seconds. “You two are quite the team when you put your heads together.”

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley didn’t need him to voice what he was thinking about, because she already knew. It was partly the reason she trained her eyes on the sky from within the bed of the truck instead of sitting up and watching the grounders shamble around them instead. Having this truck gives them time to be on a different level than what they’re used to and she was savoring every second of it. “Guess it’s a good thing I saved his ass then.”

[beau-cooke]

Beau sighed a breath of relief, his head flopping back against the window of the truck as he wrapped his arms further around himself and closed his eyes. He cracked one of his eyes open to look at one of his companions in the bed of the truck. “It’s nice, isn’t it? It’s a nice change of pace from walking.” He might even get some sleep in the back of the truck, as loud as it was.

[beau-cooke]

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley tipped her head upward, craning to see the source of the voice even though she knew who spoke without even looking. She didn’t budge from her position at Beau’s feet, laying on her back with her head on her pack as she stared up at the sky moving quickly above them, legs crossed at the ankles. “Thanks to me.” Fingers played aimlessly with the long string of worn beads wrapped around her wrist as a makeshift-bracelet (or at least that’s what she called it to anyone that asked). “And Gabe,” came the low admittance as the truck found its way through empty streets and abandoned towns.

[alexis-reeves-blog]

Alex took a drink from the flask, and made a face, before passing it back to Hadley. It was honestly the worst booze she’d ever had, but it was booze, and god, it had been so long. But to be fair, Hadley needed it far more than she did. She didn’t ask questions about anyone’s life before the turn, because, to be fair, she was never exactly an open book about her own. Alex may have been a lot of things, but a hypocrite wasn’t one of them. “I know you don’t like them,” Alex told her. Hell, there were days she was ready to straight up kill Jack. “But like it or not, we need them.”

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley accepted the flask back, trying to not look too relieved as she tipped it to her lips and took a decent sip, her tastebuds way too use to the bitter taste to react the same way Alex did. With the flask held in her hands and the sweet taste of long desired liquor on her lips, she groaned, annoyed at the thought of ever needing Jack or Jazz to survive. “Unfortunately.” Hadley, of course, wasn’t stupid though. She just never wanted to admit how badass she actually thought Jazz was- or how useful Jack might be, even if he ends up being a power-hungry hothead most of the time. If he stopped trying to lead them into a shithole half the time, Hadley might even be able to relate to him. “Hopefully Jack doesn’t try to kill you in your sleep, because we really lucked out with this thing.”

[beau-cooke]

Beau rolled his eyes; he had had enough of this conversation. “I’m not going to sit here while I get scolded like I’m a five year old who hasn’t survived out in this shit for three fucking years,” he stated, grabbing his bat as he moved to stand. He shot her a glare. “I know what they are, and I haven’t forgotten what they are. Happy?” he asked, angry now. But he wouldn’t blow up, he reminded himself. That wasn’t him. It wasn’t. It wasn’t the man his parents raised him to be. “Yeah, sure,” he said with a scoff before turning around. Needed him, his ass. He paused, back to her. “Just remember, there’s more to surviving than just breathing.” He walked off, following the river. His knuckles were white around his bat as he moved forward. Perimeter check would clear his head.

[hadleyruiz]

There’s more to surviving than just breathing. Hadley let out a huff of annoyance, watching Beau stalk off to god only knows where. The last thing she wanted to do was think about what he said, so she didn’t. Instead, she glared at the water in the ravine as though it had done something wrong by just being there. The boy was mad at him, but in her mind, mad was better than dead and she’d take mad anyday. Later, Hadley would wander over to him by the fire, scuff up some dirt with the toe of her boot, and apologize without an apology; saying sorry in the only way Hadley could. She’d ask his opinion on her designs for a working shower and offer to share some year old Lucky Charms, stale and unsweet, and the next morning they would wake up and start over again. 

[beau-cooke]

Beau grit his teeth. “I didn’t forget what they are,” he stated, voice rough. “I just told you that.” No, he didn’t forget what they were. What they became. Him and Abby had been out here for nearly two years, and they had survived three. A year and a half without anyone by their side, and he had kept her safe. He had kept her alive. If anyone told him that he was forgetting what they were, he had every right to get upset about it. He wasn’t living among them. He wasn’t dead, and he wouldn’t be dead. He knew the threat; he’d been living with it for three fucking years, and he wouldn’t forget it—no matter how much sleep he lost. 

But he knew she wouldn’t understand that, none of them would. It’s why him and Abby didn’t talk about what they’d seen out there. What they’d experienced. What they had done. The fear, the adrenaline, the will to survive… Everyone just looked at them like they were kids, and yeah, Beau really didn’t mind that; but when they treated them like kids who didn’t know the difference between right and wrong, between a threat and a safe situation, that was when he did. He still didn’t look at her, tightness in his gut. Beau wasn’t the type to blow up, as much as he wanted to. It wasn’t in his character. “I never forgot that; I don’t want to forget it.” He sighed, pulling his knees back up to his chest. “I can’t forget it,” he said, voice practically in a whisper. And he couldn’t; not after everything they’d been through.

