Hallow Avenue

Welcome! This is a fan site dedicated to Yim Jae Beum, a Korean rock vocalist and singer-songwriter.

[hallow-avenue]

To my beloved friends,

I hesitated for a long time before sharing these words with you. Even now,

my throat tightens whenever I try to speak them aloud, and I could not find the courage to greet you with them directly before turning to this letter. The passion I feel on stage still burns deeply within me.

But over time, there are things I can no longer hold onto as I once did, and there are moments when passion alone no longer feels enough to carry me forward.

I have spent a long time wrestling with these thoughts in silence. Countless times, I looked back on my path and questioned myself. And today, for the first time, I wanted to quietly lay those feelings before you. After this 40th anniversary journey, I feel it may be time for me to leave the stage behind. I know this may be difficult and painful for both you and me, and because of that, my heart feels even heavier with gratitude and apology. You were the beginning of my music, and the reason I was able to endure so much along the way. Even now, at the edge of this long journey, you are still beside me.

I sincerely hope this choice will not overshadow the moments we shared together, nor remain only as sorrow in your memories. I believed that stepping away while I could still stand before you with sincerity and dignity was my own way of expressing gratitude for all the love I have received. For the remaining 40th anniversary performances, I will continue to give everything I can—my remaining strength, my heart, and my gratitude—until the very end. To everyone who loved my songs, and to everyone who walked through life alongside me… thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart. And I am deeply sorry. I hope these feelings will remain with you warmly, somewhere in your memories.

Thank you. Truly… thank you.

Sincerely, Im Jae-beum

[hallow-avenue]

In the past, I often understood his perfectionism, the moments when he seemed exhausted, and the things he said in interviews mainly through the lens of personality or emotion.

When he looked unusually strict with himself on stage, when he seemed burdened, or when his expressions appeared heavy, I tended to see those things as extensions of his character or emotional state.

But after revisiting old interviews and looking through more material, my perspective began to change.

I started connecting the stories he shared about his deviated septum and the nasal resonance issues it caused, the pain he endured while performing during I Am a Singer, and later interviews where he spoke about using more falsetto because certain things had become harder to sing the way he once did.

At first, I thought these were separate stories.

But looking back now, they seem connected.

It made me realize that he may have been singing through changes in his voice, breathing, and body for far longer than I ever understood.

The story about his deviated septum especially stayed with me.

In the past, when I saw him sniffle, look uncomfortable, or seem tense on stage, I would wonder if he was nervous, emotionally burdened, or simply carrying the weight of the song he was performing.

But after learning more about the breathing and resonance issues he talked about, those moments began to look different.

Of course, I don't believe every difficult moment can be explained by a single physical condition.

But I realized there may have been much more practical and physical reasons behind some of the things I had interpreted emotionally.

From that point on, many things I once saw only as matters of personality or emotion started to take on a different meaning.

Why was he so demanding of himself?

Why was he so strict about his singing?

Why did certain interviews carry such weight?

Why did he sometimes caution younger singers against blindly imitating certain vocal techniques?

Questions that once puzzled me now feel different.

Perhaps it was not simply because he was a perfectionist.

Perhaps he was someone who, as a singer, felt the changes in his own body and voice before anyone else could.

Some of the things he said in interviews sound different to me now as well.

I don't know the answers, and ultimately only he knows what was truly in his heart.

But words that I once understood only as reflections on people, time, or the stage itself now also sound like they may have carried thoughts about his voice, his breathing, and the changes happening within him.

The biggest realization for me is that I didn't misunderstand him.

What I misunderstood was the context I didn't yet know.

I interpreted many moments emotionally, and I don't think those interpretations were necessarily wrong.

But behind those emotions, there may also have been stories about his body and his voice that I simply wasn't aware of.

So what remains now is not shock or disappointment.

It's something closer to a quiet sadness.

Instead of asking,

"Why was he like that?"

I find myself thinking,

"He must have been carrying this for much longer than I realized."

And even his perfectionism looks different to me now.

Maybe it wasn't simply a personality trait.

Maybe it was the mark left by someone who loved his voice deeply, and who had to notice its changes long before anyone else did.

So today, rather than trying to analyze everything further, I want to leave myself with just one thought:

He spent far longer, and endured far more, holding onto his voice and his body than I ever knew.

What I didn't understand wasn't the person. It was the years he carried behind him.

