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if i look back, i am lost
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@halfkryptn
HE’S GOT HIS MOTHER’S EYES, HIS FATHER’S AMBITION. I WONDER IF HE KNOWS HOW MUCH THAT I MISS HIM ? — independent jon kent, rebirth / prime earth. written by bella. est 2018, revamped september 2021.
currently: following superman: son of kal-el (2021) and robin (2021)
revamp updates (date: sep 2021) -
header & icon changed
updated rules
updated verses
sideblog: dc's icicle jr
Wolfgang Novogratz, Feel the Beat (2020)
Little Big Things
ok another thing? jon’s best adult uniform is this
that hint of BLACK???? BLACK PANTS??? RED BOOTS??? THE UNDERARM RED THING THAT GOES OVER HIS SHOULDERS???? THAT LINE THAT ACCENTUATES HIS WAIST???
to share an orange is to share your love // the side effects of eating too many clementines by alessia di cesare // / (23 december, 2020)
also i think it’s absolutely beautiful that jon has a sort of a reverted abandonment issue (because he was the one who left, but again, read it after me: he was trapped and forced to be in a place he didn’t want to be in) and how he was depicted, in action comics specially, is to tap into anger / irritation in response to having his family / loved ones threatened, because it is most likely a reflection on the helplessness he never sheds since he was taken away those seven years ago.
like, jon has always been one of the only few super, besides his dad, who canonically has be shown to not hold in any constant aggression — there’s an interpretation of conner who’s angry in the young justice animation because he struggled with his “artificial” existence and lack of belonging as a result, and kara, from what i understood, didn’t have the same easy protective instinct to guard earth like clark did because she didn’t grow up on earth, and she had little time to deal with the loss of her family and planet.
like jon was always firm and stubborn and he has obvious boundaries that he didn’t mind speaking up about if anybody — (coughs) damian (coughs) — crosses them, but he’s never angry. and then suddenly in action comics, he’s almost bratty and thoroughly pissed off when he saw how much his dad is willing to go through for a refugee who is acting aggressively / seemingly threatening his family right back.
suddenly jon isn’t the sunshine boy we know; isn’t the guy with utmost gentleness and firm belief in extending help, no matter who asks.
suddenly he’s just the boy who’s gone through so much, who gets rightfully agitated when the help he sees his dad is extending is rejected and ignored and even fought against. suddenly he’s obviously, irreversibly someone’s son, who is so incredibly protective, but how he reacts towards it — via anger — really shines a light on how quite insecure jon feels when it comes to his placement within his family.
like, there were so many ways jon can be interpreted when he knew his dad had to leave to solve this mission or when his mom is put with this dangerous refugee: he could’ve been sad [just like how he’s been written in superman: son of kal-el], or he could’ve calmly expressed his concern. but he’s shown again and again that he’s not happy with any of the arrangement when he sneers, or has a snide remark, or just verbally fights back!
and i feel like more than concern, it also speaks a lot on the lack of acknowledgement towards his trauma because that kind of anger, the one we will never see otherwise, must have come from a place when he once could not protect his family - could not protect himself, when he lost said family to the seven years in space.
i feel like it’s almost a reflection of all those years jon never allows himself to be angry or upset or sad that his parents, or friends, never knew that he was lost in space. the childishness that he’s shown being able to express something that is clearly a normal but negative response towards his parents is almost poetic, because those might just be the emotions he never could express safely or properly since he was separated from them.
and i think that’s beautiful.
DAD
“Weird tension?” Clark raises an eyebrow, curious what’s being implied… but sensing there’s something more to Jon’s question, he lets his son finish getting his thoughts out. There’s a strange nervousness coming off him that he’s not entirely used to. And then –
Oh. That explains a lot. Though it’s not entirely a surprise. Slowly, Clark rests a hand on Jon’s shoulder, looking him right in the eyes. “It’s more than okay, Jon. The most important thing to me is that you’re happy, and that you’re with someone you truly care about. No matter their gender.”
he’s not even gonna address THE ANGST dad has with mr wayne — no matter how KINDA FUNNY that conversation can potentially be. no, cause right now, JON’S SWEATING. it’s the few things he’s inherited from mom : of course dad doesn’t have it, not unless he’s truly exerted, neither does cousin kara, or kon. but jon ? jon’s special : HE’S GOT BOTH THE SWEATING AND THE BODY ODOUR. ah, puberty. what a nice surprise.
