hafu in tokyo @hafuintokyo - Tumblr Blog

dear adrian,

how are you? I hope that you’ve been well. I know that you probably are/have always been 100% done with me by now. There’s always the chance that you might not even read this, which is also totally fine/a strong possibility. But here’s my apology. Here is me showing up (emotionally, and in writing) to take accountability for my actions from the past. Honestly, writing this is equal parts for my own personal healing as well as what I wish I was strong enough to be able to tell you back in high school. I want you to know that in my 21 years of life thus far, this is the one regret that I carry with me the most heavily and the one that I always seem to go back to. I know it’s been a long time (around 5 years?), but I don’t think I ever gave you the apology or explanation that you deserve. I want you to know that I am so sorry. It’s in these situations where I understand that some words sound empty. Where I think “it’s too late, there’s no point in saying that now, and do you really get it?” And yes, those are true. I can’t deny that. But I want to try anyway. I’m sorry for treating you like shit when in reality you are an amazing & extraordinary person. You deserved more back then as much as you do right now. I’m sorry for cheating on you. I’m sorry for numbing myself from your pain, for pushing you away, for manipulating a situation which hurt you in unnecessary ways. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to process and understand my own triggers and dragging you into a toxic mess. Of course, to this day, I am so far from perfect. But over the course of the last 5 years or so, slowly but surely, I’ve come to better understand who I was in the past. I’ve come to better understand the triggers that literally shut me down into an emotionless abyss. I’ve come to understand that me shutting down doesn’t excuse my actions for hurting those around me. I’ve come to better understand that it’s fucking hard to live but that doesn’t make me special or give me a reason to project the shadows in my own life onto those around me in a way that doesn’t leave anyone room for growth and/or understanding. I’m sorry for leaving in a way that tarnished all the firsts we shared together. To this day, I always tell those around me who have never been with anyone that I hope their first will be as amazing as mine. I am eternally grateful to have experienced such a kind, passionate, and caring boyfriend in high school. I am so happy at the feminism we grew and shared- even when it wasn’t even the cool thing to do/believe in yet! You were the first man I ever loved and your light has always been so bright & powerful. I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to experience that kind of love at such a young age. As I “become an adult” I realize more and more that I don’t think that kind of connection comes by very often. I wasn’t ready to understand how you loved in high school. But I know that whoever you end up with in life will be the luckiest person in the whole wide world. I don’t know if I would have made it out of my teenage years without you. I know that the best part of irvington high school, for me, was being with you. I’m sorry that I had to be your first, but I am eternally grateful that you were mine.

from the future jado (not the girl from the past)

#firstlove

Another food post: this time about being a vegetarian in Japan. Correction: pescetarian. As a vegetarian, I have come to understand that it is essentially impossible to actually be one in Japan because most foods have dashi in them, therefore already non-vegetarian. But in general, I think it is very difficult to navigate Japan with this restricted diet. In a literal sense it is difficult because the fad of being a vegetarian has not really touched Japan as it has in the western world. It is ironic because I am a vegetarian in order to be more healthy, yet, here I am in Japan where the healthiest people in the world all come from. Thus, in the culture of Japan in and of itself it most likely views and consumes food very differently than western culture innately. In addition, another difficulty I have come to realize is that as a vegetarian I pose as a “meikwaku” to my Japanese family, or a burden, which is definitely something I do not want to be. Thus, I have had to culturally skew my diet in order to serve the population that I am currently living with. It is often more rude for me to pose as a vegetarian here then it is in America, which I am not sure all westerners think about when traveling overseas as a vegan or vegetarian. However, in this photo I specifically went to a vegetarian restaurant in Japan which was great, but the biggest downside being the price of the food. Thus, there are many things to think about when traveling to Japan as a non-meat eater.