[hallow-avenue]

As you know, today is truly the final performance. We didn't show the retirement video at the start of this concert. The reason for that is—you might have doubted for a moment, thinking, "Oh, did he come back just to do that again?"But honestly, everyone, there is no next time. There is no more, yes, none. Definitely none. I felt that if we showed that video again, it would make you feel down, so we decided it would be better not to screen it. For this concert, I wanted to purely enjoy "I am Yim Jae-beom" with all of you. So, I hope you will listen to my songs deep in your hearts and enjoy today's performance as well. Yesterday, the atmosphere of the first show was a bit heavy. Today, I hope you all listen to my music with a joyful heart, sing along, and dissolve yourselves into a wonderful time.This tour has been more than just delivering songs; it became a process of looking back at the time I’ve walked, step by step. And I started this with the desire to somehow give back the overflowing love I’ve received until now. I wanted to give back with a heart even bigger than yours. I’m not sure if that feeling reached you well.However, as the concerts went on, communicating and deeply connecting with you in those moments made me realize once again that I was actually receiving even greater love. Until this very last performance today, I will do my absolute best to sing for you with every piece of my heart. I really want you to have fun and enjoy it to the fullest today. Everyone, are you ready? (Audience: Yes!)The title of this concert is "I am Yim Jae-beom." It’s not because I’m anything special that I named it "I am Yim Jae-beom." I simply wanted to stand before you exactly as I have always sung up until now. And I think this concert was truly that kind of time.More than anything, on this stage, I could stand before you as my most authentic self, and I was truly happy to be able to share that with you. In the past, now, and in the future, I will live and remain as Yim Jae-beom.

[hallow-avenue]

Dear international fans,

Some of you may have heard different news or seen different reactions recently, so I wanted to share this carefully.

After the 40th anniversary tour, it feels like he is stepping away from the stage and into a different chapter of life.

Some plans fans once hoped for may remain unfinished. Some dreams may stay as dreams.

As fans, we all feel differently. Some people hold onto hope. Some feel sadness. Some are trying to let go little by little.

But maybe loving an artist is not only about asking them to stay.

Maybe it is also about respecting their life beyond the stage.

His music reached people across languages and countries. It comforted people, stayed beside people during difficult times, and became part of many lives.

And maybe what he wanted to tell us, too, was not to hold on too tightly.

To keep living our own lives.

To keep walking our own roads.

To carry kindness forward.

No matter what comes next, I think what he gave us will remain.

And if music, memories, or life somehow bring us together again one day, I hope we can smile and say:

"Thank you. We walked this road together."

— From a fan

[hallow-avenue]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

This cover is a magical experience

[hallow-avenue]

:) SO GOOD COVER

[hallow-avenue]

May.16th,17th / interview

Host: Hello, sir. It's great to have you here.

Yim Jae-beum: Hello.

Host: The "I Am Yim Jae-beum" tour began in November 2025, and now you've finally reached the encore shows and are nearly wrapping up this long journey. You've worked incredibly hard through this long tour.

Yim Jae-beum: Ah, everyone worked hard.

Looking back, it lasted around six months, so it really was a long tour.

At times it felt like it would never end, but now that it's actually over, I have mixed feelings. Relief, but also sadness.

Everyone truly worked very hard.

Host: Now that you've completed the 40th Anniversary "I Am Yim Jae-beum" Encore Concert, we've prepared this opportunity to share behind-the-scenes stories and things we didn't get to talk about during the tour.

We'll ask you a few questions as a way of bringing this long journey to a close.

Yim Jae-beum: Yes.

Q. During the nationwide tour, fans prepared support in every city—coffee trucks, snacks, and more. How did that make you feel?

Yim Jae-beum: The coffee trucks prepared in every city are something I remember very clearly.

The band members and staff absolutely loved them, and I was deeply grateful too.

I was always moved by the photos, videos, and support messages—seeing how thoughtfully everything had been prepared.

Something that surprised me every time was how fans in different regions always prepared different snacks as well.

I was truly grateful.

Some of the stickers had... slightly embarrassing photos on them. (laughs)

Some staff members even collected them.

That was one of the fun moments.

Q. Among all the moments looking out at the audience from the stage, what stands out in your memory the most?

Yim Jae-beum: There are so many.

Too many to name.

But one moment that really stays with me is during "Life is a Drama."

Every time I saw those lights, I felt deeply moved.

