total collapse.

freeman | 31 | he/him | dragon. i am not fucking nice. M!A: none. [[sideblog of onlyhalfdead]]

[unfleshly]

i don't think i need to forgive and forget. i think i need to bash someone's head in with a hammer

[halfliife]

done. fuck you.

[2111111111111-deactivated202403]

Learn to say “no” without feeling guilty.

[halfliife]

it's funny, ember used to even kind of respect me.

[emberoops]

#i guess being a stubborn asshole as a personality trait isn't as desirable as my judgement of character irl.#or objective evaluation of resume information.#she didn't have me in a people-forward role anyway.

being dedicated to not growing as a person is indeed a little bit of a mitigating factor when it comes to my respect.

and to be honest, you trying to pull brownie points for being part of the hiring process for a company i've been entirely uninvolved in for years is not doing you any favors.

[halfliife]

i'm not fucking pulling brownie points, where did you even get that idea? it was a fact of our relation to each other. i'm not pointing it out for like, the hope you'll remember i was useful once and will soften your current opinion of me because of that.

i don't do that shit. i'm not looking to pull up the past and hold it over people's heads so they're more fucking niceys to me.

furthermore, how dare you think i even would.

[emberoops]

🙄

how dare i think that the person who has shown himself to be proud of being a dick would be a dick? gee. i wonder.

what, pray tell, was your objective in stating 'a fact of our relation to each other' in the fucking past right the fuck now? because i sure as hell don't see a good reason for bringing that shit up.

[halfliife]

it was an anecdote. it doesn't have to have a point, and you didn't have to respond to it. it's more like reminiscing than the guilt-tripping you're assuming it was.

there are certain things i at least think are too douchebaggy to do, even for me. i still have standards. i'm not out here writing scathing remarks about other people's conversations i'm not involved in when they won't even see it and get to argue my dipshittery.

[halfliife]

it's funny, ember used to even kind of respect me.

[emberoops]

#i guess being a stubborn asshole as a personality trait isn't as desirable as my judgement of character irl.#or objective evaluation of resume information.#she didn't have me in a people-forward role anyway.

being dedicated to not growing as a person is indeed a little bit of a mitigating factor when it comes to my respect.

and to be honest, you trying to pull brownie points for being part of the hiring process for a company i've been entirely uninvolved in for years is not doing you any favors.

[halfliife]

i'm not fucking pulling brownie points, where did you even get that idea? it was a fact of our relation to each other. i'm not pointing it out for like, the hope you'll remember i was useful once and will soften your current opinion of me because of that.

i don't do that shit. i'm not looking to pull up the past and hold it over people's heads so they're more fucking niceys to me.

furthermore, how dare you think i even would.

[halfliife]

it's funny, ember used to even kind of respect me.

[halfliife]

below the bar is where i've planted my flag, and it's staying there.

[teethstoobigmouthwontclose]

In a fantasy setting, my job would be exactly the same

[teethstoobigmouthwontclose]

Epilouge:

[summonsofink]

he chief imma keep it a buck i'm not even opening that. i imagine umder there you try to explain and justify yourself the way we been going back and forth and i'll tell ya - i'm tired. i don't wanna. i'm not gonna be lectured by the dude pissing me off, i don't owe you my attention.

say sorry or don't but save your breath this isn't a debate.

[halfliife]

you're not wrong, you don't owe me anything, nor i you in my opinion. good luck with the journey.

if you left him at camp, kormac would have the hots for eirena. i think you're probably the more fun option, though.

[halfliife]

anyway. deltarune.

[halfliife]

...the backhanded comments i make at the end of long statements are a bad deflection habit. almost just did it to ember, actually, but your note here caught in my mind like a thorn on a sleeve. so. you make a good point.

i don't think i need to apologize for this. but i'll give you i should be a little more understanding. especially considering your circumstances and the impression of myself i've given you; don't exactly make one inclined to positive interpretations of vague comments made about one to someone else.

[summonsofink]

you make me so angry my eyeballs hurt. you raise my heart rate. you make stomach feel like a fist. maybe it's environmental but you make me so fucking mad.

you're just kind of a huge, barely repentant jerk and it's exhausting to try and be fucking nice to you, dude. you're so far up your own ass i can smell the shit on your breath. you act like you exist in a bubble like every single individual moment you experience is the only thing there is and like the way i am responding to your awful fuckin' attitude is the first time you're realizing that isn't the case. like your shitass little comments and your snide fuckass little mouth have never made anyone mad before.

if you know what you come off like and you don't like what it gets you, do better and stop being a dickwart. you absolutely do owe me an apology for talking about me like some jerkoff on the dash if you didn't mean it like that. Accidentally hurting someone is the #1 time to apologize for it. if you tripped me with your foot sticking out on the bus you won't be sitting here like 'i didn't do that on purpose so you need to handle your own thing.' you made a shitty comment and you ADMIT you made a shitty comment.

please stop trying to act like you're friendly with me until you actually can be friendly, you're giving me whiplash and i am carrying a heavy enough weight.