[hadleyruiz]

“Actually, that’s not what you said and knowing what they are and not forgetting what they are, are two very different things. You can know what they are without thinking they’re dangerous, but they are. Although I’m not saying you don’t know they’re dangerous...,” Hadley trailed off, never truly feeling at a loss for words before now. Beau had always reminded her of her little brother, that was something she had acknowledged since the day they met, but what happened to her brother would not happen to Beau. She refused to ever think that it would. Even though she knew he had survived out there, him and Abby on their own, for a great deal of time before they met up with the group, it still didn’t stop the fact that he referred to them as puppets as easily as speaking of a child’s play toy. “Just don’t go dying, alright? We need you here.” I need you here. Trying to explain herself was useless and since she wouldn’t pull out the feelings card, being straight up seemed to be the logical thing to do. 

[beau-cooke]

Beau’s smile immediately fell. He didn’t need to be treated like an idiot; he knew what they were, it wasn’t like he was going to keep one as a freaking pet on a leash. “I know what they are,” he stated, his voice lowering. “And they are the number one thing on my mind. God forbid someone has a sense of humor in the zombie apocalypse.” It wasn’t like he was telling her to go play with the things. That’s all they were. Walking puppets. They didn’t think, they didn’t care about anything except eating. He picked up another rock and tossed it into the ravine, not looking at her. “I never said they’re toys or make-believe.”

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley watched Beau’s smile disappear and looked away so she didn’t have to face what her words did anymore. Truth is, she liked Beau. The Cooke siblings both had something that made Hadley want to talk and sit together and do all those things that weren’t meant for this world; weird bonding crap as she referred to it earlier. But that’s just the thing, she liked Beau, liked him enough to not want him dead or bit and so if it meant ripping a smile straight off his face, she’d do it a thousand times over just so he stays alive. “Look, okay... we’ve just been living with them for so long... among them for so long, it’s easy to forget that hey, just because they’re slow and fucking ugly that they’re an actual threat. But they are. We might want to forget it, but we shouldn’t.”

[beau-cooke]

Beau laughed at her reaction to the name he’d come up with. He didn’t know where it came from, he couldn’t remember. Probably some shitty attempt to make Abby laugh on their way south. “I kind of like it,” he stated with a chuckle. “It makes me think less of the fact they would well, you know, eat my face off if they got close enough.” That was just how Beau was, he supposed. He replaced everything with humor. Bad situations. Problems. It masked it, in a way.

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley rolled her eyes as Beau laughed, as if her reaction had been the cherry on top his shambler-gut sundae. Gross gross gross. Whacking the undead with a tire iron or putting a bullet through their skull was a much different story from actually touching them- and Hadley would rather not think about doing the latter. She shook her head at his reply, feeling odd when her hair didn’t sway with the movement, as her usual ponytail would have allowed it, but stayed put in the efficient braid. “That should be the number one thing on your mind. Always. They will eat your face off, they’re not toys, they're not make-believe, so you shouldn’t forget about what they can do.”

[beau-cooke]

Beau shrugged at her comment. He’d been going without sleep for so long now that he barely paid attention to it, he barely noticed the exhaustion floating through his veins until he finally outright passed out. But he knew his limits, he knew how long he could go. And only sleeping for a few hours a night would do him fine right now, as it had for the last year. “It’s alright,” he said plainly. “I’m used to it by now.” He smiled at her comment about Gabe. “I don’t know, the skin puppets seem to like the noise, so maybe it’s not the best thing in the world.”

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley frowned. There were a lot of things the group had gotten ‘used to’. They’ve become used to the lack of sleep, the lack of showering, the moving, the killing. Things people weren’t supposed to just become accustomed to, they’ve had to because of the world they were thrown into and Hadley hated it. She hated that people she secretly cared about had to grow used to these things to survive. Or because they were surviving. “That names disgusting, don’t make me imagine sticking a hand in them to make them sing and dance. I’m not sure which would be more gross. Sticking my hand in there- or them singing and dancing.” She made a face at the image that she’d unfortunately conjured up in her head. 

[littlercooke-blog]

Abby smiled but it was thin. Enjoy herself. That wasn’t a luxury Abby got. A laugh with Beau, a minute splashing in found water, a quiet comfortable moment with Danny. Those were few, far between and spontaneous. She didn’t know how to enjoy herself on command. “I think I’ll just enjoy the rest,” she finally said. If they weren’t trekking any further that day, the least Abby could do was sit. Back on the hard ground, she stretched out her legs, wiggled her toes. “You should take the time to see Gabe, then.”