The phone lights people held up looked like stars sparkling everywhere.

The audience created that scene themselves, and it was incredibly beautiful.

I felt every one of those moments reach my heart.

I was truly grateful.

That's what stays with me the most.

And then there are the singalong songs during the encore.

The production team chooses them, and honestly, even I get curious about what song it'll be each time.

I think fans looked forward to that too.

The song changed from city to city.

Seeing people sing along no matter what song it was—that left a huge impression on me.

Unlike many singers, I don't use in-ear monitors.

So before I step back out for the encore, I can hear everyone directly.

Sometimes hearing those voices gave me tremendous strength.

And every city—

those moments when people erupted with cheers as I first stepped on stage—

those stay with me too.

During our show, titles appear throughout the performance.

Even the audience reaction when those titles came up—

I remember that feeling very clearly.

Q. During such a long tour, were there moments when you physically struggled or felt your limits?

Yim Jae-beum: Of course.

At my age, there was definitely physical pressure.

Naturally, I gave everything I had in every city.

I remember singing every show like there was no tomorrow.

Even then, there were moments when I personally wasn't satisfied.

And when that happened, I felt very sorry.

But whenever fans looked at me with satisfaction and warmth in their eyes—

I felt incredibly grateful.

Sometimes physically it was difficult.

Sometimes I felt nervous during rehearsals.

But the moment I come up on that lift and see the audience cheering—

my vision fills entirely with them.

And from that point on—

I forget everything.

I simply pour every ounce of energy I have into the audience.

Other than that...

there weren't many major difficulties.

Preparing together with the band and staff, having fun without accidents—

before I knew it, everything had become filled with joy and happiness.

Then suddenly—

the concert would already be over.

And before I knew it—

I'd be sitting in the car heading home.

Time felt incredibly fast.

Q. After the concerts ended, what was your routine like when you returned home? And how did you feel once you stepped off the stage?

Yim Jae-beum: Usually, I got home around 2 a.m.

Because I always wanted to show my best during this long tour, I would pour every ounce of my energy into the stage. So by the time I got home, my mind and body felt completely separate. I was half asleep.

Still, when I get home, the first thing I do is check around the house.

Clean up a bit.

And since most concerts ended on Saturdays—and Saturdays happen to be recycling day in my neighborhood—I’d take care of the recycling too. (laughs)

And then I report to my daughter.

I tell her how the concert went, share stories from the day, funny moments—things like that.

Afterward, I check reviews.

What people wrote.

What people thought was lacking.

How fans felt.

I check everything.

Then I think about what I could do differently next time.

Before I know it, it's five or six in the morning.

Then I finally sleep.

On the drive home after a concert...

it feels like there's a huge empty space inside me.

I feel lonely.

Sometimes empty.

Sometimes happy.

Moments from the stage drift through my mind—

the musicians,

the audience,

small moments that happened during the show.

It's complicated.

Very complicated.

As I settle those emotions down, I spend time changing my mindset—

from being "a singer"

back into being just another person living in the neighborhood.

Q. If you had to describe this 40th anniversary tour in one sentence, what would it be?

Yim Jae-beum: That's difficult.

There were too many emotions and joyful moments to fit into one sentence.

But if I had to say something—

"A day that never returns, but lasts forever."

That's what I would say.

Whenever I stand on stage,

I often think—

this is a moment that will never come back.

But at the same time,

I realize those moments may remain forever in someone's memories.

Those days that never return—

yet somehow last forever—

have filled my forty years.

That's why during this tour,

I wanted to do even better.

And felt even more grateful.

This tour especially—

felt like a collection of eternal days.

Q. Which stage or song from this tour became most special to you?

Yim Jae-beum: That's a difficult question.

It's not that there were stages I didn't care about.

Every stage mattered.

Every stage was precious.

Even my breathing—

I sang with a different kind of sincerity than before.

Of course there were mistakes sometimes.

But the songs were the same.

There wasn't a single song that wasn't difficult to sing.

Each one carries memories.

That's why I couldn't choose only one.

But if I absolutely had to pick...

maybe "Turn Up the Radio."

Because that's when I get to leave work early. (laughs)

[hallow-avenue]

〈Tom kat〉 아트스크린에 러시안 블루가 나온 이유를 조금 생각해 봤다.

영어권에서 tomcat은 단순히 수고양이라는 의미 외에도 여성 편력이 있는 남자를 뜻하는 슬랭으로 쓰이기도 한다.