#japan #vegetarian

Finally, the time has come where the Japanese cherry blossoms color the city. Although this may be generic, I absolutely love these flowers and most certainly associate them with Japan. I have learned so much about the symbolism of cherry blossoms here and have heard a variety of interpretations. One of my favorite being that sakura’s represent the fleeing of time, the short beauty of life and a time of renewal. Due to the fact that they only last for about two weeks, they push people to really consider living life to the fullest: because it’s actually much shorter then one may imagine. Although these flowers only blossom for such a short time, they have a huge influence over all of Japan. Suddenly, everything is sakura flavored from Starbuck’s drinks, dango toppings, and McDonald’s french fries (yes, they now have sakura flavored toppings). It all works really well though because it is very easy to buy into due to the fact that sakura’s in and of themselves are very beautiful, pink specs of life. I am curious and interested in seeing sakura’s that are not in Tokyo; I wonder where in Japan they are the most beautiful. The other things I love about them is the fact that not only are foreigners obsessed with these flowers, but many Japanese people are as well. Hanami is a beautiful tradition of going to see flowers with friends and eat and drink under these cherry blossoms. I am excited to see and live in this part of Japanese tradition again.

#Japan sakura tradition

Tonight I went out. I went to Shinjuku Nichome with my gay Japanese friends. This was arguably one of the greatest places I have yet to visit in Japan, where all the outcasts come together to build community and trust. Here I felt safe, everyone was spewing energy and fun, a true juxtaposition from the everyday Japanese person's energy vibes that I get on the trains. In a multitude of ways I can see the LGBTQIA community being discriminated against both socially and institutionally. The acceptance of minority groups, especially those on the sexuality spectrum, seem to be very minimal on all levels. It is interesting because I hear a lot of hurtful and exclusionary comments towards the LGBTQIA community on the daily in Japan, yet often these perpetrators do not consider their words as harmful or wrong. I wonder why Japan is so conservative on many levels, and what is preventing this society in moving towards more progressive ideals. Granted, my background of being a feminist socialist democrat definitely gives me bias for my commentary of the conservative nature in Japan, however, to me gay rights are human rights. I wish my gay Japanese friend had the same opportunities as the next heterosexual Japanese man in line for the same job.

#tokyo #lgbtq

In Japan, the main religions consist of Shinto and Buddhism. However, as a visitor I might not have known that blatantly due to the lack of religious presence that I have been met with here in Japan. Religion fees taboo here, as if it is not something that should be shared very publically. It is not a place of pride that Westerners tend to enjoy, especially through trying to convert individuals to see your right of way. In one sense, this is a beautiful aspect of Japanese culture. In another sense I wonder where the pride for religion went, or where it is currently hiding. I wonder what the “God” of Japan is, or Gods. There are traditional temples and religious statues all across Tokyo, yet, they seem more historical than religious due to the connection that Japanese people seem to have with these artifacts. Phrases such as “God Bless” or Jesus Christ” is also absent in the language of Japanese, perhaps because no one cares enough or because Gods are so respected that no one dares to use their names in vain. Anyways, I am interested in further exploring the state of religion in Japan and what it looks like, especially in comparison to how religion has spread throughout the rest of the world.

#tokyo #japan #religion

Being the American that I am, my Japanese family has recently taken me to the renowned Tokyo Disneyland located in Chiba (note: not Tokyo). Having experienced Disney World in the states, I definitely sensed the Americanness of Tokyo Disneyland, which was diluted due to the fact that we are not in America. In Japan, Disneyland feels very romanticized, in its perception of what it means to be American and in the fact that there are couples everywhere! I also find this place amusing because I realize that there are a good amount of my Japanese friends and family visit Tokyo Disneyland multiple times every year or at least once a year. It feels a bit more luxurious in America only because it feels like a place where you only go once in your life. In Japan, I feel like this is a day trip that people never seem to get sick of. Regardless, this romanticization of Disneyland reflects the romanticizing of America that I feel holds very boldly in Japan. Whether it be through fashion, double eyelid surgery, trying to attain lighter skin, or bleaching one's hair, there is a strong presence of trying to emulate whiteness without realizing that this is really what is going on.