[halfliife]

i have made plenty of enemies by being a "dickwart". i definitely specifically remember one server i just fucking left because nobody would read anything i sent as i meant it, only in the worst way possible- because i was not being nice, i was being blunt and honest and i am not a pleasant person who will give pleases and thank yous and sorries because other people don't like what i say.

you? my brother likes you. you seem pleasant enough. if i hadn't condescended to you from the off, and we had started on the right foot, maybe we'd even like each other in that way assholes do. it would be preferable to upsetting you with every other sentence.

i don't want to be your enemy and i have no enmity for you; i'm aware i'm an abrasive douche who is too stubborn to stop being so, so i don't take your angry reactions personally unless your interpretations of my words are flat out wrong.

but i'm not intending to change how i am to make other people want to be friendly with me. they need to accept that my "friendly" does not match with what they think "friendly" should be, or they should not bother with me, because all i'm going to do is frustrate them.

you trip over my foot and i expect you to say 'hey, watch it!' to which i respond 'YOU watch it, you're the one that tripped, you SAW my foot.' yes, that starts an argument, because that's not what you're supposed to say- but it's not wrong, either.

moving just because it might be inconvenient for other people is not something i'm going to do. people need to stop expecting everyone else to accommodate them on the basis of unspoken social moors. i shouldn't have to explain myself every time i don't conform to the expectations of politeness, be that in words or actions.

the comment mentioned you but was not about you. the tags weren't about you at all. it's not my fault that you took them as some kind of personal attack or mocking statement about you. you didn't have to take them that way. you say i'm being a dick for thinking like this, but it's just a fact of the matter: i wasn't insulting you, so if you're insulted, that says something about where your head's at, not about what i actually said, and i'm not going to apologize for having a conversation that mentioned you.

[summonsofink]

me when i'm about to go and thank someone for their understanding but the first post on my dash is the same someone talking about me like i'm an annoying reactionary.

[halfliife]

wasn't what i meant by that, actually. i was genuinely curious, and then relating how i can't really understand existing in such a way as not being able to process metanarrative information.

but cool, take it personally.

[summonsofink]

yknow, when you misunderstood me, i applogized to you. you could afford to be a bit more generous (it's free, in fact) with someone you admitted is Going Through It.

[halfliife]

...the backhanded comments i make at the end of long statements are a bad deflection habit. almost just did it to ember, actually, but your note here caught in my mind like a thorn on a sleeve. so. you make a good point.

i don't think i need to apologize for this. but i'll give you i should be a little more understanding. especially considering your circumstances and the impression of myself i've given you; don't exactly make one inclined to positive interpretations of vague comments made about one to someone else.

[emberoops]

Just saying if you don’t want someone to take your shit personally maybe like. don’t phrase it as if you’re collecting a “got ya” pool

[halfliife]

i didn't do that.

i asked the first person i thought of who may have experience with such things, who is from media i'm familiar with that has a lot of metanarrative beats in its story, whether or not she knew of anyone who couldn't handle meta information.

because aitar said he knew some, and i hadn't encountered any myself. you know.

so i was polling, sure, but not in a gotcha way. not intentionally.

[summonsofink]

me when i'm about to go and thank someone for their understanding but the first post on my dash is the same someone talking about me like i'm an annoying reactionary.

[halfliife]

wasn't what i meant by that, actually. i was genuinely curious, and then relating how i can't really understand existing in such a way as not being able to process metanarrative information.

but cool, take it personally.

[halfliife]

@trashdotexe

hey, you. dot. have you ever met anyone on here who would violently have their reality carved asunder if they were hit with any meta knowledge.

i know y'all from undertale have to deal with that pretty regularly.

[trashdotexe]

hey me!!

um, I can't say that I ever have? I know I tend to skirt around it as a subject because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, haha. is that something that you or someone you know is having to deal with?

[halfliife]

this god i've been conversing with knows or has known some people with that problem, apparently. i was just wondering if you had come across it.

[halfliife]

@trashdotexe

hey, you. dot. have you ever met anyone on here who would violently have their reality carved asunder if they were hit with any meta knowledge.

i know y'all from undertale have to deal with that pretty regularly.

[halfliife]

@summonsofink

hey.

you're obviously having a real hard time over there, and i wanted to uh. apologize. for getting on your case about maghda, and how you've been handling being in sanctuary.

sanctuary is always dealing with some existential bullshit involving angels and demons and everything fucking blows there. you have my sympathy for dealing with it all in person. i wish i could help.

so. yeah.

sorry.