그래서 단순히 ‘고양이’ 이미지를 쓰는 것을 넘어, 러시안 블루를 선택한 건 분위기를 조금 더 정제하는 효과가 있었던 것 같았다.

러시안 블루 특유의 차분함, 우아함, 약간의 거리감과 신비로운 분위기.

곡이 가진 이미지와도 어울리고, 동시에 슬랭으로 읽힐 수 있는 인상은 자연스럽게 희석한다.

무대의 아트스크린은 단순한 배경이 아니라 때로는 곡의 분위기를 정리하고 감정을 덧입히는 장치가 된다.

그래서 나는 그 선택이 꽤 좋았다.

고양이라는 상징은 남기고, 조금 더 아름답고 단단한 이미지로.

Why a Russian Blue?

I found myself thinking a little about why a Russian Blue appeared on the art screen during Tom Cat.

In English, tomcat does not only refer to a male cat. Depending on the context, it can also carry the slang meaning of a womanizer or someone with wandering affections.

That made me wonder if choosing a Russian Blue was more than simply using a cat image.

The calm elegance of a Russian Blue. Its slight sense of distance. Its quiet and almost mysterious atmosphere.

It felt fitting for the mood of the song, while also softening the more direct slang associations that the word tomcat can carry.

Stage visuals are not always just backgrounds. Sometimes they shape a song’s atmosphere and quietly add another emotional layer.

That is why I liked the choice.

Keeping the symbolism of a cat, while presenting it through something more beautiful, restrained, and refined.

[hallow-avenue]

아저씨를 보면서 오래 생각한 게 있습니다.

예전에는 힘들면 혼자 삭이고, 멀어지고, 공백을 만들던 사람이었던 것 같습니다. 음악은 너무 중요했고, 기준은 너무 높았고, 삶과 음악은 자주 충돌했습니다.

그래도 이번에는 조금 다르게 보였습니다.

혼자 삭히기보다 말하는 것. 버티기보다 인정하는 것. 무너지기 전에 삶을 바라보는 것.

예전 같았으면 혼자 끌어안고 버텼을지도 모를 마음들을, 이제는 조금씩 밖으로 꺼내는 것 같았습니다.

그래서 아쉽고, 서운하고, 복잡해도.

저는 차라리 그게 낫습니다.

어쩌면 그것도 아저씨가 오래 고민하며 만든 변화인지 모르겠습니다.

—

English

There is something I have been thinking about for a long time while watching him.

There seemed to be a time when hardship meant carrying things alone, stepping away, and creating distance. Music mattered too much. The standards were too high. Life and music often collided.

But this time felt different.

Speaking instead of bottling things up. Acknowledging things instead of only enduring them. Looking toward life before falling apart.

Things that might have been carried alone before now seem to be spoken out little by little.

So even if it feels sad, complicated, and difficult.

I think this is better.

Maybe this change, too, came from years of thinking and struggling.

[hallow-avenue]

함께 걸어온 사람들에게.

우리 많이 웃었고, 울었고, 걱정도 했고, 행복하기도 했죠.

좋아하는 마음이 크니까 아쉽고, 서운하고, 붙잡고 싶은 마음도 드는 것 같아요.

근데 이제는 조금 알 것 같아요.

사람은 사람으로서의 삶도 살아야 한다는 걸요.

우리는 우리 삶을 살아가고,

그 사람도 그 사람의 삶을 살아갔으면 좋겠습니다.

음악이 끝난 게 아니라면 언젠가 또 음악으로 만날 수도 있겠죠

.아니더라도, 잘 지내면 좋겠습니다.

오래 행복했으면 좋겠습니다.우리도요.

[hallow-avenue]

아저씨를 오래 보다 보면, 어느 순간부터는 단순히 “노래 잘하는 가수”로만 보이지 않았다.

무대에서 노래를 표현한다기보다, 노래 안으로 자기 자신을 직접 밀어 넣는 사람처럼 느껴졌다.

그래서 라이브를 들을 때마다 완성도나 기교보다도, 실제로 감정을 끌어올리고 소모하는 사람의 상태가 먼저 보일 때가 많았다.

그 감각이 가장 강하게 남은 건 바람에 실려 시절이다.

빈잔을 부를 때 메소드 연기처럼 몰입한다고 직접 말했던 순간은 아직도 인상 깊다.