❝ aw geez, dad ... ❞ HE’S EMBARRASSED, not exactly the kind of talk he thought he’d be having. and he knows that dad’s supportive, best man jon will ever know, but it’s till - UNNERVING, coming out. it’s more unnerving, thinking of WHAT IT REALLY MEANS. ❝ but i ... i don’t know if i could do it. what you and mom do. i don’t know how i can date someone and — and know that they can be hurt, at any time. HOW DOES THAT NOT SCARE YOU? ❞
Listen, he is the most supportive dad in the world
ok action comics really be doing the whole “superman has to leave earth” much more realistically and fun than superman: son of kal el and im???????? WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT IT
rambling time: also in the events that jon did grow up normally / without being aged up
# who is the new superman? obviously the one who will go through the “superman” crisis — that is, the person who supposedly has to take over superman’s mantle since clark is currently away on an off-world mission [following superman: son of kal-el storyline] — is kon-el.
# gaining a mentor but like, aside from that, right after the rejection from the teen titans, i would like to think jon still goes through the same breakdown (wherein he cried, “there must be something wrong with me!”) which prompted clark to enlist other enhanced individual to train jon
# gaining a mentor (2) because yeah no, bruce and damian did a good job of ensuring that jon wouldn’t rely on his super strengths and they will always continuously be that main teacher specifically in teaching jon flexibility and agility in a close combat battle
# gaining a mentor (3) but what jon needs right then were to be recognised for his ever-growing super strength and whatever kryptonian power he’s clearly developing that’s slowly becoming overwhelming for his eleven year old body
# gaining a mentor (4) i’d like to argue that there might be a dependency that jon will develop with his teacher — and this mentor can change depending on rp partners, but as a default, i’ll lean towards wonder woman or hawkgirl — but in a way that really opens jon up to the idea and world that, yes, he’s an individual with super powers, and yes, that can be scary, but no, he’s not alone, and he’ll be okay, and he can manage his abilities
# gaining a mentor: consequences which i think may lead him to be more comfortable being trained individually as opposed to many other young heroes who are usually put in a team
# gaining a mentor: consequences (2) but i think why this one-on-one arrangement works for jon too is because he’s absurdly young, like he’s pre-teen, so he’s not particularly trained for combat — like clark and lois probably put it down that he’s not to be officially dispatched for any intense missions [save for his weekly / monthly adventures with robin] — more so that he’s only trained to have his powers and abilities in control
# gaining a mentor: consequences (3) this also makes way for jon to experience as much as his growing childhood as he could. that is, with the confidence he’s gained from being able to master his abilities and not feel too much like an oddball, jon would thrive in school and excel in social situations - so he’s super active in extra-curricular!
# school participation my headcanon is that jon takes soccer in sixth grade, and basketball during his sophmore/junior year quite seriously! he’s never officially the starter, since he pretends he’s clumsy a lot, but he likes playing in a team so much!!
# hero team association it definitely takes jon a while — cause like i said, he’s more comfortable with an one-on-one training and mentorship — but eventually jon agrees to be apart of a team when he’s around fifteen to sixteen years old. unless discussed otherwise, i do lean towards jon joining teen titans (with a new crew, that is).
# hero team association (2) with that said, jon does still train and participate missions alongside robin growing up. he’s also lent some of his powers whenever he coincidentally got pulled along if he’s hanging out with conner at the yj league. they both use the alias superboy (given if clark returned alive and remains as superman), with jon sometimes going for superboy j or superboy junior. jon also spars regularly with kara.
# puberty & sexuality jon starts exhibiting romantic attraction as early as fourteen years old, but he doesn’t really do anything about it until he’s around sixteen, where he’s asked his first date — a girl in one of his classes — out. jon realises he may also like boys when he’s seventeen, and i think jon has a kiddy crush on a slightly older hero (like he’s 17 and the other hero is in their early 20s, a friend of kon or a member of a young justice league) and it’s hilarious because conner found out about it and teases him about it non-stop.