#tokyo #disneyland

Recently, I traveled to a new part of Japan that I had never been to before. I visited the famous Chinatown located in Yokohama. I did not have any expectations going here, however, it ended up surprising me in ways I did not expect it to. It reminded me a lot of the Chinatown located in New York City. An escape for a culture within the context of another. Trying to be authentically themselves while also trying to serve a population that is commodifying their livelihood. I see this a lot in Japan, such as the commodification of hafu’s or hip hop/black culture. Gaining profits through marginalizing groups not deemed as “true nationals.” Being someone who has never been to China, I wonder how truly authentic this area is. It was ironic to me due to the fact that I hear a lot of hate against China/Chinese people in Japan, regularly hearing phrases of “why are there so many of them” and “they should just go back to where they came from.” This asian on asian hate that I have seen in Japan is completely different from the asian community I experience in America where, if one is asian no matter what asian country you are from, you are part of the community. There is a strong feeling of us vs them here in Japan.

#yokohama #japan #chinatown

The smoking culture in Japan has always shocked me. It is so normalized and advertised so casually that it makes me appreciate the terrifying commercials about smoking that come up on my television back in the States. The Japanese government does not seem to blatantly look down upon and shun smoking such as other countries around the world, however, through social engagement and interaction I find that most people in Japan end up getting sucked into the culture. Also, with my Japanese friends around me, I have given them statistics about the dangers of smoking on one's health- and I have yet to find a Japanese person who fully believes me. This may be in part due to the fact that I am considered “gaijin” and these are my western ideals, but I argue that scientific fact does not constitute as an ideal. It is interesting though to note the image that cigarette smoking poses in a Japanese culture vs a Western culture. In the states, those who smoke tend to be pretty heavily looked down upon and it is difficult to find indoor places these days that allow people to smoke. Japan on the other hand has a smoking section in many stores, train stations, and public areas. This contrast between ideologies marks an interesting statement between how Westerners view “cool” and “wrong” comparatively to Japan, where things are accepted here are not acceptable in many Western countries and vice versa.

#tokyo #culture #japan

This sound like a cliche, but Tokyo never goes to sleep. No matter what time in the day or night, there is always something to do and someone to talk to. The city is still moving so fast pace all the time. The other day I spent the whole night out in Tokyo, not to party but just to see what it was like. What I noticed to be the biggest difference from the daytime was the fact that at night, although fast pace, people seemed to have their guards down more. Japanese people became more easy to approach. It wasn’t only the alcohol, but there was some sort of common agreement shared between myself and the strangers I met that brought us together as if there was some sort of silent agreement of acknowledgement. Furthermore, this view that I took this picture in was in a really high building. Therefore it felt like I was able to have a new perspective on Tokyo and the people who reside in it. I wonder about how people feel, what they think, and why they are out so late at night and the other millions of possibilities that could exist for our paths to cross in the small island nation of Japan.

#tokyo #night #view #s

I promise I love Japan. However, sometimes it can also be very frustrating living here. Again, the dualities that exist in this culture are staggering and never ending. Every morning I take the same train to go to school, the train that lets me up close and personal with people in a culture that defines human contact as “taboo” in most lenses (i.e couples can be couply but not too couply). However, every morning when I take this train I always make sure that I get into the women’s only and gendered cart. They exist on almost all trains in Tokyo- a specific section on each train where during a certain time, such as rush hour, only women are allowed on this cart. And for the past two years I have lived here, I have never seen anyone break that rule. This was created as one solution to the issue of “train chikan” or train pervert that exists in Japan. Granted, it definitely works in getting men out of the picture. However, to me this is only a bandaid solution to the real underlying problem that Japan does not seem to actively pursue to end. By creating an all women’s space, men cannot be apart of it, therefore it can be seen as a solution. However, this by no means addresses the underlying issue of sexual assault, violation, and consent. Without men in the picture, there can be no meaningful dialogue to create lasting change. This gendered train system does not tackle the systematic patriarchal issues that have caused the outcomes of such things such as train chikan to occur.

