Love is the death of peace of mind (1)
Pairing: Ran Haitani x reader
Tags/Warnings: Romance, Angst, mutual pinning, second chance romance, soul mates, forbidden love, Ranwasashittyboyfriend, toxicteenRan, Bonten, Bonten canon violence, organized crime violence canon -blood, guns, alcohol, drugs consumption, etc-, all characters aged up
Summary: Ran had been exposed to violence since he was a toddler; his grandfather was a retired yakuza who had taught his grandchildren how cruel the world can be. That's why, after meeting you, he felt a deep desire to protect you... And he tried so hard, hoping that any mistakes might be fixed later... 'Fuckin' idiot!', how could he dared to believe he deserved someone like you...? And why after all these years couldn't he let you go...?
I made another mistake, thought I could change
Thought I could make it out
The plane landed in British Columbia almost nine hours after leaving Tokyo. It was his first time there, but he wasn’t excited about it.
This was his sixth trip of the month, Ran hate being in charge of Bonten’s “public relations.” But Kokonoi and Takeomi, those damn business strategists, had found the perfect mix of charm, manipulation, and psychopathy in Him, and truth to be told, he had managed all the deals in wich He had been involved in so far.
He popped a couple of pills into his mouth as he lazily ran his fingers along the edge of the vehicle’s window.
The area around Vancouver was similar to the Fifth Avenue in New York—at least that’s what he thought. Actually he hadn’t really paid much attention on that trip.
All the American dealers were loud and flashy, and as soon as the deal was closed, the dealers kicked off an enormous party filled with alcohol, drugs, sex, and debauchery. It’s not that he complained at all about the hospitality of his buyers, but this was just a repeat of the missions in Germany, Spain, and Thailand...
He just missed his life as a hitman. With a gun on his hip and his brothers -Rindou and now Sanzu-, by his side.
“That’s the Black & Blue,” Shion said.
“Huh?”
“The restaurant you asked about,” Shion repeated, he was Ran's bodyguard “There’s a Cartier a block or two away. You wanted to buy something, didn’t you?”
“Mmm… maybe after the meeting,” Ran sighed, waiting for the pills to kick in. The midday sunlight hurt his eyes, a fuckin' migraine was coming on
“You haven’t slept, right?”
“No... damn, I’m 28 and I feel like 50.”
“Like a typical millennial,” his old gangmate laughed.
“Typical me? You fuckin id..." Ran lower his voice as he watched a young woman walk past the black vehicle.
Years had passed, but there she was, just a few meters away. He knew her like the back of his hand—or maybe even better. Sure, her hair and face had changed, but instead of hiding her, it just made her more visible to him.
His heart raced in a way no drug had ever made him feel. He could hear his heart racing as that young woman walked carefree, with her long hair flowing freely in the breeze.
She turned for a moment towards the avenue where the vehicle was stopped, and Ran felt his throat tighten, as if he were running out of air.
It was her. A stupid Bonten mission had led him to her.
“Kokonoi is furious.”
“Mmm.”
“And Mikey wants an explanation.”
“I’ll have that meeting tomorrow. Just reschedule it.”
“You’ve never done this before.”
“I know,” Rindou rolled his eyes
“And? Explain me why the hell you did this…”
“I was high, and I threw up in the damn car” Ran chuckled, feeling embarrassed about his confession
“You’re joking, right?” Rin asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he realized that his brother’s pale face wasn’t just from the hotel room light
“No, you can ask Shion. I threw up in Him too…”
“That’s fuckin disgusting” the younger brother shook his head, laughing quietly, but still uncomfortable with the answer. “What else?”
“Mmm?”
“I’m not idiot. I know you.”
“I…” Ran bit his lip, and Rindou could see the doubt in his eyes. “I think… no, I… I found Y/N.”
Rindou almost dropped the phone.
Ran had made him swear never mention that name again—there was no exception to that. It didn’t matter that the girl had grown up with them, or how much his older brother had loved her and how, after she left, it seemed like a part of him had emotionally shut down.
“Y/N?”
“I need you to help me find information about her. I want to know what she’s doing here.”
“Ran…” Rindou hesitated for a moment, looking at the blank expression on his brother’s face. “I won’t help until you tell me...”
“I need to see her… I just want to see her.”
“Ran”
“I want to know she did well, that she moved on, that she’s happy,” Ran whisper in such a quiet voice that it was obvious how hard it was for him say that
“Did you have something to do with…?” Rindou asked after a long silence between them. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to hear the answer.
"Before the Kanto Incident, we argued... we had fought more often... one afternoon I saw her with Hanma, and I didn't even give her a chance to explain... I-I just remember that I was high and both of us was yelling each other...'' Rindou gulped listening how hard was for his brother to articulate the words, he wanted to ask him to stop, but it also seemed like the older one needed to get it out "And you know she was so impulsive... She pushed me and... I hit her with the baton..."
"You what?"
"When I realized she was on the ground trying to protect herself... I had broken her arm and she had blood gushing from her arm, staining her clothes and hee face... And when I stopped, she looked me in the eyes and said 'it was an accident'... I couldn't handle that... I felt so disgusted with myself for what I had done to her, but also I feel so disgusted by her" Ran took out another cigarette as he looked out the window, unable to face his brother, he know how much Rin loved Y/N.
"I just... I forced her to get up and took her out of the house... I-I didn't want to see her cry and I was so afraid that you will be able to see what I did to her" His voice crack and he had to make a great effort to continue "when we were arrested in Kanto...I called her father... I reminded him who The Haitani Brother’s was and what We did... I accused her of betraying us and warned Him that if He didn't hide her under the ground, We would find her" He said with a grimace taking out a new cigarette "I made it clear to him that the bitch wasn't going to leave, that I wouldn't allow it... and also after a couple of years... I used Terano's death as a reminder of that promise to him"
"Ran..."
"She was not going to leave me, Rin," he growled, throwing the whiskey glass. "I realized it when we looked at each other... When she said 'it was an accident', it was not for me she was saying that to herself... I couldn’t risk her, never, I love her, I mean... you know I loved her"
Maybe for the first time in his life, Rindou hate his brother. For hurting his best friend, for copying their father’s violent behavior, and mostly for hiding it from him for so long and carrying the weight of his mistake alone.
"I’ll do it," Rindou said, unsure. "But only after you leave Vancouver. Not before."