# puberty & sexuality (2) since it’s just a puppy crush, jon never really pursues it, so nothing ever really came out of it except that maybe conner and him had a talk about bisexuality and while jon was fine and relatively knew he was safe if he ever decided to come out, he still stay pretty dormant and rarely expressed his attraction towards men [in the open]. at this point, the only person who would’ve known he likes boys as well would be conner and damian, both he told by choice.
# puberty & sexuality (3) jon gets more comfortable with his sexuality in college. he takes Education by the way (he’s studying to be a teacher!) and he dates his first man when he’s around 19 years old!
# later in life i lowkey think he marries damian LMAO NO OK LISTEN in one of the super sons run, i’m pretty sure they insinuated that jon and damian grew old together and had grandkids, like they were telling their super sons tale towards their grandchildren who have their mixed characteristics (like one looks like damian who could fly??) BUT THIS IS JUST SPECULATION and im not pushing the ship down anyone’s throats but i do accept the general ending, like especially if we’re writing something that’s far out into that future, that jon relatively settles his life down with damian, in whatever sense that could exist — platonically, or romantically, or otherwise
JEZEBEL
SHE’S GRINNING — she loves cliché. she loves the sort of things you find in cheesy books tucked into the bookstore romance section or corny , technicolor television shows where teenagers stumble through confusing lives.
❝ no — i think that sounds really cool. ❞ she laughs just a touch. ❝ cotton candy for sure — and that crazy sugary lemonade that you basically have to chew on. ❞
HE’S GLAD SHE’S LAUGHING. it’s a nice look, a nice sound - and definitely an indicator that she didn’t think THAT THIS WAS LAME or anything, which is a plus. ❝ yeah, ❞ he laughs, ❝ so one cotton candy, and one lemonade to get us running from one end of the fair TO THE NEXT. excellent choice. ❞
jon goes to buy it, handing the drink to her as he fishes out his wallet. ❝ so where’d you wanna go first ? we can go straight to the rides, but there are shops there WHERE WE CAN TRY THE RIGGED GAMES. ❞
today’s mood: me sobbing and throwing up when clark said to jon, “i am the man of tomorrow. you are for the days after.” LIKE SHUT UP!!!!!!!!
INTERPRETATION NOTES — so i’ve been meaning to sit down and really sort through what i’m into and what i’m not based on the recent releases [of the comics]. unfortunately, i still don’t have quite the time for it yet, so here is a very loose touch-and-go interpretations that i like and dislike, and i’m adjusting as i go along while i interact with each respective roleplaying partner.
# JON HAS BEEN AGED UP. that’s the general canon i’m going with. i’m not happy with what bendis has done definitely, but i’m also tired of being angry at things that has been done. so we’re moving on and chewing on the new materials, and so far, it's swallowable. in summary: jon went away for three weeks around the age of eleven ( because i’m taking into consideration all three of the super sons run, which is only plausible since it ranges loosely for one and a half to almost two years. ) and came back as a seventeen year old.
# HE DOES GO TO THE LEGIONS OF SUPERHEROES. which meant he does join the legions of superheroes in the future ( in the 31st century, to be exact ) but NAAAAH if i’m making him stay. i didn’t like how they treated damian ( neither did jon, he just isn’t as petty cause hes way too kind about it :// but it stays with him! ) and my interpretation of jon only stayed because he would’ve felt misplaced in the current timeline, and therefore thought the legions were his only option left. he came back around one year after, so he’s eighteen now, and we follow his adventures in superman: son of kal-el.
# KON EXISTS. so in the action jumps comic line, which is on-going and is superbly a hella good run if i’m honest, kon-el breached the multiverse and entered prime earth. everybody ends up remembering him ( espeically pa and ma kent ) but clark doesn’t. JON IMMEDIATELY EATS KON UP BECAUSE THIS BOY WANTED A SIBLING!!!!!!! so yes, i do acknowledge that kon exists, and he’s apart of young justice [unless respective rp partner deems otherwise] and while kon’s sorta this hybrid of uncle-cousin-brother, jon does treats kon more like an older brother / sibling, and he expresses it so.