#japan #tokyo #society

In one of my other sociology classes I am taking this semester, we had discussed Anne Allison's examination of the gendered state that obento boxes in Japan symbolize for a household and the people who reside in them. As we have it, I had a traditional bento box today for lunch and realized just how much it does indeed reflect Japanese culture heavily. Not only was the bento I had very well structured, it was even color coordinated (although that element cannot be seen through this photo, it was!). This made me even more interested in Allison’s analysis of how often these bentos act as a measure for a “successful Japanese mother.” These bentos can act as a medium for a childs popularity in their school, therefore if a mother can successfully create her bento beautifully it can elevate her child’s social standing and label them as acceptable (Allison). Furthermore, Allison notes that these bentos are most commonly the mother’s role to make, the father does not often act as the producers of these lunches (Allison). Because it is so culturally enforced, bentos have become a heavily meaningful object in the Japanese culture that has both conscious and unconscious ramifications attached to it.

Works Cited

Allison, Anne. “Japanese Mothers and Obentōs: The Lunch-Box as Ideological State Apparatus.” Anthropological Quarterly, vol. 64, no. 4, 1991, pp. 195–208.

#tokyo #bento box #culture

Recently I went back to one of my favorite quaint pockets of Tokyo, Koenji. When I initially moved to Japan I actually lived in this part of town for about half a year. Koenji gave me a fresh breadth of Japan that completely juxtaposed everything I was used to, such as Akihabara or Harajuku. Koenji felt like the Brooklyn of New York City (where I am from), it was where all the outcasts came together, it defied the mainstream norms that dominate most of Japanese culture. Here people wore “furugi” or used clothing, there were tattoo parlors on the main streets, and young singers belching out their self written lyrics for everyone to hear. It is beautiful. Often, this is not a part of Tokyo that is normally seen or highlighted. Rather, Koenji still has a feeling of authenticity towards locals and has not YET become a big tourist destination. I love this photo in particular because this was one of the first stores I ever went into in Koenji. It is a vintage store called “SLUT” and the theme is American styled furugi. It was a perfect store for me: a hafu Japanese American girl, originating from America but currently living in Japan. However, talking to the store person and my other Japanese friends who idolized this store, I felt a strong disconnection between what they thought America was, and what I know America to truly be. This idolization of American (white) culture is something that I feel like haunts me everywhere I walk in Japan. Due to the fact that I am a WHITE hafu, I believe this to “elevate” my status; it allows for me to be a “good” type of different. It’s the acceptable kind. I do not believe this to be true for everyone though, such as my hafu Japanese/Black folks. Hafu has recently become a commodity and a perceived idolized image of America, a selling point for double eyelids, western culture, and whiteness.

#tokyo #hafu #koenji #furugi

My view of Tokyo from my apartment. Whenever I look outside, I always awe in the beauty of Japan and in the duality that resides everywhere. Japan is a country filled with dualities, it can be soft yet firm, quiet yet loud. Today and in this photograph, I recognize that although Tokyo is made up of such tall and outstanding architecture, all of these buildings were either made or have been updated to withstand a strong earthquake. I feel as though this duality symbolically illustrates the nature of security and perseverance that I see in a lot of Japanese people and in the society that I am apart of here. This is a strong sentiment towards Japanese people because it reflects how strong and resilient everything is here, from the architecture of the buildings to the strengths in the heart of the people who make up this country. Moving forward, I challenge myself to post all of my photos that I take in black/white. This is the duality that I want to explore and work with during this semester. Not only does it represent the multitude of dualities that exist in Japan, it also reflects the dualities that I possess within myself. The strongest being my mixed race cultural background of being half Japanese and half American. I don’t think that I can ever split the two or pick one, thus, my dual existence taking up space in Tokyo will be further cataloged by this blog.

#tokyo #hafu #duality #anthropology

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