그 말을 듣고 나니 예전 라이브들까지 다시 다르게 보였다.

아저씨는 노래를 “재현”하는 사람이 아니라, 그 순간의 감정 안으로 다시 들어가는 사람 같았다.

그래서 무대는 강렬했지만, 동시에 너무 많은 것을 스스로 깎아 넣는 방식처럼 보였고, 오래 보면 볼수록 왜 그렇게 지쳐 갔는지도 조금 이해가 됐다.

시간이 지나 Take 1 시기에는 또 다른 분위기가 느껴졌다.

예전처럼 무조건 음악으로 돌진하는 사람이라기보다, 너무 오랫동안 음악과 삶을 분리하지 못한 채 살아온 사람이 지쳐 있는 느낌이었다.

그래서 나는 그 시기를 단순히 “음악에 질렸다”라고만 보지 못했다.

오히려 음악을 너무 깊게 사랑했고, 자기 삶 전체를 걸어버렸기 때문에 버거워진 사람처럼 느껴졌다.

상실 이후의 이야기들도 그런 해석과 계속 이어진다.

TV도 잘 켜지 않고, 아이만 돌보며 지냈다는 이야기를 들으면 단순히 쉬고 있었다기보다 세상과 거리를 둔 시간처럼 느껴졌다.

아저씨에게 음악은 직업 이상의 것이었고, 기억과 감정, 사랑했던 사람들과의 시간까지 모두 연결돼 있었을 테니까.

그래서 어떤 순간에는 음악 자체도 너무 직접적으로 마음을 건드려서 일부러 멀리했던 건 아닐까 하는 생각도 들었다.

하지만 그렇다고 음악 자체를 완전히 버린 사람처럼은 느껴지지 않았다.

무대와 업계, 자기 자신을 끝없이 몰아붙여야 하는 구조에서는 멀어지고 싶어 했을지 몰라도, 음악을 듣고 느끼는 사람 자체는 남아 있는 것 같았다.

그래서 최근의 변화들도 단순한 “끝”이라기보다, 한 사람이 오랫동안 음악과 상실, 가족과 삶 사이에서 흔들리며 결국 어디로 돌아가고 싶은지를 고민해온 과정처럼 보였다.

예전의 아저씨는 무대를 위해 자신을 태우는 사람처럼 보였다면, 지금은 살아 있는 일상과 남아 있는 가족을 더 붙들고 싶어 하는 사람처럼 느껴진다.

그래서 가족 이야기가 많아진 것도 단순히 “딸바보” 같은 의미로만은 안 보였다.

오히려 너무 많은 상실을 지나온 끝에, 이제는 마지막으로 남아 있는 삶의 중심을 잃고 싶지 않은 사람의 마음에 가까워 보였다.

그래서 나는 최근의 아저씨를 보며 단순히 “목이 안 좋아서 은퇴한다” 같은 식으로는 느끼지 못했다.

그보다는 오랫동안 음악과 삶을 하나처럼 끌어안고 살아온 사람이, 끝없이 자신을 몰아붙인 끝에 이제는 다른 방향의 삶을 바라보기 시작한 과정처럼 느껴졌다.

그런데도 완전히 음악과 단절된 사람처럼은 보이지 않아서 더 복잡하다.

무대를 내려오고 싶어 하면서도, 음악 자체는 여전히 삶 깊숙한 곳에 남아 있는 사람 같기 때문이다.

[hallow-avenue]

팬아트가 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[hallow-avenue]

포스트 25개!

[geltlylionvoice]

Burnout Is Structural, Not Personal

Late-Career Pressure in the Music Industry

Burnout is often described as a personal failure.

A lack of resilience. A loss of passion.

But in the music industry, especially in late career, this explanation misses the point.

Burnout does not begin inside a person.

It begins inside a structure.

---

When Artists Become Symbols

As artists age, expectations change.

Mistakes become disappointments.

Rest becomes withdrawal.

Experimentation becomes risk.

Once someone is labeled a “legend,” they are no longer treated as a person with limits.

They are treated as a symbol that must remain consistent.

This symbolic elevation quietly removes the right to slow down.

---

Autonomy Without Protection

Industry statements often emphasize “personal choice.”

We respect the artist’s decision.

This was their own choice.

But when institutions step back from mediation,

artists are left to absorb audience expectations, media narratives, and legacy anxiety alone.

Choice without protection is not freedom.