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley gave a shrug, tucking her hands into the pockets of her dark jeans, missing the comfort her gritty orange jacket gave her when they were in the colder months of the south (and by colder months, she meant the select two days a year it dropped below fifty). “Yeah, probably,” She agreed, although she had no intention of seeking out the boy anytime soon. Talking to him nowadays only served to chew annoyingly at her brain so it was never something she actively searched for during the time they were awake. “Thanks- again.” With those few words and a nod toward the girl on the ground, because for some reason Hadley suddenly felt like she outstayed their talk, she ducked her head and spun around, wandering off to find something useful to do with her time.

[beau-cooke]

“Yeah, me either,” he said nonchalantly, shooting her a serious look. It was awful, being covered in grime twenty four seven. And even when they found a place to wash off it was never a real wash off. It was never a bath or anything like that. They didn’t have time. Bathing required taking off your clothes, a change of clothes, something they didn’t have nor could afford. It made them vulnerable. He nodded. “Very true.” He chuckled at her question and shook his head. “Nah, I wish, but not at all.” He looked over at her. “What about you? Gabe inhaled you yet in your sleep?”

[hadleyruiz]

Sometimes, Hadley thought being covered in the muck that splattered on them from mud and sun-spoiled guts made her feel more badass, as though it labeled her a survivor just by wearing them... mostly, though, it just made her feel gross, made worse by the sweat that covered her from the New Mexico sun overhead. She couldn’t wait to feel something different for a change. “That’s a bummer, kiddo.” The response came complete with a small frown that disappeared quicker than it showed up, returning to a flat line much unlike the complicated twists her hair now exhibited. “Not for his lack of trying. Although I guess a loud companion is better than none, right?”

[littlercooke-blog]

Abby gave a smile in response, pleased by the smile coaxed from the other woman. With a little sigh of effort, she stood and wrung out what little moisture was left in her clothes. They were already drying from the sun and bare heat of New Mexico. “Braids are better,” she said somewhat nonsensically. It was true, however. Without brushes, a steady supply of shampoo or a shower, their hair got dirty and greasy and lank and stayed that way. Braids kept everything out of the way. She thought Hadley would appreciate that pragmatic look at things. Another sigh. “We’ll probably have to get going soon, huh?”

[hadleyruiz]

“Smarter,” Hadley slightly corrected the younger brunette, her smile falling back into it’s typical day-to-day thin line at the remembrance of why braids are smarter- or ‘better’, if she wanted to apply Abby’s logic to it. She took Abby’s lead and stood up too, glad when the girl decided to wring her damp clothes out on something other than her head. When she looked around and failed to find Alex with a look of impatience on her face, Hadley shrugged. “Soon. Maybe not today, though.” And suddenly, it struck her how young Abby actually is, how young she must have been when shit started to go down. “You should enjoy yourself, I know the chance doesn’t come around too often.”

[littlercooke-blog]

Abby made sure to keep the strands wrapped tight, pausing every few moments to be sure that she undid the knots as she went. It wasn’t long before she was at the tail-end of Hadley’s hair, tying it all off. “There you go,” she said, patting Hadley’s shoulder to indicate that she was finished. “And it didn’t go to my head, I promise.” She knew that, if nothing else, Hadley’s badass reputation didn’t allow her to admit she cared for them. Even though the reputation was only held among the eight of them.

[hadleyruiz]

Hadley felt the pat on her shoulder and immediately reached for the braid, running her tanned fingers along it as she felt the strands work their way about themselves, much as she used to when she was a little girl and her mother would twist her hair into immaculate braids, wrapped up in love and compassion. She doubted this braid held that much meaning, even if Abby and her ended up doing weird bonding crap stuff; it was still just a braid, they were still just surviving, and that’s all that mattered. “Thanks,” She responded softly in acknowledgement of the braid and Abby’s promise. “Much appreciated.”

[beau-cooke]

Beau’s smile grew at that. A shower. A real shower. Even if it was cold, Beau wouldn’t care. The idea of water falling down onto his head… being able to lather himself with soap, god, it was a nice thought. “I’ll make sure to grab some on our way, then,” he said with a light chuckle. He shook his head and patted the ground next to him. “Nah, I don’t mind at all. I could use the company; you shouldn’t stay alone in your own head out here for too long, it gets dangerous.” 

[hadleyruiz]

“Good, I’m so not ready to continue living life feeling like a giant trash bucket,” Hadley approved with a nod, grateful that Beau is a person willing to carry around little odds and ends that to other people in this world would feel useless. Although she didn’t know exactly what his backpack looked like, she’s seen him pick up a few questionable things over multiple scavengings and Hadley couldn’t help but imagine it like a mini-hoarder’s dream or something. “It’s reckless, and reckless gets you killed,” She responded, mimicking an earlier speech she was sure Alex had given them. All that girl needed was a podium and a microphone and she’d be golden for a politician. “Sleeping any better lately?”