ooc;;; hello! i haven’t been here sorry, but i’ve been pretty caught up in work and rl problems. if you’d like to know details go under the read more. anyways, what you need to know is that i don’t intend to give up on the account just yet!
the thing is the reason why i haven’t been here is because of my anxiety inconstant levels. i suffer from traumas and ptsd as well as ocd, and i have been medicated and so far have been better, it’s not as worrisome now, (which resulted from school bullying years) but the thing is i’ve been pretty much suffering verbal/emotional/mental/psychological and physical abuse at the hands of ‘ parents’ . lately it has been aggravating and they have tried to hurt my dog as well but without success since i was there to intervene overtime, but as you can probably guess i fear for mine and my dog’s life. they are abusive and narcissistic and only think on their stomachs and no one besides my cousin or my best friend, or my grandma believe me. even so no one really cares, but that’s nothing i’m not used to by now, it does not make me difference since i’ve always been alone even when i was small. the thing here is they can’t accept the fact i’m an a adult now and i’ve been working and saving money to get out of this hell this year for sure - since that would mean exit the house and go ‘ no-contact’ but more even stop being their punching bag, they can’t accept it since they don’t teach me anything so i don’t learn how to be auto-sufficient yet thing is i’ve been learning through myself even if they criticize though i already know they do such because they don’t want their scapegoat to get out of there. thus, lately raising the level of violence and they get every excuse to slap me or scar me, or if not menace to beat me up. they don’t look so out of the house because they live for the image, and i could well be dying and they would not care even - as once happened when i have an asthma attack triggered by that stupid narc’ mother’ smoking inside the house and closing my windows because i was coughing and alerting the neighbors of it. yeah it’s that bad so far, but only recently i realized i’ve been walking on eggshells throughout all my life with them, and my mind was unconsciously reacting to it.
i have a trip on april so until then, i will try to finish as well my driving license, which as you can guess (again) has been difficult to finish because of all this going on. as if it wasn’t enough i have to work with my narc’ mother’ at the office, and am surrounded by a group of abusive narcissistic people who lie constantly and abuse others, shouting at their colleagues, or trying to snoop into others’ business as so happened with me and a colleague of mine. i plan to move out and get house either before the travel or right after. so if i go without coming here for some days at the time too that’s because i might not yet have internet.
sorry, really but my head’s been a turmoil of emotions and i lately don’t have much energy for anything as you can imagine. just so you know now. yeah, i’ve been going through a much shitty life and don’t have anywhere or anyone to turn to overall, but i’m taking care of myself, and surviving is a priority at the moment.