It is a survival response.

---

How Burnout Actually Looks

Late-career burnout rarely looks dramatic.

It looks like subtraction.

Less humor.

Fewer spontaneous remarks.

Safer words.

Emotional neutrality.

Reduced optional exposure.

These are not signs of decline.

They are defensive adjustments in environments that punish vulnerability.

---

The Meaning of “Fake Smiles”

What fans sometimes call a “fake smile” is not deception.

It is a mask learned for safety.

When every expression is interpreted and archived,

performing “okay” becomes safer than being honest.

The tragedy is not the smile.

It is the system that made authenticity unsafe.

---

Consistency as Confinement

Setlist rigidity often reveals structural pressure.

When an artist capable of variation chooses sameness,

it is often because flexibility has become more costly than endurance.

Consistency is not always artistic choice.

Sometimes, it is the lowest-risk option in a rigid system.

---

Burnout Is a System Failure

Burnout emerges when:

responsibility is individual

pressure is collective

protection is absent

This is not a moral failure.

It is a predictable outcome.

When an artist grows quieter, the question is not

“What’s wrong with them?”

The question is:

What kind of system made silence the safest option?

---

Closing

Late-career artists do not need more meaning.

They need less weight.

Burnout is not personal weakness.

It is structural.

[hallow-avenue]

아니,

왜 우리는 은퇴를 ‘바라봐야’ 하는가.

선택이라면 존중이지만

현실은 대부분 선택이 아니라

지쳐서 밀려난 결과에 가깝다.

버티는 걸 미덕으로 만들고

견뎌낸 사람에게

“이제 그만해도 돼”라고 말하는 사회에서

정작 멈추는 순간엔

아무도 책임지지 않는다.

그래서 은퇴는

아름다운 퇴장이 아니라

대개는 혼자서 감당하는 정리다.

우리는 그걸

존중이라는 말로 멀리서 바라보라고 배웠고

말을 아끼는 게 성숙이라 배웠다.

하지만 정말 그럴까.

그리고

왜 그 노래는,

영영 젊은 나에겐 비운으로 남겨져야 하는가.

그건 노래가 늙어서가 아니라

우리가 아직 거기까지 가지 않았기 때문이다.

그 노래는

설렘의 기록이 아니라

지나간 뒤에야 꺼내지는 종류다.

살아내고

버티고

한 번쯤은 마음을 접어본 사람에게만

조용히 말을 거는 노래.

그래서 젊은 우리는

그걸 너무 일찍 들었고

너무 정확하게 알아버렸다.

원래는

나중에야 알아도 될 감정을

지금의 나로 먼저 받아버린 거다.

그래서 비운이다.

노래가 아니라

타이밍이.

우리는 아직

그 노래를 위로로 쓰기엔 젊고

추억으로 부르기엔 너무 생생하다.

그래서 그 곡은

지금의 우리에게

달콤하지도, 따뜻하지도 않다.

그저 묻는다.

왜 이렇게까지 알아야 했을까

왜 이렇게까지 함께 와버렸을까

하지만 이건 저주가 아니라

증거다.

우리가 가볍게 좋아한 게 아니라는 증거.

노래를 소비한 게 아니라

시간을 같이 건넜다는 증거.

그래서 말할 수 있다.

그 노래가 비운으로 남는 건

우리 젊음이 부족해서가 아니라

너무 진심이어서다.

그래서 우리는

붙잡지도, 밀어내지도 않은 채로

자기 몫의 거리를 선택한다.

그럼 우리는 지금

이 노래들을 어떻게 안고 살아야 하는가.

답은 의외로 단순하다.

이해하려 들지 않는 것.

설명하면 정리가 되고

정리되면 감정이 닳아버리니까.

이 노래들은

지금의 우리에게 맞는 옷이 아니다.

그렇다고 벗어둘 수도 없는 옷이다.

그래서 우리는

입지 않고 걸어둔다.

가끔 바라보고

가끔 먼지를 털어주고

필요할 때만 꺼내 입는다.

Dream of Vision은

앞으로 가는 날에 두고

Sweet Love는

돌아보는 날에 둔다.

둘 다

지금 당장 쓰라고 있는 노래가 아니라

언젠가의 나를 위해 남겨둔 언어다.

그래서 우리는

이 노래들로

지금의 나를 재단하지 않는다.

“왜 아직 이 감정이냐”

“왜 이렇게 무겁냐”

그런 질문을 하지 않는다.

