Co host of the Halfassed Podcast

The halfassed Podcast is a leap forward in comedy. We provide the perfect level offensive behavior combined with shut up.

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I love yawning so hard it feels like my eyeballs are getting sucked into my skull

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New titles

Vaginas should be renamed COCKPITS.

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Willy Wonka in coach

Wouldn't it be nice if purse companies like Coach decided to secretly hide a 1,000 dollars in a random purse?

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Phone home

SETI has received a radio signal from over 96 million light years away. First order of business? Pick which bible verse to send back. I vote the always welcoming Isiah 13:5 They come from a distant land, from the end of the heavens, the Lord and the weapons of his indignation, to destroy the whole land. #science #bible #atheism #religion #aliens #seti #radio

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I love her more than she loves me. I'm ok with that.

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I have learned that the Panda pillow is NOT made of Pandas. It is made of bamboo. So, not only are you getting robbed of the materials but you're also increasing your chances of a panda attack #themoreyouknow

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I want to put my fingers inside a supermodel and laugh about how hard and fast her career took a dive to put her at the point where a shitty Podcaster is her sugar daddy.

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This movie is going to suck. They're going back to do reshoots to make the movie more lighthearted after complaints from #BatmanvSuperman it's too bad #dccomics is intent on killing it's live action movies. Good bye #suicidesquad #skwad #badmovies #makebadfans

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Talking to @merendinoJames tonight! #slcpunk #director #ama #questions #stoked

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Why is it when I post a selfie to Instagram only ugly people like it? Are they doing it in solidarity? You ugly, we ugly but we family. We got you.

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Kayne, Amber Rose and Kim Kardashian walk into a bar. #finishthejoke #songlyrics #golddiggers

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The only thing ruining America is hypocrites. #practicewhatyoupreach #shewas14 #hypocrite #duckdipsits

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Wouldn't be surprised if @realdonaldtrump said he liked it #swastika #donaldtrump #hategroup #itunes #stitcher

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#ammonbundy is surprised that he steals some land that was stolen from #nativeamericans and gets arrested for it not being his. #clivenbundy #police #oregon #government #thanksobama #sendsnacks #gunsgodandgovernment #stitcher #halfassedpodcast #googleplay #itunes

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I'm not black but he's not lying. #acceptance

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Hire a chef! #aboutthatlife #likes #instagramfamous #internetfamous #weregoingout #itunes #stitcher #halfassedpodcast #googleplay #suicidegirls #kcco #countrygirl

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#oscarssowhite? More like #jacksonsowhite. #itunes #stitcher #halfassedpodcast #googleplay