# DAMIAN IS VERY IMPORTANT TO JON, BUT APART OF HIM WILL ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY FOR “LEAVING” AND “GROWING UP” FIRST. i felt there’s a lot to unpack here, but jon’s in this state where he’s actually quite dependent — or rather, he trusts damian very immensely — despite having known many heroes of his own now and has seven-years-of-outer-space-trauma-slash-experience that should’ve made him equipped as a solo independent hero, but he still comes back and asks damian for advice and just generally actively seeks damian out countless of times. it’s a heavy combination of him missing damian, wanting to maintain their friendship - but he’s also carries this guilt for having left in the first place, even though he was kidnapped and trapped, and he’s very anxious if he’s far away from damian for too long.
# FITTING IN. with that, jon actually has a lot of anxiousness about fitting in, especially as a hero in his current timeline with the other heroes around him, which is kinda funny to me because i believe it’s something he struggled with since he was ten, and he’s still struggling with it now and like, it’s never over for him, you know ? i think superman: son of kal-el explores this anxiousness well because underneath the simple fear of not being able to live up to clark’s mantle when clark leaves for an off-world mission and we won’t know if he’ll come back, jon is actually, in reality, quite alone in his journey to find out who he truly is beneath the cape.
# IDENTITY EXPOSED. i dont fucking understand — like i’m sure its significant i just didn’t catch it — on why clark revealed his identity to the world, and this is the general canon prime earth is going with but UGHHH i dont like it so i dont want it. in my interpretation, the world still doesn’t know clark is superman, neither is jon his son. jon still goes for a disguise — again, this still aligns with his insecurity to “fit in”, and “finding a place to belong in” — in superman: son of kal-el #2, but he sucks at lying, so of course it won’t work.
# ADDED RAMBLING. to be honest i kinda didnt like that theyre pushing jon, who is, to the audience, probably still new because to us, he still feels like he hasn’t aged enough, or he’s aged too abruptly, to take up superman’s mantle so quickly. i don’t understand why he can’t stay as superboy and tries to find his heroic identity as superboy. superman really didn’t need to die; there really isn’t a need for that prophecy. and like, if one were to argue that “oh kon is already a superboy” — no, hear me out: they can both be superboy. that’s allowed. that’s happened in action jumps when they both existed as superboy and it’s still good. and, if i’m honest, their struggle as half-kryptonian and half-human is so similar yet they exist parallel-y when jon is clark’s biological son, while kon is created artificially, and i feel like if they also dig into this parallel it wouldve been amazing and anyways i have Thoughts but im tired now and i shall sleep
rpers treating wayne family adventures as canon = automatic superior beings
❝ I DON’T KNOW if you’ll end up telling damian about this — though i hope you won’t — but ... sometimes i wish we’d really GROWN UP TOGETHER , you know ? ❞ they did, technically. they have, and they are - but it’s all messed up now: their ages, THEIR EXPERIENCES. jon wonders sometimes if this how kon feels, a little out of date, but vigorous with information regardless. torn in EQUAL PARTS between wanting to belong, and wanting some time to finally grow.
huh — maybe he should talk to kon sometimes.
❝ so this WHOLE SEXUALITY THING ... maybe he’ll experience it relatively the same time as i do. ❞ maybe it’s selfish of him to want that, but jon can’t HELP IT. it’s really lonely : growing on your own. ❝ maybe we’ll both freak out and be confused by it at the same time, heh. ❞ the son of superman tries smiling, but it’s small, and in spite of his growing body, HE LOOKS TIMID, curled up on the roof atop of the wayne mansion, hands around his knees. damian is off the grid, on an island somewhere, but this is THE CLOSEST he’ll get to him - sitting just above damian’s old bedroom.
@rottnking / celebrating jon coming out as bi starters !
❝ i wonder, you know - how dad did it with mom sometimes. ❞ it takes him a second, before he splutters; the burger he’s eating spew out as jon coughs, his face reddening. definitely did not need that mental image, thank you very much. ❝ n - n - not the whole birds and the bees, i mean ! just ... how he maintained the relationship. with mom’s a civillian and dad’s a hero. it’s scary - loving people who aren’t as indestructible as you. ❞
@yoakkemae / celebrating jon coming out as bi starters !
I AM LOSING MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!