그저 이렇게만 말한다.

아직은 때가 아니다.

그리고 이 말은

포기가 아니라

존중이다.

부르지 못해도

다 이해하지 못해도

지금의 나에게 맞지 않아도

우리는 노래를 남긴다.

그건 미련이 아니라

집착도 아니라

언젠가의 나를

지금의 내가 믿어주는 방식이다.

노래를 남긴다는 건

시간을 강요하지 않는다는 뜻이고

감정을 앞당기지 않겠다는 약속이고

아직 오지 않은 나에게

자리를 비워두는 일이다.

그래서 우리는

은퇴 앞에서 소리치지 않고

여기까지 와서

비운 앞에서 도망치지 않는다.

다만 조용히 말한다.

이건 아직 끝난 게 아니다.

다만 오늘의 몫은 아니라는 것뿐.

노래는

불릴 때 완성되는 게 아니라

남겨질 때 살아남는다.

그리고 우리는

그걸 할 줄 아는 쪽이 되었다.

[hallow-avenue]

아저씨가 떠날 이유가 명백히 없는데 ㅅㅂ????

[hallow-avenue]

기간: 저저번주 ~ 현재

해외 연예인 문화를 기준으로 봐온 사람이라

속도 조절, 침묵, 설명 없음이 자연스러운 상태에서

아저씨를 본조비 같은 결로 인식함.

3개월 정도

증명하지 않는 태도, 페이스 중시라고 받아들였으나

정리해보니 기준 5개 중

동료와 시간을 존중하는 것만 맞았고 나머지는 다 달랐음.

싱어게인, 기념일 영상, 언론, 렉카, 일정 연장이

하나의 사람 소모 구조라는 게 보이기 시작함.

2월로 끝난 줄 알았는데 3월까지 이어지며 답답함이 커짐.

“제발 정상적인 마침표가 있었으면”이라는 바람이 생김.

대구 공연에서 웃으며 한 자조적 발언과

“유튜브 댓글을 본다”는 말이 다시 떠오름.

처음엔 농담이라 생각했지만

지금 보니 이미 상처였을 가능성이 더 커 보임.

완벽주의 성향에서는

댓글이 피드백이 아니라 악플로만 인식되는 인지 구조가 있다는 걸

내 경험을 통해 떠올리며 강하게 공감함.

그래서 “보지 말았으면 좋겠다”는 생각이 듦.

이 감정은 책임감이 아니라

같은 방식으로 다쳐본 사람의 공포라는 걸 인식함.

구조도 문제고,

아저씨 역시 이용당하는 것처럼 보이지만

아무도 제동을 걸지 않는 상황에서 무력감을 느낌.

지금 상태는

이해는 끝났지만 개입할 수는 없는

목격자 스트레스 + 인지 과부하 상태.

결론:

이건 내가 해결할 문제가 아니며,

나는 충분히 봤다.

여기서 내려와도 된다.

Period: From the week before last to now

Coming from a background of following international artists,

I’m used to a culture where pacing, silence, and lack of explanation

are considered normal and acceptable.

From that perspective, I initially perceived him as having

a Bon Jovi–like attitude.

For about three months,

I believed he valued pacing over proving himself.

But after reflecting, I realized that out of five criteria,

only one matched — respect for colleagues and shared time.

The rest did not.

I began to see a structure connecting the show, anniversary videos,

media framing, clickbait channels, and schedule extensions —

a system that consumes people.

What I thought would end in February extended into March,

intensifying my frustration.

I started wishing for a proper, healthy ending.

I recalled the self-deprecating remark he made jokingly at the Daegu concert

and his comment about reading YouTube comments.

At first, I thought it was just humor,

but now it feels more likely that it reflected real hurt.

Knowing how perfectionistic minds work —

where comments are not filtered as feedback but felt as pure negativity —

I strongly related, based on my own past experiences.

That’s when the thought arose: I wish he wouldn’t look at them.

I realized this feeling wasn’t responsibility or savior-complex,

but fear from having been hurt the same way before.

While the structure seems problematic

and he also appears to be used by it,

no one is stopping it, which creates a deep sense of helplessness.

My current state is one where

understanding is complete, but intervention is impossible —

a form of witness stress combined with cognitive overload.

Conclusion:

This is not my problem to solve.

I’ve seen enough.

I’m allowed to step back.